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I've spent most of the week on a training course but the calls i took had a far higher freak to normal ratio than usual. I'm convinced that they know i'm on the site so they're trying to give me material.
I'm really going to have to start jotting these down daily because this is a massive pain to remember a weeks worth on a weekend.
Crying doesn't help
So i get an Irate mother on the line, as far as i'm concerned if you're old enough to enter into a contract for *energy* then you are old enough to wear big girl panties and speak on the phone yourself. Her daughter is crying her eyes out because of *energy company* she has moved into a house we supply and we told her a direct debit price that was too high. This is unfair, she can't afford it with all the debt schemes as well. WAIT WHAT???? her daughter is on debt schemes with us at a old house for both gas and electricity, you are also on debt schemes with us for gas and electricity and because your daughter has waited several months to call us at the new property before calling us to admit she was living there she has already built up a large debt.
But here's the reality shock for you, because your Gas supply has certain unique characteristics you can't gett he debt payment scheme you want. Your daughter has already been told this and cried down the phone, you have now been told this and are now crying. No matter how much you cry, nothing will change. On the other hand if you cry enough you may just die of dehydration. PLEASE KEEP CRYING.
STD
schoolgirl on the Metrolink today
SC: Do you think it will still be running in half term or will they shut it down to save money?
you are aware that the Metrolink was designed for two types of people, the tourists/shoppers and the commuters. You travel for free therefore do not help at all. you are an unwanted side effect, basicly you're the transport equivalent of Genital Warts.
Manager!
Me: *Opening spiel*
SC: I want a manager!
ME: Sir can i ask why you want a manager?
SC; I want a manager!
ME: You will need to tell me why you want a manager first
SC: I said i wanted a manager, why has nothing to do with you, now get me a manager!
ME: Unless i know what the issue is, i am not able to gte the right manager for you.
SC: *small billing complaint*
ME: OK please hold whilst i transfer you to our billing department
The issue itself was so small any billing agent would have been able to deal with it, but as you insisted on speaking to a manger and couldn't be bothered going through the automated system at the start, you came through to the wrong department. If you had gone through to the right department you would already bve off the phone happy.
Failure on so many levels
Failure1: getting your dad to ring in for you.
Failure2: Signing a contract to rent a known condemned house
Failure3: Signing the contract without looking inside the house
Failure4; After finding out there is no gas meter or boiler in the condemned property because the council removed them (normal if a house is condemned) contact *energycompany* instead of council to complain
Failure5: Reveal you moved in 2 weeks ago and have only now got around to trying to fix the small issue with having no Heat, or hot water in the entire house.
ULTIMATEFAILURE: Admit that your daughter has a 1 year old child living with her in a house with no heat or hot water.
YES, she has been bringing up a 1yr old in a house with no heat or hot water for 2 weeks before thinking about telling her dad to try and fix it. Now obviously the council is a cunt for putting her in this situaton but really as a parent wouln't you get on this kind of stuff within a hour of moving in, not TWO FUCKING WEEKS later
Fuck you back
Kind tell your husband/boyfriend/pimp that just because his mouth isn;'t against the telephone i can still hear him "whispering to you"
SC: Tell him to fucking fix it
SC: Fuck him
SC: he's a lazy fucker
SC: He can fucking fix it
etc
etc
etc
Swine Flu
No sir you cannot get swine flu through your gas supply, no matter how many other countries the gas pipes go through
Thanks for letting us know
You know you're not with *energycompany* you admitted it happily, you do not wish to come to us, so why in the blue hell did you decide to ring us to let us know you were moving into a new property? you even had a phone number and a letter from *hisenergycompany* right next to you. Are you ringing around every energy supplier in the phone book, or is it just me/ I feel so special!!
Sucky Landlord
SC: MY boiler is leaking
OHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT
at this point i go from call centre peon to emergency service peon.
SC: It's been leaking since we moved in and our landlord told us to call you
ME: You've had a gas leak since you moved in and your landlord just told you to ring us?
