God I hate the iPhone. No, thats not true. The phone itself, I will admit, is pretty cool. What I hate is entitlement whores.
Me: Hater of entitlement whores
SC: Evil bitch from hell.
A rep comes over to me today and says an SC is asking to speak to a manager. I ask what about, and the rep tells me that SC says that she spoke to another rep 3 days ago, who's name she does not know. SC says that said nameless rep offered her a really sweet deal on an iPhone, and now that she's had a think about it, she wants it. The problem? The sweet deal SC claims to have been offered has never been offered by <My Company>. We have never advertised it, anywhere. It may well be that a rep offered it to her, and if so, sure, you can have it. The catch is that to honour an offer made by a rep, we have to be able to verify it. Usually, the rep would have left notes on SC's account saying what the offer was. No such notes can be found. No prob, if SC can tell us the name of the rep, and that rep says that yes, I probably did offer something like that, we are go for launch. I refer you to my earlier statement, that SC does not recall the name of the rep who made this offer.
Ok, I sez to rep, I'm kinda busy right now so tell SC I'll call them back in 20 mins or so.
2 minutes later, rep is back at my desk, looking close to tears. The poor thing has only been in this department for a few days, so its all new and scary for them anyway, and now they have Evil Bitch SC screaming at them. SC does not want to be called back. SC WILL speak to a manager NOW. SC will hold for as long as it takes.
I took pity on the poor rep, stopped what I was doing and spoke to SC. In retrospect, I should've just set myself on fire, as it would've been less painful.
Me: Hi SC, my name is WouldYouLikeToBuyAPhone. <Rep> tells me that you were made an offer over the phone, but you we are not able to verify it.
SC: Yes, thats right. I spoke to someone a few days ago, who's name I can't remember, who offered me <Really sweet deal> and now I want to take it up.
Me: Unfortunately, as <Rep> explained to you, we have never advertised <Really sweet deal>. If you were indeed offered this by a rep, I'll need you to tell me the name of the person who offered it to you. I'll then verify it with that person, and then we'll be happy to honour that offer for you.
SC: Well I don't remember the persons name. The fact is, I was offered <Really sweet deal> and thats what you're going to give me.
Me: I'm sorry SC, but as I said, I can't honour an offer unless I can verify it. You can have <pretty sweet deal> or <kinda sweet deal>, but I can't give you <Really sweet deal> unless you can prove you were offered it.
SC: But thats false advertising!
Me: No, its not. We never advertised <Really sweet deal> at all, anywhere.
SC: But other people have gotten <Really sweet deal>!
Me: Ahh, so you've been on the online forums Yes SC, they have. Sometimes our reps offer things we haven't advertised to certain customers, and, WHEN WE CAN VERIFY THIS, we always honour it.
SC: You've just admitted that other people got <Really sweet deal>!
Me:.... yes, I have. I also explained the circumstances in which that has happened.
SC: I was offered <Really sweet deal>, and you're going to give it to me.
Me: No, I'm not, unless you can prove it was offered to you.
SC: Fine, I spoke to Frank at 3pm on Friday and he offered it to me.
Me: You already told me that you don't know the name of the person who offered it to you. Also, Frank wasn't at work on Friday.
SC: I know theres a manager above you. I want to talk to them.
Me: There is no manager above me you can speak to. You've asked for a manager and you've got one, me. If you want to take it further, you will have to put it in writing.
SC: You're lying. I've worked in a call centre before and I know there is a manger above you. I want to speak to them now.
Me: It is a Sunday afternoon. There is no manager above me here, and at any rate, there is no higher manager you can speak to. You will need to put your complaint in writing to take it further.
SC: Well then you're going to be stuck on the phone all night because I'm not getting off the phone until I can speak to a manager above you.
Me: We're going nowhere, so unless you have anything else to say, I will be hanging up.
SC: Then I'll keep calling back til I get someone who will give me what I want.
Me: And they will all tell you the same thing I am.
SC:... pause.... What is you direct managers name?
Well I'm not about to put my manager in the shit without asking first, so I put SC on hold. By now, a couple of reps nearby are listening to me, and as soon as I put SC on hold they start shouting out words of encouragement.
'You're doing awesome!'
'Don't let SC get you down!'
'Give it to the bitch!'
I give my manager (Who was there, but does not take speak to customers because, frankly, they have more important things to do with their time) the rundown. No worries, says my manager, give her my name.
I get back on the phone to SC.
Me: Thanks for holding. You can quote my managers name as Manager.
SC: Good. Now hold on a minute. (The kind of phone noises that tell you SC has put the phone down to do something that requires 2 hands)
SC: Now, I have a few more questions for you before you go. You admitted that your reps have given <Really sweet offer> to other customers?
Me: As I said before, our reps make offers to customers from time to time, includin <Really sweet offer> and when we can verify said offer, we will honour it.
SC: And, you are refusing to give me this offer?
Me: As I said, I am happy to honour this offer for you if we can verify the offer was made, which we cannot. So yes, I am saying that I cannot give you this offer.
SC: (Sounding triumphant) Excellent! I've recorded what you just said, so when I go to the ACCC and the media, I will be able to use this recording as evidence!
Me: GOLD!! SC, it is illegal for you to record this call without my permission. You do not have my permission, and so you will not be able to use that recording for anything. As you have illegally recorded me, I am hanging up now.
