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Yes the door's locked
Not sucky but an amusing start to the night.
Just as I'm walking from my car (on a rainy night no less), this genius ignores the ear-piercing buzzer that indicates the door is on exit only and walks rather quickly into the closed glass doors, bounced off them onto their butt on the nice wet cement.
Surprisingly they didn't bitch at my co-worker who had to close while he hit the loo.
Look Before You Threaten
During lock-out hours I'm not allowed to let anyone (except cops and deliveries) into the store no matter what.
SC - Can I come in and use the toilet?
Me - Sorry mate not allowed to open the door.
SC - I need to take a piss.
Me - Sorry I can't let you in.
SC - Fuck you then! How 'bout I piss on ya fuckin' window?
Unbeknown to this idiot, one of the local boys in blue had walked behind him.
Cop - Then I'd arrest you for public indecency.
SC then did the stupid thing and swore at the cop which lead to him getting cuffed and to add insult to injury the cop asked his partner to hold SC while he (cop) came in to use the loo.
Yes the door's locked again
Another genius bounced off the doors minutes after mister "I need to piss" was taken away so by this point I'm laughing under the counter.
The three red bulls I've had at this point probably didn't help.
OUCH!
We have cement filled metal poles outside the shop to stop cars from driving through the windows, they come a little above my belly-button and I'm only 5'11.
Young bloke decides to play leap-frog with the poles...in tight jeans...didn't quite make the jump.
I felt bad for laughing...well a little bad.
Pie. Pie! PIE!
Ah I knew the night of fun couldn't last, one of the downsides of being down the road from a pub.
Drunk (D) comes to my window and I can tell it's going to be a challenge.
Me - How can I help you?
D - Pie.
Me - Sure what kind of pie?
D - Pie.
Me - Ok, just a plain beef pie?
D - No!
Me - Ok what kind? I've got (lists half a dozen pies)
D - Pie!
Me - What kind?
D - Pie!
Me - Ok just a plain pie.
D - NO!
Me - Oh for fuck's sake (swear jar time) What pie do you want?
I should mention at this point one of the lovely ladies of the police (LP) has arrived for a coffee break and is standing the doorway watching the exchange.
D - PIE!
Me - If you won't tell me what kind of pie you want I can't serve you.
D - PIE!
Me - Sorry I can't serve you.
D - PIE!
Me - Nope.
LP - I don't think you're getting served tonight.
D - (at cop) Fuck you!
LP - That's not going to happen tonight either.
Me laughing my hairy butt off
Do waddles a borta?
Female SC with a very thick Asian accent comes to the window while her husband fills the car up, the following adventure in translation unfolds:
Me - Hi what can I get you?
SC - Borta.
Me - What sorry?
SC - Borta.
Me - Uh...?
SC - Waddles.
Me - Sorry I'm having a lot of trouble understanding you.
SC - Borta.
Me - ....
SC - Waddles
Me - ....
SC - Do.
Me - I have no idea what you're talking about.
SC - Do waddles a borta
SC points at water display.
Me - Ah! Gotcha, two bottle of water, no problem.
I go and get the bottles of water.
SC - No.
Me - (quietly) Oh for fuck's sake (swear jar)
Eventually her husband manages to interpret for me and guess what she wanted?
...
...
...
Yeah that's right two bottles of water.
You're Scary When You Smile
In the last half hour before I leave in the morning (after handing over the till and all the end of day crap I have to do) I have to take out rubbish, mark off deliveries, get rid of milk-crates and help out on the second till if it's busy (which it usually is). But I have an unspoken agreement with co-worker S that unless it's a massive line I take out all the rubbish first (usually 2-3 trips because I actually work at night) so I don't have to keep stopping to wash my hands and end up making people wait longer anyway.
Keep in mind at 6am on my last shift of the week I'm not one to take shit, I'm also usually under the influence of many red bulls.
So I come back from the bins wash my hands and go to till 2, not much of a line but hell I'm there.
Me - Next?
SC - About bloody time I've been...
Me - (big smile) Okay next person besides this guy?
SC - (angry) Hey what about me?!
Me - (bigger smile) Did you have fuel to pay for?
SC - *putting drinks on counter* No just the drinks.
Me - (Biggest smile) That's okay you can leave them there I'll put them back later.
SC leaves with all the usual threats of violence and complaints, other customers are laughing and I turn to S.
Me - I've done this before haven't I?
SC - You're scary when you smile.
Me - Tell that to management next time I get marked down for not looking cheerful enough.
