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These two stories are kind of related, and not related at all, in the same breath. Sounds fun, right? 
"Shove it up your arse"
(My co-workers know I'm gay....I took a lot of stick for being told that by a customer)
A quiet Saturday afternoon working on the tech direct desk. Nothing particularly special about this shift, but what happened next really stuck in my mind.
This Indian lady whos in her late 30's comes walking in to the store, a Haych Pee All-inclusive pc box on her trolley. (All-inclusive box: Has everything in one box. The PC, Screen, Printer, Keyboard, Mouse and all the connecting cables in one box for one price) and I immediately start thinking 'not another one' because we've had an entire batch of these where Haych Pee haven't put the monitors in the boxes. We have a pallet full of monitors in the warehouse because of this. "Hiya, How can I help?" I ask her
"I bought this computer on sasturday and I don't want it anymore" No, thats not a type-o, she said sasurday or rather, she SPRAYED it. "It's faulty" she said with an air of what I can only describe as arrogance
"Whats the fault with it?"
"I don't know"
"Okay, whats it doing?" I ask. It REALLY grinds at me when People respond 'I don't know' to that question. YES YOU DO you're just a moron.
"It won't switch on" she drenches me in dribble again so I grab the computer and tell her I'm just going to go and test it "I don't want it back" she replies. Fair enough. the computers only a few days old so if it won't turn on, she can have whatever she wants except a refund, since she bought the computer on credit. On credit, we only give refunds in extreme cases.
Of course, I plug the computer in fully expecting either it to be totally dead or to go "Bzznat...BANG!" I was a little surprised when I switch it on and it works. I was less surprised when it got into windows and I find that not only has it been on and working since she bought it but she's made the recovery discs, meaning it's un-sellable now and added to that, she's installed a load of programs. Including the lovely "My Web search" tool bar. It had even been turned on that morning. So she'd lied to me (like you hadn't worked that out already)
"That computers working fine" I tell her
She's a little surprised. I don't think she expected me to actually test it. "Oh...it wasn't working for me today though"
"Has anyone used it at all today?"
"No. It's in my bedroom"
"It was turned on this morning. I can proove that" I flatly tell her
"Well, what if I don't want it anymore?"
"Too bad I'm afraid. We don't offer a try-before-you-buy basis. It was on display when you bought it, you had plenty of opportunity to make your decision if you wanted it or not prior to buying it"
"But...my mum said I shouldn't have bought it" She tells me
"That really isn't my problem. You've not only turned the computer on once and used it but a few times, installed plenty of programs, got it infected with spyware and made your recovery discs. We're not accepting that computer back"
"But...wh...the sales person said I could" She said, starting to well-up
"Okay, I'll just call Dan (the sales person she dealt with) over and check that with him" I pick up the phone and start Dialing the PA system
"NO! You don't need to do that. Just please, I got in trouble with my mum for buying it" She says, in tears...She's in her 30's (as I already said)
"I'm sorry but I can't accept this computer back" as I put the phone back down
"Oh...just...SHOVE IT UP YOUR ARSE THEN!!" she yells at me and storms off
Now, this is the point where I can take that as her leaving the computer for us to dispose of...and I don't take kindly to being lied to, then screamed at. I take the box and I put it with the stuff to go back to the warehouse, but label it that it's one a customer has just abandoned.
A few days later, she comes back in, She wants her computer back. After how she was with me, She ain't getting that computer back
"I left a computer here with a man the other day. I need it back" She says to Paul.
I look up and see who it is "I'll take over here, Paul. Yeah, you told me to shove that computer up my arse, I have SEVERAL witnesses who saw and heard it, then stormed out. I'm afraid your computer is gone" ...All HELL broke loose. She started yelling and screaming, threatening to burn the place down, you name it. Eventually security threw her out. She of course complained to trading standards who, when I told them what had happened, Sided with me.
