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Oh man. I just found my old log of this conversation, and it was too good not to share.
Things you need to know to understand what's going on:
1. I make mascot costumes for a living. I mostly make them for furries, though I've done some for non-profit organizations, performances, and even one Indie film.
2. Okay, you don't need to know this to understand, but I have to say it. The little tardmonkey in this story is NOT typical of my customers, nor of furry in general. It's always the few bad apples that give the rest of us a bad name. He's definitely typical of some of the things you hear about furries though.
3. "Yiff" basically means screw. Have sex. The horizontal tango. However you want to put it.
4. A "sheath" refers to the male bit on a "yiff suit" ie. a fursuit/mascot suit made for having sex in.
5. This guy is not Australian. When he says "mate" he means mate as in sexual partner, girlfriend/boyfriend, or spouse. "Significant Other" in furry-speak, basically.
That all said, here's some (long) customer fun!
Part one!
In which the words "small apartment" are completely misunderstood.
20:15] Idiot: ^^ so if i order in Jan when do u think you'll be done?
[20:16] spark_purple_dragon: Hard to say exactly, as I don't know what my schedule will be like at that point, but probably in something less than six months after that.
[20:16] Idiot: ^^ and than after ur done you can hold it for a year?
[20:17] spark_purple_dragon: Yeah.
[20:17] Idiot: ^_^ yay so ull give me a year and a half to pay it off?
[20:17] spark_purple_dragon: So long as you're still making payments, anyhow. If you just let it sit for a whole year and don't pay anything more I may not hold it.
[20:17] Idiot: so whats if i keep on paying for it and the full payments wont be done in one year?
[20:18]spark_purple_dragon: I might be able to hold it a little longer. I just don't have much space here, this is a small apartment, not a house.
[20:18] Idiot: ^^ just stuff it somewhere ^^ me no care
Mmmhmmm. I'm going to "stuff" a full mascot suit under my bed? Sorry, the space under the bed is already full, and even if it weren't, the head is too big! The closet is full of fabric and the downstairs storage is too. This thing is just going to sit on top of a chair, probably, until it gets paid for and shipped. Pardon me for not wanting to have that space taken up for more than a year. I kind of like being able to use my furniture, thanks.
Part Two
In which I attempt to explain that I am not so desperate for money that I will make fake sexual organs.
20:14] Idiot: ^_^ u told me last year you can do a sheath and ball set for me
[20:15] spark_purple_dragon: I've decided I really don't like doing that stuff. And since I'm not longer so desperate for customers that I have to, I decided not to.
[20:20] Idiot: so do u have anyone else who can do a sheath for me
[20:21] spark_purple_dragon: If you want to ask around the fursuit area on the furry-furry boards, somebody there probably could. http://www.furry-furry.com (This is an adult furry message board that I used to troll for customers on. I no longer go there because, well, "adult furry message board." This guy is pretty typical of the denizens of furry-furry.)
[20:21] Idiot: ^^ otay
[20:22] spark_purple_dragon: If you want to get a full suit from somebody who does yiffables, that's fine too. Up to you, really.
[20:22] Idiot: erm i dont know anyone besides u
[20:23] Idiot: *hugs*
[20:25] Idiot: well could u just send me a sheath ^^ and i can sew it on myself?
[20:25] spark_purple_dragon: Uh?
[20:25] spark_purple_dragon: I don't MAKE sheaths. They don't grow on trees. Where would I get one?
[20:25] Idiot: ^^ oh ok
The initial question wasn't rude. I did actually do a few adult items when I was first starting out, because I was kind of afraid to turn anybody down, I really needed the money. But at this point I'm not nearly so desperate. I still really do want to know why he thought I would happily make a sex organ, but didn't want to attach it.
Part Three
In which things suddenly go all WTF?
[20:37] Idiot: so erm do u know any yiffable fursuit makers?
[20:41] spark_purple_dragon: No.
[20:41] Idiot: aww
[20:41] spark_purple_dragon: I have zero interest in the subject.
[20:41] spark_purple_dragon: I made them for a while because I could charge more for them, and I needed the money, that's all.
[20:41] Idiot: ^_^ you dont like fucking?
This still makes me boggle. Who says that? It would be pretty inappropriate to ask somebody who makes yiff suits, let alone somebody who just finished saying she dislikes them. Seriously, WTF?
[20:42] spark_purple_dragon: I'm not going to answer that. It's rude, personal, and crude.
[20:42] Idiot: sorry
After this there was a loooooooooooooooong pause. And then, the last straw. The final thing that pushed this guy over into being something I just had to share.
[20:59] Idiot: yay im so happy ^_^
[20:59] spark_purple_dragon: Oh?
[20:59] Idiot: i just found out my mate makes fursuits
[20:59] spark_purple_dragon: Ah.
[21:00] Idiot: ^^ ill only send him money for the supplies and he'll get it done, ^^
Yes, his "mate" whom he is presumably screwing, and who he presumably regards as a partner, and possibly even true love, makes fursuits. And he did not know this until just now. Bravo, bravo. Obviously your soul deep bond is so strong you two don't need to discuss your interests, you can just yiff away in your yiff suits, making yiff noises, without actually talking at all. Thankfully this unexpected skill on the part of his true love means that did not have this poster child for furrydom as a customer after all. Whew.
To finish off this lovely story, I'll say that his screen name was not actually "idiot" but instead had to do with how much he "loves" a specific pokemon. I kind of doubt his love is platonic.
