So which one of us is most likely right?

[Bunny the Veggie Slayer]

An Indian takeaway opened across the road from my store this year. And it just so happens that it's phone number is one digit higher than ours. So of course we get our fair share of wrong numbers.

Any sane person would think that by answering every call with "Good evening, <insert quite long name of company and this stores location so there's no way you could possibly think you were calling somewhere else by the time I've finally finished> how may I help you?" would make people realise that they've called the wrong number.

If we were sane, we wouldn't have to post here.

The annoyance part is fading now that I make it into a game.

Caller1: "High, can I have a chiken pasanda with..."
Me: (interupts)"No."
C1:"..."
Me:"..."
C1:"Why not?"
Me:"We only sell chicken korma, jalfrezi and tikka masala."
C1:"What? What kind of takeaway are you?"
Me:"We're not. We're <repeat really long name from the intro and add on our opening times in one quick single breath so they can't interrupt me but make sure my voice sounds cheery and helpful you know just to really piss 'em off>."
C1:"Oh." Hangs up.


Caller2: "Hey can I order a carry out?"
Me: "You could, but I'm afraid it wouldn't do you much good."
C2: "Why not?"
Me: "Because this is the <really long name yadda yadda > as I said when I answered the phone."
C2: "..." Hangs up.

I recognised a mates number on the caller ID for the next one so I knew I could push it.

Caller3: "Er hi... I'd like to order..."
Me: "No."
C3: "What?"
Me: "No. Opposite to yes."
C3: "What do you mean no?"
Me: "I mean you can get off you fat arse and walk the 150 yards between your house and the takeaway. I'm too busy to go across the street and place your order because you too bloody lazy to do it yourself."
C3: "... Bunny? Ah shit." Hangs up.


The one that prompted this post though came on Christmas eve. 5 minutes before we shut. I'm at the tills and I'm hurrying to get the last few customers through so we can all go to the pub... Home! I meant go home!


Me: Opening greeting etc etc.
Caller4kwad: silence
Me: Repeat opening greeting.
C4: "What? Where's this" (Slurred speech... Oh goody, drunk.)
Me: Repeat it all again this time with added snark in my voice.
C4: "I don't think so." (yup deffo drunk.)
Me: (I actually looked around. You know just to make sure.) "I'm pretty sure it is."
C4: "Listen pal, I think you've got your wires crossed."
Me: "Nah mate, I'm pretty sure I know where I am."
C4: "Ah, whatever." Hangs up.

By this time my staff and the few customers are all listening to my end of the conversation.


30 seconds later phone rings... It's the same caller ID.

Me: (Really really cheery sing-song voice.) "Good evening this is <long company name...> Oh he's hung up! How rude!"

Rinse... Repeat...
Me: (Even more happy, in fact I may have started giggling) "Merry Christmas, this is still the <really long introduction>. How can I be of service?"

[mikoyan29]

My phone used to be a couple of digits off from Traveller's Aid at Detroit Metro Airport and I used to get calls all of the time from people looking for help for their children or whatever. One person even went so far as to say, "Are you sure?". Yeah, I think I'm pretty sure...unless your daughter is flying a 1/72nd scale aircraft.

[EvilEmpryss]

When I get a wrong number call at home I always ask the caller what number they dialed. Over the years it's cut the number of repeated wrong numbers I get.

Sometimes, though, I get some real winners.

WrongNumber1: "I dialed 123-4567"
Me: "Sorry, this is 123-4568"
WrongNumber1: "No it's not!"
Me:

----------------
WrongNumber2: "Is Bob there?"

Me: "There's never been a Bob at this number. What number were you trying to reach?"

WrongNumber2: "I know that bastard's there! You're that slut he's been running around with, aren't you?!?"

Me: "Seriously, you've got a wrong number. No Bob lives here or even visits here."

WrongNumber2: "Like hell! This is his cell phone!"

Me: *sigh* {knowing that if I just hang up this twit will call me back all night long} "You've called a land line, honey. My home phone. My husband and kids are here. Hey everyone, say hi to the crazy lady who thinks her boyfriend's cheating with Mommy"

Evil Family: "HI CRAZY LADY!!!" {my kids are very quick on the uptake }

Me: "This is 123-4568. So, please check the number you think you called and try again."

WrongNumber2: "This isn't 213-4568?" (at least she had the grace to sound a little sheepish)

Me: "Tell you what. You hang up and try dialing that number real carefully and see if you get Bob on the phone. If you're *real* careful, I promise you won't hear my voice ever again."

WrongNumber2: "We'll see about that!" *click*

At least she didn't accuse me of getting it on with her Bob with my kids present.