SC; OH NO it's water that's leaking out not gas, sorry did i not say that?
back to call centre peon
And that is why we ask questions BEFORE sending people out
SC: I also can't find my gas meter my Landlord told me to call you about that as well.
Wow your landlord really is useless isn't he? Of course we can't solve either problem for her. She actually argues repeatedly that her landlord SAID we can do this and that so we have to. sorry to disapoint you but your landlord is what we in the business term a Douche. In future please ignore everything and anything he tells you.
How not to pull
So today on the train home it was so packed i was stood up reading my book as a attractive woman catches my eye and starts checking me out. Now if she had decided to strike up a conversation i woulod have responded positively and even agreed to go out for a drink, but instead she decided to start grinding against me. SLOWLY. DELIBERATLY. FOR THE ENTIRE JOURNEY. Has that ever worked/ have you ever gotten a guy who said to himself "dang, a woman who rubs against strangers on trains is just what i need in a girlfriend"?
It didn't work last time either
So i'm trying to move a person out of a property and give him a final bill when we hit a snag
ME; Sir the meter reading you gave me cannot be correct, are you sure you are giving me the correct one
SC; OH I KNOW, that the meter reading from when i moved in, i tried to get the meter reding from the bank after they repossed my house, but they gave me the wrong one. i tried already online and it wouldn't accept it, i thought you might accept it over the phone.
Do you really think either i or the computer is stupid enough not to notice that the meter reaidng shows you have used no electricity in 3 years?
Did you really think you could get away with it? This isn't scooby doo, i don't need a talking dog to foil your dasterdly plan.
OMG A BOOK
To the girls sat across from me on the train who made no attempt to whisper about me
Yes it is a book
No it is not harry potter
No i'm not in school
No i don't have to read it
Yes i enjoy reading
No it's not strange to read in public
Yes i am too old for school
No i'm not reading in the hopes it will impress you.
AND REST.......
AND DRINK......................................
I'm really going to have to start jotting these down daily because this is a massive pain to remember a weeks worth on a weekend.
Crying doesn't help
So i get an Irate mother on the line, as far as i'm concerned if you're old enough to enter into a contract for *energy* then you are old enough to wear big girl panties and speak on the phone yourself. Her daughter is crying her eyes out because of *energy company* she has moved into a house we supply and we told her a direct debit price that was too high. This is unfair, she can't afford it with all the debt schemes as well. WAIT WHAT???? her daughter is on debt schemes with us at a old house for both gas and electricity, you are also on debt schemes with us for gas and electricity and because your daughter has waited several months to call us at the new property before calling us to admit she was living there she has already built up a large debt.
But here's the reality shock for you, because your Gas supply has certain unique characteristics you can't gett he debt payment scheme you want. Your daughter has already been told this and cried down the phone, you have now been told this and are now crying. No matter how much you cry, nothing will change. On the other hand if you cry enough you may just die of dehydration. PLEASE KEEP CRYING.
STD
schoolgirl on the Metrolink today
SC: Do you think it will still be running in half term or will they shut it down to save money?
you are aware that the Metrolink was designed for two types of people, the tourists/shoppers and the commuters. You travel for free therefore do not help at all. you are an unwanted side effect, basicly you're the transport equivalent of Genital Warts.
Manager!
Me: *Opening spiel*
SC: I want a manager!
ME: Sir can i ask why you want a manager?
SC; I want a manager!
ME: You will need to tell me why you want a manager first
SC: I said i wanted a manager, why has nothing to do with you, now get me a manager!
ME: Unless i know what the issue is, i am not able to gte the right manager for you.
SC: *small billing complaint*
ME: OK please hold whilst i transfer you to our billing department
The issue itself was so small any billing agent would have been able to deal with it, but as you insisted on speaking to a manger and couldn't be bothered going through the automated system at the start, you came through to the wrong department. If you had gone through to the right department you would already bve off the phone happy.
