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Ladies and gentlemen,
First of all, it's been a while. How are ya?
I've been mainly lurking as I've swapped jobs a fair amount this last year. The last job, while Tech Support, I rather liked. But now I've been sent back to hell, it seems, for who knows what. So, as much as I'd like to completely have lightning visit the dumb morons who have called me today, there's this law that says I can't kill anyone. I find the law unfortunate and harsh where these morons are concerned.
I'm bringing a segment back from when I was a senior CS rep. Because it's either this, drinking myself into a stupor, finding DOOM out of the Debian repository or this. For now, I'll write this because I can do the others LATER. For those not familiar with hockey, (WHY?!?!? j/k) I assign a time out period and perhaps a tax of some sort depending on what mood I am. This is MY tax for putting up with you and is payable directly to the rep... which is ME.
Let's get STARTED! Starting in reverse order:
It's basic things that annoy me. For some reason, idiots do not understand the meaning of simple words today. Like the meaning of the word, "No." The meaning of the words, "Not going to happen." The meaning of the words, "Look, you pathetic moron, screaming and crying because you were dumb enough NOT to make a backup on a separate location or lock your terminal when you left is NOT going to bring your data back. This is not a magic box, and I don't do resurrections, miracles or really much of anything that involves the supernatural, considering my name is not Merlin. And since you're the last call of the day on a Friday of the crappiest week I've had since last week, you can't imagine how much less I could care about your stupidity, ignorance or perhaps both. Please, go back to whatever rock you crawled out from under, because after forty hours of this bull crap, I find that my "give a crap" is broken until Monday. Put all the chips back on your callbot 9000 before closing the faceplate. Thank you." For some reason, people cannot understand the meaning of these words. This is of course before we get to the just plain moronic idiots.
Penalty: Five minute major for arguing with the rep. Someone owes me some cash because of the overtime. And then there's the "You people" tax and the "Ridiculous" tax. And let's add the "You don't know what you're talking about" tax. Excuse me, I've been around computers since I could sit at one. The hell I don't know what I'm talking about. Shut your face and show some respect. While I realize it's hard for you to believe that a 25 year old knows more than you do about a computer, please do not complain to me that you have been using a computer since you were twelve and you're thirty and you "know I can do this." Congrats, I'm calling bull on your claim of doing this since you were twelve. I've been doing this since I was six and I say you can't. (Not with our tools anyway, not saying anything about third party data recovery services which I was kind enough to refer you to.)
And then, there's the little matter of Dumbcrap Management. My boss needs to understand the meaning of the words, "I've been waiting on a supervisor for fifty minutes. Can someone tell me what's going on with the queue?" Rather than look at me with a blank stare, you could do something useful. Like answer my question for instance. Instead, our stupid idiot manager looks back at his queue and goes, "Well, there's a guy that's been waiting for two minutes. Just keep waiting." Why? What purpose will this serve? I'm dealing with an idiot, who is lying to me when he says that his media won't work because it WAS able to copy just fine and his unit is out of warranty, therefore, he should be charged the according Out Of Warranty Fee, putting words in my mouth about how "You People charge to take a look at this and I don't like it, blah, blah, blah," to the point where I'm about ready to snap and just let loose a nice long string of obscenities that would make Scarface blush telling Mr. Jackass exactly how he can insert his media in the drive by shoving it up his large intenstine. (I took ten minutes and tried to calm down because I was that angry and the senior shouldn't have to deal with that.) The reason we charge for this sir, is because, oh yeah, I kinda have that powerful need to eat. But thank you, Mr. Rockstar, I'm just told "Let's hurry up and get back to the waiting." After all, we wouldn't want to miss any of that now would we?!?! *smoke coming out of the ears*
Penalty to the supervisor: Game Misconduct, get the heck outta my cube! Pay the stupid tax while you're at it and congratulate yourself on being the first manager to earn this dubious distinction of being in the penalty box!
Penalty to customer: Game Misconduct for fighting, along with the triple crown of "You people" tax, the "Ridiculous" tax and the "I want to speak to a supervisor" tax. (As far as I'm concerned, the tech's word is LAW. And failure to observe the LAW gets you a ticket. Pay up, Junior.)
