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Sometimes I hate the male of the species (ended up kinda long)

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  • #16
    It's terrifying how some men think it's all right to hit on women at their workplace. I've never had it happen to me, but I've observed it happen to coworkers often enough. I sympathize with anyone that it's happened to.

    One of my coworkers used the "I have a boyfriend" line (truthfully) on a customer that we all think is a waste of oxygen, and got the response, "If he doesn't care, I don't care." What a creep.
    "I look at the stars. It's a clear night and the Milky Way seems so near. That's where I'll be going soon. "We are all star stuff." I suddenly remember Delenn's line from Joe's script. Not a bad prospect. I am not afraid. In the meantime, let me close my eyes and sense the beauty around me. And take that breath under the dark sky full of stars. Breathe in. Breathe out. That's all."
    -Mira Furlan

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    • #17
      Quoth tehtech View Post
      I kept trying to get away as it got more apparent where he was going and finally he asks me out for drinks. I tell him "sorry I have a boyfriend" and BOLT down the soda aisle.
      because having a boyfriend means you can't have friends of the opposite gender?
      Or that everyone asking to go out for drinks wants sex?

      I don't understand-I ask people I work with both male and female to go out for drinks-and if someone asks me male or female I either accept or decline politely-not blurt out "OMG I'm married you perv!" and run away like they're the most disgusting creature on the planet and I must flee, or risk being infected by their plague of nastiness.

      You made an assumption, that assumption may or may not have been correct, and it may have cost you someone that could've been a really good friend, but you assumed all males only ask women out for sexings...not at all true, I'm currently going out for coffee with a couple guys to help them with social skills and conversational english-they know I'm happily married, and they're actually pretty interesting to talk with....I'd be very sad if they told me anyone treated them like a leper for trying to be friendly......

      Quoth tehtech View Post
      I know i did the right thing but god do I feel like a jerk.

      well see above-you weren't exactly the pinnacle of what we refer to as tact....


      Quoth Ghel View Post
      It's terrifying how some men think it's all right to hit on women at their workplace. I've never had it happen to me, but I've observed it happen to coworkers often enough.
      unless it's obvious (as in"hey let's date", or hey "I want to sleep with you")-it could just be people trying to expand their circle of friends-sorry but I really don't see why adults have to adhere to certain arbitrary "rules" and only apparently make friends in highschool and work and keep them forever-I used to hang out with the people that worked at the local gas station-I did this by saying "hey we should hang out sometime" Apparently I'm a horrible, terrifying person for "hitting on" an employee-never mind I had no interest other than friendship(I had a boyfriend and so did he)-just suggesting anything social is apparently taboo(and makes me some kind of sex fiend)....guess I should just interact with those I work with and don't really like.....even though by hanging out with him I expanded my social circle and made some really awesome friends and had some really great fun, that we both would've missed out on had he jumped to the conclusion that "OMG-I must want to bang him, if I'm asking to hang out, go out for coffee, go out for drinks"

      So how is one to make friends as an adult-I'd really like to know since talking to strangers=evil and creepy?
      Last edited by BlaqueKatt; 02-27-2010, 03:42 PM.
      Honestly.... the image of that in my head made me go "AWESOME!"..... and then I remembered I am terribly strange.-Red dazes

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      • #18
        Most women know when they're being hit on.
        We weren't there. If the guy was making the OP feel uncomfortable, as in making moves on her when she was not interested, I think we should accept her description of events. Not try to second guess her and make her feel worse.
        "Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds..."

        Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance.

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        • #19
          Quoth BlaqueKatt View Post
          because having a boyfriend means you can't have friends of the opposite gender?
          Or that everyone asking to go out for drinks wants sex?

          I don't understand-I ask people I work with both male and female to go out for drinks-and if someone asks me male or female I either accept or decline politely-not blurt out "OMG I'm married you perv!" and run away like they're the most disgusting creature on the planet and I must flee, or risk being infected by their plague of nastiness.

