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...and couldn't even post. That's right...2 weeks ago was so bad, I forgot to take notes...and literally everything blended together into a massive shit pile. YEESH!
This week...well, I took better notes. Entruant left...
/sigh
SC: Can I get a check-in at 10:30am if I make the reservation?
Me: We can put in a request for you, but we can't guarantee that until the morning of arrival.
SC: Why not?
Me: Since we don't know when people will leave their rooms the night before, it's impossible to guarantee it. We can hold your luggage until check-in though.
SC: Oh, ok.
5 minutes later...
SC: Ok, I'll see you at 10:30!
Me: Alright sir...just remember to call the front desk to make sure they can accommodate your early check-in.
SC: But I HAVE to know if I have the room, I'm taking a bus there from Pueblo (a few hours away).
Me: Ok...like I'd said earlier sir, we can't guarantee that until the day you arrive.
SC: Well then I need to cancel and find someone who can guarantee it.
Me:
So I cancel his reservations, knowing full well that NO ONE in downtown will guarantee him that early check-in unless he buys an extra night before and arrives in the morning...thus paying for a night he doesn't use. Sure enough, I overhear a CW about 30 minutes later...making a new reservation for him. She gets to the end, and tells him the same thing...and he cancels again!
He then calls back 2 hours later and makes the reservation...it finally stuck the third time.
Fucker.
My Inner Monologue Sums You Up Quite Nicely
It loses some splendor without this dickhead's tone of voice...use your imagination.
Me: How can I help you.
SC: Room. Get me a room.
Me: *flat, unfriendly stare at the phone* For what dates.
SC: Just put it on this day, 2 days, 2 adults, non-smoking, this company rate, give me the king, don't give me the details.
Me: *stare becoming unfriendlier by the second* .............
SC: .......
Me: What's your name, sir? (By sir, I mean Prick)
SC: Rude asshole
Me: Address? (Prick)
SC: xxxx
Me: Phone number? (Prick)
SC: xxx-xxx-xxxx
Etc etc. Everything he said was in a short, angry tone of voice, and I did not use my "friendly voice" with him. I didn't try to kill him yet though, honest!
Prick via e-mail!? Wotthehell wotthehell...
I've seen a lot in my years...yet somehow, I never got a prick via e-mail. Then I got this gem. Identifying info's been removed ;p:
>> I have been trying to reserve a (room type) 1 king bed @ $rate
>> for two people for one night on Thursday August 20 away from the
>> elevator
>> and your reservations page keeps saying
>>
>> either "country missing" when no country is required (I live in
>> California, which IS in the USA)
>>
>> or "if you are trying to use a something-or-the-other-card and your
>> preferences do not match what is in the database then you have to
>> re-enter
>> your name yada yada"
>> but I am NOT trying to use your stupid card so there is no way my
>> preferences fail to match because I have never given you my preferences,
>> and after this experience I never will.
>>
>> After this many years you should have a website that works!! You need a
>> new webmaster!
>>
>> Make me a reservation!
>>
>> And a reservation for in the restaurant for 7:30 pm on the 20th.
>> (wrong restaurant name), right?
He fails in 2 ways...first, I found out it was giving him the country error because he only marked California, ignoring the menu where it says "COUNTRY REQUIRED", he wouldn't just mark the US. It would have solved his problem. The second fail comes from his "preference" complaint...that wasn't an error. All it's saying is that if he's a member of the program, it would save his info and he needs to retype it to be sure it takes.
That said, he did get some small redemption later when I called him, and he had done the 180 on the niceness scale, so I only mostly hate him.
No.
Me: Unfortunately, we are fully booked for both of those nights.
SC: Could you switch some people around and get me a room?