Funny thing is, that was a number of years ago. not 4 weeks later the Tech PC finally gave up...so we started using her computer. That computer, "Old faithful" is still sitting in Tech, working as our Tech PC today.
Digital Switchover
Okay. For those of you not in the UK, The UK is going through what we call "the digital switch-over" meaning that soon, all analogue TV broadcasts will be switched off. Cable and Satellite are already on a digital-only service. If you don't have a Freeview Receiver, Freesat receiver, Sky or Cable TV box, connected to every TV, you soon won't be able to receive TV. I think the US and Canada is doing this too but I don't know about anywhere else.
A general rule when you are switching for the first time; If you have a good analogue signal, you will get a digital signal. If you have a poor analogue signal or your aerial and/or wiring is too old, you won't get a digital picture.
A guy in his 70's comes in with an Ell-Gee LED LCD TV that he's bought. It's not working properly. the signal keeps breaking up and freezing. He's immediately started banging the table at me, demanding that I replace the TV and that he knows his rights, etc etc. After about 20 minutes of me telling him that I'm going to have to book the TV in so I can test it and see the fault, he FINALLY agrees. Lets me book the TV in. When we book TVs in, we have to ask a few standard questions about the Antenna bing used. How old is the antenna, how old is the wiring, is it mounted on the house roof or is it an indoor aerial. He tells me that the aerial and wiring hasn't been changed since the house was built in the 50's because the picture on his old TV was "Grainy but acceptable" I tell him that it's probably the Aerial, the wiring or both. He refuses to believe me.
Of course, the TV Sits on test for 3 days...no digital break up. Why? because we have new wiring and a decent aerial on the roof.
We call him. Voice mail, thank god. Tell him that his TV is ready and to come and collect it. God, When he came in the shit hit the fan
He walks in, sees me and immediatly starts yelling "I'm not taking that damn TV back home!"
"We couldn't find a fault with it. I'm not exchanging it. I told you before that if your Wiring and aerial is 50 years old then it's that and not the TV. You need all that upgrading." I tell him
"You WILL exchange that TV or I want a refund" He tells me
"Don't go coming into MY work place and telling me what I will do. I'm not swapping the TV, It's not faulty"
"Yes you will"
Thinking on my feet, I flip it onto him a little "You WILL upgrade your Aerial and have your wiring replaced."
"How DARE you tell me what I will do" he snarls
"Yeah. Ditto. I'm not swapping that TV, there is nothing wrong with it."
He turns to leave "I'm not taking it back home. you can keep it. I'll be contacting trading standards"
"Fine" and with that he walks out. I cart the TV over to the warehouse and just leave it in the area at the back dedicated to Tech
Today he comes back in. Sees me and tries to avoid being served by me. The only problem is that no one else in the department wants to serve him. I can refuse to serve him if I want to, but I wanted to see what was going on.
"I'd like my TV back...Now"
"The one you told me to keep the other day, because you were refusing to take it back home and were going to contact trading standards?"
"Thats the one. Get it now" He demands again
"The Ell-Gee LED LCD that cost you nearly £2000 and you claim is faulty even though the wiring in your house is older than I am?"
"Yes, Boy. Go and get my TV!"
"The one that I tossed in the skip as Enterprise waste were about to empty it?" I replied. I hadn't but I was bored
"Yes th...What?!!" I stood there and stared him right in the eyes "You THREW IT AWAY?!!" By now the security guard is looking over
"You said you didn;t want it. you said it must be faulty and you weren't accepting it back. What did trading standards say?"
"That I am to collect the TV and call them when I've had an Aerial expert out" he replies
"You mean to say that you told them what you told me about your Aerial and they told you to call back once you'd had all your equipment upgraded." I Dryly reply
"Can I please have my TV back?" he asks, in a lot smaller voice and a lot more politely
"Yeah. I'll see if it's where I left it out back"
Of course I gave him his TV Back....but everyone was talking about that one for the rest of the day
"Shove it up your arse"
(My co-workers know I'm gay....I took a lot of stick for being told that by a customer)
A quiet Saturday afternoon working on the tech direct desk. Nothing particularly special about this shift, but what happened next really stuck in my mind.
