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The reason my stories have suddenly spiked is because we just had a big preseason football game in town here and this whole city is hopelessly addicted to college ball, and it brought in a lot of fans who don't know how to park. There were dozens and dozens of WTF moments all through that weekend, but now that it's over, I can reflect a bit and pick out the WORST of the worst for your enjoyment
Tampered Permits Part III - Electric Boogaloo
Folks, you have GOT to do a better job of trying to fool me. Contrary to the conventional wisdom that says tow truck drivers are maybe only a few stray genes evolved from say, the Piltdown Man, I DO know a phony parking pass when I see one. So even if that receipt for the Big Mac, fries and a Coke is the same white/black color as the permits that are supposed to be in that lot, I’m still going to notice that it’s NOT a permit when you hang it from the rearview mirror. Dude with the Toyota Tacoma I’ve never seen in that lot before tonight, I’m looking in your direction. And all you clever types who are a bit more convincing in your forgeries thanks to Adobe Photoshop, for God’s sake check a calendar before you hit “Print” on your computer, because there’s something just a bit fishy about a permit that’s good until April 31st, or Monday, April 23rd, 2009…. I’m just sayin’, if you’re that bad at it, you’re basically getting towed for faulty workmanship not fraud.
Careful What You Wish For
A guy only pulled his car about 3/4ths of the way into a parking space, leaving a good chunk of it sticking out into the aisle of the garage they were parked in. This apparently ticked off the person who wanted to use the adjacent corner space since they had to drive around him and execute a 35-point turn to get into it. Just so the person of the poorly parked car would “learn his lesson” so to speak, the person in the corner wrote a nasty “Learn how to park asshole!” letter and left it on the offending car’s windshield. The irony, the letter leaver from the car in the corner didn’t have a permit to even be in the garage and HE got pulled out and towed away, leaving only tow truck tracks and the pungent smell of enforced karma behind.
Why'd I Even Try Logic? WHY?
There’s an old abandoned Pizza Hut in town here that was recently renovated and reopened as some kind of a bar/cocktail lounge/sports club thingy. I don’t know what they do, but it seems to attract a lot of oblivious illiterates because they park their cars at the Starbucks next door even though there are signs saying that said lot is ONLY for Starbucks customers, ONLY for 2 hours max, and NO BAR PARKING is allowed. They are all cheerfully ignored so they get a cheerful visit from the cheerful guy and his happy tow truck quite often. Most people grumble and fret a bit, but realize that they just missed the signs and there’s nothing they can do. “Most people” you’ll notice is not the same as “All people” because I had one who made my head spin. When she came in to pick up the car, everything seemed normal, gave ID, paid, signed the papers and then went right into tirade mode.
“I’m getting this back!”
“Er, huh?”
“This money I paid, I’ll be getting it all back!”
“Uh..”
”They told me at the bar that I could park there, it wasn’t fair you towed me, I’ll be suing you and getting it back”
“Wait, who told you that it was okay to park there Ma’m?
“The people at the bar said we could park there!”
“Well, they were mistaken, that lot is only for Starbucks, and after they close at midnight, no one can park there, it says so right on the signs”
“Well, they said I could!”
“Ma’m, that’s a totally different property, the bar doesn’t own it”
“But they SAID we could park there!”
“They don’t even own that property. They don’t have the authority to allow you to park there anymore than I have the authority to tell other people its okay to park on your front lawn”
“Well, it’s not fair you towed us because we had permission!”
“Ma’m, you did not”
“Well whatever, they said it was okay, you’ll be hearing from my lawyer”
The only bright side I can see is that it’ll take that lawyer several hours and several hundred dollars to get the same message through her head that I just tried to do for free as a courtesy.
Her Name Wasn't "Buffy?" I'm Shocked
Got called by the police to tow a car that was in someone’s driveway blocking them in. The homeowner swears up and down they have no clue who it is and want it gone, the cops verify they are the property owner and allow us to take it. A few hours later I get a call from a girl looking for said car, yes, we have it, $105.00 to pick up. She comes in to get it and tells me she was across the street the whole time at someone else’s house and “I don’t know why they called you to tow it, I left the keys so they could move it if they had to get out” Indeed, the keys for the car had been in the ignition the whole time. I manage to choke back a mighty guffaw and she leaves with the car. And the kicker? It was a Porsche, she’s lucky it was still THERE to be picked up.