I know I'm going to regret this, but I'm going to try and venture into your mind to figure out how this works mathematically. Ah, ok, I'm inside your mind...everything here is technicolor, and there are unicorns hopping all around me! And friendly little bunnies! OH LOOK, THERE'S GROVER! HI GROVER!!! SAY HI TO BIG BIRD FOR ME! Ok, now, where was I? Oh yeah, we were finding you a room. Now, the Big Mean Hotel Guy says that there are no rooms left in the hotel for me! I know...we'll have him re-arrange people in rooms, and put them right back into those rooms. By process of elimination, if we do this long enough, maybe he will find a cardboard box that he hasn't soaked in excrement that he can use to build me a room! Yeah! That's it! Oh Oscar, you're so grouchy! OH LOOK, PRETTY PRETTY PENGUINS!!! WEEEEEEEEEEE!
Oh, sorry...I think I blacked out there for a second. What was I talking about?
/facepalm
Me: Alright, can I get your credit card number?
SC: Yes, it's xxxx-xxxx-xxxx.
Me: ......
SC: ......
Me: ......
SC: Oh, did you need the last four numbers?
No ma'am, I'm sure that if God wanted me to have those numbers, he would have miracled them to me by now. Can't you please run along and find me an adult? It seems like you need someone to change your litter box.
Unfortunately, I do.
Me: What credit card would you like to use?
SC: I don't care.
I don't even have words for this, other than to note that we really need a facepalm emoticon. In fact, I'm going to google one up. This will seem really fast to all of you. The power of reading's amazing, innit?
There we go. I'll find something else later. Back to the topic...you don't care!? Eh, too late. I lost my rhythm. Let's just imagine I called him a jacktard and move on, shall we?
Would you stop that!?
Me: Ok, what dates would you-
SC: I'm traveling with Boeing.
Me: Ok, what dates are-
SC: There'll just be me in the room.
Me: When are you arr-
SC: Do you have a room with a king bed?
Me: For what dates!?
SC: Oh, for (sold out day).
Oh thank you sir...I was getting off to a bad start, but you probably just saved me the airfare to sneak up on you and butcher you with a machete. If you had kept interrupting me for a whole reservation process, I'm pretty sure that would have been the least of my responses.
I used to be such a nice guy too. You all don't think I'm psychotic...do you!?
O...kay then...
Me: Alright...can I get the last name?
SC: Xxxxx
Me: And the first name?
SC: *click*
Uh...well, ok then. It wasn't a disconnection, since I actually heard her hang up...well, thank god that's over, right?
Ah crap.
Supervisor: Hey Khiras, were you talking to a (woman)?
Me: Yes, but she hung up so I closed her reservation...I'm on another call now.
Sup: K, I'll take care of her.
(Moments later)
Sup: She hung up on me too!
She called back 6 times, hung up on us every time we asked for a first name...then finally on her 9th call, made the whole reservation.
Where was that facepalm again?
What?
Me: Alright, and how many nights will you be staying with us in September?
SC: Zero?
Incorrect! Especially since your default reset itself back to "Oh, 2 nights!" seconds later. Perhaps someone should explain the concept of a hotel to you...I'll send someone who can make it simple. Probably someone who will do the explaining via a sock puppet theater.
Mental Collosus This One Is
Me: Ok, can I get your phone number?
SC: You mean my phone number?
No, I mean the results from your last colonoscopy. I hear it was a real knuckle grinder. HAR HAR! I crack myself up.
Kill me.
Okay then, moving right along
SC: Is the city safe?
Me: Well, Denver is a big city, so it's like any other...
SC: Well, I am in Chicago...we're the #1 city for murder cases in the US!
Me: Er...ok...um...well, just stay out of dark areas and alleys at night...
...and please come no closer than 100 feet of my position at any time. I heard something in your voice when you told me that. What was it?
It sounded like pride. Admiring your handiwork, eh?
FAIL
SC: I need to book a room, I have a Friends and Family note?
Me: A...note? Ok...er...what does it say on it?
SC: It says I get a family rate.
Me: *sigh* No sir, I mean does it give you a code? Or give you a specific hotel chain? I need to identify it to give you that rate.
SC: It's for Marriott.
Me: (What the fuck? That's wrong in like three places...) Marriott? Sir, this is the (not even remotely Marriott).
SC: No, it's for there...I was actually there last week, but I forgot to use it for my birthday, so I want to use it now.
Me: O...kay...er, does it say it's part of a (partnership chain)? What exactly does it say for the form?
