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Textbook Hell is for...porn...? 0.o or "Wherein Lupo's brain attempts sepukuu again"
Hey everyone. I know I haven’t posted about any escapades in Textbook Hell in a long while, and unfortunately it’s not because it’s been shenanigan-free. Oh no, there have been incidents. I just haven’t been really in the right frame of mind to post said incidents, as life has been kind of sucking for oh, the entire year.
HOWEVER, this particular little nugget is probably the one incident in the last few weeks that had me shaking my head and simultaneously trying to save my suiciding braincells.
I’m pulling a textbook shipment, transferring it to our warehouse in preparation for next semester, it helps gets shelves emptied for new shipments. As such, the textbook section is roped off, and customers aren’t allowed back where all the pallets and ladders and boxes and carts are, because, well, yeah, lawsuits? I’m with a newbie CW, showing him how to stack a skid, when I hear someone calling for assistance at the counter. I head over, and it’s a random guy, who says he wants a book. I say sure, I can help him search for one!
And it all goes downhill from there…
Me:
Him: He-Who-Craves-Erotic-Goodness
CW: Newbie whose sole role is to valiantly try not to choke to death as he stifles laughter behind me…
(Thoughts are in parentheses)
Me: All right, sir, so which book were you looking for?
Him: I need a specific type of book, and was hoping you could show me a selection.
Me: Erm…all right, I can do a subject search, what exactly were you looking for?
Him: fiction.
Me: …um…can you narrow it down for me.
Him: Adult fiction.
Me: (Is he seriously asking what I think he’s asking…?) <Before I can think of a reply, he starts talking again>
Him: You know, erotic adult fiction. But no gay stuff. I’m looking for a good adult story.
Me: Sir, we don’t sell those kinds of books here.
Him: Why not. It’s a book store, ain’t it?
Me: Yes, sir, but we’re a college bookstore. We sell university textbooks, supplies and merchandise, but we don’t sell erotic materials here.
Him: that’s discriminatory, isn’t it?
Me: 0.o Um…
Him: <And he just pushes ahead before I can respond> I mean, you think college students don’t have needs or urges, or need stress relief?
Me: I didn’t say that, sir, I just—
Him: And who are you to judge what someone wants to read in their spare time?
Me: I’m not judging anyone, sir, it’s just—
Him: Discrimination and judgment. You should be ashamed!!
CW: <Starts snickering in the background and turns it into a cough>
Me: <Just standing there in amazement that this guy is ranting because we don’t sell porn.>
What follows is a good 10 minutes of him basically repeating that we’re prejudiced, discriminatory, judgmental, etc, etc because we don’t sell porn—erotic literature. I’m quite literally flabbergasted, because while I’ve had my share of freaks, creeps, and weirdos hit on me, make lewd suggestions and whathaveyou, this guy was 100% serious. That was the scary thing. I can usually tell when someone is BSing, or just plain crazy, but he was very verbose, intelligent sounding and serious, and wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise. It's really hard to put into written word just how surreal the situation really was. He's honestly indignant and insulted that we don't carry erotic books for him to read and thinks we're unduly prejudice because of it.
At one point I was really, REALLY tempted to say “You know, sir, college students also know where to get porn for free on “The Intarwebz”, so why would they buy it here if we did sell it? Seriously? The profit margins would be nil. Nonexistent. Crappy investment, and while management here isn’t the brightest crayon in the box, even they know it’s a stupid idea to sell porn. You want something like that, there’s at least 3 stores within a 10 mile radius that caters to your special needs. Have a nice day now.”
I didn’t.
So, my CW is still trying not to crack a rib stifling laughter, I’m standing there speechless in shock, and his diatribe finally winds down, but not until he shakes a finger at me
Him: You’re not going to go far in life if you sit in judgment of others. It’s a perfectly natural thing, really. I think I’m going to have to have a word with your head office.
And he takes one of our cards with the info for the online surveys, notes down my name and my CWs name from our nametags and walks out.
W. T. F??
I just…my brain hurts. And to top it off, my CW started humming, then singing:
CW: “Textbook Hell is for porn, Textbook Hell is for porn!”