__________________
Tampered Permits Part III - Electric Boogaloo
Folks, you have GOT to do a better job of trying to fool me. Contrary to the conventional wisdom that says tow truck drivers are maybe only a few stray genes evolved from say, the Piltdown Man, I DO know a phony parking pass when I see one. So even if that receipt for the Big Mac, fries and a Coke is the same white/black color as the permits that are supposed to be in that lot, I’m still going to notice that it’s NOT a permit when you hang it from the rearview mirror. Dude with the Toyota Tacoma I’ve never seen in that lot before tonight, I’m looking in your direction. And all you clever types who are a bit more convincing in your forgeries thanks to Adobe Photoshop, for God’s sake check a calendar before you hit “Print” on your computer, because there’s something just a bit fishy about a permit that’s good until April 31st, or Monday, April 23rd, 2009…. I’m just sayin’, if you’re that bad at it, you’re basically getting towed for faulty workmanship not fraud.
Careful What You Wish For
A guy only pulled his car about 3/4ths of the way into a parking space, leaving a good chunk of it sticking out into the aisle of the garage they were parked in. This apparently ticked off the person who wanted to use the adjacent corner space since they had to drive around him and execute a 35-point turn to get into it. Just so the person of the poorly parked car would “learn his lesson” so to speak, the person in the corner wrote a nasty “Learn how to park asshole!” letter and left it on the offending car’s windshield. The irony, the letter leaver from the car in the corner didn’t have a permit to even be in the garage and HE got pulled out and towed away, leaving only tow truck tracks and the pungent smell of enforced karma behind.
Why'd I Even Try Logic? WHY?
There’s an old abandoned Pizza Hut in town here that was recently renovated and reopened as some kind of a bar/cocktail lounge/sports club thingy. I don’t know what they do, but it seems to attract a lot of oblivious illiterates because they park their cars at the Starbucks next door even though there are signs saying that said lot is ONLY for Starbucks customers, ONLY for 2 hours max, and NO BAR PARKING is allowed. They are all cheerfully ignored so they get a cheerful visit from the cheerful guy and his happy tow truck quite often. Most people grumble and fret a bit, but realize that they just missed the signs and there’s nothing they can do. “Most people” you’ll notice is not the same as “All people” because I had one who made my head spin. When she came in to pick up the car, everything seemed normal, gave ID, paid, signed the papers and then went right into tirade mode.
“I’m getting this back!”
“Er, huh?”
“This money I paid, I’ll be getting it all back!”
“Uh..”
”They told me at the bar that I could park there, it wasn’t fair you towed me, I’ll be suing you and getting it back”
“Wait, who told you that it was okay to park there Ma’m?
“The people at the bar said we could park there!”
“Well, they were mistaken, that lot is only for Starbucks, and after they close at midnight, no one can park there, it says so right on the signs”
“Well, they said I could!”
“Ma’m, that’s a totally different property, the bar doesn’t own it”
“But they SAID we could park there!”
“They don’t even own that property. They don’t have the authority to allow you to park there anymore than I have the authority to tell other people its okay to park on your front lawn”
“Well, it’s not fair you towed us because we had permission!”
“Ma’m, you did not”
“Well whatever, they said it was okay, you’ll be hearing from my lawyer”
The only bright side I can see is that it’ll take that lawyer several hours and several hundred dollars to get the same message through her head that I just tried to do for free as a courtesy.
Her Name Wasn't "Buffy?" I'm Shocked
Got called by the police to tow a car that was in someone’s driveway blocking them in. The homeowner swears up and down they have no clue who it is and want it gone, the cops verify they are the property owner and allow us to take it. A few hours later I get a call from a girl looking for said car, yes, we have it, $105.00 to pick up. She comes in to get it and tells me she was across the street the whole time at someone else’s house and “I don’t know why they called you to tow it, I left the keys so they could move it if they had to get out” Indeed, the keys for the car had been in the ignition the whole time. I manage to choke back a mighty guffaw and she leaves with the car. And the kicker? It was a Porsche, she’s lucky it was still THERE to be picked up.
__________________
for sure 
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