I Suggest You Need More Practice Operating Your Telephone Machine

[Melicious Motormouth]

I work as an administrative assistant at a childcare agency. When the receptionist is busy or goes on lunch, I cover the phones for her. This exposes me to people with the worst phone etiquette I have ever encountered.

I can't count the amount of times that, when someone wants to speak to a specific person, they will simply say their name. "SARAH!" Or, "Yeah, Sarah." Saying something like "Can I talk to Sarah?" is better than the previous two, although a PLEASE would be nice.

Then there are the people who mistake the name of the agency for my name.

Me: "Good morning, Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers Centre."
SC: "Uh, hi Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers!"

Or people who have never heard of receptionists, and/or believe they can reach the person they want to talk to through osmosis.

SC: "Hi, Sarah?"
Me: *sigh* "Would you like to speak to Sarah?"

Then there are ones who don't realize that only the person with whom they have been in contact is the person they should be talking to. And can't be bothered to find out if they are speaking to the appropriate person before they start talking.

SC: "Hi, my name is Mandy No Manners and I would like to put my son into home daycare. He was born in 2005 and weighed 6 pounds. He started walking by age..."
Me: *through gritted teeth* "Would you like to speak to someone in Home Child Care?"

Then there are the people who - well, let the following speak for itself.

Me: "Good morning, Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers Centre."
SC: "Someone here called me?"
Me: "..."
SC: "..."
Me: "Are you using any of our services?"
SC: "..."
Me: "Do you know the name of the person who called you?"
SC: "Never mind, I'll call back." *click*.

Last week, this lady took the cake.

Me: "Good morning, Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers Centre."
SC: "..."
Me: "Good morning...Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers..."
SC: "TELEPHONE ME?"
Me: "I'm sorry?"
SC: "YOU CALL ME?"
Me: "Well, *I* didn't call you, but someone else here might have. Do you remember their name?"
SC: *click!*
Me: *surprised gasp*

(My boss and I had a good laugh at the last one.)

What is wrong with people? How hard is it to say "Hi, may I speak to so-and-so please?" Or: "Someone called me from here, but I'm not sure who." Sweet Jebus.

[zigcat]

Egad! I feel your pain!

And this just doesn't apply to customers although I've had the following exchange on a number of occasions.

ME: Hi (name of) Pizza Place. Can I help you?
SC: Yeah, who's this?

But we get calls from solicitors either advertising or otherwise where they'll just start off by asking to talk to the owner or manager without even bothering to identify themselves first!

Seriously, I've had a longtime friend (20 years). I KNOW the sound of her voice and she STILL identifies herself when she calls me just to chat it up.

Geez.

[Racket_Man]

Egad! I feel your pain!

And this just doesn't apply to customers although I've had the following exchange on a number of occasions.

ME: Hi (name of) Pizza Place. Can I help you?
SC: Yeah, who's this?


Geez.

We get the varation of that all the time. Note: for some reason our fanchize choose NOT to have caller ID for our phones

US: Good (whatever) thank you for calling <Pizza Place> . will this be for carry out or deliver

SC: (quickly mumbles and rambles off huge order), OK what is the total on that???

US: Carry out or delivery??

SC: DELIVERY!!!!!eleventy HOW MUCH IS THAT????

US: and may I get your phone number please

SC: HOW MUCH IS THAT?????

US: Phone number please.

SC: 123-4567

US: And you live at 123 Mornon lane

SC NO I MOVED I live at 456 Dumbass CT

US: Ok I have made that change. and what was your order again?? (whilst trying to not loose a few more brain cells)

[draftermatt]

All the time...

The company I work for is named after the owner. It's "Owner's Name, Inc." which is how we answer the phone.

If our receptionist is out I answer the phone. People are so used to her answering the phone that I often am told "oh sorry wrong number" just to have them call back 2 minutes later.

I also get

"Is this 'owner's name'"

And my personal favorite, my boss's name is Jack.

Me: "Owner's Name, Inc. may I help you"

Them: "JACK!!!"

Uh no Chewbaca, did you want to talk to him?

Sadly some of these people are looking for me and just think I'm him...

[Mr Hero]

Me: "Good morning, Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers Centre."
SC: "Someone here called me?"
Me: "..."
SC: "..."
Me: "Are you using any of our services?"
SC: "..."
Me: "Do you know the name of the person who called you?"
SC: "Never mind, I'll call back." *click*.

Last week, this lady took the cake.

