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This happened a few years ago, but it's too good not to share now!
LFM - Little Fat Man
I have some friends who used to run a reception venue at a Greyhound Track in Auckland. They had a function for a Better Business Association (Oh the irony) which included an auction. The last time my friends had this auction in a few of the auctioned items managed to magically leave the buiding without payment, so my friends asked me if I could work 'front of house' to provide a bit of oversight. It also helps that I am 6 foot 3!
Anyhoo, about two hours in to the evening, I am called to the bar, where one of our barstaff, lovely irish woman that she is, has refused to serve a drunk angry fat short man, hereafter known as Little Fat Man (LFM). He's not taking this too well, and I have a knack for handling this sort of thing. The thing is, when I get there, not only is he at the bar, being very rude, he also has two larger friends with him, also with a few under their belts. This isn't helping.
I apporach the three drunks, and inform them they have been refused service because in New Zealand, it is ILLEGAL to continue to serve obviously intoxicated people, and to do risks an exorbitant fine and possible suspension of the liquor licence.
Anyone else noticed the voice of reason isn't translated too well by Alcohol??
So, much abuse results, and I tell them again, they are not going to be served, and will they now leave the premises.
More abuse follows. One of them reaches out and grasps my neck with his thumb and finger in a firm pinch in an attempt to get me to retaliate and 'start' a fight. I'm not that dumb. I take a quick step back, break the hold with distance, and step right back in again, repeating, calmly, that they are not going to be served, and they are going to leave.
Then LFM snaps, and throws a punch at me. I lean back just far enough so that it brushes my nose, and one of the owners and I step back in. The owner used to be a cop, and I was trained in basic hand to hand in the Navy. LFM is still going full on, but his two friends see that the Owner and I mean business, so they grab LFM and head for the door. I follow at a distance to make sure there is no more trouble and as they head outside, I stand by the door. The Owner is about 4 feet behind me.
When the Three Stooges reach the carpark however, LFM breaks away from his drunk mates, turns, and charges at me, throwing the wildest punch I have ever seen. I step outside the arc of his punch, and as it travels past me I step back in, grab his wrist, turn him so he is facing away from me, put one arm behind his back, grab his collar, and place him face down on a nearby table. Situation contaned, no-one hurt, all is well, right?
Wrong!
That was the moment his two drunk mates decided that three on one were better odds, and attacked me from behind. One of them sucker punched me with a roundhouse right to my face. and the other punched me in the back. I released LFM, and managed to hold all three off for the few seconds it took for the owner and a few of the other patrons to come to my aid.
They backed off, I went to the bathroom to clean my face off, and then I came out to see if everyone else was OK. And when I got out there, LFM charged at me from out of the bushes, and attempted to give me a flying drop kick. I turned and took the kick on my thigh, he hit the ground, and before he could get up, me and three others had him pinned to the floor.
By then the cops had been called, and LFM and his mates decided it was time to leave. So we let them. Why? Because in order to get in to the event, you had to REGISTER! We had all his details. And when the cops turned up, and they took my statement, along with everyone else's, I was told I had acted 'commendably and correctly' and that they would be in touch.
My wife came and took me home, but on the way, I started feeling very, very bad, and told her to take me to the hospital. I had x-rays, which were inconclusive, and had to come back the next morning for a CT scan. After that was done, I as in the waiting room, and a nurse came out and asked if I had been warned not to sneeze.
I joked "Why, will my eye pop out of I do?"
She looked at me and seriously replied "Quite possibly!"
Turned out I had 2 fractures in my right eye socket and two in my cheekbone. I also had very bad facial bruising and bad brusing on my thigh from the drop kick. I was assessed for eye damage, and just managed to avoid surgery. The police came round the next day, took photo's of the injuries, took the clothes I was wearing for evidence, and asked for copies of the medical records, which I happily supplied. I was off work for 3 weeks, but fully paid for the whole time. Also the owners of the lounge, the ex cop and his wife, were at my house the next day with a HUGE basket of goodies and a bottle of my favourite scotch. They are such nice people, and they felt awful about what had happened!
End result, a couple of months later, he's about to go to court, I have permanent minor eye and nerve damage on the right hand side of my face (Basically some double vision in the upper quadrant of my field of vision, but I am still 20/20). I am driving home from the eye doctor, and my phone rings. It's the police prosecutor, and he has a tale to tell.
LFM has a bit of a history with alcohol related violence offences. He also had a Russian Mail Order Wife, and 5 kids who he has to support. He;s a relatively well off businessman, and he wishes to avoid a custodial sentence. His Lawyer is offering $5,000.00 compensation. The police prosecutor asks me what I think about that.
I say "Make it $10,000.00, and Alcohol and Violence Counselling, and Community Service, and Probation and I'll think about it!"
LFM accepts!!!
So he goes to court, and I make sure I am there to see it happening. LFM's Lawyer goes on about the his family responsibilities, and how his kids need him to support them. Judge asks LFM's lawyer if his kids had seen the pictures of the injuries he caused to be inflicted on me, and asked if LFM knew that my youngest daughter, on seeing my face the next day, asked if I was going to die. (I was never in danger of that, but she didn't know, did she!)
LFM's lawyer puts details of compensation offer on the table. Judge tells lawyer that he will take that into consideration prior to sentencing only if the sum is paid, in cash, in full, prior to sentencing!
Judge then let's me make a statement to the court. Seriously guys, the judge was AWESOME. Words cannot describe.
So, end result, LFM is charged, convicted, given 250 hours community service, ordered to undertake alcohol counselling and violence counselling, and I get a bank check for $10,000.00! But I still have no feeling in my right cheek, and I never will.
And I still have some double vision in the upper ranges of my field of vision. But the new Flat Screen Plasma TV is set low enough so it's not a problem!
