Cashiers-do the jokesters ever get on your nerves?

[JustaCashier]

Many of my "favorites" have already been mentioned by others, and I would just politely laugh.

Another one, that I didn't see mentioned already, unless I missed it, is when I'd be checking a large bill with the counterfeit pen, and/or by eyeballing it.

Customer would say something like "I just printed that!" Normally, as I mentioned above, I'd just give a laugh. One time though, it was a really nice, elderly, gentleman. He said something like "I just printed that up in my basement this morning!"

I gave the bill another scrutinizing look, at the same time saying back to him, "....no.......you printed last night......in your attic!"

We both shared a fun, real, laugh!

Mike

[Giggle Goose]

If it isn't scanning, its free! HYUK!
Only the WINNING lottery ticket pelase HYUK!

It's the jokes like those that always got to me! Almost all of the ones folks have mentioned here have something to do with the customer thinking they don't have to pay, stand in line, etc., because they're so freakin' funny!!!!!!

I've worked retail too, but mostly restaurants. The equivalent to those comments in restaurants is when I brought the check: "No, thanks, we don't need that, but thanks for offering; you're too kind!"

NOT. But when you're depending on a tip, you HAVE to laugh even when you feel like punching them in the face. Grrr

[ralerin]

Customer would say something like "I just printed that!" Normally, as I mentioned above, I'd just give a laugh.

Ohhhh my GOD I hate that one. My answer? "Don't say that too loud. What if there's a cop behind you and the bill DOES turn out to be counterfeit?" Shuts them RIGHT up.

[SorchaMochrie]

me: how'd you like your cash back today?
them: Green!
me: Ok, one, two, three...two hundred seventy seven. there you are.
them: This is great, I've got to go pay some bills!

me again:How'd you like your money today?
them: in thousands!
me: Give me a moment to go print some in the back!

Me: Anything else I can do for you today?
them: the winning lotto numbers would be great!
me: If I had them I wouldn't be working here!

Me: Anything else I can do for you today?
them: Are you giving out free samples?
Me: Wish I could. But there are an awful lot of cameras and I'd like to keep my job.

me: how'd you like your $70 back?
them: in hundreds!
me: How about no?

me: how can I help you today sir? (calling the next person in line, who is right in front of me!)
them: who me?
me: no sir, the invisible person next to you.
(another customer I've had before, "Robbie" laughed so hard at this, and said that I was "the highlight of his day" that my customer couldn't get mad. I really had spoken without thinking about it.)

I have quite a few customers who know that I'll speak sarcasm right back to them. Of course I've heard so many of these over and over again that I just started with a standard response.

Unless my customer is Old or cranky if they say they want there money back in "cash," "green," or "with dead presidents on it" I just start counting one dollar bills until they clarify their previous statement.

[edible_hat]

"We need to get you a flag of some sort, you're too short to be seen!" (This one ALWAYS earns a snappy comeback)

such as a headbut to the groin?


ETA: one my dad did once (that I've mentioned before, but it's worth mentioning again)...

CSR: "How many would you like?"
dad: "Three shall be the count and the count shall be three! Thou shalt not count to four, or two, unless thou proceedeth to three."
CSR: "OK. Do you want a shrubbery with that?"

[KabeRinnaul]

I hate these. So, so much. Especially "must be free" and ANY variation on "looked bored."

Some days, when the repetition hasn't completely ground down my ability to think clearly, I start counting them. And then each time I hear the joke, I inform the customer just how many times I've heard it that day.

And then maybe remind them it's a pretty typical day.

And possibly that I've been here three years.

[Voldine]

Ohhhh my GOD I hate that one. My answer? "Don't say that too loud. What if there's a cop behind you and the bill DOES turn out to be counterfeit?" Shuts them RIGHT up.

The gas station I work at has a State Police barracks about 50 feet up the road, we get staties in all the time, many of them at predictable times.

I had a diesel customer pay me with three hundreds and a fifty, cue me checking each bill for the threads, printed line,and watermark face by holding it up to the light.

Customer: Should be good, I just printed them last night.
Statie regular: Oh good, we've been looking for you.

Customer looks behind him, damn near 's himself before I can say they're real.

[Silas G. T. Brontë]

I don't know but for me most of those "jokesters" I had to deal with tended to be rather big burly men who act like they are high school jocks. And not all of them have been customers because some of them have been co-workers too.

Gosh, I hate dealing with them with their dumb sense of "humor" and their incessant laughter. I just tend to ignore them at all costs.

[Becks]

"You look bored."

--Maybe a little. I ran out of balloons to play with.

"It must be free!"

--My bosses wouldn't appreciate that. They like making money, you see.

"Want something to do?"

--No, not really.

"I just printed it!!"

--And I keep telling you to print some up for ME.

"Don't work too hard!"

--I try not to, but customers keep coming in here and, you know, *buying* stuff.



And yes, I have said each and every one of those responses at work.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Dare I tell my check out joke? OK, I will.

Clerk: Would you like some help taking that out to the car?

Me: No thanks. That's why I brought my wife.

[BlaqueLily]

Oh man... "You look bored!" is getting SO FREAKIN' OLD!!

So is "It's not scanning? It must be free!"
Gah, that's when I turn on my super-fast typin' skills and punch in the UPC in 3 seconds, which gives hardly any time to humor that freakin' joke.

[tinamarble88]

The most common ones I get are:

"Do you sell coffee here?" Which I respond always, "No we don't."

Then another customer comes, he's a regular. Nice guy, but he comes in at like 9am and says most of the time, "I would like a big mac with cheese." Which I respond, "You're in the wrong place. Mcdonalds is across the street." He stopped saying that.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I had someone send me this webcomic exerpt a while ago; I don't know where it came from, I just saved it to my own photobucket account so as not to leach my friend's bandwidth; she's not premi. Anyway, it sums up how I feel about "It must be free, heh heh!" -.-

Mod edit: Removed copyrighted material

[Geek King]

I don't know where it came from, I just saved it to my own photobucket account so as not to leach my friend's bandwidth.

*coughs and points to the URL at the bottom of the comic*

[Athaelia]

"Are you standing in a hole or are you really that short? Hyuk, hyuk"
"you need a box to stand on"
Maybe it was ok at first, but a hundred times later, it is not the least bit funny.
When I dismiss them, they say "I'm just KIDDING!" ,etc. etc.
Seriously. I'm 5'0 feet tall,NOT a midget, and even if I was, they can still kiss my ass. To top it off, its always the most HIDEOUS people cracking these jokes with their big beer bellies, slovenly-ness, stinky-ness and general ugly-ness. So of COURSE if I made a joke about them, they wouldn't be laughing, and probably try to get me fired.
The sad thing is, I can tell some of these losers are trying to start a conversation with me, or get my number....It was never gonna happen then anyway, but now they have a snowball's chance in hell...