Oh and how could I forget the senior citizen who wanted her "internets" back from India because she swore up and down that someone had control of her computer. And that we still should own an island off the coast of New York called the Philippines. (They're a-taking our jobs!) Not to mention she wanted to know if her system was being hacked. Oh, and she believed the 3.5 inch floppy was still the current means of data transportation. If you guessed Tennessee, you're right. Bonus points for guessing the fact that she was uber-concerned about her privacy. Thank you for reminding me again of why I hate the south. Not as much as I do New York, California or a special place of hate for Florida... but still. And then there's Hawaii. Yes. They're on my, "Don't you EVER call me" list.
Penalty: Two minutes for being dumb. I might have to invent a new tax for "internets" but I'm definitely going to invent the "paranoid" tax and should have done that earlier. Since this is NOT the United States of America's court of laws, but the Court of Dictatorship of DarkCSR, Inc, This tax is now RETROACTIVE!
Other randomness: Apparantly, I'm not smart enough to appreciate that we are in "the worst global economic depression since the 1930's" so "like so many other companies" we're not getting raises. Hmm. Funny. They seem to find enough money to pay the executive bonuses, but not the guys making the money. Funny how that works. Jackasses. Every LAST ONE of them are jackasses. This is showing you exactly how number one you are.
Penalty: Yes, DarkCSR is about to fire the company he's gracing with his presence. I will soon not need them as clients anymore.
Stark, raving mad doesn't quite begin to describe my mental state at the moment. There is a reason I'm studying programming. It's because I want even more non technical idiots telling a technical person what he can and can't do. Just like I have a NON technical supervisor who understands all of jack crap about what I do daily. For example,
Boss: "We want you to use this wrench here."
Me: Really? Why?
Boss: "Because the customer likes it."
Me: The customer might like me to stand on my head and sing the fraking national anthem in swahili, but that doesn't change the fact that the tool will do no fraking good, you fraking frakhead! It's a screw. Therefore a wrench will not work.
Boss: "It doesn't matter. Use it or we'll write you up"
Me: *plots beating someone down with mythical wrench*
There is a reason I *hate* with a deep, dark, rotten, festering hatred non technical sups who just don't get it.
All right. Bed. I want to get an early start on C++ tomorrow. (Yeah, right. I probably won't be up until 9.)
First of all, it's been a while. How are ya?
I've been mainly lurking as I've swapped jobs a fair amount this last year. The last job, while Tech Support, I rather liked. But now I've been sent back to hell, it seems, for who knows what. So, as much as I'd like to completely have lightning visit the dumb morons who have called me today, there's this law that says I can't kill anyone. I find the law unfortunate and harsh where these morons are concerned.
I'm bringing a segment back from when I was a senior CS rep. Because it's either this, drinking myself into a stupor, finding DOOM out of the Debian repository or this. For now, I'll write this because I can do the others LATER. For those not familiar with hockey, (WHY?!?!? j/k) I assign a time out period and perhaps a tax of some sort depending on what mood I am. This is MY tax for putting up with you and is payable directly to the rep... which is ME.
Let's get STARTED! Starting in reverse order:
It's basic things that annoy me. For some reason, idiots do not understand the meaning of simple words today. Like the meaning of the word, "No." The meaning of the words, "Not going to happen." The meaning of the words, "Look, you pathetic moron, screaming and crying because you were dumb enough NOT to make a backup on a separate location or lock your terminal when you left is NOT going to bring your data back. This is not a magic box, and I don't do resurrections, miracles or really much of anything that involves the supernatural, considering my name is not Merlin. And since you're the last call of the day on a Friday of the crappiest week I've had since last week, you can't imagine how much less I could care about your stupidity, ignorance or perhaps both. Please, go back to whatever rock you crawled out from under, because after forty hours of this bull crap, I find that my "give a crap" is broken until Monday. Put all the chips back on your callbot 9000 before closing the faceplate. Thank you." For some reason, people cannot understand the meaning of these words. This is of course before we get to the just plain moronic idiots.
Penalty: Five minute major for arguing with the rep. Someone owes me some cash because of the overtime. And then there's the "You people" tax and the "Ridiculous" tax. And let's add the "You don't know what you're talking about" tax. Excuse me, I've been around computers since I could sit at one. The hell I don't know what I'm talking about. Shut your face and show some respect. While I realize it's hard for you to believe that a 25 year old knows more than you do about a computer, please do not complain to me that you have been using a computer since you were twelve and you're thirty and you "know I can do this." Congrats, I'm calling bull on your claim of doing this since you were twelve. I've been doing this since I was six and I say you can't. (Not with our tools anyway, not saying anything about third party data recovery services which I was kind enough to refer you to.)
