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Fake ID Fail (Long)

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  • Fake ID Fail (Long)

    During tonight's shift a potential guest showed me the absolute worst fake ID I have ever seen. It's as though he understood the concept of ID but had never seen a real one for comparison. This thing was so bad I'm not sure where to begin.

    For starters, the hotel requires valid government issued-photo ID. In fact, it's law here, not just policy. (quick side story: yesterday I had someone with a very thick foreign accent try to check in. I told him ID was required, he said "No, it's ok, I'm a citizen now" Turns out he also didn't have a credit card, he didn't have enough cash to pay for a cab let alone a room, and I laughed him off the property.)

    Tonight's walking cautionary tale about the importance of birth-control decided to start with what seemed to be a legitimate birth certificate as the basis for his fraudulent bonafides. Now, in Canada, or for that matter everywhere as far as I know, a birth certificate is not photo ID. For the purposes of verifying identity, it's almost completely useless. But Dumbass in question decided to mock-up the reverse side as generic picture ID.

    Let me mention at this point that he looked about old enough to drink, (bear in mind, drinking age here is 19.) I suspect the birth certificate he used belonged to his father, for reasons I'll get to shortly, but either way, it placed his age at nearly 50, not 20.

    OK, let's move on to the picture:

    Some people will borrow or steal the ID of someone else, ideally someone who looks at least vaguely alike, often an older sibling or cousin. That's one way to go. The ID itself is perfectly real and valid, it's just doesn't happen to be the bearer's ID.

    The other option is to create a fake ID. Generally speaking, it should be as near to possible as your real ID, but with the birthdate changed. The other details should be real, or at least remembered, and you absolutely want the picture to be an actual picture of you.

    This guy tonight decided to go another way.

    First of all, the picture was black & white.
    Also, it clearly wasn't printed on the card, but had been cut out, unevenly, and glued to the back of the birth certificate.
    It looked an awful lot like a highschool yearbook photo from the mid-70s, and I suspect it was just that. It did not, however, look like the guy holding it.
    There was some resemblance, maybe. My best guess is that this guy took his father's birth certificate, and then decided to use a picture of his father at his age. I dunno, there are just some many things wrong with this I can't fathom anything else.

    Next, the details; name, birthdate, address, etc, were hand written. With blue ink. And lousy penmanship.

    Finally, while I know there have been budget shortfalls, and the govt is making cuts where they can, I don't know of any govt office that has taken to laminating things with scotch tape.

    There is absolutely nothing more I can say to illustrate how ridiculous it was.
    Aliterate : A person who is capable of reading but unwilling to do so.

    "A man who does not read has no advantage over a man who cannot" - Mark Twain

  • #2
    Ladies and gentlemen, I think we've reached a new level of fail here!

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    • #3
      As a vaguely related side note, my actual certified birth certificate copy that I use looks horribly fake.

      It was originally produced on a typewriter (no surprise there), but my official copy looks like a crooked, 3rd generation Xerox, with only the embossed seal that would give you any hint that it is an authentic copy.

      I would imagine there are in fact a great many handwritten birth certificates out there, and even worse copies of those certificates.

      Personally, I'm surprised a birth certificate is used to certify anything at all, given how trivial it would be to fake one. With only an official-looking embossing stamp (avail. from ethically dubious sources online, I'm sure), a 70's Selectric typewriter, a copy machine, and a couple of hours with Word, and I, too, could make one.

      I would think it would make a lot more sense if your official document application fee included ordering a copy of your birth certificate from the relevant authority, instead of relying on your possibly fake one.

      SirWired

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      • #4
        Your story reminded me of the worst fake bill I ever saw...

        It was a Canadian $10 that looked like it was printed on a faulty inkjet printer, two pieces of paper stuck together (that really was the first tip-off... felt too thick), about 1/4" shorter than a real bill, and had random glittery bits taped where the foil strip is.

        And, of course, the guy SWORE that he got it from the bank.
        "Kamala the Ugandan Giant" 1950-2020 • "Bullet" Bob Armstrong 1939-2020 • "Road Warrior Animal" 1960-2020 • "Zeus" Tiny Lister Jr. 1958-2020 • "Hacksaw" Butch Reed 1954-2021 • "New Jack" Jerome Young 1963-2021 • "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff 1949-2021 • "Beautiful" Bobby Eaton 1958-2021 • Daffney 1975-2021

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        • #5
          I just photocopied my birth certificate and only used it for job interviews where they wanted proof that I was an Australian citizen. (you either need citizenship papers or a birth certificate) Just as long as it gets cited by a Justice of the Peace, it's not an issue.

          That ID though.....epic fail.
          The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

          Now queen of USSR-Land...

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          • #6
            My "certificate of a US citizen born abroad" is printed on the back of a contour map of some part of Germany. Probably the area around Frankfurt, where I was born. Dunno why.

            That does remind me that I need to get a copy of my birth certificate. My parents swear I took it with me, and it's not with my papers. But the other form (contour map and all) has been acceptable for every job I've applied for so far, and my marriage license, so I've been too lazy to.
            It's little things that make the difference between 'enjoyable', 'tolerable', and 'gimme a spoon, I'm digging an escape tunnel'.

