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Just... things I've noticed since I started working at the grocery store:
* Customers who have only two items will bring the big honking carts through the store, end up with one bag, and then abandon said cart (which helps us, kind of, as we work on the Sam's club cart exchange rule... not that it's easy to keep up with, particularly since we have regular carts, medium carts (your half-size carts...) kid carts (seriously, miniature shopping carts so the kids can learn how to buy on credit...), TV carts (like the ones you see in stores with the plastic car on the front, only with an in-car display that plays Handy Manny or something of his kin, to keep the kiddies occupied), regular old car carts (same as prior, only no video) electric scooter carts (for the disabled), and any number of these carts might be coming through at any time...) Sadly, this rule works in reverse as well, the people with the idea in their head to stock up for Ice Station Zebra bring the half-size carts, and then just shake and scratch their heads when I can't put all their shopping right back into the same cart.
* No one, and I mean, NO ONE! Can understand the loud speaker. Enunciate when you're paging someone. Even better, use gods-damned last names! There are probably twenty Cheryl's working in the store, paging Cheryl actually (I witnessed it) got the Cheryl at a cashier podium on the phone, and she was very confused when the person on the line asked for a different Cheryl.
* I can't read your mind! Don't give me the first half of an order, and expect me to just fall in and know what the hell you want from me, the store has been open a MONTH, that isn't nearly enough time to have perfected translating your idiosyncrasies! Full sentences, two steps at a time, so I'm not left wondering what the hell you just told me (and two other baggers) to do.
* I HAD A STROKE! Thus, why I applied to be a cashier! NOT A BAGGER! I don't have the stamina, nor the quickness of hand to keep up with food flying down the belt at 88 miles an hour. Quit telling me I'm a horrible bagger! That doesn't help, and, axiomatically, makes me go slower, because I hate you now, and want to see you suffer. Here's a thought, let's cut off your left arm and force you to juggle, but not tell you how to do so, and then, I get to be pissed when you're not Cirque du Soleil in two hours!
* I AM ALSO NOT A CART GATHERER! I can only handle two to three carts at a time, at best, without smashing into customers, or their cars! Don't get pissed when I can't handle more, I've had experience gathering masses of carts, and it never worked for me. They go awry and slip away into the dark corners of my mind.
* Don't piss and moan at me because I didn't get my cashier training before the store opened, and thus, am low on the totem pole for getting my cashier log-in information.
* I am very, very happy that my coworker suggested I should be positioned on the self check out, a relatively less stressful position for me, and one I can mostly handle after only a few hours of training. I am even more impressed that this coworker actually talked to an FES about getting me placed there before I could talk to anyone.
* Why the hell are we running out of bags constantly? This is a SUPER MARKET! Bags should be flowing in the streets, we should be stuffed to the gills with these ridiculous plastic bags that malfunction more often than they work! They come off five at a time, attached to the full bag you were trying to put in a customer's cart, they come off because one of the handles wasn't sealed properly, they don't open properly, and so on.
* Do NOT hand me discarded bags from other registers and say, "You've got to use all the bags that come off, even the ones that break," No shit? Do you see any bags piled up on my counter? NO! Because I actually am opening the ones that fail and using them immediately! Someone else failed at that register, and it wasn't me, because I wasn't standing there bagging at it, now was I?
* If I turned the belt off, leave it the F*** OFF! I turned it off to give myself a quick break, and to keep product from getting smashed, and to actually allow me to pick up that box that's pressed so tightly to the counter in front of me that I can't get a blade of grass in between it and the next box pushing it against the counter! I know I'm slowing your numbers down, maybe I'm trying to prove a point about my not being a BAGGER? I'm a GODS-DAMNED CASHIER!
* "You need to double bag that broiled chicken" which is still sitting on the belt, on it's merry little jaunt to see me and meet its horrible, plasticky doom, I HAVEN'T had a chance to do anything to the chicken yet!
* You're a bagger, do NOT randomly up and decide to go stock the meat freezer for no readily apparent reason, particularly not when we're slammed to the gills with customers!
Sorry about the invective, this post has been brewing inside for weeks now.