SC: It says Marriott up top.
Me: Does it say anything else??
SC: It says "this form allows the presenter to receive a Marriott Hotels friends and family rate at any Marriott hotel property with no expiration date."
Me: Ok...well that's only going to work for a Marriott hotel...we're not even remotely associated with them.
SC: But this is where I stayed last week!
Me: That may be sir...but we can't accept a Friends and Family rate for another hotel chain.
SC: Why not?
Me: Because...we're not part of their chain. You're a friend or family member of their chain, not ours!
SC: Really?
Me: Do you know anyone who works at (not a farking Marriott)?
SC: No?
Me: Then that's why not, sir.
God, I need a really...REALLY stiff drink...
Why me?
SC: I...er........I've been...transferred a few.....uh times.........and they sent me to you.
They? Who is they? An abortion clinic? The government? Your psychiatrist? Because I probably can't help you with any of those things right now. I'm just here to book your room.
SC: I wanted to......well I need to book....the package for....you have the spa.
I'm not really exaggerating at this point...every sentence was broken up with multiple gaps and stumbling blocks. I honestly picture the inside of his brain as a track runner on the hurdles section...but every time he just lowers his head and plows into the hurdle, knocking himself silly every 10 feet. Those result in said gaps.
SC: They booked...I got a room.......and they sent me down.......but they were like.....oh you need the front desk reservations?
Who is they, and who is the other they? Who the hell are you!? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, DEMON!?!?!?
Me: Ok...did you have a reservation?
SC: Yes?
Sigh...ok, let's do some digging. Ok, somehow he got our off-site reservations, and they somehow booked him to the spa? No idea how...then they sent him back up here because he's a frigging idiot. Thanks guys!
Me: Ok...I found your reservation, and added the package. Let me connect you back down to the spa, and I'll explain to them what you need to do.
SC: Oh..............ok?
Me: Yes, ok. Have a nice day!
Begone, brain sucker!!!
And for god's sake, tell the runner he's supposed to jump! I don't think he can take much more abuse if you actually try to have a though again this week.
And rest.
This week...well, I took better notes. Entruant left...
/sigh
SC: Can I get a check-in at 10:30am if I make the reservation?
Me: We can put in a request for you, but we can't guarantee that until the morning of arrival.
SC: Why not?
Me: Since we don't know when people will leave their rooms the night before, it's impossible to guarantee it. We can hold your luggage until check-in though.
SC: Oh, ok.
5 minutes later...
SC: Ok, I'll see you at 10:30!
Me: Alright sir...just remember to call the front desk to make sure they can accommodate your early check-in.
SC: But I HAVE to know if I have the room, I'm taking a bus there from Pueblo (a few hours away).
Me: Ok...like I'd said earlier sir, we can't guarantee that until the day you arrive.
SC: Well then I need to cancel and find someone who can guarantee it.
Me:
So I cancel his reservations, knowing full well that NO ONE in downtown will guarantee him that early check-in unless he buys an extra night before and arrives in the morning...thus paying for a night he doesn't use. Sure enough, I overhear a CW about 30 minutes later...making a new reservation for him. She gets to the end, and tells him the same thing...and he cancels again!
He then calls back 2 hours later and makes the reservation...it finally stuck the third time.
Fucker.
My Inner Monologue Sums You Up Quite Nicely
It loses some splendor without this dickhead's tone of voice...use your imagination.
Me: How can I help you.
SC: Room. Get me a room.
Me: *flat, unfriendly stare at the phone* For what dates.
SC: Just put it on this day, 2 days, 2 adults, non-smoking, this company rate, give me the king, don't give me the details.
Me: *stare becoming unfriendlier by the second* .............
SC: .......
Me: What's your name, sir? (By sir, I mean Prick)
SC: Rude asshole
Me: Address? (Prick)
SC: xxxx
Me: Phone number? (Prick)
SC: xxx-xxx-xxxx
Etc etc. Everything he said was in a short, angry tone of voice, and I did not use my "friendly voice" with him. I didn't try to kill him yet though, honest!
