The Nipple Tassel Paradox

[Jester]

A Plague Upon Phoenix Skyharbour

Look, dude, I know you don't like this fucktrumpet that called, or most of the fucktrumpets that call, but I am wagering that most of these people are flying to Phoenix for vacation, or through Phoenix, not going home. Which means they are not from Phoenix. So stop wishing bad things upon my beloved home city. And its very nice, very friendly airport. It's not the airport's fault that one of your clients books rooms for an idiot airline. Or whatever it is they do.

I also know that, as a Canadian, you and I spell certain words differently. That being said, a name of a place is its name, and that does not change because you are Canadian. It is Phoenix Sky Harbor, not Phoenix Skyharbour. There is no u in it. There has never been a u in it. Beer willing, there will never BE a u in it.

If it were Canadian, I would spell it Sky Harbour. It isn't. Get it right.

Me: “You should be able to find the courtesy phones in baggage claim-“
SC: “Oh…..will my luggage be there?!”

The very purpose of the area is contained entirely within it’s title: Baggage Claim.

Two problems with this: First, a lot of people are stupid, and don't realize that "baggage" equals their "suitcases."

More importantly, as you yourself said, that is where their bags will be in theory. In reality, with the airlines being what they are, there is no guarantee that they actually will be there.

Cap'n Hindgrinder

Key West being both a sailing town and a drinking town, the picture you described is not an uncommon sight down here. I don't know quite what that says about this place, though.

This is starting to become an unsettling trend and I really can’t pinpoint exactly why it is occurring. I mean, I thought I sounded male.

If it makes you feel any better, I have a rather deep, unmistakably male voice. And I even get the occasional "ma'am" on the phone at The Bar. I believe that it simply goes back to people not listening or paying attention.

You’d let me know if I really sounded like Jessica Rabbit or something, wouldn’t you?

Oh, hell no! But we would be calling you a lot more often!

The questioner in question would be classified as around a Level 9 Jock with 4-6 points in the Douchebag tree ( Gelled up buzz cut, muscle shirt, at least 2 gold chains, Axe bodyspray for the set bonus ).

Only 4-6 points? Seriously, that guy sounds like a full-blown Grade A right-out-of-the-shrink-wrap Major Douchebag!

However, he was looking for directions to some sort of liquor serving establishment which may or may not have badly coordinated females who remove articles of clothing to a static filled rendition of “Sweet Child of Mine”. Again, being a spindly geek creature, I would never step foot in such an establishment.

Now wait one minute. I wear glasses. I have been considered from time to time to be a geek. But I have also gone to such establishments, at times being a regular in some of them, at one time even DJing in another. I don't go to those places much anymore, not because I am geekier--if anything, I am less geeky--but because they just hold less interest to 39 year old Jester than they did to 24 year old Jester. Not because I am less interested in booze and naked women. If anything, I am more interested in booze and naked women now than I was then. I am just less interested in plastic (physically and mentally) naked women than I was when I was younger, stupider, less experienced, and lived in a town that did not have any clothing optional bars where I could see non-professional naked women while drinking my booze.

nipple tassels.

Am I to understand that in the wonderful City of Vancouver they make the strippers where pasties? Or was that just you using poetic license? I hope the latter. Pasties suck, and do not belong in a civilized gentleman's club...or for that matter, in a raunchy titty bar, either.

The fuck stops here.

Truly another great line that I plan to steal and use in my life.

Sadly, I can't remember the other ones I have previously said I would appropriate for my own devices.[/QUOTE]

I let them vent for about thirty seconds, and then I bellowed, "HEY! You two come into my place, start shouting, then almost come to blows over lottery tickets, and you think I'm not going to throw you both out? Get out, and don't come back until you're prepared to act like grown-ups. Go on, OUT!"

You rock!

Westjet told one of my guests, after 2 days of being unable to locate her bags that if she wanted them to keep looking, there would be a "service fee" of $50 a day

Now that gives new meaning to "servicing your customers." Because that customer got fucked up the wazoo on that one!

...if your airline loses your luggage, they should offer you a free return trip ticket to wherever your luggage wound up.

Knowing my luck, my bag would end up in Buffalo, New York....in January.

