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...but kindly asks him to keep his damned SCs to himself! 
They visited me quite a bit this week.
The phone is not a new invention
Me: Thank you for calling <hotel> reservations.
Old Man: yes we're looking for rate and availability on date date yada yada.
Me: Ok, well I have this this and this.
OM: Ok.
Old Woman: (muffled, way off in the background) mumble, mumble, something, something.
Me: I'm sorry, I couldn't hear that in the background.
OW: (muffled, but louder) We...to go....something!
Me: I'm sorry ma'am, I still can't hear you.
OW: (grabs the receiver, I can hear this...) I SAID WE ALSO WANT TO GO TO A RESTAURANT!!!
OM: (in the background) Dear, I don't think you needed to scream after you took the phone...
Dear, I think your husband has found an eloquent way to repeat what I was thinking. Of course, in my head, it sounded more like "OW MY GOD DAMNED EARS YOU WRINKLED HOOKER SANDWICH!". I think it means the same thing.
Gravekeeper's Buddies, Part 1
Me: What type of credit card would you like to use to hold the reservation?
SC: Yes.
Ok ass, let's go over this slowly. Yes is not the answer I am looking for. Yes, in fact, could only be the proper answer if you are psychic, and are looking 3 questions ahead to when I ask "Would you like me to cut your head off with a kitten?"
Gravekeeper's Buddies, part 2
I swear to god, not 15 minutes later...
Me: Ok, and what's the credit card number?
SC: Yes.
NO! God damnit, NO! That is not the proper answer to this question! Yes doesn't have any numbers in it, and I need quite a few numbers from you! I realize that your tribe doesn't believe in anything larger than 0, because anything larger than that simply lets you know that it's a number your IQ hasn't reached yet. However, somehow, you still managed to drag your head from the toilet, and bang it on the phone enough times that it dialed my number directly. Thanks for that.
Gravekeeper's Buddies, part 3
Me: Can I get a contact number for your reservation?
SC: No phone.
I swear to god, did Nanavut hold a farking field trip to Denver this week? Or have I finally just burst a blood vessel and this is all a hallucination? Short of that, you are definitely on the phone with me while this conversation is happening. You're not one of the voices in my head. They're telling me to hurt you.
Not an SC, but I blame them anyway.
Day 8 at my new job. It's busy. I'm being trained. Of course this is when my computer would have a meltdown, and I get to spend the rest of the day with my thumb up my ass listening to other people's calls, and not being able to do anything. /sigh
Pick a Person
Me: Thanks for calling yada yada yada.
SC1: Hi, we need a room on date? (Yes, this was a question)
Me: Ok...how many nights?
SC2: (directly into the phone) Tell him 2 nights.
SC1: 2 nights.
Me: (Urge to kill rising.) Ok...our rates are this, and that.
SC2: Ask him if they have parking.
SC1: Do you have parking?
SC2: And ask him if we get breakfast.
SC1: Do you have breakfast?
Me: Yes, yes. (DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE)
SC2: Tell him never mind.
SC1: Never mind.
Simon Says go bang your head forcefully into a wall until whatever goo you call a brain leaks out with whatever you had for dinner last night. I'm not sure what bothers me more, the fact that #1 needed step-by-step instructions to communicate, or that #2 honestly couldn't understand that he was speaking into the phone quite clearly, and that he could have just asked the question himself.
There is a very clear-cut reason why I refer to most of humanity as "walking meat", and these two are very easily helping my definition.
Stoooooooooooop IIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!
Mid-call, we've been going for 3 minutes already.
Me: Ok, and can I get your first name?
SC: We'll just be out there for the wedding, it's my second daughter's wedding, so we're very proud.
Me: Ok, and-
SC: I'm just glad that you can take pets, normally we'd just kennel him, but he's part of the wedding.
Me: Alrig-
SC: Although I wish there wasn't a pet charge, but I guess that's the price to pay with dogs sometimes. He is part of the wedding though, so it's ok.
Me: ...
SC: And blah blah blah...
I actually set down the phone at one point and she just kept talking. I watched the clock for the phone, I sat there for 15 minutes before I got her first name, and it took another 15 minutes to end the damn call since I still needed her credit card info.
YOU PEOPLE ARE MEAT!!!
Co-Worker Woes
CW hangs up her phone, pissed...she says that the person wanted a gift card, but was being a biotch about it. She wanted a gift card that would exactly cover a room with tax, but we don't do that...simply put, rates fluctuate here quite often, and our rates do so quite a bit. This hotel isn't cheap, so sometimes the rates can be $280 for a CHEAP room...but a month later, they may be $220. Hard to say. So, CW told her just that, "our rates fluctuate".
SC: So you don't even know your own rates!?
CW:
She's scary when she's mad...and she's half my size, if that
Gravekeeper's Buddies, Part 4
SC: Do you have a pool?
Me: No, but we do have a 24-hour workout center.
SC: Does it have a pool inside?
Yes, it's inside the bathroom. It's a little small, but don't worry, just hop in and splash around for a bit. From the mental level of this conversation, I think you'll feel right at home.
No.