Me: Don’t make me pelt you with sharp pointy objects…
And he’s finally able to laugh like he’s wanted to for the last 15 minutes while my brain tries to reboot.
The end.
HOWEVER, this particular little nugget is probably the one incident in the last few weeks that had me shaking my head and simultaneously trying to save my suiciding braincells.
I’m pulling a textbook shipment, transferring it to our warehouse in preparation for next semester, it helps gets shelves emptied for new shipments. As such, the textbook section is roped off, and customers aren’t allowed back where all the pallets and ladders and boxes and carts are, because, well, yeah, lawsuits? I’m with a newbie CW, showing him how to stack a skid, when I hear someone calling for assistance at the counter. I head over, and it’s a random guy, who says he wants a book. I say sure, I can help him search for one!
And it all goes downhill from there…
Me:
Him: He-Who-Craves-Erotic-Goodness
CW: Newbie whose sole role is to valiantly try not to choke to death as he stifles laughter behind me…
(Thoughts are in parentheses)
Me: All right, sir, so which book were you looking for?
Him: I need a specific type of book, and was hoping you could show me a selection.
Me: Erm…all right, I can do a subject search, what exactly were you looking for?
Him: fiction.
Me: …um…can you narrow it down for me.
Him: Adult fiction.
Me: (Is he seriously asking what I think he’s asking…?) <Before I can think of a reply, he starts talking again>
Him: You know, erotic adult fiction. But no gay stuff. I’m looking for a good adult story.
Me: Sir, we don’t sell those kinds of books here.
Him: Why not. It’s a book store, ain’t it?
Me: Yes, sir, but we’re a college bookstore. We sell university textbooks, supplies and merchandise, but we don’t sell erotic materials here.
Him: that’s discriminatory, isn’t it?
Me: 0.o Um…
Him: <And he just pushes ahead before I can respond> I mean, you think college students don’t have needs or urges, or need stress relief?
Me: I didn’t say that, sir, I just—
Him: And who are you to judge what someone wants to read in their spare time?
Me: I’m not judging anyone, sir, it’s just—
Him: Discrimination and judgment. You should be ashamed!!
CW: <Starts snickering in the background and turns it into a cough>
Me: <Just standing there in amazement that this guy is ranting because we don’t sell porn.>
What follows is a good 10 minutes of him basically repeating that we’re prejudiced, discriminatory, judgmental, etc, etc because we don’t sell porn—erotic literature. I’m quite literally flabbergasted, because while I’ve had my share of freaks, creeps, and weirdos hit on me, make lewd suggestions and whathaveyou, this guy was 100% serious. That was the scary thing. I can usually tell when someone is BSing, or just plain crazy, but he was very verbose, intelligent sounding and serious, and wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise. It's really hard to put into written word just how surreal the situation really was. He's honestly indignant and insulted that we don't carry erotic books for him to read and thinks we're unduly prejudice because of it.
At one point I was really, REALLY tempted to say “You know, sir, college students also know where to get porn for free on “The Intarwebz”, so why would they buy it here if we did sell it? Seriously? The profit margins would be nil. Nonexistent. Crappy investment, and while management here isn’t the brightest crayon in the box, even they know it’s a stupid idea to sell porn. You want something like that, there’s at least 3 stores within a 10 mile radius that caters to your special needs. Have a nice day now.”
I didn’t.
So, my CW is still trying not to crack a rib stifling laughter, I’m standing there speechless in shock, and his diatribe finally winds down, but not until he shakes a finger at me
Him: You’re not going to go far in life if you sit in judgment of others. It’s a perfectly natural thing, really. I think I’m going to have to have a word with your head office.
And he takes one of our cards with the info for the online surveys, notes down my name and my CWs name from our nametags and walks out.
W. T. F??
I just…my brain hurts. And to top it off, my CW started humming, then singing:
CW: “Textbook Hell is for porn, Textbook Hell is for porn!”
Me: Don’t make me pelt you with sharp pointy objects…
And he’s finally able to laugh like he’s wanted to for the last 15 minutes while my brain tries to reboot.
The end.
Eric the Grey
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