          You made an assumption, that assumption may or may not have been correct, and it may have cost you someone that could've been a really good friend, but you assumed all males only ask women out for sexings...not at all true, I'm currently going out for coffee with a couple guys to help them with social skills and conversational english-they know I'm happily married, and they're actually pretty interesting to talk with....I'd be very sad if they told me anyone treated them like a leper for trying to be friendly.......

          Except, she did mention he'd been hitting on her, so I think it was safe to assume he wanted a date. I highly doubt you interact with your coworkers in a way that could be construed as hitting on them when you're asking them to get together for drinks.
          MySpace

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          • #20
            In the incident that I mentioned, the guy was obviously talking about sex. And in the other incidents that I can think of, the guys don't attempt to make friends. They just ask the woman out for drinks with very little discussion before hand. (Why does it always seem to be drinks? Why not lunch or something?)

            One of my coworkers is being borderline stalked by one of our customers. He'll say things like "I know you're married, but..." or "I had to get my pretty girl fix today." He comes in to the bank and moves back in line if she's not available, or if she's not at her window, he'll leave and come back later. I wouldn't blame her if she told him that she wouldn't wait on him any more.
            "I look at the stars. It's a clear night and the Milky Way seems so near. That's where I'll be going soon. "We are all star stuff." I suddenly remember Delenn's line from Joe's script. Not a bad prospect. I am not afraid. In the meantime, let me close my eyes and sense the beauty around me. And take that breath under the dark sky full of stars. Breathe in. Breathe out. That's all."
            -Mira Furlan

            Comment


            • #21
              I don't understand-I ask people I work with both male and female to go out for drinks-and if someone asks me male or female I either accept or decline politely-not blurt out "OMG I'm married you perv!" and run away like they're the most disgusting creature on the planet and I must flee, or risk being infected by their plague of nastiness.
              Maybe the situation was so uncomfortable for the OP that running away was the only reaction she could have. Not everyone is comfortable with people who are pretty much strangers (which he really is no matter how often he came into where she works) asking them out for a drink, even if it's just a social thing or whatever.
              I am the nocturnal echo-locating flying mammal man.

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              • #22
                A normal grown person can tell the difference between friendly conversation and innuendo-laced scum. Kinda like how you can tell when someone's just joking with you versus trying to insult you or snidely talk down to you. Tone of voice and other visual cues don't come over well when someone is relating a story through words only, but I'm fairly certain that when a woman says someone was a creep and made her feel uncomfortable, she's usualy right

                Nobody ever tries to hit on me at work, they just try to hit me, occasionaly.
                - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

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                • #23
                  Quoth spookysonata View Post
                  Most women know when they're being hit on.
                  except that sadly 90% of females I encounter in real life under the age of 25 think the entire world is hitting on them-"OMG he said hi to me what a creeper-I look like a zygote and he's at least 30-must be a perv"

                  Heck there are girls that think being looked at is being hit on-


                  Case in point my husband always asks the cashier anywhere how their day is going, every time without fail if the cashier is under 25 and female she'll start going on about how he was hitting on her and how creepy it is, don't I agree....several times I have said something to the effect of "no he's just being nice that man is my husband" and I get the patented Cat-butt face because I just destroyed their personal "I'm the hottest thing on the planet and everyone wants me" delusion.
                  (we make our purchases separately)


                  I'm in no way "second guessing" the OP-just saying it can be handled a lot better, and also no not all women know when their being hit on.



                  Quoth Ghel
                  They just ask the woman out for drinks with very little discussion before hand. (Why does it always seem to be drinks? Why not lunch or something?)
                  lunch or dinner=date
                  drinks(can include coffee-it is a drink)=talking in a public setting, I don't consider "drinks" with anyone a "date", nor do I know anyone who does-does that answer your question?

                  again how are adults supposed to meet and talk to other adults? Little discussion beforehand? You can talk over coffee, not real easy to have a conversation during lunch...especially if it's a timed 30-60 minute lunch break...
                  Honestly.... the image of that in my head made me go "AWESOME!"..... and then I remembered I am terribly strange.-Red dazes

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                  • #24
                    Again, we weren't there. And we all know there are indeed creepy people in the world who enjoy making others squirm.

