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  • #1

    The Broken Record

    I work for an alarm company, let's call it ABC, and I call when alarms go off and dispatch as necessary. This call had me just shaking my head.

    Me: Good evening, this is Heksubah with ABC Security Services. We are receiving a burglar alarm from your front door. Is everything okay?
    SC: Yes. It was dark.
    Me: May I have your first and last name please?
    SC: It was dark. It. Was. Dark. It was dark.
    Me: Okay, may I please have your first and last name, sir?
    SC: It was dark. I just got home from work. It was dark. I just got home.
    Me: I understand, sir. May I please have your full name?
    SC: I just got home from work. S. C.
    Me: Thank you, Mr. C. May I have your...
    SC: I SAID my name is S. C. S. C. I'm S. C.
    Me: Alright, may I have your password please?
    SC: ESSSSS CEEEEE. S. C. It was dark.
    Me: I need your password please, sir.
    SC: I just got home. Toad. Toad.
    Me: *seeing that toad is the password* Thank you very much sir, we will disrega...
    SC: Toad. It was dark. I just got home from work. Esssss Ceeee.
    Me: *hurrying now* We will disregard the alarm, Mr. C.
    SC: Toad. Toad. Toad.
    Me: Have a nice night.
    SC: WAIT! ...will I be billed?
    Me: No, sir. You will not be billed for this.
    SC: Will I be billed?
    Me: No, sir. You will not.
    SC: Will I be billed for this?
    Me: No, sir.
    SC: WILL I BE BILLED... will I be billed for this?
    Me: No!
    SC: Thank you. It was dark.
    Me: Haveanicenight! *click*
    "Oh, the strawberries don't taste as they used to and the thighs of women have lost their clutch!"
    Tags: None
  • #2
    lol. looks like someone had one too many martinis...
    If you want to be happy, be. ~Leo Tolstoy

    i'm on fb and xbox live; pm me if ya wanna be "friends"
    ^_^

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    • #3
      I forgot to add that, ironically enough, most of his notes from previous alarms read like...

      "Spoke to S. C., verified password, everything was okay. He just got home and it was dark."
      "Oh, the strawberries don't taste as they used to and the thighs of women have lost their clutch!"

      Comment

      • #4
        "Wait, you're saying it was dark?"

        "Yes. It was dark and I just got home. It was dark."

        "... hmm... okay, yeah, I just don't get it. Sorry."

        "I just got home and it was dark."

        "Oh, now I get it! Thank you."

        "It was dark."

        "Okay, yeah! Thanks! I see. It was dark when you got home, that's what it was. I understand."

        Sheesh. What a wingnut.
        Each one of us has a special place just like the Evergreen Forest. Enchanting, sparkling, and perfect. And, like the flowers that bloom there... fragile.

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        • #5
          But are you sure it was dark?
          (dont hit me )


          Myabe as a "long time customer" bonus, send the guy an automatic nightlight, so its not so.... y'know.... toad... wait.... Dark.
          "On a scale of 1 to banana, whats your favourite colour of the alphabet?"
          Regards, Lord Baron Darth von Vaderham, esq. Middle brother to mharbourgirl & Squeaksmyalias

          Comment

          • #6
            SC: WAIT! ...will I be billed?
            Me: No, sir. You will not be billed for this.
            SC: Will I be billed?
            Me: No, sir. You will not.
            SC: Will I be billed for this?
            Me: No, sir.
            SC: WILL I BE BILLED... will I be billed for this?
            Me: Yes. Yes, you will be billed. You will be billed triple, actually, and then we may add an additional fee. An annoyance tax, if you will.
            SC: Wait, will I....what?!?!?
            Me: You will be billed triple for being a repetitive ass monkey. Maybe more if you continue to irritate me.
            SC: WHY?
            Me: Because it was dark. And you're a toad.

            Yes, I am evil. Yes, I revel in it.

            "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is             Still A Customer."

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            • #7
              Hah! I officially love you now, Jester. That's great. Your prize... my father's renowned chili recipe!

              ...wait, wait... I fought over 20 years for that recipe. *takes it and runs*
              "Oh, the strawberries don't taste as they used to and the thighs of women have lost their clutch!"

              Comment

              • #8
                Dude....the snozzberries....they taste like snozzberries...

                Enough said. (see KhirasHÝ's posts for the inspiration)
                The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

                Now queen of USSR-Land...

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                • #9
                  Maybe they should change his pass phrase to 'it was dark' ?


                  Could be worse, when I worked for a 3 letter alarm company, there was one guy who like clockwork every saturday evening would call in and disable his fire alarm so he could grill a steak in his kitchen.

                  When it is brown it is cooking, when it is black it is done?
                  EVE Online: 99% of the time you sit around waiting for something to happen, but that 1% of action is what hooks people like crack, you don't get interviewed by the BBC for a WoW raid.

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                  • #10
                    Was the alarm screeching at him the whole time you were questioning him? The one time my key fob didn't work and I set off my alarm I could hardly hear the people over the noise.

                    Still, it didn't take *that* many repetitions for me to get what they were saying!
                    Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Quoth AccountingDrone View Post
                      there was one guy who like clockwork every saturday evening would call in and disable his fire alarm so he could grill a steak in his kitchen.

                      When it is brown it is cooking, when it is black it is done?
                      Hey, it's not always that simple. I know when I was making chili the other day, I set off MY smoke alarm when I was sauteeing the onions and peppers. And they were not black, thank you very much.

                      "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is                       Still A Customer."

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                      • #12
                        Considering where he seems to be keeping his head, I'd say it's a good chance he'll be in the dark a long time.
                        "All I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who out-drew ya"

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Quoth AccountingDrone View Post
                          Could be worse, when I worked for a 3 letter alarm company, there was one guy who like clockwork every saturday evening would call in and disable his fire alarm so he could grill a steak in his kitchen.

                          When it is brown it is cooking, when it is black it is done?
                          Hah! That reminds me of one I had last night.

                          Me: *dials and waits to spew intro*
                          Man: *doesn't give intro a chance, just answers and...* Cooking steaks!!!eleventy!
                          Me: o.O *thinking he names a restaurant cause he said it so fast... steaks? Wait, this is a residential account... I dialed a steakhouse?* Uh... Good... evening, this is Heksubah with ABC Security... we're receiving a fire alarm from your hallway smo...
                          Man: Yeeeeeeees, I'm cooking steaks.
                          Me: Ah, so everything is okay then.
                          Man: Yes, except I'd really like to eat my yummy steak...
                          Me: *verifies information and gets off the alarm*

                          It would have been funny except he was the sort to say it alll so very condescendingly. Dude, not OUR fault you tripped your alarm. It takes 10 seconds to verify everything is okay and get off the line if you just answer our questions AS we ask them.
                          "Oh, the strawberries don't taste as they used to and the thighs of women have lost their clutch!"

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Okay, people, you need to add a line to the documentation you give your customers.

                            Your smoke alarm is not a kitchen timer!
                            Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Quoth Heksubah View Post
                              Hah! I officially love you now, Jester. That's great. Your prize... my father's renowned chili recipe!

                              ...wait, wait... I fought over 20 years for that recipe. *takes it and runs*
                              Wait, I have to wait *does sums* another 17 years to get that recipe?

                              There has to be another way. I know.

                              Heksubah, will you marry me?

                              On second thoughts, maybe I should use that question somewhere that is not on a web forum. Nothing to see here, move along.

                              C.
                              Nothing in this world will ever be truly idiot-proof as long as they keep making more effective idiots... -EricKei

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