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Hey guys,
So I've worked in a number of different places over the years and am constantly amazed by the stupidity of customers.
Here's a brief sampling of the stupid people I've encountered.
These three came from when I worked for a call center that handled tech support for a major Cable Internet company (I no longer work there due to a growing stress ulcer).
me- Me
SC- Stupid Customer
Conversation 1
Me- Thank you for calling the XYZ Support Desk.
SC- Hey there. I've got a problem. I've got two computers hooked to your modem through a router, one of them can get online, but the other one has a physical firewall between it and the router and it won't go online. When I remove the physical firewall and hook it straight to the router it can go online- what's my problem?
Me- uhhhhhh (As I scramble to look for the trick question here. Finding none I answer-) Well sir the Physical firewall wall sounds like the problem, since we don't support physical firewalls I suggest you check with their help line.'
SC- (Yelling)It's not the Firewall!
Me- Alright sir, then let's go through the troubleshooting steps. First remove the network and hook the non-working computer straight to the modem.
SC- NO!
Me- Why not sir?
SC-'Cause it'll work then!
Me-Yes sir, therefore....
SC-IT'S NOT THE FIREWALL!
Me-Why do you say that sir?
SC-'CAUSE I ALREADY CALLED THEM AND THEY SAID IT WAS YOU!
Me-Hmmm, be that as it may sir, Our company only supports netwroks that we install ourselves, if their equipment is incompatible with our modem, we take no responsibility for that, you would have been told this when you signed up. At this point all I can do is verify that the modem we supplied you with is working properly- which it clearly is, beyond that you either need to take it up with the company who provided you with the other hardware or switch to a network that we do support.
--At this point I though the call would end, but no, this continued for 29.5 minutes (we are timed down to the millisecond on our calls- which are supposed to last an average of 8-12 minutes) as he tried to talk me into fixing the system anyway, certain that I had some secret switch that I was using to make the modem not work with the physical firewall and that if he just yelled loudly enough I would go switch it off. sighhhhhh
Conversation 2
Me- Thank you for calling the XYZ Support Desk.
SC- Hi, I'm Bambi. I can't remember my password.
Me- Aright.... Bambi, We're a cable internet company and we don't have a password for our services, so I'm going to need you to tell me exactly what the screen your looking at says so I can tell what system is causing you problems so I can direct you to the proper tech support company.
SC-It says please enter your Windows XP password.
Me-Okay, Bambi that is you Windows password and has nothing to do with your cable internet, I am legally forbidden from walking you through tech problems outside of our services, so what I am going to do is give you the number for the Microsoft tech support line and they can get you fixed up.
SC- But you're my internet provider....
Me- Yes..... and this has nothing to do with your internet.
SC-But I can't get online without my password.
Me-I understand that, but this problem is a microsoft problem and I said I am legally forbidden from assisting with services we don't provide.
SC- But - REPEAT AD NASEUM
--I finally discovered that the customer thought that cable internet was analogous to cable TV. That is you turn on the TV you get Cable- ergo- you turn on the Computer you get Internets (or more specifically chat rooms- cause that was apparently all she used the internet for).
I later worked at a Major Chain Book Store (also no longer there) and had the following conversations.
Conversation 1
SC- Do you price match you online prices?
Me- No Sir, the online price is marked down because the online store doesn't have the cost of paying rent for this location or paying my salary.
Me- That's unfair, I'm here now I should be able to get the best price!
Conversation 2
SC- Do you sell lightbulbs?
Me-No sir, we're a bookstore. The only non books we sell are a few non-book gift items like journals and nick-nacks.
SC-Why not?
(I had though my explanation was sufficient but evidently I had been wrong, so I am now just looking for a lie that will satisfy this guy)
Me- We have a large children's section and lightbulbs are dangerous- we would want kids breaking them and getting cut.
SC- Oh. Okay then. Do you sell razorblades?
GAH!
I believe in the amazing potential of human beings precisely because so little of that potential is currently being used.
