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An archetypical SC type: Nattering NayBob of Negativity (epic)
Most auto shop customers don't want to hear the details about their repairs even if you TRY to tell them, which works well for us because we are car-people, not people-people, so we like to spend the hours of our days working with CARS. This is what most people intuitively realize that they want from their mechanic. Over 20 years in this business has shown me that if a mechanic enjoys talking a lot to customers, he's probably not very good at repairing, and he DEFINITELY spends way less time ON YOUR CAR for the dollar.
Nattering NayBob of Negativity not only wants his mechanic and staff to spend way over an hour JUST TALKING, and on top of that, is the type of person who exclusively uses the negative in every question and statement. He's not at all afraid to judge his mechanic by how long he talks, instead of how much he works on cars in a day.
Naybob is a new or not-very-regular customer who DOES spend a decent amount of money on the car, but unfortunately demarks the highest point on the bell curve of customer nitpickiness.
NayBob usually blindsides you by being only slightly more questioning than average when dropping off the car, and when you call him after the exam to explain the work and costs needed. When he comes to pick up the car, the mask is off, and his wife is along to tag-team.
First they want to look over the vehicle before even going into the office, in fact that's how he responds to your greeting. There is a whole game to it, you learn to let them go out to the car alone unless you think they're the type that would drive off without paying. The husband walks to the front of the car while the wife gets in and starts it. The wife complains about the slight smudge, which is garden-dirt not mechanic-grease and was under the middle of the plastic courtesy floormat that I just removed. The husband asks what all the normal engine noises are in turn, that you normally don't hear from inside the car where you always otherwise are while the engine is running.
Next, they want a printout of the invoice before paying, and go over each and every line with you, including the sales tax. Then he wants to see the old parts, which is fine by itself, I wish more customers would actually but they usually rebuff my efforts to show them. However, NayBob wants to critque them!
NayBob: "These cracks in the timing belt don't look too big... I don't drive very much."
Me: We did it because the tensioners were noisy.
NayBob: "How noisy are they?"
Me: "You brought the car in because you said you could hear the noise from the driver seat."
NayBob: But it's my wife's car.
Mrs. NayBob: It only started doing it...
Me: Thinking WTF... you brought the car in because of the noise, and agreed to the repairs and costs before work began. Spin tensioners for customer by hand. They make a harsh whirrr. Spin a brand new one, it is silent.
NayBob: That doesn't sound very loud.
Me: "They sound like old roller skates at 50RPM, the engine spins them up to 5000+RPM sir. "
NayBob: "Oh, well I never take it up on the freeway though."
Mrs. NayBob: "We usually only drive this car when we're going around town, or to the store."
Me: See that one in the display case in pieces Sir? That guy ignored the noise and it cost him over $4000 for the engine.
NayBob: "I only paid about $5000 for it, and that was about 2 and a half years ago blah blah blah blah....."
Me: (Still trying to get a positive statement of any kind from NayBob) Well, we saved the $4000 engine in your $5000 car for less than $500 today which was less than other shops quoted you for the same work; now you can enjoy the car.
NayBob: I'm thinking of getting rid of it.
Mrs. NayBob: We got a new car... we don't drive it much.
Me: Thinking, but you brought it to my shop anyway for the noise. GRRRR!
Even PAYING gets drawn way out. He finally asks how much so you tell him. He gets out his credit card but holds on to it and asks a couple of questions. Then he gives you the card and asks a couple of questions. Then he takes the card, slip and pen from you and holds on to it while he asks a couple of questions. Then he signs it but holds on to it while asking a couple of questions. You find yourself actively resisting the temptation to snatch it from his fingers with a fwisk. Finally he hands you back the signed credit card slip and takes the final invoice, with his copy of the card slip long since stapled to it, then flips up the card slip to start going over the invoice line by line AGAIN!
