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  • #1

    Another F$@*ing half-day

    Yeah, once again the little snotfaces from the junior high had half a day today. This meant Irv had some fun with them today.

    First, a gang of pre-teen guys decided to hang out by the condoms. One of them grabbed a package of Trojan Magnums (Really? Your balls haven't dropped yet and you think you're THAT big?)

    Me: Alright guys, let's move along here.
    Kid: I was going to buy these?
    Me: Really? Because A) you're too young and B) you wish.
    Other kid: *snicker* Are you serious?!
    Me: How old is zit-tac-toe over there, 14? 15? That's a little young to have to ask the doctor why it hurts when you pee, isn't it?
    Kid with condoms: I was going to blow them up like balloons.

    I then followed the gang toward the registers, in case the kid tried to run off without paying for the condoms. They did get in a checkout line, so I left them alone.

    And then, not too long after that--a gaggle of giggling preteen girls gathered by those same condoms. Evidently our condom section was the place to be. As I made my way over, a couple of boxes of condoms went whizzing through the air and onto the floor. Seems they thought it would be a horn-honking good time to have a condom fight.

    Me: Put the condoms back where they belong, and please leave.
    Girl: I'm going to buy some!
    Me: Really?
    Girl: Yeah!
    Me: Well, condoms can and do break. If MTV starts scoping out your house, that might be a good time to see the OB/GYN, kay?
    Girl: What"
    Me: Nevermind.

    And then they left. With or without the condoms I don't know.

    Finally, a bunch of other kids treating the furniture department like their own rumpus room, sipping on sodas from the nearby fast-food places.

    Me: All right, out of here please, unless you're planning to buy the furniture.
    Girl: *cocky* I was thinking of buying this table, but your prices are outrageous.
    Me: Then ask your mommy to give you an advance on your allowance. Now out of here, please.

    It's amazing how little power it took to go to my head already.
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Me: Well, condoms can and do break. If MTV starts scoping out your house, that might be a good time to see the OB/GYN, kay?


    Good one!

    I like how she played dumb with that one. Everytime I'm channel surfing I see "16 and Pregnant" on that channel.

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    • #3
      Quoth ditchdj View Post

      I like how she played dumb with that one. Everytime I'm channel surfing I see "16 and Pregnant" on that channel.
      Oh I doubt she was pretending to be dumb. I have a feeling she's not smart enough to add up one and one
      How was I supposed to know someone was slipping you Birth Control in the food I've been making for you lately?

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      • #4
        I'm telling you now, there's another one tomorrow. It's awful, only teaching half day, but it still feels like a whole day's worth of work. That's not fair. My area might still have half days next week. The road the school is on still isn't big enough for buses to get by, so they have to drop off down the street. It's a pretty long walk. The entire road has to be blocked off so the students can walk safely, but it's a residential road, so people are stuck in their homes from 9:45-10:05. If you're dropping off or parking there like us, you hafta go early or get in late. It's a mess.

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        • #5
          Hahahahahahahahahahaha! That MTV line was priceless. You're awesome, Irv.
          "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

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          • #6
            The MTV thing went over my head because I don't know what OB/GYN mean.
            To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...

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            • #7
              Quoth Mr Hero View Post
              The MTV thing went over my head because I don't know what OB/GYN mean.
              Dude... really?

              Obstetrician/Gynecologist - the doctor for the ladybits as well as the results of unprotected happyfuntimes.

              Now you know. Use this knowledge wisely.
              What colour is the sky in your world and how high of a dosage do you need before it turns back to blue? --Gravekeeper

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              • #8
                Ugh, there's nothing worse than kids out of school on a minimum day or holiday, so I feel for ya, Irv.

                Is it wrong that I'm laughing at the smackdowns you repeatedly gave those little brats?

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                • #9
                  Oh to be a fly on the wall or a passing customer at Irv's store...

                  Irv, you are just too priceless.
                  "Kill the fat guy first?! That's racist!" - my friend Ironside at a Belegarth practice after being "killed" first.

                  I belly dance with tall Goblins!

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                  • #10
                    That's just a whole new level of awesome.
                    D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.
                    Quoth = Crossbow "EvilHomer, Irv, Gravekeeper, and Seraph: the Four Horsemen of the Dumbpocalypse."

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                    • #11
                      Quoth Mr Hero View Post
                      The MTV thing went over my head because I don't know what OB/GYN mean.
                      Hell I had a vague idea of what OB/GYN meant and the joke still went over my head
                      I am the nocturnal echo-locating flying mammal man.

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                      • #12
                        Quoth mharbourgirl View Post
                        Obstetrician/Gynecologist - the doctor for the ladybits as well as the results of unprotected happyfuntimes.
                        So, are you going to come clean the Dr Pepper off my laptop now?
                        I am no longer of capable of the emotion you humans call “compassion”. Though I can feign it in exchange for an hourly wage. (Gravekeeper)

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                        • #13
                          I felt like making a Star Wars joke...nah, it's over done.

                          I never had cable, so I never get to see such wonderful stuff like 16 and pregs.; the one with the "Full Quiver" family of 16 or 18 kids; Clone Wars; Bridezilla and other incarnates of it; Sopranos; The Tudors...

                          So I didn't get the reference. Actually, if she did buy the condoms then it's likely MTV won't show up to her house. Granted, how many times have I been with a guy who complains about how condoms a) messes up his performance b) makes him wilt c) don't fit
                          Time! Time! Time is what turns kittens into cats.

                          Don't teach me a lesson; all I learn is that you are an asshole.

                          I wish porn had subtitles.

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                          • #14
                            If they don't fit, he's wearing the wrong size. Duh. (Yes, they do come in different sizes. Online suppliers often have a bigger range than retail pharmacies though.)

                            If the other two reasons are actually true, chances are it doesn't fit properly. See above.

                            And yes, I have had occasion to need the above information.

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              The other evening at the mall, I was in Victoria's Secret with my bf and was distured to see a little group of probably 10-13 year old girls.

                              Girls, you don't even have breasts yet, get the hell out of here. Bonus points because you're so immature you giggle at all the pushup bras.
                              You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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