This Indian lady whos in her late 30's comes walking in to the store, a Haych Pee All-inclusive pc box on her trolley. (All-inclusive box: Has everything in one box. The PC, Screen, Printer, Keyboard, Mouse and all the connecting cables in one box for one price) and I immediately start thinking 'not another one' because we've had an entire batch of these where Haych Pee haven't put the monitors in the boxes. We have a pallet full of monitors in the warehouse because of this. "Hiya, How can I help?" I ask her
"I bought this computer on sasturday and I don't want it anymore" No, thats not a type-o, she said sasurday or rather, she SPRAYED it. "It's faulty" she said with an air of what I can only describe as arrogance
"Whats the fault with it?"
"I don't know"
"Okay, whats it doing?" I ask. It REALLY grinds at me when People respond 'I don't know' to that question. YES YOU DO you're just a moron.
"It won't switch on" she drenches me in dribble again so I grab the computer and tell her I'm just going to go and test it "I don't want it back" she replies. Fair enough. the computers only a few days old so if it won't turn on, she can have whatever she wants except a refund, since she bought the computer on credit. On credit, we only give refunds in extreme cases.
Of course, I plug the computer in fully expecting either it to be totally dead or to go "Bzznat...BANG!" I was a little surprised when I switch it on and it works. I was less surprised when it got into windows and I find that not only has it been on and working since she bought it but she's made the recovery discs, meaning it's un-sellable now and added to that, she's installed a load of programs. Including the lovely "My Web search" tool bar. It had even been turned on that morning. So she'd lied to me (like you hadn't worked that out already)
"That computers working fine" I tell her
She's a little surprised. I don't think she expected me to actually test it. "Oh...it wasn't working for me today though"
"Has anyone used it at all today?"
"No. It's in my bedroom"
"It was turned on this morning. I can proove that" I flatly tell her
"Well, what if I don't want it anymore?"
"Too bad I'm afraid. We don't offer a try-before-you-buy basis. It was on display when you bought it, you had plenty of opportunity to make your decision if you wanted it or not prior to buying it"
"But...my mum said I shouldn't have bought it" She tells me
"That really isn't my problem. You've not only turned the computer on once and used it but a few times, installed plenty of programs, got it infected with spyware and made your recovery discs. We're not accepting that computer back"
"But...wh...the sales person said I could" She said, starting to well-up
"Okay, I'll just call Dan (the sales person she dealt with) over and check that with him" I pick up the phone and start Dialing the PA system
"NO! You don't need to do that. Just please, I got in trouble with my mum for buying it" She says, in tears...She's in her 30's (as I already said)
"I'm sorry but I can't accept this computer back" as I put the phone back down
"Oh...just...SHOVE IT UP YOUR ARSE THEN!!" she yells at me and storms off
Now, this is the point where I can take that as her leaving the computer for us to dispose of...and I don't take kindly to being lied to, then screamed at. I take the box and I put it with the stuff to go back to the warehouse, but label it that it's one a customer has just abandoned.
A few days later, she comes back in, She wants her computer back. After how she was with me, She ain't getting that computer back
"I left a computer here with a man the other day. I need it back" She says to Paul.
I look up and see who it is "I'll take over here, Paul. Yeah, you told me to shove that computer up my arse, I have SEVERAL witnesses who saw and heard it, then stormed out. I'm afraid your computer is gone" ...All HELL broke loose. She started yelling and screaming, threatening to burn the place down, you name it. Eventually security threw her out. She of course complained to trading standards who, when I told them what had happened, Sided with me.
Funny thing is, that was a number of years ago. not 4 weeks later the Tech PC finally gave up...so we started using her computer. That computer, "Old faithful" is still sitting in Tech, working as our Tech PC today.