You manage to stop the process by walking away and out to the car. Having seen no gameworthy need to continue going over the invoice with the hapless service manager once you left the office, he's right behind you as you stand up from removing the floormat, but he ignores the proffered key and walks around to the front of the car and says open the hood. He takes a long time finding the secondary latch, proving that he doesn't get under his hood himself ever, then wants to go over the repairs again. If you had gone out to the car with him when he arrived and gone over everything, the following conversation would still be exactly the same, as if the first had never happened. Nattering NayBob is not listening to you, he's engaging you, perhaps to feel he's getting his moneys worth, more likely because he has nothing better to do.
NayBob: "So where is the timing belt?"
Me: Under this black cover.
NayBob: "Yeah. (pause.) So it was really bad, then, right?"
Me: We told you the tensioners were noisy because the last mechanic didn't change them with the belt, and YOU could hear the noise.
NayBob: "So where are the timing belt tensioners?" (peers at opposite, transmission side of engine compartment)
Me: Under this same black cover where the timing belt is Sir.
NayBob: Bent down, he pivots across engine compartment to 12" from timing cover. "Is that gap supposed to be there?"
Me: Yes, that's the way the plastic is. (push on cover to demonstrate that 1/32 gap along 2 inches of cover edge closes when pushed lightly upon, and opens right back up when released.
NayBob: "Why is that all LOOSE???"
Me:Explain that cover has only one bolt and then just plastic tabs holding it, and I don't like selling my customers $200 extra worth of covers that I wouldn't change on my own car while I start to close the hood toward his head so he has to step back.
NayBob: Now just slightly patronising. "Okay, we better let you go... we know you're busy."
At the busiest part of the day, when all the working stiffs are picking up their cars all at once, wanting nothing but to GTFO and get home just as quick as possible, retired NayBob calls up with a whiny nonsensical complaint, demanding to speak with the owner (me), and when told multiple times he's not even HERE right now which was true, goes on about something you can't figure WTF it has to do with the work..."The clip? You know, the clip that holds up the carpet? (WTF?!? ) They took it off! No, I don't want to come down there [so you can even see WTF I mean].... can't you just mail me the part? I'm very disappointed... "
NOTHING we did on the car that day had anything to do with the carpet, and the carpet doesn't have clips holding it... that's why, Mr. NayBob, we were so deadpan at your use of the magical SC claim of disappointment.
Nattering NayBob of Negativity not only wants his mechanic and staff to spend way over an hour JUST TALKING, and on top of that, is the type of person who exclusively uses the negative in every question and statement. He's not at all afraid to judge his mechanic by how long he talks, instead of how much he works on cars in a day.
Naybob is a new or not-very-regular customer who DOES spend a decent amount of money on the car, but unfortunately demarks the highest point on the bell curve of customer nitpickiness.
NayBob usually blindsides you by being only slightly more questioning than average when dropping off the car, and when you call him after the exam to explain the work and costs needed. When he comes to pick up the car, the mask is off, and his wife is along to tag-team.
First they want to look over the vehicle before even going into the office, in fact that's how he responds to your greeting. There is a whole game to it, you learn to let them go out to the car alone unless you think they're the type that would drive off without paying. The husband walks to the front of the car while the wife gets in and starts it. The wife complains about the slight smudge, which is garden-dirt not mechanic-grease and was under the middle of the plastic courtesy floormat that I just removed. The husband asks what all the normal engine noises are in turn, that you normally don't hear from inside the car where you always otherwise are while the engine is running.
Next, they want a printout of the invoice before paying, and go over each and every line with you, including the sales tax. Then he wants to see the old parts, which is fine by itself, I wish more customers would actually but they usually rebuff my efforts to show them. However, NayBob wants to critque them!
NayBob: "These cracks in the timing belt don't look too big... I don't drive very much."
Me: We did it because the tensioners were noisy.
NayBob: "How noisy are they?"
Me: "You brought the car in because you said you could hear the noise from the driver seat."
NayBob: But it's my wife's car.
Mrs. NayBob: It only started doing it...