I think that'll do for now,
Not sucky but an amusing start to the night.
Just as I'm walking from my car (on a rainy night no less), this genius ignores the ear-piercing buzzer that indicates the door is on exit only and walks rather quickly into the closed glass doors, bounced off them onto their butt on the nice wet cement.
Surprisingly they didn't bitch at my co-worker who had to close while he hit the loo.
Look Before You Threaten
During lock-out hours I'm not allowed to let anyone (except cops and deliveries) into the store no matter what.
SC - Can I come in and use the toilet?
Me - Sorry mate not allowed to open the door.
SC - I need to take a piss.
Me - Sorry I can't let you in.
SC - Fuck you then! How 'bout I piss on ya fuckin' window?
Unbeknown to this idiot, one of the local boys in blue had walked behind him.
Cop - Then I'd arrest you for public indecency.
SC then did the stupid thing and swore at the cop which lead to him getting cuffed and to add insult to injury the cop asked his partner to hold SC while he (cop) came in to use the loo.
Yes the door's locked again
Another genius bounced off the doors minutes after mister "I need to piss" was taken away so by this point I'm laughing under the counter.
The three red bulls I've had at this point probably didn't help.
OUCH!
We have cement filled metal poles outside the shop to stop cars from driving through the windows, they come a little above my belly-button and I'm only 5'11.
Young bloke decides to play leap-frog with the poles...in tight jeans...didn't quite make the jump.
I felt bad for laughing...well a little bad.
Pie. Pie! PIE!
Ah I knew the night of fun couldn't last, one of the downsides of being down the road from a pub.
Drunk (D) comes to my window and I can tell it's going to be a challenge.
Me - How can I help you?
D - Pie.
Me - Sure what kind of pie?
D - Pie.
Me - Ok, just a plain beef pie?
D - No!
Me - Ok what kind? I've got (lists half a dozen pies)
D - Pie!
Me - What kind?
D - Pie!
Me - Ok just a plain pie.
D - NO!
Me - Oh for fuck's sake (swear jar time) What pie do you want?
I should mention at this point one of the lovely ladies of the police (LP) has arrived for a coffee break and is standing the doorway watching the exchange.
D - PIE!
Me - If you won't tell me what kind of pie you want I can't serve you.
D - PIE!
Me - Sorry I can't serve you.
D - PIE!
Me - Nope.
LP - I don't think you're getting served tonight.
D - (at cop) Fuck you!
LP - That's not going to happen tonight either.
Me laughing my hairy butt off
Do waddles a borta?
Female SC with a very thick Asian accent comes to the window while her husband fills the car up, the following adventure in translation unfolds:
Me - Hi what can I get you?
SC - Borta.
Me - What sorry?
SC - Borta.
Me - Uh...?
SC - Waddles.
Me - Sorry I'm having a lot of trouble understanding you.
SC - Borta.
Me - ....
SC - Waddles
Me - ....
SC - Do.
Me - I have no idea what you're talking about.
SC - Do waddles a borta
SC points at water display.
Me - Ah! Gotcha, two bottle of water, no problem.
I go and get the bottles of water.
SC - No.
Me - (quietly) Oh for fuck's sake (swear jar)
Eventually her husband manages to interpret for me and guess what she wanted?
...
...
...
Yeah that's right two bottles of water.
You're Scary When You Smile
In the last half hour before I leave in the morning (after handing over the till and all the end of day crap I have to do) I have to take out rubbish, mark off deliveries, get rid of milk-crates and help out on the second till if it's busy (which it usually is). But I have an unspoken agreement with co-worker S that unless it's a massive line I take out all the rubbish first (usually 2-3 trips because I actually work at night) so I don't have to keep stopping to wash my hands and end up making people wait longer anyway.
Keep in mind at 6am on my last shift of the week I'm not one to take shit, I'm also usually under the influence of many red bulls.
So I come back from the bins wash my hands and go to till 2, not much of a line but hell I'm there.
Me - Next?
SC - About bloody time I've been...
Me - (big smile) Okay next person besides this guy?
SC - (angry) Hey what about me?!
Me - (bigger smile) Did you have fuel to pay for?
SC - *putting drinks on counter* No just the drinks.
Me - (Biggest smile) That's okay you can leave them there I'll put them back later.
SC leaves with all the usual threats of violence and complaints, other customers are laughing and I turn to S.
Me - I've done this before haven't I?
SC - You're scary when you smile.
Me - Tell that to management next time I get marked down for not looking cheerful enough.
I think that'll do for now,
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