                    If she truly felt uncomfortable by the way he was acting, she had every right to get away from the guy. I think it's disrespectful to automatically assume she read the situation wrong and was being a jerk.

                    My $0.02: I think she handled it fine, and I won't say anymore about it.
                    "Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds..."

                    Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance.

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                    • #25
                      Quoth Ghel View Post
                      It's terrifying how some men think it's all right to hit on women at their workplace. I've never had it happen to me, but I've observed it happen to coworkers often enough. I sympathize with anyone that it's happened to.
                      I had a guy once who kept trying to talk to me while I was shelving. Eventually he got around to asking me when my break was and if I wanted to get coffee. He wasn't creepy, really, though I wouldn't have been interested even if I had been single, and I told him I had already had my break and I had a boyfriend, and he left.

                      Quoth Ghel View Post
                      (Why does it always seem to be drinks? Why not lunch or something?)
                      Well, if their intentions are less than noble, it's pretty obvious why you might want to get some alcohol in the person. Otherwise, having coffee or a quick drink at a casual bar is less of a commitment for both sides than a full meal. It gives you a chance to get to know each other enough to decide if you want to spend more time together. Maybe it's a little non-committal, but there's certainly less pressure for both parties than if you are trying to make conversation for an hour or more and find out early on that you aren't interested. It's a lot easier to finish your drink and say you have to get going, than try to make an excuse when the entree hasn't been served yet.
                      I don't go in for ancient wisdom
                      I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
                      It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

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                      • #26
                        Quoth Ghel View Post
                        One of my coworkers used the "I have a boyfriend" line (truthfully) on a customer that we all think is a waste of oxygen, and got the response, "If he doesn't care, I don't care." What a creep.
                        I was working a booth selling jewelry at a craft fair one year when this hot surfer dude started hitting on me. It was really obvious. I made a point to show off the engagement ring my fiancee had given me, but the dude was way too clueless to pick up on the fact that I was giving him an out before he embarrassed himself. Even if I'd been available, I think the guy was way too dumb for me to maintain any interest in him.

                        As for the OP: we weren't there, we don't know. I likely wouldn't have reacted in that manner, but then, I'm a totally different person, not given to reactions that many people consider "normal."

                        ^-.-^
                        Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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                        • #27
                          It sounds like we work for the same chain . . . which I usually refer to as the Kitty, so I totally know where you're coming from . . .

                          Those ribbons are annoying as hell . . . they might as well say "Best in Breed" from *nationally known dog show*. Woof.

                          And even funnier, some of our regular customers are noticing the "new lower prices." I actually had one tell me Friday she saw where some of them had actually went up.

                          And on the point of getting hit on by the male species: maybe this just happens to me, but those that have over the years usually look like they've crawled out of a hole deep below the surface of the Earth and haven't made friends with soap and water. It's never the nice looking guys who actually keep themselves groomed and smell nice . . . always it seems to be the skanky ones who reek so bad you need a gas mask.

                          Does anyone have any Skank-Be-Gone perfume I can borrow?
                          Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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                          • #28
                            Quoth DGoddessChardonnay View Post
                            It sounds like we work for the same chain . . . which I usually refer to as the Kitty, so I totally know where you're coming from . . .
                            I'm fairly certain it's the same company then.

                            And to everyone else. I didn't mean to cause some kind of ruckus with mentioning the guy asking me out. First it was VERY obvious his intentions. Also he wouldn't let me leave the front end to finish shop backs. Every time I moved the cart further away from the front he would move closer. THAT'S why I got creeped out. I should have mentioned that before but I was writing from just pure emotion. He's usually a nice guy and I'm not against having male friends but I am against people who corner me like that. Friend or other.

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                            • #29
                              Quoth BlaqueKatt View Post
                              again how are adults supposed to meet and talk to other adults?
                              World of Warcraft
                              "IT stands away, interrupting himself from the incessant hammering of the kittens…"

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                              • #30
                                Quoth Bloodsoul View Post
                                World of Warcraft City of Heroes
                                There. Fixed that for me.

                                ^-.-^
                                Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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