Prick via e-mail!? Wotthehell wotthehell...
I've seen a lot in my years...yet somehow, I never got a prick via e-mail. Then I got this gem. Identifying info's been removed ;p:
>> I have been trying to reserve a (room type) 1 king bed @ $rate
>> for two people for one night on Thursday August 20 away from the
>> elevator
>> and your reservations page keeps saying
>>
>> either "country missing" when no country is required (I live in
>> California, which IS in the USA)
>>
>> or "if you are trying to use a something-or-the-other-card and your
>> preferences do not match what is in the database then you have to
>> re-enter
>> your name yada yada"
>> but I am NOT trying to use your stupid card so there is no way my
>> preferences fail to match because I have never given you my preferences,
>> and after this experience I never will.
>>
>> After this many years you should have a website that works!! You need a
>> new webmaster!
>>
>> Make me a reservation!
>>
>> And a reservation for in the restaurant for 7:30 pm on the 20th.
>> (wrong restaurant name), right?
He fails in 2 ways...first, I found out it was giving him the country error because he only marked California, ignoring the menu where it says "COUNTRY REQUIRED", he wouldn't just mark the US. It would have solved his problem. The second fail comes from his "preference" complaint...that wasn't an error. All it's saying is that if he's a member of the program, it would save his info and he needs to retype it to be sure it takes.
That said, he did get some small redemption later when I called him, and he had done the 180 on the niceness scale, so I only mostly hate him.
No.
Me: Unfortunately, we are fully booked for both of those nights.
SC: Could you switch some people around and get me a room?
I know I'm going to regret this, but I'm going to try and venture into your mind to figure out how this works mathematically. Ah, ok, I'm inside your mind...everything here is technicolor, and there are unicorns hopping all around me! And friendly little bunnies! OH LOOK, THERE'S GROVER! HI GROVER!!! SAY HI TO BIG BIRD FOR ME! Ok, now, where was I? Oh yeah, we were finding you a room. Now, the Big Mean Hotel Guy says that there are no rooms left in the hotel for me! I know...we'll have him re-arrange people in rooms, and put them right back into those rooms. By process of elimination, if we do this long enough, maybe he will find a cardboard box that he hasn't soaked in excrement that he can use to build me a room! Yeah! That's it! Oh Oscar, you're so grouchy! OH LOOK, PRETTY PRETTY PENGUINS!!! WEEEEEEEEEEE!
Oh, sorry...I think I blacked out there for a second. What was I talking about?
/facepalm
Me: Alright, can I get your credit card number?
SC: Yes, it's xxxx-xxxx-xxxx.
Me: ......
SC: ......
Me: ......
SC: Oh, did you need the last four numbers?
No ma'am, I'm sure that if God wanted me to have those numbers, he would have miracled them to me by now. Can't you please run along and find me an adult? It seems like you need someone to change your litter box.
Unfortunately, I do.
Me: What credit card would you like to use?
SC: I don't care.
I don't even have words for this, other than to note that we really need a facepalm emoticon. In fact, I'm going to google one up. This will seem really fast to all of you. The power of reading's amazing, innit?
There we go. I'll find something else later. Back to the topic...you don't care!? Eh, too late. I lost my rhythm. Let's just imagine I called him a jacktard and move on, shall we?
Would you stop that!?
Me: Ok, what dates would you-
SC: I'm traveling with Boeing.
Me: Ok, what dates are-
SC: There'll just be me in the room.
Me: When are you arr-
SC: Do you have a room with a king bed?
Me: For what dates!?
SC: Oh, for (sold out day).
Oh thank you sir...I was getting off to a bad start, but you probably just saved me the airfare to sneak up on you and butcher you with a machete. If you had kept interrupting me for a whole reservation process, I'm pretty sure that would have been the least of my responses.I used to be such a nice guy too. You all don't think I'm psychotic...do you!?
O...kay then...
Me: Alright...can I get the last name?
SC: Xxxxx
Me: And the first name?
SC: *click*
Uh...well, ok then. It wasn't a disconnection, since I actually heard her hang up...well, thank god that's over, right?