Failure on so many levels
Failure1: getting your dad to ring in for you.
Failure2: Signing a contract to rent a known condemned house
Failure3: Signing the contract without looking inside the house
Failure4; After finding out there is no gas meter or boiler in the condemned property because the council removed them (normal if a house is condemned) contact *energycompany* instead of council to complain
Failure5: Reveal you moved in 2 weeks ago and have only now got around to trying to fix the small issue with having no Heat, or hot water in the entire house.
ULTIMATEFAILURE: Admit that your daughter has a 1 year old child living with her in a house with no heat or hot water.
YES, she has been bringing up a 1yr old in a house with no heat or hot water for 2 weeks before thinking about telling her dad to try and fix it. Now obviously the council is a cunt for putting her in this situaton but really as a parent wouln't you get on this kind of stuff within a hour of moving in, not TWO FUCKING WEEKS later
Fuck you back
Kind tell your husband/boyfriend/pimp that just because his mouth isn;'t against the telephone i can still hear him "whispering to you"
SC: Tell him to fucking fix it
SC: Fuck him
SC: he's a lazy fucker
SC: He can fucking fix it
etc
etc
etc
Swine Flu
No sir you cannot get swine flu through your gas supply, no matter how many other countries the gas pipes go through
Thanks for letting us know
You know you're not with *energycompany* you admitted it happily, you do not wish to come to us, so why in the blue hell did you decide to ring us to let us know you were moving into a new property? you even had a phone number and a letter from *hisenergycompany* right next to you. Are you ringing around every energy supplier in the phone book, or is it just me/ I feel so special!!
Sucky Landlord
SC: MY boiler is leaking
OHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT
at this point i go from call centre peon to emergency service peon.
SC: It's been leaking since we moved in and our landlord told us to call you
ME: You've had a gas leak since you moved in and your landlord just told you to ring us?
SC; OH NO it's water that's leaking out not gas, sorry did i not say that?
back to call centre peon
And that is why we ask questions BEFORE sending people out
SC: I also can't find my gas meter my Landlord told me to call you about that as well.
Wow your landlord really is useless isn't he? Of course we can't solve either problem for her. She actually argues repeatedly that her landlord SAID we can do this and that so we have to. sorry to disapoint you but your landlord is what we in the business term a Douche. In future please ignore everything and anything he tells you.
How not to pull
So today on the train home it was so packed i was stood up reading my book as a attractive woman catches my eye and starts checking me out. Now if she had decided to strike up a conversation i woulod have responded positively and even agreed to go out for a drink, but instead she decided to start grinding against me. SLOWLY. DELIBERATLY. FOR THE ENTIRE JOURNEY. Has that ever worked/ have you ever gotten a guy who said to himself "dang, a woman who rubs against strangers on trains is just what i need in a girlfriend"?
It didn't work last time either
So i'm trying to move a person out of a property and give him a final bill when we hit a snag
ME; Sir the meter reading you gave me cannot be correct, are you sure you are giving me the correct one
SC; OH I KNOW, that the meter reading from when i moved in, i tried to get the meter reding from the bank after they repossed my house, but they gave me the wrong one. i tried already online and it wouldn't accept it, i thought you might accept it over the phone.
Do you really think either i or the computer is stupid enough not to notice that the meter reaidng shows you have used no electricity in 3 years?
Did you really think you could get away with it? This isn't scooby doo, i don't need a talking dog to foil your dasterdly plan.
OMG A BOOK
To the girls sat across from me on the train who made no attempt to whisper about me
Yes it is a book
No it is not harry potter
No i'm not in school
No i don't have to read it
Yes i enjoy reading
No it's not strange to read in public
Yes i am too old for school
No i'm not reading in the hopes it will impress you.
AND REST.......
AND DRINK......................................
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the landlord/landlady supposed to be responsible for fixing stuff instead of the tenant?
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