SC: I want to get a room for 2 nights, can I do that?
Me: What dates would you like?
SC: I'll call in later and give a date, can I just get a room for 2 nights?
Me: ..........we need to have your date of arrival to make a reservation.
SC: Why?
Good point. Why? Hell, let's just throw logic out the window: I just made you a reservation for our most expensive room for 2 weeks ago, for 2 nights. You no-showed, and I've charged your credit card. Thank you for calling, hope you've learned a valuable lesson about specifics.
GK's Buddies, part ARGH!
SC: Do you have a pool?
Me: No.
SC: You don't have a pool?
I almost said yes just to screw with them, but my boss was listening.
Planning, sans.
Me: Ok, would you like your confirmation number!
SC: Oh sure!
Me: The number is-
SC: Oh hold on, I forgot I needed a pen to write it down.
You forgot you needed a pen to write something.
You forgot. You needed. A pen. To write. Something.
I wonder what her Plan A was before the idea of a pen settled into her brain. Sheep's entrails? Blood? Pubic hairs and glue? I swear, even if someone spent about 3 hours beating me over the head with a giant steel rod, I would still remember that I would need a pen to sign the police report about it afterward.
Is this the best you can do?
Let me preface this part a bit; I have a lot of military friends. I have a lot of respect for them, and in fact most people I know from the military are decent, intelligent people. That said, I got a winner today, and if he's ever defending me directly, I'm just going to pee my pants for a year or two.
Me: What nights do you want your reservation for?
SC: Do you have rooms tonight?
Me: Yes, I have this room at this rate, etc.
SC: Ok...can you hold that? My wife's coming in the lobby right now.
Me: O...kay, if you'd like, she can make the reservation at the front desk.
SC: HONEY! THEY SAY YOU CAN MAKE IT AT THE FRONT DESK!
Me: ...............
SC: Ok, so can you hold the room?
Me: Ok...but is she not getting at the front desk.
SC: She might, but I just want to be sure.
I'll stand in the way of stupidity, but only for a limited time. When he started to insist, I finally just made the reservation for him, and it wasn't until I needed a credit card that he realized that we might be making 2 reservations at once. I call down to the front, and sure enough, his wife's been making a reservation too.
/facepalm
Funny thing is...they somehow had a higher rate downstairs than I did upstairs, so they're paying for their stupidity to the tune of about $30 a night. Don't ask me how, I don't know, since their prices should have been the same as mine. I think it's funny though, so screw it.
I actually had more written down, but I can't remember what made the events so bad based on my crappy notes any more, so this is all the pain and suffering you get this week ;p Enjoy my suffering
They visited me quite a bit this week.The phone is not a new invention
Me: Thank you for calling <hotel> reservations.
Old Man: yes we're looking for rate and availability on date date yada yada.
Me: Ok, well I have this this and this.
OM: Ok.
Old Woman: (muffled, way off in the background) mumble, mumble, something, something.
Me: I'm sorry, I couldn't hear that in the background.
OW: (muffled, but louder) We...to go....something!
Me: I'm sorry ma'am, I still can't hear you.
OW: (grabs the receiver, I can hear this...) I SAID WE ALSO WANT TO GO TO A RESTAURANT!!!
OM: (in the background) Dear, I don't think you needed to scream after you took the phone...
Dear, I think your husband has found an eloquent way to repeat what I was thinking. Of course, in my head, it sounded more like "OW MY GOD DAMNED EARS YOU WRINKLED HOOKER SANDWICH!". I think it means the same thing.
Gravekeeper's Buddies, Part 1
Me: What type of credit card would you like to use to hold the reservation?
SC: Yes.
Ok ass, let's go over this slowly. Yes is not the answer I am looking for. Yes, in fact, could only be the proper answer if you are psychic, and are looking 3 questions ahead to when I ask "Would you like me to cut your head off with a kitten?"
Gravekeeper's Buddies, part 2
I swear to god, not 15 minutes later...
Me: Ok, and what's the credit card number?
SC: Yes.
NO! God damnit, NO! That is not the proper answer to this question! Yes doesn't have any numbers in it, and I need quite a few numbers from you! I realize that your tribe doesn't believe in anything larger than 0, because anything larger than that simply lets you know that it's a number your IQ hasn't reached yet. However, somehow, you still managed to drag your head from the toilet, and bang it on the phone enough times that it dialed my number directly. Thanks for that.
Gravekeeper's Buddies, part 3
Me: Can I get a contact number for your reservation?
SC: No phone.
I swear to god, did Nanavut hold a farking field trip to Denver this week? Or have I finally just burst a blood vessel and this is all a hallucination? Short of that, you are definitely on the phone with me while this conversation is happening. You're not one of the voices in my head. They're telling me to hurt you.
Not an SC, but I blame them anyway.
Day 8 at my new job. It's busy. I'm being trained. Of course this is when my computer would have a meltdown, and I get to spend the rest of the day with my thumb up my ass listening to other people's calls, and not being able to do anything. /sigh
Pick a Person
Me: Thanks for calling yada yada yada.
SC1: Hi, we need a room on date? (Yes, this was a question)
Me: Ok...how many nights?