[Magpie]

Oh, Thanks

On my way to the Skytrain this evening a police cruiser pulled up beside me to make an inquiry. Namely had I seen a “half naked guy in white shorts running around here acting kinda crazy. Maybe jumping in front of cars and stuff like that.”. Well no, no I haven’t. But thank you, officer. Because I damn well will be keeping an eye out for him now, cripes. That was much appreciated. You may as well have just driven up to me and went “Oh hey, by the way we know its dark and you’re alone on a poorly lit street where no one will hear you scream, but somewhere out here with you is some half naked nut job and we just can’t seem to find him. Bye!” and drove off laughing.

Friend of mine is biking home through the North Campus. Dark, and the parts that aren't open field are industrial park, and it's late enough at night/early enough in the morning that even the programmers aren't there anymore. She notices some police officers, and that they're stopping the guy ahead of her, and checking ID. When she gets to them she asks if they want to see her ID. She is told "No, you don't match the description."

Thank you very much officer. Just what I needed to hear, that there's some crazy guy out here at night, to the point that you're out looking for him. It would be more reassuring if the pathway was shorter, and you'd be in earshot for the whole trip home. (She thought this, rather than saying it).

People in the hall. On drugs, got it. Because anyone in the hallway at night must obviously be on drugs. No one uses hallways after 8pm except freaks and criminals. And clowns. Clowns too.

While I can't claim to be able to tell in what way someone isn't sober, it's generally quite obvious when someone in the hallway has partaken of some sort of mood altering substance. The ones who stand around ringing the bell on your (expensive) bike, while talking loudly, and act really surprised when you explain that 2am is a bad time to be doing that, and yes, they woke you up, are clearly not sober.

"For the record, gentlemen, until somebody buys them they are MY tickets, and I'll sell them as I see fit. Now both of you clear out."

And then the blustery protests started. I let them vent for about thirty seconds, and then I bellowed, "HEY! You two come into my place, start shouting, then almost come to blows over lottery tickets, and you think I'm not going to throw you both out? Get out, and don't come back until you're prepared to act like grown-ups. Go on, OUT!"

And they did leave, with much grumbling and muttering.

[Gravekeeper]

I am wagering that most of these people are flying to Phoenix for vacation, or through Phoenix, not going home.

Yeah, it gives us so much trouble precisely because its a major stop over. Though in retrospec the callers were the plague on Skyharbour so I did get my wish. Albeit not in the way I would have liked.

Now wait one minute. I wear glasses. I have been considered from time to time to be a geek.

But you probably have some sort of cool Jester glasses whose style and aura my standard issue geek spectacles cannot match, ehe. I look like a geek somehow. I can't quantify it, but people look at me and believe I know things. Things that can help them on their quest.

Next time someone asks me anything on the street I swear I'm just going to tell them "Dodongo dislikes smoke" and walk away. -.-

[SuperRTL]

Song of the Siren

Me: “Are you calling to book a room?”
SC: “Yes ma’am.”

This is starting to become an unsettling trend and I really can’t pinpoint exactly why it is occurring. I mean, I thought I sounded male. Yet time and time again the tone I am emitting to what appear to be desperately lonely men in the night time hours is that of an irresistible siren.

I am guilty of this in my daily life. I must apologize, GK. All of my coworkers are women. 90% of my customers are women. I will still occasionally say "Yes, ma'am" to the men I meet outside of work. I did it to a waiter just the other day. And I had definitely been noticing that he was most definitely masculine. Didn't matter. I still said, "Yes, ma'am." He got a much bigger tip than I usually give, and I'm a great tipper.

[Dasota]

Knowing my luck, my bag would end up in Buffalo, New York....in January.

Hey! It's not that bad here...

*looks at the foot and a half worth of snow*

At least I have my sled?

[Lots42]

I find the request logical.

There was a loud disturbance in Y Hallway at X Time.

[Indica]

But you probably have some sort of cool Jester glasses whose style and aura my standard issue geek spectacles cannot match, ehe. I look like a geek somehow. I can't quantify it, but people look at me and believe I know things. Things that can help them on their quest.

Next time someone asks me anything on the street I swear I'm just going to tell them "Dodongo dislikes smoke" and walk away. -.-

It's an aura that has nothing to do with looking like a geek. You just have that 'I know where I'm going' aura.

I've been stopped and asked for directions in Ireland (Ennis, actually). Imagine their surprise when they heard my American accent. Same with being asked for directions in London (the England, variety!). Happens to my mother all the time too. Apparently we just look like... we know where we are. (Which is funny, 'cause normally I don't!)