Ah crap.
Supervisor: Hey Khiras, were you talking to a (woman)?
Me: Yes, but she hung up so I closed her reservation...I'm on another call now.
Sup: K, I'll take care of her.
(Moments later)
Sup: She hung up on me too!
She called back 6 times, hung up on us every time we asked for a first name...then finally on her 9th call, made the whole reservation.
Where was that facepalm again?
What?
Me: Alright, and how many nights will you be staying with us in September?
SC: Zero?
Incorrect! Especially since your default reset itself back to "Oh, 2 nights!" seconds later. Perhaps someone should explain the concept of a hotel to you...I'll send someone who can make it simple. Probably someone who will do the explaining via a sock puppet theater.
Mental Collosus This One Is
Me: Ok, can I get your phone number?
SC: You mean my phone number?
No, I mean the results from your last colonoscopy. I hear it was a real knuckle grinder. HAR HAR! I crack myself up.
Kill me.
Okay then, moving right along
SC: Is the city safe?
Me: Well, Denver is a big city, so it's like any other...
SC: Well, I am in Chicago...we're the #1 city for murder cases in the US!
Me: Er...ok...um...well, just stay out of dark areas and alleys at night...
...and please come no closer than 100 feet of my position at any time. I heard something in your voice when you told me that. What was it?
It sounded like pride. Admiring your handiwork, eh?
FAIL
SC: I need to book a room, I have a Friends and Family note?
Me: A...note? Ok...er...what does it say on it?
SC: It says I get a family rate.
Me: *sigh* No sir, I mean does it give you a code? Or give you a specific hotel chain? I need to identify it to give you that rate.
SC: It's for Marriott.
Me: (What the fuck? That's wrong in like three places...) Marriott? Sir, this is the (not even remotely Marriott).
SC: No, it's for there...I was actually there last week, but I forgot to use it for my birthday, so I want to use it now.
Me: O...kay...er, does it say it's part of a (partnership chain)? What exactly does it say for the form?
SC: It says Marriott up top.
Me: Does it say anything else??
SC: It says "this form allows the presenter to receive a Marriott Hotels friends and family rate at any Marriott hotel property with no expiration date."
Me: Ok...well that's only going to work for a Marriott hotel...we're not even remotely associated with them.
SC: But this is where I stayed last week!
Me: That may be sir...but we can't accept a Friends and Family rate for another hotel chain.
SC: Why not?
Me: Because...we're not part of their chain. You're a friend or family member of their chain, not ours!
SC: Really?
Me: Do you know anyone who works at (not a farking Marriott)?
SC: No?
Me: Then that's why not, sir.
God, I need a really...REALLY stiff drink...
Why me?
SC: I...er........I've been...transferred a few.....uh times.........and they sent me to you.
They? Who is they? An abortion clinic? The government? Your psychiatrist? Because I probably can't help you with any of those things right now. I'm just here to book your room.
SC: I wanted to......well I need to book....the package for....you have the spa.
I'm not really exaggerating at this point...every sentence was broken up with multiple gaps and stumbling blocks. I honestly picture the inside of his brain as a track runner on the hurdles section...but every time he just lowers his head and plows into the hurdle, knocking himself silly every 10 feet. Those result in said gaps.
SC: They booked...I got a room.......and they sent me down.......but they were like.....oh you need the front desk reservations?
Who is they, and who is the other they? Who the hell are you!? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, DEMON!?!?!?
Me: Ok...did you have a reservation?
SC: Yes?
Sigh...ok, let's do some digging. Ok, somehow he got our off-site reservations, and they somehow booked him to the spa? No idea how...then they sent him back up here because he's a frigging idiot. Thanks guys!
Me: Ok...I found your reservation, and added the package. Let me connect you back down to the spa, and I'll explain to them what you need to do.
SC: Oh..............ok?
Me: Yes, ok. Have a nice day!
Begone, brain sucker!!!
And for god's sake, tell the runner he's supposed to jump! I don't think he can take much more abuse if you actually try to have a though again this week.
And rest.
and at this point, I think I can put you on the same level as GK.
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