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Right, yesterday my brother was working security at the store we both work at and I WISH I had been working because he got two beauties last night.
SC number 1
B: Brother
E: duty manager
M: Security guy1
N: Security guy2
Guy comes and friendly as Pie asks if he can exchange his sausages because he got the wrong type. Now it is the law that we cannot exchange meat if it has been longer than 20 minutes. Cannot be done. This guy bought his sausages 35 minutes ago.
Brother explains this. However my brother said had the guy been polite about it the duty manager would probably agreed to just waste the sausages and let the guy get the ones he wanted.
He wasn't polite.
SC: What the f*&%?! That's a F%$&ing disgrace! I want someone f*!%ing higher than you right f&"$ing now! I want my f*^%ing sausages
The duty manager, who is standing right behind my brother during this, simply turns around and says "we can't exchange meat after 20 minutes. Sorry, it's the law."
SC: F%^& That! I want my f*&%ing sausages. I want someone higher than you! You better the store f&%£ing manager! I want my f&^%ing sausages! I don't want f*@%ing those!
Here's the point where he picks up the non-wanted sausage and throws them onto the floor.
SC: You're gonna get me my f&$%ing sausage or not even the Old Bill is gonna get me out!
B: Let's see. E could you call the police please?
E: Sure.
Now even though the police station is only 5 minutes away it took them about 30 minutes to arrive which gave my brother and the two security guys with him a lot of time with this moron, and gave him to come up with some lines that had my brother close to giggling in his face.
SC: I will have my sausages! I tell you I was bad when I was younger and now I'm even worse. I'm f&^£ing evil and I will have my sausages.
SC: *trying to give my brother the stare down*
B: Yes? Staring at what?
SC: Your nose.
B: (thinking: Thank you for telling me where your first punch is going to go. Thanks to those judo classes I know just which hold to use after you do that
)
SC: I'm gonna f%@*ing mess you up. You ought to be f*?>ing terrified of me.
B: Well, I'm not feeling scared. You, M?
M: Can't say I am. N?
N: Nah.
SC: You boys better thank your f&%"ing stars I ain't got a gun. I tell you, I may not get my sausages but I will have my revenge.
Cue tongue biting from all three of the boys trying desperately not to laugh it his face.
He wanders outside for a cigarette. And that’s when the police turn up.
SC: Yeah, you're here for me.
One officer takes his details and the other takes the details from my brother. While the officer is talking to my brother... he just wandered away. Leaving my brother slightly disappointed as he thought he was going to have a go at the police, but he'd rather have an anti-climatic end than a violent one.
SC number 2 (not so SC-ish more funny and a bit depressing)
Very drunk guy wanders in. Staggering along, almost tripping over his own feet. Instantly getting the attention of everyone in the store.
He does a few laps around the non-food section 5 times then he staggers upstairs to the electoral department, and, in pretty much full view, pulls one of the toasters off the wall, takes the toaster out the box, puts in into his rucksack then puts the empty box back on the shelf.
He staggers back downstairs, and weaves his way over to the beer. He starts pulling a four pack apart and shoving the can down his trousers.
One can, two cans, three- Oh no! One has slipped out of his trouser leg and rolled away! He runs after it and tucks it back in. Cue giggles from security. Three cans, Four.
He wanders past the checkouts and outside. Right into the arms of M and N.
M: You know why we stopped you don't you?
SC: *nods sadly*
They try to take into the back but by now his legs are barely working so my brother has to, for the lack of another word, hoist him up by his rucksack so his feet aren't dragging along the floor.
M: You did that all on purpose didn't you?
SC: *nods*
N: You wanted us to catch you.
SC: *nods*
The theory is that the guy was homeless and he wanted to be locked up for the night because it was raining quite hard. Poor guy.
He always get's the fun SC's working on Customer service/Security. I'll probably post a few more from him.
Edited because apparently I can't spell. See unholypet's post for more details.