[skeptic53]

Back when dinosaurs ruled the earth, and I was in junior high (no middle school back then); I lived in a small town that had 5-digit dialing. My friend's number was 6-3438. The town funeral home was 6-3834. When his parents weren't home he used to answer the phone "McPeek Family Mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!" until the day he got a shocked gasp and heard the person fall to the floor, apparently having fainted. That cured him of the prank.

[agirlfromnowhere]

Back when I was a teenager our home phone number was one digit off of a local towing company. We got people calling us in the middle of the night wanting their cars towed alllll the time.

[Shironu-Akaineko]

Mom had a woman call the house several times....at 3 in the morning. Looking for John.

Finally, pissed off and lacking sleep, She snapped.

"HEY! John is sleeping and I'm trying to! Leave us alone!"

No more calls.

[Grumpy]

Back in the olden days (before caller ID), I used to work nights. My phone number used to belong to a well-drilling company. Let's call it Bob's Drilling. Bob's Drilling had gone out of business about four years before I was assigned the number. Still, about twice a week I would be awakened by somebody calling Bob's Drilling . I wasn't very put out by that, since I figured it was reasonable that people would go years in between needing wells drilled. I would explain that Bob's Drilling was out of business, and the number was now a home phone, then I'd go back to sleep. No big deal.

Then I got the yo-yo who wouldn't quit trying. Again, this was before caller ID, but this rocket scientist called so often that I recognized his voice, and even though I explained numerous times that Bob's Drilling was no more, this jerk would try again every two or three days.

So I began answering the phone with "Bob's Drilling. How can I help you?" whenever it rang during the day. The second day of this, yo-yo calls. We had this fun little exchange:

Me: "Bob's Drilling. How can I help you?"

Yo-yo: "Hey, is this Bob?"

Me: "Yep. What can I do for you?"

Yo-yo: "I need a well drilled on property up near Dummmyville."

Me: "We don't drill wells."

Yo-yo: "What?"

Me: "We don't drill wells."

Yo-yo: ...(silence while brain double-clutches, seized up and begins to smoke.) "Well, what do you drill, then?"

Me: "We pre-drill rivet holes in battleship plates. Now, if you'll excuse me, we're already behind schedule. Have a great day!"

He never called again. If he had, I was going to give him the "Bob's drilling has been out of business for years, this number is now a home phone" speech, and let him try to figure out what parallel universe he'd managed to contact last time.

[JoitheArtist]

My family's phone number used to be one number off...from the local Wal-Mart.

Yeah.

That was FUN.

[Trytobenice]

Our home phone number when I was growing up was one digit different to the local power company. Whenever we had a power cut, my brother or I would race to the phone and stand by. Inevitably, it would ring. Oh the fun we had making up wonderful reasons for power failures.

[fireheart]

EvilEmpryss, that second one is full of absolute WIN!

[r2cagle]

These are so funny and clever.

I just pull a hard of hearing act: I'm sorry, what did you say? Bob? Rob? Dan? Oh, Jenny! No, there is no one here by that name. What was that name again?

At that point, most people are frustrated and accept when I say they must have the wrong number.

[XCashier]

Evil Family: "HI CRAZY LADY!!!" {my kids are very quick on the uptake }

Good one! Give your kids a from me!

Mom had a woman call the house several times....at 3 in the morning. Looking for John.

Finally, pissed off and lacking sleep, She snapped.

"HEY! John is sleeping and I'm trying to! Leave us alone!"

Ouch! Let's hope that wasn't John's wife.

I just thought of another scenario: Idiot calls asking for "John", hold the phone near the toilet, flush, and say, "THAT'S the only 'John' in this house! Get a clue!"

[Broomjockey]

I think my best wrong number was on my cell phone, while I was waiting for the bus.

My phone rings, they ask for some girl's name. I say there's no one by that name at this number.

"Are you sure? Can you check?"

"Well, since this is my cell phone, and I'm currently alone at a bus stop, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one here."

"oh, sorry."

[Sunflash]

I get the odd random call now and then, but alot of times I just get calls from people who I've given my number too online. (read: admins for MuDs I play alot, guild-officers for LoTRO, etc)

Sometimes they hand it out to others that I haven't given it to yet (which is fine, I trust their judgement), so I see a weird number on my cell.


"Sunny's House of Idiots, you Snap 'em, we'll Shack 'em! To which ward may I direct your call, please?"


I've got my voice-mail setup to

"Thank you for calling Sunny's House of Idiots; however it seems Jim and Jeff are trying to act out The Dark Knight again, so we've had to go into Lockdown until the Feds get here. If you could leave your name and number we'll call you back as soon as we can! Thanks!"


Oddly enough I've not gotten many voicemails other than "LOL". :P

[AlmightyALT]

When we moved to where my parents live now, we got the phone number for this septic tank company that went out of business ages before we got there. Alas no clever ways to deter them. Apparently when we told them it wasn't the company they believed us.