How To Piss Me Off

[BookBint]

Dear Authors

1) Don’t call me ‘Princess’. Even my Father never called me that. If he had he might have escaped with his life. You will not be so lucky.

2) Do not for a moment assume that just because you wrote a book you deserve my respect. You only get that if you wrote a GOOD book.

3) Do not quibble with me over apostrophes. I have my shit together when it comes to apostrophes.

4) Do not have the hubris to assume that I am only working on one manuscript at a time. Your piddly little offering is not scheduled to even come out of the package you sent it in for another month. Therefore ringing me twice a day for a week asking how it looks and when you can see a cover will not endear you to me. It certainly won’t convince me to go suck off the publishing manager in an effort to convince him to change the schedule, which is the only way your book would jump the queue.

5) If you intend to include members of my (three person) team in your acknowledgements, for that I thank you. However, if another misogynistic ex-colonel thanks my MALE co-worker on the basis that he once heard his name, as opposed to ME, who edited, proofed and designed his book (not to mention had to spend hours on the phone stroking his ego) I will get out my testicle-seeking missile. Seriously.

6) NEVER tell me you don’t think your manuscript needs editing, or even reading. We are not in the habit of stapling a cover round a Word document and sending it out to Borders. Don’t be a fucking idiot. You are not infallible.

BookBint

[Akasa]

I hate those types. I'm from the south I got a lot of the "oh you poor thing! You're female and can't do things w/o a man around to do them for you!" Being short I think I got it even more. Man those guys piss me off, and the women who will fall in line with that thinking? UGH!

[fireheart]

What is this "testicle-seeking missile" you speak of?

And can I borrow it?

[bankworking]

Do you tell the authors the schedule for when their book is due for editting and they still bug you every other day? What am I thinking. Of course they do. I keep making this assumption that people might actually listen...


Hard to believe that an author wouldn't want their book editted. Would they really prefer seeing their "masterpiece" out on the shelves with a glaring spelling error on the first page? Too many spelling/grammar errors in a published work will distract me out of the story. One of the reasons I have trouble with the Twilight series.

[spark]

WTF on that last one. That's the main reason I've never tried to publish my stuff is that I know there are going to be massive problems with it that an editor will want to fix, and I'm not sure I really can take seeing my work get pulled apart and fixed like that, my poor, fragile ego couldn't take it.

That guy sounds like his ego is a little too robust though, sheesh.

[BookBint]

[QUOTE=spark;553777]I'm not sure I really can take seeing my work get pulled apart and fixed like that, my poor, fragile ego couldn't take it.QUOTE]

Generally we don't pull it apart, fear not!

[AccountingDrone]

LOL at least you are working with someone that has made it past the slush pile ... I have a friend who reads e-slush for Baen and she sent me a manuscript. Holy crap on a stick it was bad .... and she said that that particular author had sent in 4 other manuscripts, all of which were as bad or worse and yet they keep emailing in badgering for a publication date and royalty details

[Andara Bledin]

5) If you intend to include members of my (three person) team in your acknowledgements, for that I thank you. However, if another misogynistic ex-colonel thanks my MALE co-worker on the basis that he once heard his name, as opposed to ME, who edited, proofed and designed his book (not to mention had to spend hours on the phone stroking his ego) I will get out my testicle-seeking missile. Seriously.

I am intrigued by your program and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

^-.-^

[MoxisPilot]

"Do not quibble with me over apostrophes. I have my shit together when it comes to apostrophes."

End. Right there.

This is my new signature! LOL.

[Andara Bledin]

"Do not quibble with me over apostrophes. I have my shit together when it comes to apostrophes."

End. Right there.

This is my new signature! LOL.

Yeah, that is a great line.

It honestly baffles me how many professional writers don't know how not to abuse the poor apostrophe and its less-exalted kin, the comma.

^-.-^

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

As an aspiring writer myself, I KNOW how hard it is to get something published and there's NO WAY I would ever badger a publisher like these SCs. I know writers get attached to their work, but no book makes it to print without editing or revisions.

I'm reminded of a line from the movie Shattered Glass. Glass is describing the editing process at the New Republic magazine at which he works. The process involves a piece being revised several times before publication. He says:

"If your story is good, this process will only make it better, but if it's shaky, you're in for a long week."

Writers need to know editors are not their enemies, they exist to IMPROVE a book, not tear the damned thing to pieces.

[Akasa]

I do write for a living now, but its not books. No I have not yet begun working on my book. I write articles, and even I have editors. Its too easy to get deep into trying to come up w/ the right turn of phrase or getting your point across, or in my case getting something technical into something an end user can understand that its easy to make errors.

[Damien]

An aspiring writer here also.

What in the skidmark of hell is wrong with those people? I would welcome any and all criticisms and would wait for the call.

[Gravekeeper]

As an aspiring writer myself, I KNOW how hard it is to get something published and there's NO WAY I would ever badger a publisher like these SCs. I know writers get attached to their work, but no book makes it to print without editing or revisions.

Likewise. I know my work needs an editor because I get into the zone where I'm writing what I want to say before ensuring I'm using the proper rules to say it. MS Office doesn't count. Besides, it keeps trying to correct me with Yankee spelling.

(not to mention had to spend hours on the phone stroking his ego) I will get out my testicle-seeking missile. Seriously.

annnd my first thought was "Is it strap on?". Because I am a horrible person with a twisted mind. ><

[Seshat]

WTF on that last one. That's the main reason I've never tried to publish my stuff is that I know there are going to be massive problems with it that an editor will want to fix, and I'm not sure I really can take seeing my work get pulled apart and fixed like that, my poor, fragile ego couldn't take it.

What I learned:

My editor liked my work enough to provide thoughtful, honest critique. Which takes a lot of time and effort.

So every criticism and suggestion was a compliment. It proved that he'd put in the effort, because my work was worth it.


It takes a LOT of work to learn to think that way consistently. And I'm not saying I didn't go to my bed and cry into my pillow sometimes - oh, I did. Yes I did.

But remembering that is what got me through - and what let me cope with doing a second edition.

Email is a godsend. It lets me have my bawling session, then come back and make the corrections and write a professional response to the critique-laden email.