Tweet
ME = ME
BSC = Bat-Sh*t Crazy customer
Me: "Hello Mr. BSC, this is Me from 123stuffstore, and I'm calling in regards to a chargeback we received from your credit card company. We show that you signed for the shipment, and we do not show a return made. Can you inform us why you have requested your funds back on this purchase?"
BSC: "I tried to call and there was no answer."
Me: "Oh, I'm sorry about that, we do have a busy travel schedule in the warm months, you can check our website for our schedule when you need to. However, can you explain why you requested this chargeback?"
BSC: "Like I said, you didn't answer your phone."
Me: "Ok, yessir, I understand that, sorry again, however we have this chargeback form alleging that the credit card charge was fraudulent. Did you in fact place this order and did you in fact receive it?"
BSC: "Yes."
Me: "OK, great. And where are the goods now?"
BSC: "I have them here."
Me: "OK, thanks. And were they received in good condition?"
BSC: "I think so, I never opened the box."
Me: "OK, thanks, now, are you planning to return the goods?"
BSC: "No."
Me: "Ah. OK, well, we'd like to send a service to pick up the goods, will this be acceptable?"
BSC: "No."
Me: "OK, so then I can presume you will be keeping the goods?"
BSC: "Yes."
Me: "Alright, so you want to keep the goods, and you also want your money back?"
BSC: "Yes."
Me: "Well, technically then, that would be theft."
BSC: "I've never stolen anything and never will."
Me: "Um...no, I think this would be the first time, then."
.................................................. ...
ME = ME
BSC2 = Well, you get it
Me: "Hello, 123stuffstore, this is ME, how can I help you?"
BSC2: "I am very unhappy with my product."
Me: "I'm very sorry you are experiencing problems, what exactly is wrong?"
BSC2: "There is a drip in the paint on the front."
Me: "OK, very sorry about that flaw. You say it is only on the front panel?"
BSC2: "Yes, only on the front."
Me: "OK, not a problem, we have a new front panel here ready to ship to you today. I'll just need your name..."
BSC2: "Hold on a minute. I'm very upset."
Me: "OK, very sorry to hear that, let's get your item all fixed up for you. If I can just have your name..."
BSC2: "I prayed very hard for weeks, and I asked Jesus which brand I should buy."
Me: "Excuse me?"
BSC2: "Jesus led me to purchase your product, and now that I'm having problems with it, it's made me question my faith in God."
Me: "Ah. Well. I can tell you that we here at 123stuffstore take our customers' souls very seriously, and we would never want to be responsbile for anyone losing their faith. I'd like to offer you a full and complete refund and get that product back from you so you can re-consider your purchase. Would that be acceptable?"
BSC2: "I guess."
Me: "OK, if I can get your name, first and last...."
..................................
ME
BSC3
Me: "Hello, 123stuffstore, this is ME, how can I help you?"
BSC3: "You sold me a piece of sh*t!"
Me: "Wow, you sound very upset sir, and I'm determined to help you. If I can get your name..."
BSC3: "I don't want your damn run-around. All you guys sound like lawyers."
Me: "OK, we'll get right to work on this for you. If I could have your nam.."
BSC3: "This thing arrived torn, and even if it wasn't torn, it's sh*tty."
Me: "Very sorry to hear that. Let's get this fixed for you, I need to get your first and last..."
BSC3: "I'm so damn tired of ordering sh*t from you and it always shows up broken. Why in hell can't you put it in a better box? And would it kill you to put some paper in there to keep it from getting all beat up?"
Me: "OK, sir, I really want to help, but I need your nam.."
BSC3: "I've spent over $2,000 dollars with you in the last year, and I can't believe I'm still getting these damn crappy shipments."
Me: "SIR. PLEASE. I want to help you. I NEED YOUR NAME."
BSC3: "Bat Sh*tcrazy"
Me: "Ok, let me find you real quick....um, would you perhaps have used a different name for your pruchase? "
BSC3: "Hell no! Can't you even figure that out?"
Me: (Finally dawning on me) "Sir..real quick, can you please look at the product?"
BSC3: "Yeah."
Me: "Can you read me the brand name?"
BSC3: "BestStuff.com"
Me: "OK, thanks. That not our product. That's our competitor. You did not buy that from us. Would you like their phone number?"
BSC3: CLICK
........................
HAHAHA...they drove me crazy a loooong time ago...