And then, there's the little matter of Dumbcrap Management. My boss needs to understand the meaning of the words, "I've been waiting on a supervisor for fifty minutes. Can someone tell me what's going on with the queue?" Rather than look at me with a blank stare, you could do something useful. Like answer my question for instance. Instead, our stupid idiot manager looks back at his queue and goes, "Well, there's a guy that's been waiting for two minutes. Just keep waiting." Why? What purpose will this serve? I'm dealing with an idiot, who is lying to me when he says that his media won't work because it WAS able to copy just fine and his unit is out of warranty, therefore, he should be charged the according Out Of Warranty Fee, putting words in my mouth about how "You People charge to take a look at this and I don't like it, blah, blah, blah," to the point where I'm about ready to snap and just let loose a nice long string of obscenities that would make Scarface blush telling Mr. Jackass exactly how he can insert his media in the drive by shoving it up his large intenstine. (I took ten minutes and tried to calm down because I was that angry and the senior shouldn't have to deal with that.) The reason we charge for this sir, is because, oh yeah, I kinda have that powerful need to eat. But thank you, Mr. Rockstar, I'm just told "Let's hurry up and get back to the waiting." After all, we wouldn't want to miss any of that now would we?!?! *smoke coming out of the ears*
Penalty to the supervisor: Game Misconduct, get the heck outta my cube! Pay the stupid tax while you're at it and congratulate yourself on being the first manager to earn this dubious distinction of being in the penalty box!
Penalty to customer: Game Misconduct for fighting, along with the triple crown of "You people" tax, the "Ridiculous" tax and the "I want to speak to a supervisor" tax. (As far as I'm concerned, the tech's word is LAW. And failure to observe the LAW gets you a ticket. Pay up, Junior.)
Oh and how could I forget the senior citizen who wanted her "internets" back from India because she swore up and down that someone had control of her computer. And that we still should own an island off the coast of New York called the Philippines. (They're a-taking our jobs!) Not to mention she wanted to know if her system was being hacked. Oh, and she believed the 3.5 inch floppy was still the current means of data transportation. If you guessed Tennessee, you're right. Bonus points for guessing the fact that she was uber-concerned about her privacy. Thank you for reminding me again of why I hate the south. Not as much as I do New York, California or a special place of hate for Florida... but still. And then there's Hawaii. Yes. They're on my, "Don't you EVER call me" list.
Penalty: Two minutes for being dumb. I might have to invent a new tax for "internets" but I'm definitely going to invent the "paranoid" tax and should have done that earlier. Since this is NOT the United States of America's court of laws, but the Court of Dictatorship of DarkCSR, Inc, This tax is now RETROACTIVE!
Other randomness: Apparantly, I'm not smart enough to appreciate that we are in "the worst global economic depression since the 1930's" so "like so many other companies" we're not getting raises. Hmm. Funny. They seem to find enough money to pay the executive bonuses, but not the guys making the money. Funny how that works. Jackasses. Every LAST ONE of them are jackasses. This is showing you exactly how number one you are.
Penalty: Yes, DarkCSR is about to fire the company he's gracing with his presence. I will soon not need them as clients anymore.
Stark, raving mad doesn't quite begin to describe my mental state at the moment. There is a reason I'm studying programming. It's because I want even more non technical idiots telling a technical person what he can and can't do. Just like I have a NON technical supervisor who understands all of jack crap about what I do daily. For example,
Boss: "We want you to use this wrench here."
Me: Really? Why?
Boss: "Because the customer likes it."
Me: The customer might like me to stand on my head and sing the fraking national anthem in swahili, but that doesn't change the fact that the tool will do no fraking good, you fraking frakhead! It's a screw. Therefore a wrench will not work.
Boss: "It doesn't matter. Use it or we'll write you up"
Me: *plots beating someone down with mythical wrench*
There is a reason I *hate* with a deep, dark, rotten, festering hatred non technical sups who just don't get it.
All right. Bed. I want to get an early start on C++ tomorrow. (Yeah, right. I probably won't be up until 9.)
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