SC number 1
B: Brother
E: duty manager
M: Security guy1
N: Security guy2
Guy comes and friendly as Pie asks if he can exchange his sausages because he got the wrong type. Now it is the law that we cannot exchange meat if it has been longer than 20 minutes. Cannot be done. This guy bought his sausages 35 minutes ago.
Brother explains this. However my brother said had the guy been polite about it the duty manager would probably agreed to just waste the sausages and let the guy get the ones he wanted.
He wasn't polite.
SC: What the f*&%?! That's a F%$&ing disgrace! I want someone f*!%ing higher than you right f&"$ing now! I want my f*^%ing sausages
The duty manager, who is standing right behind my brother during this, simply turns around and says "we can't exchange meat after 20 minutes. Sorry, it's the law."
SC: F%^& That! I want my f*&%ing sausages. I want someone higher than you! You better the store f&%£ing manager! I want my f&^%ing sausages! I don't want f*@%ing those!
Here's the point where he picks up the non-wanted sausage and throws them onto the floor.
SC: You're gonna get me my f&$%ing sausage or not even the Old Bill is gonna get me out!
B: Let's see. E could you call the police please?
E: Sure.
Now even though the police station is only 5 minutes away it took them about 30 minutes to arrive which gave my brother and the two security guys with him a lot of time with this moron, and gave him to come up with some lines that had my brother close to giggling in his face.
SC: I will have my sausages! I tell you I was bad when I was younger and now I'm even worse. I'm f&^£ing evil and I will have my sausages.
SC: *trying to give my brother the stare down*
B: Yes? Staring at what?
SC: Your nose.
B: (thinking: Thank you for telling me where your first punch is going to go. Thanks to those judo classes I know just which hold to use after you do that
)SC: I'm gonna f%@*ing mess you up. You ought to be f*?>ing terrified of me.
B: Well, I'm not feeling scared. You, M?
M: Can't say I am. N?
N: Nah.
SC: You boys better thank your f&%"ing stars I ain't got a gun. I tell you, I may not get my sausages but I will have my revenge.
Cue tongue biting from all three of the boys trying desperately not to laugh it his face.
He wanders outside for a cigarette. And that’s when the police turn up.
SC: Yeah, you're here for me.
One officer takes his details and the other takes the details from my brother. While the officer is talking to my brother... he just wandered away. Leaving my brother slightly disappointed as he thought he was going to have a go at the police, but he'd rather have an anti-climatic end than a violent one.
SC number 2 (not so SC-ish more funny and a bit depressing)
Very drunk guy wanders in. Staggering along, almost tripping over his own feet. Instantly getting the attention of everyone in the store.
He does a few laps around the non-food section 5 times then he staggers upstairs to the electoral department, and, in pretty much full view, pulls one of the toasters off the wall, takes the toaster out the box, puts in into his rucksack then puts the empty box back on the shelf.
He staggers back downstairs, and weaves his way over to the beer. He starts pulling a four pack apart and shoving the can down his trousers.
One can, two cans, three- Oh no! One has slipped out of his trouser leg and rolled away! He runs after it and tucks it back in. Cue giggles from security. Three cans, Four.
He wanders past the checkouts and outside. Right into the arms of M and N.
M: You know why we stopped you don't you?
SC: *nods sadly*
They try to take into the back but by now his legs are barely working so my brother has to, for the lack of another word, hoist him up by his rucksack so his feet aren't dragging along the floor.
M: You did that all on purpose didn't you?
SC: *nods*
N: You wanted us to catch you.
SC: *nods*
The theory is that the guy was homeless and he wanted to be locked up for the night because it was raining quite hard. Poor guy.
He always get's the fun SC's working on Customer service/Security. I'll probably post a few more from him.
Edited because apparently I can't spell. See unholypet's post for more details.
Oh my god I can't believe I wrote that. Last time I fully trust spell check to catch my mistakes.
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