What a lewd shift.

[Ferreter]

Ah, lifeguarding, I did not miss you in the slightest. So much nonsense happened in the last shift that I'm just going to give a bunch of thoughts that crossed my mind, in convenient bulleted form.

• Why does everybody feel the need to hit on the lifeguard?
• Let's just end this anal jet therapy right now. (The guy had pulled his swim trunks down and was sitting with his butt to a jet. He looked... pleased with himself.
• You don't have to strip naked on the pool deck, you know. There's an unoccupied changing room TWO FEET AWAY.
• It's adorable when that sweet old lady uses terms of endearment when asking for things. You, however, are a vividly tattoed old man. When you use them, it's creepy.
• For that matter, stop hitting on me. You have gray hairs sprouting from the liver spots on your ludicrously wrinkled chest. I am fifteen. I say again: creepy.
• Pool rule #253: do not tackle the lifeguard into the pool.
• WHAT IS WITH ALL THE NUDITY.
• You made it into the changing room. You even managed to close the door. But you forgot to put your swim trunks on before you came out.
• Just saying, if you are so voluminous that your belly button can make casual conversation with your knees, it might not be a good idea to wear a speedo.
• Pool rule #322: A changing room is not a bathroom.
• Okay, I get why you might think you should drip all that blood into the pool instead of on the pool deck, but why is that parent swilling her baby through blood-water?
• Pool rule #849: Cantankerous children are not to use other people's babies as footballs.

What a welcome back.

[AnaKhouri]

#849- if some brat used my kid as a football, he would no longer be cantankerous but dead. Or maybe he would still be cantankerous. In Hell.

[Ferreter]

Or maybe he would still be cantankerous. In Hell.

That's what it looked like his parents were thinking, too. The parents of the idiot children didn't see anything wrong with what they were doing, though

[Can I Help Your A$$?]

Forget blood water. The guy with his butt to the jet would be making poop water. Guuh.

[Mystic]

Annnnd there lies a few reasons why I do not swim in toilets that we call public pools.

[ShadedWings]

Just saying, if you are so voluminous that your belly button can make casual conversation with your knees, it might not be a good idea to wear a speedo.

- buh.. what... guh... :vomit:

Okay, I get why you might think you should drip all that blood into the pool instead of on the pool deck, but why is that parent swilling her baby through blood-water?

- Chlorine cures EVERYTHING, didn't you know that?

[Flying Grype]

[*]Let's just end this anal jet therapy right now. (The guy had pulled his swim trunks down and was sitting with his butt to a jet. He looked... pleased with himself.

Air embolism in 3... 2... 1...

[Sheldonrs]

Forget blood water. The guy with his butt to the jet would be making poop water. Guuh.

Maybe he's just a Jets fan.

[sirwired]

Air embolism in 3... 2... 1...

Pool jets usually don't have air mixed in, but in any case I would imagine a water embolism would make an air embolism look like a paper cut.

SirWired

[Imogene]

Let's just end this anal jet therapy right now. (The guy had pulled his swim trunks down and was sitting with his butt to a jet. He looked... pleased with himself.

Oh come on, who hasn't heard of a pool enema?

[JustaCashier]

....but why is that parent swilling her baby through blood-water?

Satan worshipper baptizing her baby?


Mike