Digital Switchover
Okay. For those of you not in the UK, The UK is going through what we call "the digital switch-over" meaning that soon, all analogue TV broadcasts will be switched off. Cable and Satellite are already on a digital-only service. If you don't have a Freeview Receiver, Freesat receiver, Sky or Cable TV box, connected to every TV, you soon won't be able to receive TV. I think the US and Canada is doing this too but I don't know about anywhere else.
A general rule when you are switching for the first time; If you have a good analogue signal, you will get a digital signal. If you have a poor analogue signal or your aerial and/or wiring is too old, you won't get a digital picture.
A guy in his 70's comes in with an Ell-Gee LED LCD TV that he's bought. It's not working properly. the signal keeps breaking up and freezing. He's immediately started banging the table at me, demanding that I replace the TV and that he knows his rights, etc etc. After about 20 minutes of me telling him that I'm going to have to book the TV in so I can test it and see the fault, he FINALLY agrees. Lets me book the TV in. When we book TVs in, we have to ask a few standard questions about the Antenna bing used. How old is the antenna, how old is the wiring, is it mounted on the house roof or is it an indoor aerial. He tells me that the aerial and wiring hasn't been changed since the house was built in the 50's because the picture on his old TV was "Grainy but acceptable" I tell him that it's probably the Aerial, the wiring or both. He refuses to believe me.
Of course, the TV Sits on test for 3 days...no digital break up. Why? because we have new wiring and a decent aerial on the roof.
We call him. Voice mail, thank god. Tell him that his TV is ready and to come and collect it. God, When he came in the shit hit the fan
He walks in, sees me and immediatly starts yelling "I'm not taking that damn TV back home!"
"We couldn't find a fault with it. I'm not exchanging it. I told you before that if your Wiring and aerial is 50 years old then it's that and not the TV. You need all that upgrading." I tell him
"You WILL exchange that TV or I want a refund" He tells me
"Don't go coming into MY work place and telling me what I will do. I'm not swapping the TV, It's not faulty"
"Yes you will"
Thinking on my feet, I flip it onto him a little "You WILL upgrade your Aerial and have your wiring replaced."
"How DARE you tell me what I will do" he snarls
"Yeah. Ditto. I'm not swapping that TV, there is nothing wrong with it."
He turns to leave "I'm not taking it back home. you can keep it. I'll be contacting trading standards"
"Fine" and with that he walks out. I cart the TV over to the warehouse and just leave it in the area at the back dedicated to Tech
Today he comes back in. Sees me and tries to avoid being served by me. The only problem is that no one else in the department wants to serve him. I can refuse to serve him if I want to, but I wanted to see what was going on.
"I'd like my TV back...Now"
"The one you told me to keep the other day, because you were refusing to take it back home and were going to contact trading standards?"
"Thats the one. Get it now" He demands again
"The Ell-Gee LED LCD that cost you nearly £2000 and you claim is faulty even though the wiring in your house is older than I am?"
"Yes, Boy. Go and get my TV!"
"The one that I tossed in the skip as Enterprise waste were about to empty it?" I replied. I hadn't but I was bored
"Yes th...What?!!" I stood there and stared him right in the eyes "You THREW IT AWAY?!!" By now the security guard is looking over
"You said you didn;t want it. you said it must be faulty and you weren't accepting it back. What did trading standards say?"
"That I am to collect the TV and call them when I've had an Aerial expert out" he replies
"You mean to say that you told them what you told me about your Aerial and they told you to call back once you'd had all your equipment upgraded." I Dryly reply
"Can I please have my TV back?" he asks, in a lot smaller voice and a lot more politely
"Yeah. I'll see if it's where I left it out back"
Of course I gave him his TV Back....but everyone was talking about that one for the rest of the day
unless rapps set up customersrock.com instead 
Even without idiots who don't listen, you still have customers who are scammers, perverts, rude and just plain stupid. 
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