SC2: (directly into the phone) Tell him 2 nights.
SC1: 2 nights.
Me: (Urge to kill rising.) Ok...our rates are this, and that.
SC2: Ask him if they have parking.
SC1: Do you have parking?
SC2: And ask him if we get breakfast.
SC1: Do you have breakfast?
Me: Yes, yes. (DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE)
SC2: Tell him never mind.
SC1: Never mind.
Simon Says go bang your head forcefully into a wall until whatever goo you call a brain leaks out with whatever you had for dinner last night. I'm not sure what bothers me more, the fact that #1 needed step-by-step instructions to communicate, or that #2 honestly couldn't understand that he was speaking into the phone quite clearly, and that he could have just asked the question himself.
There is a very clear-cut reason why I refer to most of humanity as "walking meat", and these two are very easily helping my definition.
Stoooooooooooop IIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!
Mid-call, we've been going for 3 minutes already.
Me: Ok, and can I get your first name?
SC: We'll just be out there for the wedding, it's my second daughter's wedding, so we're very proud.
Me: Ok, and-
SC: I'm just glad that you can take pets, normally we'd just kennel him, but he's part of the wedding.
Me: Alrig-
SC: Although I wish there wasn't a pet charge, but I guess that's the price to pay with dogs sometimes. He is part of the wedding though, so it's ok.
Me: ...
SC: And blah blah blah...
I actually set down the phone at one point and she just kept talking. I watched the clock for the phone, I sat there for 15 minutes before I got her first name, and it took another 15 minutes to end the damn call since I still needed her credit card info.
YOU PEOPLE ARE MEAT!!!
Co-Worker Woes
CW hangs up her phone, pissed...she says that the person wanted a gift card, but was being a biotch about it. She wanted a gift card that would exactly cover a room with tax, but we don't do that...simply put, rates fluctuate here quite often, and our rates do so quite a bit. This hotel isn't cheap, so sometimes the rates can be $280 for a CHEAP room...but a month later, they may be $220. Hard to say. So, CW told her just that, "our rates fluctuate".
SC: So you don't even know your own rates!?
CW:
She's scary when she's mad...and she's half my size, if that
Gravekeeper's Buddies, Part 4
SC: Do you have a pool?
Me: No, but we do have a 24-hour workout center.
SC: Does it have a pool inside?
Yes, it's inside the bathroom. It's a little small, but don't worry, just hop in and splash around for a bit. From the mental level of this conversation, I think you'll feel right at home.
No.
SC: I want to get a room for 2 nights, can I do that?
Me: What dates would you like?
SC: I'll call in later and give a date, can I just get a room for 2 nights?
Me: ..........we need to have your date of arrival to make a reservation.
SC: Why?
Good point. Why? Hell, let's just throw logic out the window: I just made you a reservation for our most expensive room for 2 weeks ago, for 2 nights. You no-showed, and I've charged your credit card. Thank you for calling, hope you've learned a valuable lesson about specifics.
GK's Buddies, part ARGH!
SC: Do you have a pool?
Me: No.
SC: You don't have a pool?
I almost said yes just to screw with them, but my boss was listening.
Planning, sans.
Me: Ok, would you like your confirmation number!
SC: Oh sure!
Me: The number is-
SC: Oh hold on, I forgot I needed a pen to write it down.
You forgot you needed a pen to write something.
You forgot. You needed. A pen. To write. Something.
I wonder what her Plan A was before the idea of a pen settled into her brain. Sheep's entrails? Blood? Pubic hairs and glue? I swear, even if someone spent about 3 hours beating me over the head with a giant steel rod, I would still remember that I would need a pen to sign the police report about it afterward.
Is this the best you can do?
Let me preface this part a bit; I have a lot of military friends. I have a lot of respect for them, and in fact most people I know from the military are decent, intelligent people. That said, I got a winner today, and if he's ever defending me directly, I'm just going to pee my pants for a year or two.
Me: What nights do you want your reservation for?
SC: Do you have rooms tonight?
Me: Yes, I have this room at this rate, etc.
SC: Ok...can you hold that? My wife's coming in the lobby right now.
Me: O...kay, if you'd like, she can make the reservation at the front desk.
SC: HONEY! THEY SAY YOU CAN MAKE IT AT THE FRONT DESK!
Me: ...............
SC: Ok, so can you hold the room?
Me: Ok...but is she not getting at the front desk.
SC: She might, but I just want to be sure.
I'll stand in the way of stupidity, but only for a limited time. When he started to insist, I finally just made the reservation for him, and it wasn't until I needed a credit card that he realized that we might be making 2 reservations at once. I call down to the front, and sure enough, his wife's been making a reservation too.
/facepalm
Funny thing is...they somehow had a higher rate downstairs than I did upstairs, so they're paying for their stupidity to the tune of about $30 a night. Don't ask me how, I don't know, since their prices should have been the same as mine. I think it's funny though, so screw it.
I actually had more written down, but I can't remember what made the events so bad based on my crappy notes any more, so this is all the pain and suffering you get this week ;p Enjoy my suffering
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