So I've worked in a number of different places over the years and am constantly amazed by the stupidity of customers.
Here's a brief sampling of the stupid people I've encountered.
These three came from when I worked for a call center that handled tech support for a major Cable Internet company (I no longer work there due to a growing stress ulcer).
me- Me
SC- Stupid Customer
Conversation 1
Me- Thank you for calling the XYZ Support Desk.
SC- Hey there. I've got a problem. I've got two computers hooked to your modem through a router, one of them can get online, but the other one has a physical firewall between it and the router and it won't go online. When I remove the physical firewall and hook it straight to the router it can go online- what's my problem?
Me- uhhhhhh (As I scramble to look for the trick question here. Finding none I answer-) Well sir the Physical firewall wall sounds like the problem, since we don't support physical firewalls I suggest you check with their help line.'
SC- (Yelling)It's not the Firewall!
Me- Alright sir, then let's go through the troubleshooting steps. First remove the network and hook the non-working computer straight to the modem.
SC- NO!
Me- Why not sir?
SC-'Cause it'll work then!
Me-Yes sir, therefore....
SC-IT'S NOT THE FIREWALL!
Me-Why do you say that sir?
SC-'CAUSE I ALREADY CALLED THEM AND THEY SAID IT WAS YOU!
Me-Hmmm, be that as it may sir, Our company only supports netwroks that we install ourselves, if their equipment is incompatible with our modem, we take no responsibility for that, you would have been told this when you signed up. At this point all I can do is verify that the modem we supplied you with is working properly- which it clearly is, beyond that you either need to take it up with the company who provided you with the other hardware or switch to a network that we do support.
--At this point I though the call would end, but no, this continued for 29.5 minutes (we are timed down to the millisecond on our calls- which are supposed to last an average of 8-12 minutes) as he tried to talk me into fixing the system anyway, certain that I had some secret switch that I was using to make the modem not work with the physical firewall and that if he just yelled loudly enough I would go switch it off. sighhhhhh
Conversation 2
Me- Thank you for calling the XYZ Support Desk.
SC- Hi, I'm Bambi. I can't remember my password.
Me- Aright.... Bambi, We're a cable internet company and we don't have a password for our services, so I'm going to need you to tell me exactly what the screen your looking at says so I can tell what system is causing you problems so I can direct you to the proper tech support company.
SC-It says please enter your Windows XP password.
Me-Okay, Bambi that is you Windows password and has nothing to do with your cable internet, I am legally forbidden from walking you through tech problems outside of our services, so what I am going to do is give you the number for the Microsoft tech support line and they can get you fixed up.
SC- But you're my internet provider....
Me- Yes..... and this has nothing to do with your internet.
SC-But I can't get online without my password.
Me-I understand that, but this problem is a microsoft problem and I said I am legally forbidden from assisting with services we don't provide.
SC- But - REPEAT AD NASEUM
--I finally discovered that the customer thought that cable internet was analogous to cable TV. That is you turn on the TV you get Cable- ergo- you turn on the Computer you get Internets (or more specifically chat rooms- cause that was apparently all she used the internet for).
I later worked at a Major Chain Book Store (also no longer there) and had the following conversations.
Conversation 1
SC- Do you price match you online prices?
Me- No Sir, the online price is marked down because the online store doesn't have the cost of paying rent for this location or paying my salary.
Me- That's unfair, I'm here now I should be able to get the best price!
Conversation 2
SC- Do you sell lightbulbs?
Me-No sir, we're a bookstore. The only non books we sell are a few non-book gift items like journals and nick-nacks.
SC-Why not?
(I had though my explanation was sufficient but evidently I had been wrong, so I am now just looking for a lie that will satisfy this guy)
Me- We have a large children's section and lightbulbs are dangerous- we would want kids breaking them and getting cut.
SC- Oh. Okay then. Do you sell razorblades?
GAH!
I believe in the amazing potential of human beings precisely because so little of that potential is currently being used.
I AM the evil bastard!
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