* Customers who have only two items will bring the big honking carts through the store, end up with one bag, and then abandon said cart (which helps us, kind of, as we work on the Sam's club cart exchange rule... not that it's easy to keep up with, particularly since we have regular carts, medium carts (your half-size carts...) kid carts (seriously, miniature shopping carts so the kids can learn how to buy on credit...), TV carts (like the ones you see in stores with the plastic car on the front, only with an in-car display that plays Handy Manny or something of his kin, to keep the kiddies occupied), regular old car carts (same as prior, only no video) electric scooter carts (for the disabled), and any number of these carts might be coming through at any time...) Sadly, this rule works in reverse as well, the people with the idea in their head to stock up for Ice Station Zebra bring the half-size carts, and then just shake and scratch their heads when I can't put all their shopping right back into the same cart.
* No one, and I mean, NO ONE! Can understand the loud speaker. Enunciate when you're paging someone. Even better, use gods-damned last names! There are probably twenty Cheryl's working in the store, paging Cheryl actually (I witnessed it) got the Cheryl at a cashier podium on the phone, and she was very confused when the person on the line asked for a different Cheryl.
* I can't read your mind! Don't give me the first half of an order, and expect me to just fall in and know what the hell you want from me, the store has been open a MONTH, that isn't nearly enough time to have perfected translating your idiosyncrasies! Full sentences, two steps at a time, so I'm not left wondering what the hell you just told me (and two other baggers) to do.
* I HAD A STROKE! Thus, why I applied to be a cashier! NOT A BAGGER! I don't have the stamina, nor the quickness of hand to keep up with food flying down the belt at 88 miles an hour. Quit telling me I'm a horrible bagger! That doesn't help, and, axiomatically, makes me go slower, because I hate you now, and want to see you suffer. Here's a thought, let's cut off your left arm and force you to juggle, but not tell you how to do so, and then, I get to be pissed when you're not Cirque du Soleil in two hours!
* I AM ALSO NOT A CART GATHERER! I can only handle two to three carts at a time, at best, without smashing into customers, or their cars! Don't get pissed when I can't handle more, I've had experience gathering masses of carts, and it never worked for me. They go awry and slip away into the dark corners of my mind.
* Don't piss and moan at me because I didn't get my cashier training before the store opened, and thus, am low on the totem pole for getting my cashier log-in information.
* I am very, very happy that my coworker suggested I should be positioned on the self check out, a relatively less stressful position for me, and one I can mostly handle after only a few hours of training. I am even more impressed that this coworker actually talked to an FES about getting me placed there before I could talk to anyone.
* Why the hell are we running out of bags constantly? This is a SUPER MARKET! Bags should be flowing in the streets, we should be stuffed to the gills with these ridiculous plastic bags that malfunction more often than they work! They come off five at a time, attached to the full bag you were trying to put in a customer's cart, they come off because one of the handles wasn't sealed properly, they don't open properly, and so on.
* Do NOT hand me discarded bags from other registers and say, "You've got to use all the bags that come off, even the ones that break," No shit? Do you see any bags piled up on my counter? NO! Because I actually am opening the ones that fail and using them immediately! Someone else failed at that register, and it wasn't me, because I wasn't standing there bagging at it, now was I?
* If I turned the belt off, leave it the F*** OFF! I turned it off to give myself a quick break, and to keep product from getting smashed, and to actually allow me to pick up that box that's pressed so tightly to the counter in front of me that I can't get a blade of grass in between it and the next box pushing it against the counter! I know I'm slowing your numbers down, maybe I'm trying to prove a point about my not being a BAGGER? I'm a GODS-DAMNED CASHIER!
* "You need to double bag that broiled chicken" which is still sitting on the belt, on it's merry little jaunt to see me and meet its horrible, plasticky doom, I HAVEN'T had a chance to do anything to the chicken yet!
* You're a bagger, do NOT randomly up and decide to go stock the meat freezer for no readily apparent reason, particularly not when we're slammed to the gills with customers!
Sorry about the invective, this post has been brewing inside for weeks now.
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