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Terminal Stupidity Threshold

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  • Terminal Stupidity Threshold

    I've been doing web design lately. I thought I'd seen it all...

    This is quoted from a client's email. (Edit: I've changed the phrasing slightly just so they can't find me via google, since they seem to be full of crazy, but you can still get the picture.)

    "We feel that the internet is outdated and is no longer an efficient medium for communication. We would like to hire you to construct a more efficient means of advertisement for our company, but of course this project must be kept secret as we do not want anyone else to be able to access it to steal our ideas. We do not have a budget but this would look good on your resume."

    ..........

    Any suggestions of what to write in my reply email?

  • #2
    I theenk you need a beeger budget...

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth TheSHAD0W View Post
      I theenk you need a beeger budget...
      I know, right? Haha.

      I'm tempted to say "if my resume is auspicious enough to attract your attention for a job of this magnitude, then I obviously do not need anything else to add to it in order to obtain work." (yay businessspeak!)

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth patiokitty View Post
        beaming their ad directly into a customer's brain is a possibility.
        Now that you've said it, it's only a matter of time until someone is asked to do it.

        Comment


        • #5
          So wait...you're doing WEB DESIGN and you can't use the INTERNET?

          Dear Customer,

          I will have to decline your request to create a magical new form of advertisement as I deal in the inner workings of the irrelevant technology you call the Internet. However I commend you and encourage that you stay as far away from the Internet as possible. This is probably best for the health of both you and those around you. The Internet is not for everyone.

          Sincerely, Taboo

          Maybe that's too nice...or not creative enough. I'm not feeling very well today and am quite...uncreative. Sigh. I look forward to reading everyone else's ideas.

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          • #6
            refer them to Harry Potter and Hogwarts or maybe owl delivery?

            Comment


            • #7
              You could always just tell them that, as a web designer, you're not really interested in projects outside of your milieu. Perhaps they could consider contacting students at [closest CS/engineering university], and see if anyone is interested in it for a class project.

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              • #8
                Quoth Taboo View Post
                Any suggestions of what to write in my reply email?
                "What color is the sky in your world?"
                - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

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                • #9
                  Sky blue pink with purple polka dots.

                  (Which, oddly enough, I did see, once, at a particularly lovely sunset. )
                  Any day you're looking down at the dirt instead of up at the dirt is a good day.

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                  • #10
                    Quoth Taboo View Post
                    Any suggestions of what to write in my reply email?
                    To paraphrase one of my favorite lines from a certain trilogy of movies -

                    Dear (Non) Customer,

                    I am unable to acquiesce to your request....means "no".

                    Thank you for your questionable interest,
                    Taboo


                    - OR -

                    Less politely,

                    Bugger. Off.
                    It's floating wicker propelled by fire!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth Taboo View Post
                      "We feel that the internet is outdated and is no longer an efficient medium for communication.
                      How about this?

                      -----
                      I am truly sorry to have to turn down this job. As the Internet is an outmoded form of communication, and my current knowledge is so heavily focused on the internet, I am afraid that I shall be a poor fit for your needs. Unfortunately, working with my peers in the industry, they, too, are all Internet focused, and I am unable to refer you to them for them to try to take on your project.

                      The one bit of hope I have in this matter is that you will be able to give me some idea of what the new form of communication is, so that I may learn it and potentially assist other clients in future.

                      For now, though, I will simply wish you the best of luck in finding someone else who will be a better fit for all your consulting needs (both legacy Internet and non-Internet).

                      Thank you, and good luck in your search!
                      -----

                      It's still a little rough, as I did that on the fly and with very little editing, but it should give you a decent start, I think.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I would refer them to Al Gore, I've heard he's had some experience inventing the internet.
                        "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

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                        • #13
                          Just be flat out honest. What they ask is impossible to do. Go hire Chris Angle. Because maybe he can like, send thoughts into peoples mind to buy whatever they are they are selling.


                          Or ignore. Its likely, or it has to be, a joke.
                          Military Spouse Support.
                          http://www.customerssuck.com/board/group.php?groupid=45
                          Plaidman's Minions: Telecom_Goddess: Dungeon Minion

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                          • #14
                            Quoth Plaidman View Post
                            Its likely, or it has to be, a joke.
                            I sincerely hope so, but since the internet seems to bring out the stupid in people, it wouldn't surprise me if they were serious.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth Taboo View Post
                              Now that you've said it, it's only a matter of time until someone is asked to do it.
                              I could swear I once read a SF book in which they did just that. <googles> That was it, The Merchants' War by Frederick Pohl.

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