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Burrito Warrior
Got this story from the clerk and the cops at the 7/11 down from my office tonight. I even got to walk in halfway through it. ( Joy! ) Although in retrospec I kind of wished the clerks had warned me =p But no, they just let me wander into it unawares.
I knew something was up when there were *3* security guards outside the store. So something must have happened. But whatever, this is off Granville street at 11pm, its a nutcase feista on a nightly basis anyway. So I walk in, say hi to the clerks ( They tend to regonize you when you've been there twice a day for 2 years. ) and head back to the cooler.
Now, there's one other guy at the back of the store: Burrito Warrior. Burrito Warrior is one of those people that immediately sets off the warning bells in your head. He seems to be acting...mildly....erratic ( Molesting the slurpee machine erratic ). But this 7/11 gets crazies and drug addicts all night so its not that unusual.
I'm grabbing a drink when I hear a bit of a thud. Turns out Burrito Warrior is still molesting the slurpee machine and has apparently knocked something over. To which he proclaims "Nobody saw anything!" ...ok. Then he grabs, you guessed it, two frozen Burritos and brandishs them like swords.
The man is now dual wielding burritos.
( Which makes him at least a level 2 Ranger. God help me, and you, if you get that reference. )
He informs me: "You saw nothing!" to which I ignore. Eye contact might be fatal at this point. I take my stuff and head back to the counter. The clerk gives me a blank look in response to my "WTF?" look.
I look back at Burrito Warrior, and the guy is apparently playing charades: quote, 6 words. If I had to take a guess at it I'd say it was "SWEET JESUS I'M COVERED IN SNAKES!#@$". He just barely manages to wrestle free of his coat turned giant snake and proceeds to slay it with his twin blades of bean. I decide this is probably an ideal moment to flee the scene.
So I head outside and right into the security guards + 2 cops that were called and I end up getting the rest of the story from them. Apparently Burrito Warrior had wandered down Granville and ASSAULTED someone before stumbling into 7/11. Wow, thanks for the warning guys. You couldn't have given me a heads up that the nutball groping the slurpee machine had *attacked* someone before he came in here? That would have been handy to know when I walked down there past him to the coolers.
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I knew something was up when there were *3* security guards outside the store. So something must have happened. But whatever, this is off Granville street at 11pm, its a nutcase feista on a nightly basis anyway. So I walk in, say hi to the clerks ( They tend to regonize you when you've been there twice a day for 2 years. ) and head back to the cooler.
Now, there's one other guy at the back of the store: Burrito Warrior. Burrito Warrior is one of those people that immediately sets off the warning bells in your head. He seems to be acting...mildly....erratic ( Molesting the slurpee machine erratic ). But this 7/11 gets crazies and drug addicts all night so its not that unusual.
I'm grabbing a drink when I hear a bit of a thud. Turns out Burrito Warrior is still molesting the slurpee machine and has apparently knocked something over. To which he proclaims "Nobody saw anything!" ...ok. Then he grabs, you guessed it, two frozen Burritos and brandishs them like swords.
The man is now dual wielding burritos.
( Which makes him at least a level 2 Ranger. God help me, and you, if you get that reference. )
He informs me: "You saw nothing!" to which I ignore. Eye contact might be fatal at this point. I take my stuff and head back to the counter. The clerk gives me a blank look in response to my "WTF?" look.
I look back at Burrito Warrior, and the guy is apparently playing charades: quote, 6 words. If I had to take a guess at it I'd say it was "SWEET JESUS I'M COVERED IN SNAKES!#@$". He just barely manages to wrestle free of his coat turned giant snake and proceeds to slay it with his twin blades of bean. I decide this is probably an ideal moment to flee the scene.
So I head outside and right into the security guards + 2 cops that were called and I end up getting the rest of the story from them. Apparently Burrito Warrior had wandered down Granville and ASSAULTED someone before stumbling into 7/11. Wow, thanks for the warning guys. You couldn't have given me a heads up that the nutball groping the slurpee machine had *attacked* someone before he came in here? That would have been handy to know when I walked down there past him to the coolers.
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I pictured all my methed out days and wish I had twin blades of beans for the creatures that attacked me during those times! 
Oh, coffee, oh hell, all over the place...
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