Me: Thinking WTF... you brought the car in because of the noise, and agreed to the repairs and costs before work began. Spin tensioners for customer by hand. They make a harsh whirrr. Spin a brand new one, it is silent.
NayBob: That doesn't sound very loud.
Me: "They sound like old roller skates at 50RPM, the engine spins them up to 5000+RPM sir. "
NayBob: "Oh, well I never take it up on the freeway though."
Mrs. NayBob: "We usually only drive this car when we're going around town, or to the store."
Me: See that one in the display case in pieces Sir? That guy ignored the noise and it cost him over $4000 for the engine.
NayBob: "I only paid about $5000 for it, and that was about 2 and a half years ago blah blah blah blah....."
Me: (Still trying to get a positive statement of any kind from NayBob) Well, we saved the $4000 engine in your $5000 car for less than $500 today which was less than other shops quoted you for the same work; now you can enjoy the car.
NayBob: I'm thinking of getting rid of it.
Mrs. NayBob: We got a new car... we don't drive it much.
Me: Thinking, but you brought it to my shop anyway for the noise. GRRRR!
Even PAYING gets drawn way out. He finally asks how much so you tell him. He gets out his credit card but holds on to it and asks a couple of questions. Then he gives you the card and asks a couple of questions. Then he takes the card, slip and pen from you and holds on to it while he asks a couple of questions. Then he signs it but holds on to it while asking a couple of questions. You find yourself actively resisting the temptation to snatch it from his fingers with a fwisk. Finally he hands you back the signed credit card slip and takes the final invoice, with his copy of the card slip long since stapled to it, then flips up the card slip to start going over the invoice line by line AGAIN!
You manage to stop the process by walking away and out to the car. Having seen no gameworthy need to continue going over the invoice with the hapless service manager once you left the office, he's right behind you as you stand up from removing the floormat, but he ignores the proffered key and walks around to the front of the car and says open the hood. He takes a long time finding the secondary latch, proving that he doesn't get under his hood himself ever, then wants to go over the repairs again. If you had gone out to the car with him when he arrived and gone over everything, the following conversation would still be exactly the same, as if the first had never happened. Nattering NayBob is not listening to you, he's engaging you, perhaps to feel he's getting his moneys worth, more likely because he has nothing better to do.
NayBob: "So where is the timing belt?"
Me: Under this black cover.
NayBob: "Yeah. (pause.) So it was really bad, then, right?"
Me: We told you the tensioners were noisy because the last mechanic didn't change them with the belt, and YOU could hear the noise.
NayBob: "So where are the timing belt tensioners?" (peers at opposite, transmission side of engine compartment)
Me: Under this same black cover where the timing belt is Sir.
NayBob: Bent down, he pivots across engine compartment to 12" from timing cover. "Is that gap supposed to be there?"
Me: Yes, that's the way the plastic is. (push on cover to demonstrate that 1/32 gap along 2 inches of cover edge closes when pushed lightly upon, and opens right back up when released.
NayBob: "Why is that all LOOSE???"
Me:Explain that cover has only one bolt and then just plastic tabs holding it, and I don't like selling my customers $200 extra worth of covers that I wouldn't change on my own car while I start to close the hood toward his head so he has to step back.
NayBob: Now just slightly patronising. "Okay, we better let you go... we know you're busy."
At the busiest part of the day, when all the working stiffs are picking up their cars all at once, wanting nothing but to GTFO and get home just as quick as possible, retired NayBob calls up with a whiny nonsensical complaint, demanding to speak with the owner (me), and when told multiple times he's not even HERE right now which was true, goes on about something you can't figure WTF it has to do with the work..."The clip? You know, the clip that holds up the carpet? (WTF?!? ) They took it off! No, I don't want to come down there [so you can even see WTF I mean].... can't you just mail me the part? I'm very disappointed... "
NOTHING we did on the car that day had anything to do with the carpet, and the carpet doesn't have clips holding it... that's why, Mr. NayBob, we were so deadpan at your use of the magical SC claim of disappointment.
For those not familiar with catchphrases from early '70s American politics. 
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