Your baby caused a CRITICALLY EPIC FAIL.

[Zoom]

And then they say that "money never stinks".

Yes but they talk of "filthy lucre".

[jedimaster91]

It never quite ceases to amaze me the amount of crap that comes out of small children. I'm left wondering where it all comes from and how it could all fit in such a tiny body. I used to babysit a little girl whose brother was the uncontested king of the dirty diaper. Even from infancy, every stinky diaper was an epic blowout. I don't think I ever saw that kid dressed in anything but a diaper the first summer of his life.

Fast forward to when he was about two and his sister was four. I should mention here that I can see blood, gore, guts, and baby poo and it not phase me. But the SMELL is enough to send me running for the toilet so I can heave. I had fed the kids dinner and we were playing a game when the smell started wafting through the house. I ignored it at first thinking maybe it was dirty dishes in the sink or a gassy kid. But as it got stronger I knew it was the little boy and he had loaded one up on me. I had to strip him down and hose him off in the tub it was so bad. All the while holding my nose and my breath cuz I didn't want to loose my cookies in front of the kids.

People think I'm kidding when I tell them I'm keeping gloves with the diaper stuff someday when I have kids. I'm dead serious.

[Andara Bledin]

It never quite ceases to amaze me the amount of crap that comes out of small children. I'm left wondering where it all comes from and how it could all fit in such a tiny body.

Pressure.

How else do you think it has such coverage?

^-.-^

[Shalom]

*sigh* I know I'm setting myself up for Fratching territory, I know, but I really gotta ask: You expect a parent to remove winter clothing from a child young enough to be in diapers every time they go in to a store, then put them back on every time they leave? At most, I'd expect headgear, mittens off, and coat unzipped. Anything more and you're just setting yourself up for the expedition to be exponentially longer. Especially if you need to go to more than one location.

My baby has a snowsuit with two zippers down the front, one on each side. When it's zipped up, all you can see is her face engulfed in pink fuzziness; I still don't know if the sleeves are open at the ends, because her arms aren't long enough to stick out even if they are open. If we have her out in weather cold enough to need that thing, when she gets inside we pull both zippers down and the whole front panel flaps down to her feet. Then we pull the hood off her head. This is usually enough to prevent overheating; if not we extract the arms as well and fold it down to the waist. If we're going to be inside for a long time, maybe the whole business comes off, but it doesn't take all that long to pour her back into it and zip it up. No hat, no booties, no mittens, with that garment she doesn't need any of that stuff because it's all built-in. Once she's old enough to want to grab stuff, that may get a bit frustrating, but she's not quite 3 months at the moment and the only thing she does yet with her hands is stick them in her mouth.

$DEITY be thanked, we haven't had any of those epic explosive poops yet. A few that got past the confines of the diaper, yeah, but nothing that penetrated the outer layers as far as I remember. It might have happened while I was at work, but if so I haven't heard of it yet. (Of course now I put the evil eye on myself by writing the above. Anyone wanna place bets on how long it'll be?)

[Cookie]

That is too frigging hilarious. Due to the comments of other posters, I had to go play Yakety Sax while playing the scenario in my head. You need to sell this story to hollywood. It needs to be in a movie. Granted, that would be a really gross scene, but wow. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

[XCashier]

$DEITY be thanked, we haven't had any of those epic explosive poops yet. A few that got past the confines of the diaper, yeah, but nothing that penetrated the outer layers as far as I remember.

My son never had one either, and rarely had overflows. Perhaps it's because I always had several diapers, wipes and extra outfits in the diaper bag and the bag with me at all times? If you don't prepare, Karma gets you big time; if you do, Karma gives you a break.

[InsanityInc]

My son never had one either, and rarely had overflows. Perhaps it's because I always had several diapers, wipes and extra outfits in the diaper bag and the bag with me at all times? If you don't prepare, Karma gets you big time; if you do, Karma gives you a break.