I hit the hang up button. The second it disconnects, my whole team broke into a round of applause
Me: Hater of entitlement whores
SC: Evil bitch from hell.
A rep comes over to me today and says an SC is asking to speak to a manager. I ask what about, and the rep tells me that SC says that she spoke to another rep 3 days ago, who's name she does not know. SC says that said nameless rep offered her a really sweet deal on an iPhone, and now that she's had a think about it, she wants it. The problem? The sweet deal SC claims to have been offered has never been offered by <My Company>. We have never advertised it, anywhere. It may well be that a rep offered it to her, and if so, sure, you can have it. The catch is that to honour an offer made by a rep, we have to be able to verify it. Usually, the rep would have left notes on SC's account saying what the offer was. No such notes can be found. No prob, if SC can tell us the name of the rep, and that rep says that yes, I probably did offer something like that, we are go for launch. I refer you to my earlier statement, that SC does not recall the name of the rep who made this offer.
Ok, I sez to rep, I'm kinda busy right now so tell SC I'll call them back in 20 mins or so.
2 minutes later, rep is back at my desk, looking close to tears. The poor thing has only been in this department for a few days, so its all new and scary for them anyway, and now they have Evil Bitch SC screaming at them. SC does not want to be called back. SC WILL speak to a manager NOW. SC will hold for as long as it takes.
I took pity on the poor rep, stopped what I was doing and spoke to SC. In retrospect, I should've just set myself on fire, as it would've been less painful.
Me: Hi SC, my name is WouldYouLikeToBuyAPhone. <Rep> tells me that you were made an offer over the phone, but you we are not able to verify it.
SC: Yes, thats right. I spoke to someone a few days ago, who's name I can't remember, who offered me <Really sweet deal> and now I want to take it up.
Me: Unfortunately, as <Rep> explained to you, we have never advertised <Really sweet deal>. If you were indeed offered this by a rep, I'll need you to tell me the name of the person who offered it to you. I'll then verify it with that person, and then we'll be happy to honour that offer for you.
SC: Well I don't remember the persons name. The fact is, I was offered <Really sweet deal> and thats what you're going to give me.
Me: I'm sorry SC, but as I said, I can't honour an offer unless I can verify it. You can have <pretty sweet deal> or <kinda sweet deal>, but I can't give you <Really sweet deal> unless you can prove you were offered it.
SC: But thats false advertising!
Me: No, its not. We never advertised <Really sweet deal> at all, anywhere.
SC: But other people have gotten <Really sweet deal>!
Me: Ahh, so you've been on the online forums Yes SC, they have. Sometimes our reps offer things we haven't advertised to certain customers, and, WHEN WE CAN VERIFY THIS, we always honour it.
SC: You've just admitted that other people got <Really sweet deal>!
Me:.... yes, I have. I also explained the circumstances in which that has happened.
SC: I was offered <Really sweet deal>, and you're going to give it to me.
Me: No, I'm not, unless you can prove it was offered to you.
SC: Fine, I spoke to Frank at 3pm on Friday and he offered it to me.
Me: You already told me that you don't know the name of the person who offered it to you. Also, Frank wasn't at work on Friday.
SC: I know theres a manager above you. I want to talk to them.
Me: There is no manager above me you can speak to. You've asked for a manager and you've got one, me. If you want to take it further, you will have to put it in writing.
SC: You're lying. I've worked in a call centre before and I know there is a manger above you. I want to speak to them now.
Me: It is a Sunday afternoon. There is no manager above me here, and at any rate, there is no higher manager you can speak to. You will need to put your complaint in writing to take it further.
SC: Well then you're going to be stuck on the phone all night because I'm not getting off the phone until I can speak to a manager above you.
Me: We're going nowhere, so unless you have anything else to say, I will be hanging up.
SC: Then I'll keep calling back til I get someone who will give me what I want.
Me: And they will all tell you the same thing I am.
SC:... pause.... What is you direct managers name?
Well I'm not about to put my manager in the shit without asking first, so I put SC on hold. By now, a couple of reps nearby are listening to me, and as soon as I put SC on hold they start shouting out words of encouragement.
'You're doing awesome!'
'Don't let SC get you down!'
'Give it to the bitch!'
I give my manager (Who was there, but does not take speak to customers because, frankly, they have more important things to do with their time) the rundown. No worries, says my manager, give her my name.
I get back on the phone to SC.
Me: Thanks for holding. You can quote my managers name as Manager.
SC: Good. Now hold on a minute. (The kind of phone noises that tell you SC has put the phone down to do something that requires 2 hands)
SC: Now, I have a few more questions for you before you go. You admitted that your reps have given <Really sweet offer> to other customers?
Me: As I said before, our reps make offers to customers from time to time, includin <Really sweet offer> and when we can verify said offer, we will honour it.
SC: And, you are refusing to give me this offer?
Me: As I said, I am happy to honour this offer for you if we can verify the offer was made, which we cannot. So yes, I am saying that I cannot give you this offer.
SC: (Sounding triumphant) Excellent! I've recorded what you just said, so when I go to the ACCC and the media, I will be able to use this recording as evidence!
Me: GOLD!! SC, it is illegal for you to record this call without my permission. You do not have my permission, and so you will not be able to use that recording for anything. As you have illegally recorded me, I am hanging up now.
I hit the hang up button. The second it disconnects, my whole team broke into a round of applause
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