BSC = Bat-Sh*t Crazy customer
Me: "Hello Mr. BSC, this is Me from 123stuffstore, and I'm calling in regards to a chargeback we received from your credit card company. We show that you signed for the shipment, and we do not show a return made. Can you inform us why you have requested your funds back on this purchase?"
BSC: "I tried to call and there was no answer."
Me: "Oh, I'm sorry about that, we do have a busy travel schedule in the warm months, you can check our website for our schedule when you need to. However, can you explain why you requested this chargeback?"
BSC: "Like I said, you didn't answer your phone."
Me: "Ok, yessir, I understand that, sorry again, however we have this chargeback form alleging that the credit card charge was fraudulent. Did you in fact place this order and did you in fact receive it?"
BSC: "Yes."
Me: "OK, great. And where are the goods now?"
BSC: "I have them here."
Me: "OK, thanks. And were they received in good condition?"
BSC: "I think so, I never opened the box."
Me: "OK, thanks, now, are you planning to return the goods?"
BSC: "No."
Me: "Ah. OK, well, we'd like to send a service to pick up the goods, will this be acceptable?"
BSC: "No."
Me: "OK, so then I can presume you will be keeping the goods?"
BSC: "Yes."
Me: "Alright, so you want to keep the goods, and you also want your money back?"
BSC: "Yes."
Me: "Well, technically then, that would be theft."
BSC: "I've never stolen anything and never will."
Me: "Um...no, I think this would be the first time, then."
.................................................. ...
ME = ME
BSC2 = Well, you get it
Me: "Hello, 123stuffstore, this is ME, how can I help you?"
BSC2: "I am very unhappy with my product."
Me: "I'm very sorry you are experiencing problems, what exactly is wrong?"
BSC2: "There is a drip in the paint on the front."
Me: "OK, very sorry about that flaw. You say it is only on the front panel?"
BSC2: "Yes, only on the front."
Me: "OK, not a problem, we have a new front panel here ready to ship to you today. I'll just need your name..."
BSC2: "Hold on a minute. I'm very upset."
Me: "OK, very sorry to hear that, let's get your item all fixed up for you. If I can just have your name..."
BSC2: "I prayed very hard for weeks, and I asked Jesus which brand I should buy."
Me: "Excuse me?"
BSC2: "Jesus led me to purchase your product, and now that I'm having problems with it, it's made me question my faith in God."
Me: "Ah. Well. I can tell you that we here at 123stuffstore take our customers' souls very seriously, and we would never want to be responsbile for anyone losing their faith. I'd like to offer you a full and complete refund and get that product back from you so you can re-consider your purchase. Would that be acceptable?"
BSC2: "I guess."
Me: "OK, if I can get your name, first and last...."
..................................
ME
BSC3
Me: "Hello, 123stuffstore, this is ME, how can I help you?"
BSC3: "You sold me a piece of sh*t!"
Me: "Wow, you sound very upset sir, and I'm determined to help you. If I can get your name..."
BSC3: "I don't want your damn run-around. All you guys sound like lawyers."
Me: "OK, we'll get right to work on this for you. If I could have your nam.."
BSC3: "This thing arrived torn, and even if it wasn't torn, it's sh*tty."
Me: "Very sorry to hear that. Let's get this fixed for you, I need to get your first and last..."
BSC3: "I'm so damn tired of ordering sh*t from you and it always shows up broken. Why in hell can't you put it in a better box? And would it kill you to put some paper in there to keep it from getting all beat up?"
Me: "OK, sir, I really want to help, but I need your nam.."
BSC3: "I've spent over $2,000 dollars with you in the last year, and I can't believe I'm still getting these damn crappy shipments."
Me: "SIR. PLEASE. I want to help you. I NEED YOUR NAME."
BSC3: "Bat Sh*tcrazy"
Me: "Ok, let me find you real quick....um, would you perhaps have used a different name for your pruchase? "
BSC3: "Hell no! Can't you even figure that out?"
Me: (Finally dawning on me) "Sir..real quick, can you please look at the product?"
BSC3: "Yeah."
Me: "Can you read me the brand name?"
BSC3: "BestStuff.com"
Me: "OK, thanks. That not our product. That's our competitor. You did not buy that from us. Would you like their phone number?"
BSC3: CLICK
........................
HAHAHA...they drove me crazy a loooong time ago...
Almost, almost broke rule #1. Fortunately, my coffee's still a little too hot to drink and I put it down before I got to that part. 
rb
to yourself.)
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