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            • #7
              Quoth LadyAndreca View Post
              My "certificate of a US citizen born abroad" is printed on the back of a contour map of some part of Germany. Probably the area around Frankfurt, where I was born. Dunno why.
              Maybe because some people (you know, those who believe you can drive to Germany from the US) might think that you being born in Frankfurt is a joke. They need a map to see that such a place really exists.

              Otherwise, you being a Frankfurter is just too easy a joke.
              Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

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              • #8
                Regarding fake ID's, when a particular cousin of time was under 21, she used all of her sister's information, went to the BMV and got an ID made. So it was a real ID but with her picture on it and her sister's name. According to them it was pretty easy.

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                • #9
                  Quoth sirwired View Post
                  As a vaguely related side note, my actual certified birth certificate copy that I use looks horribly fake.

                  It was originally produced on a typewriter (no surprise there), but my official copy looks like a crooked, 3rd generation Xerox, with only the embossed seal that would give you any hint that it is an authentic copy.
                  Then there is mine... I didn't even realize until I was 17 that my "official" copy of my birth certificate was a xerox copy... it looked like the real thing... when I got the real official copy it looked like shit... gotta love California.
                  If you wish to find meaning, listen to the music not the song

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                  • #10
                    I personally think everybody's birth certificate copy looks lousy. Mine is that blue mimeograph ink, and rather smeary. But it's not the legibility that makes it the real thing- it's the seal and the signature of the government person. At least here in the Deep South they use a stick-on gold color seal. So it's a shiny gold star-thing on a smeary blue mimeograph document. Yay us.
                    "Them boys ain't zombies! They're just stupid!"

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                    • #11
                      Ok, you gotta admire the big brass pair on the guy in the OP!

                      My original birth certificate doesn't look too bad. What makes me laugh is the fact that it has spaces under "Father of child" for where my dad worked and what he did, but doesn't have these spaces under "Mother of child". I can't imagine why it mattered where my dad worked and love the assumption that my mother didn't work! Of course, I was born in 1969 and times have changed a bit....
                      It's floating wicker propelled by fire!

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                      • #12
                        I've never seen a fake ID, and have never had any desire to own one.

                        Heck, I don't even have a birth certificate. That's what happens when you are born at home to hippie parents, and your aunt is a notary public; you get an affadavit of birth, instead.

                        ^-.-^
                        Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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                        • #13
                          I have a photostat copy, black background with white type on shiny paper, of my birth certificate my parents received back in 1966 when my Mom moved from California to South Dakota. I also have the California long form birth certificate that I ordered since the PO said the Passport people might not accept the photostat copy and kick back my application (they accepted the photostat). The only difference between the two, besides size and color of paper, is the addition of my parent's occupations. Of which I can find neither - arrrrgh!!

                          My MIL sent us copies of my hubby's and daughter's certificates, she worked at a SD county courthouse so she could pull them up for free . They only had the basic info - baby's name, DOB, place of birth, mother's name and father's name on a 4x6 inch piece of green and white paper. I swear we have a gremlin in the house cause those copies disappeared also - double arrrrgh!!

                          What good is a fire proof safe that isn't gremlin proof????
                          Figers are vicious I tell ya. They crawl up your leg and steal your belly button lint.

                          I'm a case study.

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                          • #14
                            Quoth infinitemonkies View Post
                            I had someone with a very thick foreign accent try to check in. I told him ID was required, he said "No, it's ok, I'm a citizen now" Turns out he also didn't have a credit card, he didn't have enough cash to pay for a cab let alone a room.
                            Some people confuse being a "citizen" with being allowed to get whatever they want, whether or not they can actually do what is required to get it.

                            Basically, we now have people immigrating here with the idea of becoming SC's. Intentionally. Ah, the dream lives on. *sniff*

                            Quoth infinitemonkies View Post
                            Some people will borrow or steal the ID of someone else, ideally someone who looks at least vaguely alike, often an older sibling or cousin.
                            When I was younger, I so COULD have used my older cousin's ID as my own. He is three years older than me, and we bear a strong resemblance to one another, so much so that I could have used his ID and passed for him. Of course, I didn't. Not because I thought the picture wouldn't look enough like me. But because of one glaring detail on the ID that would tell anyone with half a monkey brain that it wasn't me: my cousin stands 6'2". I am a towering 5'8".

                            Of course, what my young self did not know was that no one carding you is looking at the height!

                            Quoth El Pollo Guerrera View Post
                            And, of course, the guy SWORE that he got it from the bank.
                            Hey--he never said which bank!

                            Quoth Pagan View Post
                            Ok, you gotta admire the big brass pair on the guy in the OP!
                            Let's not confuse a "pair" with "blatant stupidity and ignorance." There is a huge difference between trying something ballsy and just being an incompetent dumbass.

                            The guy in the OP was too stupid to be ballsy, or even know that he was being ballsy.

                            "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                            Still A Customer."

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                            • #15
                              Quoth Jester View Post

                              Let's not confuse a "pair" with "blatant stupidity and ignorance."
                              I dunno, that looks like a pair to me. They're usually found together, after all.
                              Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

                              http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

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