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Sucky Customer Profile #3. The deliberately obtuse....
Hola all, it is I, Dingwell, returning from another sojourn into the world of tech support.
The group of customers I work with are diverse and varied, and they run the gamut of emotional, financial, educational, racial and religious types. After five years of working in this environment i'm pretty thick skinned and hard to rile.
But there's always one. One that emerges from the pack. The one that not only instinctively knows where my buttons are, they jump up and down on them with alarming vigor.
I present such a customer today.
Dingwell: Our Dashing Hero.
DO: Our deliberately obtuse button pushing customer.
Dingwell: Thank you for contacting Kersnizon. My name is Dingwell and I will be happy to assist you today. What seems to be the problem?
DO: I'm having a problem with my email.
Dingwell: I can help you get that working. What email program are you using?
DO: The one you gave me.
Dingwell: We provide several different email programs. Can you look at your program and see what it says?
DO: It says email.
Dingwell: I understand that. Can you tell me what else it says on that page?
DO: There's a letter from my sister Mary.
Dingwell: I see. And if you were going to go to your email program and try and get your email, which icon would you be clicking on?
DO: The same one I click on every day.
Dingwell: ....
DO: Are you still there?
Dingwell: Oh yes, I'm still here. (With a growing bald spot now...) Let's try this again. Do you see a help button on the top of the page?
DO: Yes.
Dingwell: If you click on the link, does a gray menu appear?
DO: Yes.
Dingwell: What does it say on that menu?
DO: It says Help, Read Me, Microsoft on the Web and About Microsoft Outlook Express.
Dingwell: Excellent. Now what account are you having the problem with?
DO: Mine.
Dingwell: Ok, and what would the address on the account be?
DO: It's the Outlook Express.
Dingwell: No, that's the program, we need to know which email address you are having the problem with.
DO: I already told you that! Mine!
(At this point, I start clenching my teeth so hard that a tendon in my jaw cracks like a gunshot. Nelson and John, two good friends and co-workers look at me with some concern and edge away a little bit. Some time passes as we begin to inch closer and closer to the actual email address that the customer uses. Finally, after several minutes of coaxing, the customer accidentally provides me with the information that I need. Victorious, I proceed to the next step.)
Dingwell: All right, that's good, now that we know what email program we're using and what your email address is, what specifically seems to be the problem? Are you getting an error message of some kind?
DO: Yes.
Dingwell: Great! And what does that error message state?
DO: I don't remember. Something about a server.
Dingwell:
To make an extremely long and aggravating story shorter, I'll summarize the session.
Time required to get customers email program, email address and the error message: 27 minutes.
Time required to fix the problem: 2 minutes.
Time taken from my lifespan by a customer literally unable to answer basic questions: 3 months.
Dingwell
The group of customers I work with are diverse and varied, and they run the gamut of emotional, financial, educational, racial and religious types. After five years of working in this environment i'm pretty thick skinned and hard to rile.
But there's always one. One that emerges from the pack. The one that not only instinctively knows where my buttons are, they jump up and down on them with alarming vigor.
I present such a customer today.
Dingwell: Our Dashing Hero.
DO: Our deliberately obtuse button pushing customer.
Dingwell: Thank you for contacting Kersnizon. My name is Dingwell and I will be happy to assist you today. What seems to be the problem?
DO: I'm having a problem with my email.
Dingwell: I can help you get that working. What email program are you using?
DO: The one you gave me.
Dingwell: We provide several different email programs. Can you look at your program and see what it says?
DO: It says email.
Dingwell: I understand that. Can you tell me what else it says on that page?
DO: There's a letter from my sister Mary.
Dingwell: I see. And if you were going to go to your email program and try and get your email, which icon would you be clicking on?
DO: The same one I click on every day.
Dingwell: ....
DO: Are you still there?
Dingwell: Oh yes, I'm still here. (With a growing bald spot now...) Let's try this again. Do you see a help button on the top of the page?
DO: Yes.
Dingwell: If you click on the link, does a gray menu appear?
DO: Yes.
Dingwell: What does it say on that menu?
DO: It says Help, Read Me, Microsoft on the Web and About Microsoft Outlook Express.
Dingwell: Excellent. Now what account are you having the problem with?
DO: Mine.
Dingwell: Ok, and what would the address on the account be?
DO: It's the Outlook Express.
Dingwell: No, that's the program, we need to know which email address you are having the problem with.
DO: I already told you that! Mine!
(At this point, I start clenching my teeth so hard that a tendon in my jaw cracks like a gunshot. Nelson and John, two good friends and co-workers look at me with some concern and edge away a little bit. Some time passes as we begin to inch closer and closer to the actual email address that the customer uses. Finally, after several minutes of coaxing, the customer accidentally provides me with the information that I need. Victorious, I proceed to the next step.)
Dingwell: All right, that's good, now that we know what email program we're using and what your email address is, what specifically seems to be the problem? Are you getting an error message of some kind?
DO: Yes.
Dingwell: Great! And what does that error message state?
DO: I don't remember. Something about a server.
Dingwell:
To make an extremely long and aggravating story shorter, I'll summarize the session.
Time required to get customers email program, email address and the error message: 27 minutes.
Time required to fix the problem: 2 minutes.
Time taken from my lifespan by a customer literally unable to answer basic questions: 3 months.
Dingwell
)
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