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(Nods to Jester for the thread-title inspiration)
Must be a full moon or something, because we had not one, but two complete nutcases come through the store tonight.
Are you Laughing at Me?!?!?
Guy walks in and immediately looks confused
Nut1: Oh, this isn't the right place......I thought this was O'Connor Hardware.
Gee, what gave it away? The big giant sign that says Staples or the utter lack of anything you might find at a hardware store? There isn't even a hardware store in this plaza. O'Connor's isn't even in this TOWN! You got off the highway about 4 exits too early, fella.
Nut1: You wouldn't happen to have [mumble]boards?
Captain Jellico: No, sorry.
Nut1: Yeah, I thought this was O'Connor hardware.
Yeah, we got that. It doesn't sound any less stupid the second time around, either.
Harry (full time electronics): What? That's in the next town over.
Nut1: Are you LAUGHING at me?!
No, we aren't - at least not out loud. But we are having trouble. Focker was biting his lip, Captain Jellico was turning red, Angelica was on the verge of losing it, and I was standing still with my back to this guy, fighting the temptation to look at him.
Harry: No, I just---
Nutcase #1 stormed out, and we all burst out laughing. Not everyday that we are mistaken for a hardware store, and I've never seen someone get indignant about it (which I think puts him into the Sucky Customer category, rather than just a simple Brain Burp).
Richard Dreyfuss stars in The Fake Pen Conspiracy
A guy who was a dead-ringer for Richard Dreyfuss (specifically, as he appeared towards the end of Mr Holland's Opus) was in the pen and pencil aisle, pulling package after package of mechanical pencils off the same peg and looking at each one, as if he expected subsequent packages of the same item to be different.
Me: Can I help you?
Nut2: I'm looking for a REAL INK pen!
Well, you're not going to find ANY pens in the pencil section......
Me: Well....all the pens are on this side of the aisle *gestures expansively*
Nut2: You've got a WHOLE WALL of pens that AREN'T REAL and DON'T WORK.
Me:
Nut2: They don't use REAL INK.
Me: Uh.....*A System Error has occurred*
Nut2: Anything you write with ANY of those pens, if it gets wet, you'll never be able to read it again.
OK....so I guess he wanted something with indelible ink, which we DO have, but I don't know if he'll listen to me.
Me: Well, we do have-
Nut2: No....all you have are FAKE PENS that NO ONE wants to buy.
Uh.....the TENS OF THOUSANDS of them that I've sold over the past couple months for BTS would seem to make a lie out of THAT statement.
Nut2: Well.....not that I want to buy....and I'm getting frustrated.
Yeah, I can tell.....and you're still looking at PENCILS.
I walked away at that point.
A few minutes later, he asked me if we had 11 x 17 inch Vellum paper, which we don't. Then I saw him examining different identical packages of paper.
Me (to the Don and Angelica): See that Richard Dreyfuss lookalike over there at the paper wall? He's a nutcase...watch out.
The Don: We were actually just discussing that. Last week he was in here holding a case of water. There was only 1 person ahead of him in line, but apparently that was too long to wait, because you know what he did? He turned to me and said "Here, Don, YOU can hold the water." and shoved the case into my arms, then walked out the door.
Apparently he's been in a lot, but only in the mornings, so I've never seen him. Captain Jellico said "He's what they call a curmudgeon." (Of course, Capt Jellico knows better than most people what a curmudgeon is, being one himself).
I was happy to see that guy leave. He was worrying and hilarious all at the same time, but he didn't help the headache I had all day today.
Must be a full moon or something, because we had not one, but two complete nutcases come through the store tonight.
Are you Laughing at Me?!?!?
Guy walks in and immediately looks confused
Nut1: Oh, this isn't the right place......I thought this was O'Connor Hardware.
Gee, what gave it away? The big giant sign that says Staples or the utter lack of anything you might find at a hardware store? There isn't even a hardware store in this plaza. O'Connor's isn't even in this TOWN! You got off the highway about 4 exits too early, fella.
Nut1: You wouldn't happen to have [mumble]boards?
Captain Jellico: No, sorry.
Nut1: Yeah, I thought this was O'Connor hardware.
Yeah, we got that. It doesn't sound any less stupid the second time around, either.
Harry (full time electronics): What? That's in the next town over.
Nut1: Are you LAUGHING at me?!
No, we aren't - at least not out loud. But we are having trouble. Focker was biting his lip, Captain Jellico was turning red, Angelica was on the verge of losing it, and I was standing still with my back to this guy, fighting the temptation to look at him.
Harry: No, I just---
Nutcase #1 stormed out, and we all burst out laughing. Not everyday that we are mistaken for a hardware store, and I've never seen someone get indignant about it (which I think puts him into the Sucky Customer category, rather than just a simple Brain Burp).
Richard Dreyfuss stars in The Fake Pen Conspiracy
A guy who was a dead-ringer for Richard Dreyfuss (specifically, as he appeared towards the end of Mr Holland's Opus) was in the pen and pencil aisle, pulling package after package of mechanical pencils off the same peg and looking at each one, as if he expected subsequent packages of the same item to be different.
Me: Can I help you?
Nut2: I'm looking for a REAL INK pen!
Well, you're not going to find ANY pens in the pencil section......
Me: Well....all the pens are on this side of the aisle *gestures expansively*
Nut2: You've got a WHOLE WALL of pens that AREN'T REAL and DON'T WORK.
Me:
Nut2: They don't use REAL INK.
Me: Uh.....*A System Error has occurred*
Nut2: Anything you write with ANY of those pens, if it gets wet, you'll never be able to read it again.
OK....so I guess he wanted something with indelible ink, which we DO have, but I don't know if he'll listen to me.
Me: Well, we do have-
Nut2: No....all you have are FAKE PENS that NO ONE wants to buy.
Uh.....the TENS OF THOUSANDS of them that I've sold over the past couple months for BTS would seem to make a lie out of THAT statement.
Nut2: Well.....not that I want to buy....and I'm getting frustrated.
Yeah, I can tell.....and you're still looking at PENCILS.
I walked away at that point.
A few minutes later, he asked me if we had 11 x 17 inch Vellum paper, which we don't. Then I saw him examining different identical packages of paper.
Me (to the Don and Angelica): See that Richard Dreyfuss lookalike over there at the paper wall? He's a nutcase...watch out.
The Don: We were actually just discussing that. Last week he was in here holding a case of water. There was only 1 person ahead of him in line, but apparently that was too long to wait, because you know what he did? He turned to me and said "Here, Don, YOU can hold the water." and shoved the case into my arms, then walked out the door.
Apparently he's been in a lot, but only in the mornings, so I've never seen him. Captain Jellico said "He's what they call a curmudgeon." (Of course, Capt Jellico knows better than most people what a curmudgeon is, being one himself).
I was happy to see that guy leave. He was worrying and hilarious all at the same time, but he didn't help the headache I had all day today.
... I'm a former *ahem* "GameStore" employee...
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