I wouldn't bet on that one. I *was* a prepared mommy with 2-3 outfits in the baby bag. But then again, we figured out a little late that apple juice does bad things to Lil Insanitys guts. Bad, bad, bad things a couple of times, but I always cleaned up where she had messed up myself. Sigh I still can't give her anything with apple juice in it, and she's 5 now. She has control of herself now, so that part isn't a problem, but you still feel bad for the kid. And you'd be surprised how much juice has a high percentage of apple in it.

[Magpie]

*sigh* I know I'm setting myself up for Fratching territory, I know, but I really gotta ask: You expect a parent to remove winter clothing from a child young enough to be in diapers every time they go in to a store, then put them back on every time they leave? At most, I'd expect headgear, mittens off, and coat unzipped. Anything more and you're just setting yourself up for the expedition to be exponentially longer. Especially if you need to go to more than one location.

I see your point... I would, however point out that if the headgear and mittens are off, and the zippers are undone, the child is no longer dressed for outside. I had, for some strange reason, been envisioning some sort of blanket bundle that was used because the mom got tired of trying to put the "proper" winter gear on the kid, and figured that layers were layers. I had been reading too many textbooks, because looking back at it that makes no sense.

[Shalom]

$DEITY be thanked, we haven't had any of those epic explosive poops yet. A few that got past the confines of the diaper, yeah, but nothing that penetrated the outer layers as far as I remember. It might have happened while I was at work, but if so I haven't heard of it yet. (Of course now I put the evil eye on myself by writing the above. Anyone wanna place bets on how long it'll be?)

Well, that didn't take long, did it.

I got home from work last night after writing the above words and find the car seat stripped down to the bare plastic, with an improvised covering. (The baby usually sleeps in the car seat.) I ask my wife what happened, and she tells me the baby pooped all over the padding, so it's in the laundry... I had to go and open my big mouth, didn't I. I'll know better next time.

[cawaker]

My GF is 13 weeks pregnant and I'm already deathly afraid of what might be coming out of my baby.

[XCashier]

Sorry about that, Shalom. Fortunately, it was cleanable.

My GF is 13 weeks pregnant and I'm already deathly afraid of what might be coming out of my baby.

Gross info following; highlight to read:These epic poops are not that common; usually, it's about the size of half a tennis ball or smaller. And you will get used to changing dirty diapers, though if you have a boy, it's best to do it very quickly to avoid an impromptu shower as well.

I strongly suggest you get a large diaper bag with a changing pad, lots of disposable wipes, lots of diapers, at least one spare outfit (I'd toss in a onesie or sleeper also, just in case) and perhaps a towel or receiving blanket. Bring it with you everywhere you bring the baby. Better to be overprepared than not prepared at all.

[morgana]

For everyone's benefit...the commercial that I was referring to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgu4AZLHLrQ

OMG, I think I may have given myself a hernia laughing!

[Stryker One]

Dirty Money

As a kid, my mother was always telling me not to handle money, as "you never know where its been". I think that maybe there's a reason that, to this day, I rarely carry cash.

[fireheart]

OMG, I think I may have given myself a hernia laughing!

I can't look at those nappies now without thinking of that commercial. (and work actually sells them. )

cawaker, just be prepared for the first time after birth....yeah, I've heard it's gross.

[Cazzi]

$DEITY be thanked, we haven't had any of those epic explosive poops yet.

Ahhh but you haven't lived until you've had a bright orange one

When my daughter was small, she (unfortunately) got baby spaghetti bolognaise 2 days running. We'd been out for a few hours, forget where but on the way back I heard an all too familar grunt from the baby seat in the back of the car.

As we were almost home we didn't stop, but by the time we went to get her out of the car, it was oozing out of the top of her dungaree's, had made it as far as her shoes & was spreading over the car seat,,, a lovey lurid orange colour

It was a case of leave baby in seat & cart the lot up to the bathroom for the mammoth clean up!