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  • Concentrated Stupid (long)

    Well, here I am, back in form with some tales to tell from temp leasing agent land.

    1. Mr. Can't Read a Website

    Apartment websites often have loooong list of amenities on them with things like "full size washer and dryer" or "central A/C". Here's the thing- a lot of those listed features apply only for certain floor plans. If a property advertises "full size washer/dryer" I can just about guarantee you they are not in the studios, they are available in the 2-3 bedroom units. Not only because they are meant to lure people into the pricier units but also, your everyday studio apartment does not have room for even a stackable washer and dryer and the washer/dryer/sink/toilet/bedroom combo unit hasn't been invented yet. Well this place I'm working at today has a couple of furnished corporate suites available to rent with everything included at a much higher rate than a standard unfurnished apartment. THIS guy had assumed that EVERY SINGLE AMENITY WAS A PART OF EVERY FLOOR PLAN. Now Tucson may not exactly be a Mecca for the arts, culture and other metropolitan gewgaws, but we're hardly Petticoat Freakin' Junction either. That being said- WE ARE NOT OFFERING YOU A FULLY FURNISHED APARTMENT FOR $450 A MONTH, PAL! YOU CAN SAY "FALSE ADVERTISING" ALL YOU WANT BUT IT WILL NOT CHANGE THE SIMPLE FACT THAT YOU, SIR, ARE LIVING IN A DREAM WORLD. And by the way, I didn't set up the website, I didn't enter the data on that site, I don't own the domain, I am not Queen of the Internet and I have no power over its content nor the many ways that content may be misunderstood by persons such as yourself. That's 100% on YOU pal.

    2. Where's Sara?

    We've all dialed a wrong number before. It happens. When it happens it's understandable to say something like, "Is this 123-456-7890?" because that allows me to say, "No, I'm sorry you dialed 7809, no biggie, have a good one!" and we both go on with our lives. You, Sir, on the other hand chose to go the route of asking me one of the most insane questions regarding a wrong number I've ever heard: What number did I dial?

    Now please understand, he did rattle off the number he intended to dial and it was a toll-free number. This is not a toll-free establishment. Many places offer a toll-free number thorugh their advertisers as a way to help keep track of the amount of traffic an advertiser is sending the way of any property. Go on any apartment finder website and I bet you will find a toll-free number to call. However, THOSE numbers spew out a recorded greeting before they connect you. Something like "Cha CHING! Here's another new resident for you from Apartment Finder!". There was no such greeting, so you did not come through a number provided by one of our advertisers. So, Random Dude Looking For Sara Who Is Selling A House, I don't KNOW what number you DIALED, but if it wasn't 1-866-YOU-FAIL it should have been.

    3. But Mah iPhone Sez...

    Again, this isn't exactly NYC or even PHX, but we have more than a dry goods store to work with here. Telling me you're at "the big shopping center" DOESN'T HELP ME. I need a cross-street here, okay Zippy? Right, got the cross-street, and, oh dear. The "big shopping center"? It's a car stereo store, a barbecue store, and a Denny's. That's pretty much it. I don't care WHAT your iPhone said. The iPhone is WRONG. It in iNcorrect! The smart phone flunked! Just go south on that road...south. SOUTH. I don't know what lane of traffic you are currently in or are currently headed for, since you have been driving this whole time. I don't know which way you need to turn, or if you even need to turn at all. Look, don't those iPhones have compasses in them? Do you know where north is? Then just go the other way. If you hit Mexico you've gone too far. I know your iPhone will SAY you're at Pottery Barn, but the big-ass sign that says "Bienvenidos a Mexico" might clue you in to the fact that although the phone may be smart, the user is strictly remedial.

    It wasn't much better when he got here, either. He asked me how to get back to the Travelodge. Well, that depends, WHICH ONE?!?! Yes there is more than one and telling me, "the one TOWARDS PHOENIX" doesn't even make sense, godammit! Don't you have internet on your phone? OMG. You did NOT just ask me how to use the internet on YOUR phone not 5 minutes after lauding technologies' progress and telling me that your phone "made things so much easier". By "things" I'm assuming you mean keeping your almost emprty pack of Camels from flying off the dashboard of your truck. Kind soul that I am I got on the net here (strictly forbidden, I might add) and directed him BACK to the motel he has been staying at for the past 2 days. I don't know about you, but even when confronted with a brand new place, I find the time somehow within the first 48 hours to at least find out WHERE THE HELL I AM. Oh yes, when we were trying to determine which motel he was in, he did ask me at one point if Tucson was north or south of us right now. No, really. He did. I swear.

    However, all this pales in comparison to the fact that this gentleman who was not handicapped in any way, had been on his own for many years, has surviving children and a dog, and can walk upright, actually thought it was okay to PISS in the model apartment. At least he wanted the toilet and didn't just mark the rug, but really, were you implying that you are comfortable whipping out your iPeen in front of me in a very small space that does not contain TP, towels, or SOAP?!? Were you seriously thinking this was OKAY?!?!?! Even though he did use the restroom in the office and I did hear the sink being used, I assure you I washed my hands after he left. Thoroughly. I expect my 2.5 y/o son to announce to all and sundry that he's gotta pee, but this guy? Creeeeeeepy.
    "I've never had a heart attack, but it isn't for my son's lack of trying." - Me

  • #2
    Quoth TTAZ View Post
    WE ARE NOT OFFERING YOU A FULLY FURNISHED APARTMENT FOR $450 A MONTH
    In Kansas, in a well off (but ghetto compared to the other REALLY well off neighborhoods) neighborhood, I couldn't get a 1bd apartment for less than 500! and it was unfurnished! I ended up paying 515/mo, but mine came with a w/d in unit

    In california you can't even get a bad apartment, in the worst neighborhood, on the worst street in that neighborhood, for less than 515$/month for a STUDIO. Unfurnished.
    Last edited by Whiskey; 12-18-2009, 03:59 PM. Reason: california hates low rates
    Thou shalt not take the name of thy goddess Whiskey in vain.

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    • #3
      Quoth TTAZ View Post
      Look, don't those iPhones have compasses in them?
      There's an app for that.

      I also took the time to download one for my G1. So, thanks!
      SC: “Yeah, Bob’s Company. I'm Bob. It's my company.” - GK
      SuperHotelWorker made my Avi!!

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      • #4
        The shopping center with a BBQ store, Denny's are stereo store is located at the corner of River and Oracle.

        Just saying, hahahaha

        I live in town and pass by that a lot. Of course, I live by there too.

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        • #5
          Quoth kirk2010 View Post
          The shopping center with a BBQ store, Denny's are stereo store is located at the corner of River and Oracle.
          I wasn't hiding the exact location of the shopping center, I just didn't think it was relevant. Anyway, Smarty-Pants, would you call that "a big shopping center", especially with Tucson Mall spitting distance away?

          No, didn't think so.

          "I've never had a heart attack, but it isn't for my son's lack of trying." - Me

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