[Very NSFW] It helps if you know what you want sugar.

[Golden Phoenix]

VERY NSFW! You have been warned!!! (posting this has already been cleared as OK)

I was gonna write this in my "gospel according to" style but considering the subject matter, better not

I work as a "phone actress" on the side of my day job. I do it from home, pays decent and a nice extra bonus.

Here's where i shatter the fantasies: I work from home after getting in from my office job, I'm usually in my ratty dressing gown [robe] reading CS while a cat is purring away in my lap. That's not a vibrator you can hear, it's my electric toothbrush and sometimes if I'm bored or tired that won't be me making the noises, I've gotten inventive with some sound effects these days, failing that xtube has everything i need.

Now, gentlemen, when you call something like this please have an idea what you want to be doing.

If you call the Domination line and ask to be humiliated, don't refuse to do any of the things i tell you to because it'll "make [you] look silly". What the flying spaghetti monster did you did you think "humiliation" meant? For that matter going "I'll do anything mistress" is not only stupid it's also boring. Not my callers thankfully but these types show up a lot.

No i won't pretend you're raping me.

If you call on the fetish line and i ask "what are you in to?" Replying "dunno" or "everything really" will cause me to begin a rather intense scat-fantasy scenario. Buyer beware. (Don't google that term if you don't know what it means, you'd rather not know)

No i will not pretend I'm shagging a dog.

Don't call me up to tell me I'm a whore for doing this kind of work. You will simply amuse me, and I'm getting paid for the pleasure of laughing at you.

No i won't pretend I'm your sister.

If your tastes are unusual don't bumble round the subject, i will get impatient. Chances are good I've seen it, done a call for it and been thoroughly unimpressed by it. Nothing bothers me these days.

No i won't pretend I'm 13 years old, stop calling me!

Don't ask to meet with me...do you honestly think I'm gonna meet with some random guy who just paid £1.50 a minute to pretend he's jerking off into my high heels?

More to come as i encounter them.

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

You know, I've always wondered about that line of work. Ever since my boss when I was 17 said I had a good voice for It.

You must have some crazy fun stories. XD

[Golden Phoenix]

I'm realtively new to it. But you can be sure that as soona s i get them, they'll be on here!

Did have a guy last night who kept asking me to scream at him... random.

[WhiteRose]

i thought about doing it before I got a job at wal-mart...i was THIS close ** to doing it, but then wal-mart called and I thought it'd be a better decision to go with steady pay from a work-industry where not much talent is required....

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

I dunno. I think it might be fun. Give me ideas for kinky fanfiction at least.

[Anakah]

Does it pay good? My co worker keeps telling me she'd like to do something like that. Sadly I lack the phone skills since I tend to talk too fast and stutter a bit. I bet you have some interesting stories though.

[Golden Phoenix]

45 minutes has netted me a couple of pence shy of £8, so not bad really. Because i work full time at my other job i'm not a particularly high earner, but i won't complain at extra cash!

A bit of practice ans you'd be fine Anakah. If your co-worker want some more info just yell.

[Aethian]

I did that once...company I was working for had to strict of rules and I could never get vacation time. Made just about a grand before I decided I couldn't take it and some of the mental pictures anymore. One guy liked me...kept calling just for me...he was into...erm...cadaver sex. *shivers*

[spark]

He he he. Oh man! I could never do that. Not because the stuff people would want would freak me out (I'm into some bizarre things myself (and no, I won't say what, that's between me and my boyfriend.)) but just because I'd have too hard of a time not laughing at people.

[friendofjimmyk]

No i will not pretend I'm shagging a dog.

No i won't pretend I'm your sister.

No i won't pretend I'm 13 years old, stop calling me!
.

When I did it, there were 8 very specific rules. The three things you mentioned above were absolutely positively off limits. Incest, molestation, beastiality, and necrophilia are the only four I can remember. I can't remember the other four.

If a man wanted to fantasize about a young girl...you had to make it a point that you were an 18 year old college girl...any younger than that and you were to direct the conversation to another direction. You were to avoid hanging up on them...of course - you were to redirect the conversation. If you were unable to redirect...then you were either disconnected by the host company or you hung up.

Do you log into your home phone? Have you ever been monitored yet? I PM'd you regarding some weird ones I encountered....I didn't even break the tip of the iceberg.

[Lil Bunny]

He he he. Oh man! I could never do that. Not because the stuff people would want would freak me out (I'm into some bizarre things myself (and no, I won't say what, that's between me and my boyfriend.)) but just because I'd have too hard of a time not laughing at people.

I admit I've always been curious, but this would be my problem too!

[Automan Empire]

Haha... my GF did that job for a few months in her 20s. She hasn't gone out of her way to regale me with the stories.

I remember a veteran of this trade did a piece in National Lampoon magazine. One thing I remember 15 years after reading it.

One regular caller always wanted to talk about shit. Not just a little, every detail. One day I got tired of it and said, "You know, sometimes I don't shit actual shit."
Caller, with piqued interest: Really?
"Yeah. Sometimes I shit out big pink hippopotomi, and they jump out of the toilet and run around the room!"
The caller hung up and never called again.

[TTAZ]

I did something similar for a few months until my dept got shut down. I did text chat, which is basically the same thing, but typing so I could laugh all I wanted. I used to keep a file on my desktop of the best ones so I could regale ppl with the tales of strange. The company I worked for was odd in one way though, we were not allowed to use explicit language. No four letter words or we got dinged big time, so we had to come up with some prety rediculous euphemisms. I think my favorite SFW story is when I got a guy who wanted to chat with a pregnant girl. Well, he had been trying and trying to find one in this network and couldn't get one (I could see his former convos in the window that popped up on my screen). As luck would have it for once I didn't have to lie because I was 8 months pregnant. So when he asked what I looked like I said I thought I looked pretty good considering I was 8 months pregnant. He responds with "How did you know I wanted a pregnant girl?!?" I tried to play it like I was getting hung up on all day looking for a guy that liked pregnant chicks, and Mr. Paranoid didn't believe me and ended the convo!

The one time I didn't lie to someone on textchat, and he didn't believe me!

I miss that job. There are other companies that do it, but they're all comission based and not a straight hourly wage. I'd do phone work, except I lack privacy big time. Not too many guys would call me back I think if they were getting all hot and bothered and heard my beagle start baying, or my toddler get on the other phone!

[Dasota]

My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend did that for a while. The one time they were having their fun, and the phone rang for her, rather than stop their fun, they kept going. She almost said his name, and was rather slick and changed it to Sir.

[Taboo]

You know, I've always wondered about that line of work. Ever since my boss when I was 17 said I had a good voice for It.

I've been told the same thing... several times. I've actually considered it, but since I'm still technically a dependent on my father and he needs to see my taxes/paystubs etc (amount of work/pay determines whether he can claim me on his taxes), I don't really want to have to explain my job to him. Perhaps once I'm out of college and that's no longer an issue, hah.

How do you keep from laughing at some of your callers, though? Have you ever had to cover the phone just so that they don't hear you?