It's the End of the World as We Know it...

[Snowbird]

That leaves the painfully (and as yet) unanswered question of....just which piece is the Hooker?

I'll hazard a guess and say that it's the Rook. Maybe? Either way, a Jailbird Chess Set would probably sell out for the holidays.

[Talon]

I'll hazard a guess and say that it's the Rook. Maybe?

But then, shouldn't it be called the Rooker?

[Lace Neil Singer]

I'm guessing the bishop, too. Wouldn't they call the Rook the castle, cuz that's what it looks like? And the bishop does look a little like a person with a big open mouth... I'll stop there. ^^;;

[South Texan]

just which piece is the Hooker?

I thought of all sorts of responses dealing with that question starting with:

She's the cheap little piece, or

She's the piece that doesn't care where you play her as long as you pay first, or

She's the piece that can be moved into any position...

but I had to stop before it went too far.

[RayvenQ]

I'm guessing the bishop, too. Wouldn't they call the Rook the castle, cuz that's what it looks like? And the bishop does look a little like a person with a big open mouth... I'll stop there. ^^;;

Sounds like you've played this before

[BookstoreEscapee]

That leaves the painfully (and as yet) unanswered question of....just which piece is the Hooker?

Heh, that was my first thought, too...but then I don't play chess, so...

Not defending the inmate here....just saying that if it was me, I might freak. As I am pretty much completely phobic about wasps, bees, etc. About the only fear I have. Yeah, I would go completely batshit crazy.

Me too. Plus if the guy was allergic and happened to get stung...could be bad. Then again, if I were that guy and I was allergic, I'd be telling the CO that, rather than just saying "Hey there's a wasp in here." (I'm not allergic, that I know of, but the one time I was stung by a bee, I rather freaked out (then again, I was only 7 at the time).)

5. I wasn't aware that there were any churches of the Antichrist, let alone 6 of them. I'd love to see their bake sales.

Meh, everyone just makes Devil's Food Cake...

[Fryk]

I would just like to point out that despite the title of this post, I feel fine.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I would just like to point out that despite the title of this post, I feel fine.

Boooooo!!!!

Really? It took until page 3?

[Jester]

Thank you for the reminder, Jester.

That sounds ominous. Are you planning on terrorizing me with some bees or something?

We also don't condone revenge against customers here, folks.

Now, technically speaking, inmates are not customers, since they are not paying for their stay. WE are.

Not saying that CO's should take revenge against them...just felt like clarifying that.

the pawn (but, then, why 'The' hooker?)

The pawn could be the hooker because it's cheap and no one cares if they lose it.

I would vote for the rook, as it is something you need to keep your eye on, it is potentially dangerous, it can "get around" quite a bit, and the Pimp (presumably the King) likes to have one on either side of him...but not TOO close to him.

Now, if *I* were naming the Prison Chess Set, I think it would go something like this:

King = Pimp (the man, does almost none of the heavy lifting)
Queen = Bitch (dangerous chick that you Don't Want To Fuck With)
Bishop = Blade (it's sneaky and never comes at you straight)
Knight = Muscle (you never see the hit coming, and it protects the Pimp)
Rook = Hooker (see above)
Pawn = Junkie (worthless human garbage that you can use to your advantage, that is expendable, and that there's plenty of)

[Broomjockey]

ETA: If anyone wants to quibble about whether prisoners are customers or not, check out what forum the OP posted this in.

Now, technically speaking, inmates are not customers, since they are not paying for their stay. WE are.

No quibbling. No squabbling. No.

...

I said NO!

[Jester]

No quibbling. No squabbling. No.

(hangs head) Yes, sir.

[Fryk]

Boooooo!!!!

Really? It took until page 3?

I HAD to put tha in here when I realized NO ONE had typed that yet. Sometimes you gotta aknowlege the obvious.

[Sonoma]

Boooooo!!!!

Really? It took until page 3?

I was beat to the punch on posting, but I have had that song running through my head ever since I started reading this thread.

[Ironclad Alibi]

That leaves the painfully (and as yet) unanswered question of....just which piece is the Hooker?

Maybe the black queen is the hooker and the white queen is the bitch. Or is it the other way around?

[Kara]

me[/I], I might freak. As I am pretty much completely phobic about wasps, bees, etc. About the only fear I have. Yeah, I would go completely batshit crazy.

Okay, so, just so we're all on the same page here, I'm not completely heartless (yet). The guy told me not to worry about the wasp because it would be dead in a few seconds anyway. All the inmates wear "shower shoes," which are basically just sandals, when in the showers. This is to prevent getting herpesyphillaids or god knows what other horrific infections/diseases/parasites. Because, yeah, the showers get cleaned by inmate custodians, but how hard would you work at your job if you only got $1.40 per day? They are also good for squashing things. So yeah. This guy is one of those big, Billy Badass types. He completely destroyed it (probably just by flexing his pecs at it).

I left that part out for comedic effect. The ugly truth is, we always have to watch what we do and say to the inmates, because they won't hesitate to sue the holy living crap out of us (and the facility, and the state, and so on). Not that we can't be smartasses, but there's a time and place for everything. You observe the inmates and learn who can and can't take a joke.

As for the cockroach guy, well, considering that he's been known to eat, um, various bodily waste products that will go unmentioned, it was probably healthier for him anyway. And having occasional creepy-crawly things in the food is nothing new. The food is made by, guess who (inmates). Again, for $1.40 a day you can't expect a whole lot of effort on their part. Plus, they like to make Hooch out of anything that looks like it might ferment, and they hide it in trash bags in the ceiling tiles (no, I don't know how the hell they do this without being seen). It's usually easy to find in the warmer months, just look for the cloud of bugs hovering around any given hiding spot. So you can only imagine the magnitude of vermin that hide in the shadows all over the kitchen. I won't lie. If I had to live off prison food, I would starve to death.

They can, however, buy their own food from the Commissary every week. Even the Seg guys can do this. They just fill out an order sheet and the stuff gets delivered once a week and passed out by the officers. They get pretty much anything that doesn't need to be refrigerated (they have "hot pots" that can heat up water to cook soups, rice, and other packaged foods).

My amusement at the tea thing was well overshadowed by my disgust. But, again, I took the cynical path and pointed out one over the other. Also, I should point out that the Officer who told me this, although he's funny as hell, could have easily just made it up. He does that for no real reason. He once told an inmate that he grew up in a rough neighborhood of a tiny rural town. He said that his mailman was killed in a drive-by in front of his house, and that letters went flying everywhere. And he was dead serious when he was saying this.

ANYway...

So, he's giving his followers the finger?

I don't know how I didn't think of that joke. Well played

Meh, everyone just makes Devil's Food Cake...

I don't have any kind of prize to give, but if I did, you would have won it.