Here, have some
Things you need to know to understand what's going on:
1. I make mascot costumes for a living. I mostly make them for furries, though I've done some for non-profit organizations, performances, and even one Indie film.
2. Okay, you don't need to know this to understand, but I have to say it. The little tardmonkey in this story is NOT typical of my customers, nor of furry in general. It's always the few bad apples that give the rest of us a bad name. He's definitely typical of some of the things you hear about furries though.
3. "Yiff" basically means screw. Have sex. The horizontal tango. However you want to put it.
4. A "sheath" refers to the male bit on a "yiff suit" ie. a fursuit/mascot suit made for having sex in.
5. This guy is not Australian. When he says "mate" he means mate as in sexual partner, girlfriend/boyfriend, or spouse. "Significant Other" in furry-speak, basically.
That all said, here's some (long) customer fun!
Part one!
In which the words "small apartment" are completely misunderstood.
20:15] Idiot: ^^ so if i order in Jan when do u think you'll be done?
[20:16] spark_purple_dragon: Hard to say exactly, as I don't know what my schedule will be like at that point, but probably in something less than six months after that.
[20:16] Idiot: ^^ and than after ur done you can hold it for a year?
[20:17] spark_purple_dragon: Yeah.
[20:17] Idiot: ^_^ yay so ull give me a year and a half to pay it off?
[20:17] spark_purple_dragon: So long as you're still making payments, anyhow. If you just let it sit for a whole year and don't pay anything more I may not hold it.
[20:17] Idiot: so whats if i keep on paying for it and the full payments wont be done in one year?
[20:18]spark_purple_dragon: I might be able to hold it a little longer. I just don't have much space here, this is a small apartment, not a house.
[20:18] Idiot: ^^ just stuff it somewhere ^^ me no care
Mmmhmmm. I'm going to "stuff" a full mascot suit under my bed? Sorry, the space under the bed is already full, and even if it weren't, the head is too big! The closet is full of fabric and the downstairs storage is too. This thing is just going to sit on top of a chair, probably, until it gets paid for and shipped. Pardon me for not wanting to have that space taken up for more than a year. I kind of like being able to use my furniture, thanks.
Part Two
In which I attempt to explain that I am not so desperate for money that I will make fake sexual organs.
20:14] Idiot: ^_^ u told me last year you can do a sheath and ball set for me
[20:15] spark_purple_dragon: I've decided I really don't like doing that stuff. And since I'm not longer so desperate for customers that I have to, I decided not to.
[20:20] Idiot: so do u have anyone else who can do a sheath for me
[20:21] spark_purple_dragon: If you want to ask around the fursuit area on the furry-furry boards, somebody there probably could. http://www.furry-furry.com (This is an adult furry message board that I used to troll for customers on. I no longer go there because, well, "adult furry message board." This guy is pretty typical of the denizens of furry-furry.)
[20:21] Idiot: ^^ otay
[20:22] spark_purple_dragon: If you want to get a full suit from somebody who does yiffables, that's fine too. Up to you, really.
[20:22] Idiot: erm i dont know anyone besides u
[20:23] Idiot: *hugs*
[20:25] Idiot: well could u just send me a sheath ^^ and i can sew it on myself?
[20:25] spark_purple_dragon: Uh?
[20:25] spark_purple_dragon: I don't MAKE sheaths. They don't grow on trees. Where would I get one?
[20:25] Idiot: ^^ oh ok
The initial question wasn't rude. I did actually do a few adult items when I was first starting out, because I was kind of afraid to turn anybody down, I really needed the money. But at this point I'm not nearly so desperate. I still really do want to know why he thought I would happily make a sex organ, but didn't want to attach it.
Part Three
In which things suddenly go all WTF?
[20:37] Idiot: so erm do u know any yiffable fursuit makers?
[20:41] spark_purple_dragon: No.
[20:41] Idiot: aww
[20:41] spark_purple_dragon: I have zero interest in the subject.
[20:41] spark_purple_dragon: I made them for a while because I could charge more for them, and I needed the money, that's all.
[20:41] Idiot: ^_^ you dont like fucking?
This still makes me boggle. Who says that? It would be pretty inappropriate to ask somebody who makes yiff suits, let alone somebody who just finished saying she dislikes them. Seriously, WTF?
[20:42] spark_purple_dragon: I'm not going to answer that. It's rude, personal, and crude.
[20:42] Idiot: sorry
After this there was a loooooooooooooooong pause. And then, the last straw. The final thing that pushed this guy over into being something I just had to share.
[20:59] Idiot: yay im so happy ^_^
[20:59] spark_purple_dragon: Oh?
[20:59] Idiot: i just found out my mate makes fursuits
[20:59] spark_purple_dragon: Ah.
[21:00] Idiot: ^^ ill only send him money for the supplies and he'll get it done, ^^
Yes, his "mate" whom he is presumably screwing, and who he presumably regards as a partner, and possibly even true love, makes fursuits. And he did not know this until just now. Bravo, bravo. Obviously your soul deep bond is so strong you two don't need to discuss your interests, you can just yiff away in your yiff suits, making yiff noises, without actually talking at all. Thankfully this unexpected skill on the part of his true love means that did not have this poster child for furrydom as a customer after all. Whew.
To finish off this lovely story, I'll say that his screen name was not actually "idiot" but instead had to do with how much he "loves" a specific pokemon. I kind of doubt his love is platonic.
Here, have some
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