Me: "Good morning, Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers Centre."
SC: "..."
Me: "Good morning...Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers..."
SC: "TELEPHONE ME?"
Me: "I'm sorry?"
SC: "YOU CALL ME?"
Me: "Well, *I* didn't call you, but someone else here might have. Do you remember their name?"
SC: *click!*
Me: *surprised gasp*

As a hotel worker, I get these ones all the time. Many times a guest would call a friend from their hotel room. So when I get the call from friend, I have no idea who called, and they don't either. I'm not sure who is more sucky. The person who got the call, or the person who called their friend but did not leave a message. But that would make sense.

[Pagan]

Seriously, I've had a longtime friend (20 years). I KNOW the sound of her voice and she STILL identifies herself when she calls me just to chat it up.

My uncle does the same thing. Whenever he calls my parents, he says "Hello, this is Firstname Lastname". I think it's just a leftover from his being with the GAO (I think) for years.

[Kiwi]

don't get me started
when people called the shipping company they had FIVE options for the most common departments....

Imports press 1
Exports press 2
Sales press 3
freight forwarding press 4
reception press 5

the majority of calls I got people would bark IMPORTS or EXPORTS or SALES!!!!! or I would get people who said "I'M NOT going to waste my time listening to that menu, whats the extension for sales/imports/exports"

ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I would always reply "I'm transferring you to X, for your future use please press Y when you get to the menu"

then there's the idiots who would complain that they direct dialed their "usual" sales person/ import person and their line was busy... NO SHIT SHERLOCK they work in our call center, you go through to a que, your not supposed to ring the same person time after time. Don't get pissy with me that its going to take 10-15 minutes for me to get through to her and let her finish up her current call so she can listen to your whiny arse!

the worst part for me was the we didnt even have the public call in, we were a business that only dealt with other businesses so these people are IN THE FREAKING INDUSTRY THAT THEY ARE CALLING, they KNOW what department they needed to speak to!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Me: "Good morning, Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers Centre."

:Actually, the Simpsons are neighbors of ours, and we've found them to be a quite misunderstood and underrated family.

[Dips]

the majority of calls I got people would bark IMPORTS or EXPORTS or SALES!!!!! or I would get people who said "I'M NOT going to waste my time listening to that menu, whats the extension for sales/imports/exports"

Every now and then this happens to me. Every now and them while I'm on the phone trying to figure who they needed to talk to, someone will call in, use the menu and get through to that person BEFORE I could figure who they want and get them transferred.

"You want to speak with Carl. I'll transfer you...Oh, I see that he's with another customer right now. I'm going to put you through to his voice mail."

then there's the idiots who would complain that they direct dialed their "usual" sales person/ import person and their line was busy... NO SHIT SHERLOCK they work in our call center, you go through to a que, your not supposed to ring the same person time after time. Don't get pissy with me that its going to take 10-15 minutes for me to get through to her and let her finish up her current call so she can listen to your whiny arse!

We get them all the freaking time. It's really bad when they insist on talking to Mark who travels to a lot of trade shows...

"I'm sorry, Mark is out of the office until next month. Would you like his voice mail or perhaps I can help you?"

And they STILL insist on leaving a voice mail for Mark. Then get mad because it took so long. Then Mark tells me that what they wanted was something I could have done for them.

Another favorite trick on this track has to do with caller ID. We have four lines we use to receive calls and call out. The main number ends with 000. If the 000 line is busy, incoming calls get rolled to one of the other lines.

Occasionally one of us will have to call out on one of the lines which aren't 000, which leaves the number for that line in the customer's caller ID. Quite a few customers think calling that "sekrit unpublished" number will get them through faster. Normally it just gets them through to the same tree as 000, BUT those other three lines don't have rollover. If that "sekrit unpublished" number is busy they get a busy signal instead of being rolled to another line.

[DesignFox]

I hate that crap. I get it all the time at the cell phone store.

Me: "<company name> this is DesignFox speaking, how may I help you?"
SC: "123-456-7890...ramble ramble ramble"
....

Usually, it's followed by some rudely stated random request.

Unlike when a person dials customer service, the phone number doesn't do jack squat for me unless I know what the person is calling about. And frankly, I don't give a shit what it is until I am prepared with the knowledge of whatever it is that person needs me to do.

It's a store for god's sake and I might be with another customer. Or I may need a pen and paper. Or I might need to actually log into the sales system before I can help.

Also, those idiots who do that tend NOT to give me the information I ask for. Like the jack hole today who I had to ask 6 times to give me his billing zip code, because each time I asked he kept giving me anything but what I asked for. I can't open the sales system without two very specific pieces of information. If I don't have that information, nothing else the person gives me will grant me access to their account.

You'd think people would just be polite, and shut up long enough for you to get what you need from them.

Sorry. People have been pissing me off a bit this week.