LFM - Little Fat Man
I have some friends who used to run a reception venue at a Greyhound Track in Auckland. They had a function for a Better Business Association (Oh the irony) which included an auction. The last time my friends had this auction in a few of the auctioned items managed to magically leave the buiding without payment, so my friends asked me if I could work 'front of house' to provide a bit of oversight. It also helps that I am 6 foot 3!
Anyhoo, about two hours in to the evening, I am called to the bar, where one of our barstaff, lovely irish woman that she is, has refused to serve a drunk angry fat short man, hereafter known as Little Fat Man (LFM). He's not taking this too well, and I have a knack for handling this sort of thing. The thing is, when I get there, not only is he at the bar, being very rude, he also has two larger friends with him, also with a few under their belts. This isn't helping.
I apporach the three drunks, and inform them they have been refused service because in New Zealand, it is ILLEGAL to continue to serve obviously intoxicated people, and to do risks an exorbitant fine and possible suspension of the liquor licence.
Anyone else noticed the voice of reason isn't translated too well by Alcohol??
So, much abuse results, and I tell them again, they are not going to be served, and will they now leave the premises.
More abuse follows. One of them reaches out and grasps my neck with his thumb and finger in a firm pinch in an attempt to get me to retaliate and 'start' a fight. I'm not that dumb. I take a quick step back, break the hold with distance, and step right back in again, repeating, calmly, that they are not going to be served, and they are going to leave.
Then LFM snaps, and throws a punch at me. I lean back just far enough so that it brushes my nose, and one of the owners and I step back in. The owner used to be a cop, and I was trained in basic hand to hand in the Navy. LFM is still going full on, but his two friends see that the Owner and I mean business, so they grab LFM and head for the door. I follow at a distance to make sure there is no more trouble and as they head outside, I stand by the door. The Owner is about 4 feet behind me.
When the Three Stooges reach the carpark however, LFM breaks away from his drunk mates, turns, and charges at me, throwing the wildest punch I have ever seen. I step outside the arc of his punch, and as it travels past me I step back in, grab his wrist, turn him so he is facing away from me, put one arm behind his back, grab his collar, and place him face down on a nearby table. Situation contaned, no-one hurt, all is well, right?
Wrong!
That was the moment his two drunk mates decided that three on one were better odds, and attacked me from behind. One of them sucker punched me with a roundhouse right to my face. and the other punched me in the back. I released LFM, and managed to hold all three off for the few seconds it took for the owner and a few of the other patrons to come to my aid.
They backed off, I went to the bathroom to clean my face off, and then I came out to see if everyone else was OK. And when I got out there, LFM charged at me from out of the bushes, and attempted to give me a flying drop kick. I turned and took the kick on my thigh, he hit the ground, and before he could get up, me and three others had him pinned to the floor.
By then the cops had been called, and LFM and his mates decided it was time to leave. So we let them. Why? Because in order to get in to the event, you had to REGISTER! We had all his details. And when the cops turned up, and they took my statement, along with everyone else's, I was told I had acted 'commendably and correctly' and that they would be in touch.
My wife came and took me home, but on the way, I started feeling very, very bad, and told her to take me to the hospital. I had x-rays, which were inconclusive, and had to come back the next morning for a CT scan. After that was done, I as in the waiting room, and a nurse came out and asked if I had been warned not to sneeze.
I joked "Why, will my eye pop out of I do?"
She looked at me and seriously replied "Quite possibly!"
Turned out I had 2 fractures in my right eye socket and two in my cheekbone. I also had very bad facial bruising and bad brusing on my thigh from the drop kick. I was assessed for eye damage, and just managed to avoid surgery. The police came round the next day, took photo's of the injuries, took the clothes I was wearing for evidence, and asked for copies of the medical records, which I happily supplied. I was off work for 3 weeks, but fully paid for the whole time. Also the owners of the lounge, the ex cop and his wife, were at my house the next day with a HUGE basket of goodies and a bottle of my favourite scotch. They are such nice people, and they felt awful about what had happened!
End result, a couple of months later, he's about to go to court, I have permanent minor eye and nerve damage on the right hand side of my face (Basically some double vision in the upper quadrant of my field of vision, but I am still 20/20). I am driving home from the eye doctor, and my phone rings. It's the police prosecutor, and he has a tale to tell.
LFM has a bit of a history with alcohol related violence offences. He also had a Russian Mail Order Wife, and 5 kids who he has to support. He;s a relatively well off businessman, and he wishes to avoid a custodial sentence. His Lawyer is offering $5,000.00 compensation. The police prosecutor asks me what I think about that.
I say "Make it $10,000.00, and Alcohol and Violence Counselling, and Community Service, and Probation and I'll think about it!"
LFM accepts!!!
So he goes to court, and I make sure I am there to see it happening. LFM's Lawyer goes on about the his family responsibilities, and how his kids need him to support them. Judge asks LFM's lawyer if his kids had seen the pictures of the injuries he caused to be inflicted on me, and asked if LFM knew that my youngest daughter, on seeing my face the next day, asked if I was going to die. (I was never in danger of that, but she didn't know, did she!)
LFM's lawyer puts details of compensation offer on the table. Judge tells lawyer that he will take that into consideration prior to sentencing only if the sum is paid, in cash, in full, prior to sentencing!
Judge then let's me make a statement to the court. Seriously guys, the judge was AWESOME. Words cannot describe.
So, end result, LFM is charged, convicted, given 250 hours community service, ordered to undertake alcohol counselling and violence counselling, and I get a bank check for $10,000.00! But I still have no feeling in my right cheek, and I never will.
And I still have some double vision in the upper ranges of my field of vision. But the new Flat Screen Plasma TV is set low enough so it's not a problem!
Sorry about your vision but man that really is "seriously epic"
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