Who calls the cable company overnight? (long)

[TNT]

Between midnight and 7:00AM, I'm both customer service and internet tech support. I suppose these callers weren't necessarily sucky, but they were an adventure...

Midnight

Caller: I'm installing Adobe Photoshop. I don't know what to do.
Me: Does this have anything to do with the internet?
Caller: I don't know. Right now, it's asking me if I agree to the user license or something like that.
Me: I'm an internet guy and this really has nothing to do with the internet.
Caller: Should I agree?
Me: I'm sure I don't know. I know absolutely zero about Photoshop. [Not true, but ignorance has its privileges.] Is there anything else I can help you with?
Caller: Okay, I'm going to press "I agree."
Me: Whatever. Anything else I can help with you with?
Caller: Now it's asking me...

I can't hang up on customers and she wouldn't get the hint. I wound up sitting there until Photoshop was installed. I never actually said anything except, "whatever," "that's up to you," and "I don't know." Now, whenever she has a problem, she's going to call the cable company... "But the guy I talked to before was very helpful. Why won't anyone else help me?" Or, worse, when she really screws things up... even if it's a year from now... she's going to claim it was all my fault.

2:30am

Me: Hello, thank you for calling blah, blah, blah.
Caller: I just got back from the bar, but I'm not drunk.
Me: Okay. [Leading with "I'm not drunk" means you're properly pissed.]
Caller: And I'm 75 years old but I'm not stupid.
Me: Okay. [See above.]

What followed was a half hour where the caller used the words "digital box" and "television" interchangeably. The kicker came at the end... I set up for a tech to come to out and made it clear the call was over

And then... I heard the sound of TV. "Hey, look, it works now... you can cancel the tech."

He either figured out how to turn the TV on, or he just needed someone to talk to early one drunken morning.

4:00am

Caller: This is your lucky day. I have satellite, and I just hate it. You're going to get a customer back.
Me: Great.
Caller: I realize you can't send a tech out now, but I'm sure someone can be out around 8am?
Me: Unlikely. By the way, you owe us over $400 from your previous account.
Caller: Could I get service now and you just add like $25 a month to my bill until I pay off the $400?
Me: No.
Caller: I really hate satellite. I thought it would be better than cable, but it's not. Work with me, here, okay?
Me: Let me guess: satellite cut you off for non-payment tonight. [I actually said that... I was pretty sure the caller could handle it.]
Caller: Yeah.

6:00AM

Caller: I just came home from work and my picture's really lousy.
Me: Okay. Hmmm... I can't find your account.
Caller: My landlord pays for it. He lives on the first floor, and I live on the second floor.
Me: According to this, your address hasn't had service since 1999.
Caller: The price is included in my rent.
Me: The address would still show as having service. Yours doesn't.
Caller: Well, anyway, I need a tech out here.
Me: We're not sending a tech to fix a connection that doesn't exist.
Caller: Well, that just totally sucks. Why am I am paying you for service?
Me: You're not paying us. You're paying your landlord.
Caller: So you're not going to send a tech out?

Well, yes, I am... the landlord apparently not only set the tenant up with an illegal connection, he's also charging for that connection. That moves it from illegally obtaining service, to illegally reselling service... uh, oh.

7:00AM

Me: Come Mr. Tallyman, tally me bananas. Daylight come and me want to go home.

[friendofjimmyk]

Well, yes, I am... the landlord apparently not only set the tenant up with an illegal connection, he's also charging for that connection. That moves it from illegally obtaining service, to illegally reselling service... uh, oh.

Wow. Just. WOW. So, now, not only is the landlord AND possibly the tennant facing some legal troubles, there will be no cable at all.

[greensinestro]

I love that story. I worked for Adelphia for four months in 2005 and dealt with these issues, too. Examples were the people who had obtained only the bare bones service, yet they were actually getting expanded cable and paying the bare bones rates for it thanks to a representative not issuing an order to have a technician add a "trap" to the service. Yet, these were always the same people who would call in a service order, then be pissed afterward that after the tech fixed their picture, they lost all of those other channels they were getting for free. You see, I usually caught this when a customer would say something like "My channel 42 is fuzzy" but they were only supposed to get up to channel 13. Well, perhaps you should have kept your mouth shut and dealt with a fuzzy, grainy picture instead of calling in!

I do internet support for dial up and deal with another issue. I like the ones who will call with problems, and during the call, I see they're not being billed for the service. They have the balls to get super duper pissed because I caught on to this and submitted a ticket to our billing center. Maybe these people should have called someone else, like a guy on the outside who would have not seen this.

I also deal with people that will call us for things not related to the internet. And, I'm as cautious as you are. I will not, under any circumstances, deal with anything related to the computer machine itself, whether it's installing a modem, plugging the phone cord in correctly, changing the appearance of the desktop, etc. Because you're right. These people then make a stink that someone else here helped them with that, and why can't you do that for them also? And, even then, yes, they are the ones who then will call back stating you wrecked their computer.

Perhaps that one guy should never have called in. I'll bet he regrets it, and probably his landlord threw him out for not going to him instead of calling the cable company. WOW!

[Crosshair]

I love that story. I worked for Adelphia for four months in 2005 and dealt with these issues, too. Examples were the people who had obtained only the bare bones service, yet they were actually getting expanded cable and paying the bare bones rates for it thanks to a representative not issuing an order to have a technician add a "trap" to the service.

Happened to a friend of mine, he made sure everyone that lived there knew NEVER to call the cable company or else bad things would happen.