[Jester]

But you probably have some sort of cool Jester glasses whose style and aura my standard issue geek spectacles cannot match, ehe. I look like a geek somehow. I can't quantify it, but people look at me and believe I know things. Things that can help them on their quest.

Two things.

First, my glasses are somewhat cool, sure. Minimalist silver frames, semi-rimless. And when I am out and about, I do have the rockingly cool clip-on sunglasses. Well, during the daytime, anyway. Still glasses, though. So to the douchebag you described, still appearing geeky.

I also get people asking me where stuff is, but that may be more that I walk confidently around this town while they are hesitant in their motions, not knowing where they are going. So they see me striding along and assume (correctly) that I live here and know where stuff is. And, if they ask me politely, I'll help them find their way. If they are douchebags about it, I'll help them find their way.....incorrectly. In other words, if they're looking for Margaritaville, I might send them to, say, the other side of the island from M'ville.

In any case, I was merely disputing your theory that glasses equals "not a titty bar patron type." Ridiculous.

Hey! It's not that bad here...

*looks at the foot and a half worth of snow*

I hate cold.

'Nuff said.

[AriRashkae]

I hate cold.

'Nuff said.

I think there's any number of us up here that know how to stay warm.

[Broomjockey]

I find the request logical.

There was a loud disturbance in Y Hallway at X Time.

And yet the purpose of said report would be what, exactly? The disturbance would be long over by the time the message was acknowledged, there would be no one to pin it on. So no, it is NOT logical. Just getting "there was a disturbance" on record is not useful without some kind of accompanying information.

[Magpie]

I am guilty of this in my daily life. I must apologize, GK. All of my coworkers are women. 90% of my customers are women. I will still occasionally say "Yes, ma'am" to the men I meet outside of work. I did it to a waiter just the other day. And I had definitely been noticing that he was most definitely masculine. Didn't matter. I still said, "Yes, ma'am." He got a much bigger tip than I usually give, and I'm a great tipper.

My mother used to greet my husband or me when we answered the phone by name. She would consistently get it wrong, and has given up on that, and just started saying who she was, rather than guessing who we were. And no, it's not my fault. My husband (195/92) has been told that he needs to talk in a lower voice when teaching, because it's really distracting when someone his size is a counter tenor. (He sings bass at church, he just has an insane range, and apparently talks at the opposite end).

[lineswine]

I also know that, as a Canadian, you and I spell certain words differently. That being said, a name of a place is its name, and that does not change because you are Canadian. It is Phoenix Sky Harbor, not Phoenix Skyharbour.

No, it is the yanks that have bastardised the English language, NOT the Canadians. They had the good grace to NOT fuck up the language.
The word is "Harbour", as spelled in England, in English.
Got that now?

As for Bartenders being gods...only if you patronise bars, which I do not.

[Magpie]

No, it is the yanks that have bastardised the English language, NOT the Canadians. They had the good grace to NOT fuck up the language.
The word is "Harbour", as spelled in England, in English.
Got that now?

As for Bartenders being gods...only if you patronise bars, which I do not.

Be that as it may, if the name of the place is "Skyharbor", then that's it's name. Just as if someone wants to name their daughter "Kateri", pronounced "Kate-ree", then the correct pronunciation of their daughter's name is "Kate-ree". (It's even funnier when "Ee-an"'s mother get's told that she's pronouncing her son's name wrong, that it ought to be "Eye-on".)

Besides, American spelling is great when you're programming. You can have a variable for the colour without the compiler flagging it as a reserved word.

[zzapp the witch]

My sis in law's name is Kateri, pronounced cat-air-ee. Speaking of which, we were just down in Florida for the wedding here last week. Should have seen me making a list of all the defining features of The Bar so that I could have the dear bf drive me down from Vero Beach to look at Jester.

[Gravekeeper]

I also get people asking me where stuff is, but that may be more that I walk confidently around this town while they are hesitant in their motions, not knowing where they are going. So they see me striding along and assume (correctly) that I live here and know where stuff is.

I am scurrying Gollum like towards my destination emitting an aura of total indifference to the existence of others. Yet still, they inquire!

I navigate entirely by landmarks and visual cue too. So asking me where a street is, is typically futile. I could have been walking on a street for 5 years and I still couldn't tell you the name of it. Oh, I can tell you exactly what it looks like. But the name? Notta chance.

and my glasses are uncool. <sniff>