Boy, everyone is stupid except me

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Whilst working 9:30 to 6 today, I was called upon by customers to perform the following feats of Car Tetris:

• Shove a big boxed dining set into a Dodge Stratus, because THEY DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!
• Stuff a large TV stand into the back seat of a Geo Prism because there was no way it'd ever fit in the trunk.
• Cram two sling patio dining chairs int the back seat of a Chevy Cavalier--I didn't even try it because car doors never open wide enough for stuff like that to fit, but the customers tried it anyway, and nearly tore the fabric when it got caught on the door handle.
• Push a TV stand and an audio tower into the back seat of a Chevy Aveo, because the customer thoughtfully brought his kid with him.

And what did all these people say when I couldn't fit their stuff into their stupidly small cars? "I'll have to come back with the truck/van/SUV."

Geez! Planning, do you do it, motherfuckers? No, of course not. You kahilkers just go pawing through your ad circular, see some big thing you want to buy, go "UNNNGGGHHHH! THING! BIG THING!," ooze your way into your clown car and down to the swamp, where you inflict your stupid upon me. I guess this is what it meant when my horoscope this morning read "Kaboom."

To paraphrase Geek King--Planning: It's the reason I don't say "Fucking ass Christ piss!" quite as much as you do.

And then--this just made my day, boy howdy!--a woman comes up to me while I'm in the entrance vestibule waiting for one of the aforementioned idiots. "I'm going to be buying a computer desk."

You know what? That's great! Just go back inside and check out and they'll call me to bring it out for you.

"Oh, but they told me I should go tell you." Gee, I don't know who "they" is, but they are an idiot. You need to go check out first.

"Well I just thought I'd let you know." OKAY, I KNOW! NOW GO BACK INSIDE AND CHECK OUT AND QUIT PESTERING ME!

Some time later, I get paged to carry out this woman's computer desk. I bring it outside to her and she tells me "That's the wrong one."

Ummm, no it isn't. Unless you grabbed the wrong tag, Einstein. I had the duplicate receipt checked before I came out here, and everything matched.

I ask her if she wanted the computer desk sized to fit in a corner. "Yes, but I thought it had this big thing on top."

That "big thing" on top is the hutch, and it's sold separately. I guess you missed the sign reading "The computer desks and hutches are sold separately; if you wish to purchase a desk and a hutch you will need one pull tag for each item." Incidentally, we had to make and put up that sign thanks to morons such as yourself, who thought they would get both pieces for only the price of the desk.

I ask her if she still wants the desk. She says yes. So I load it into her SUV and she drives off.

Some time later, I'm coming down from break and see a co-worker carting this very same computer desk back to the backroom. I ask her if it was defective.

"Nope. She said you brought up the wrong one."

Can't a guy get a customer who isn't a raging fucktard? If anybody needs me, I'll be shoving my head in this here oven.

[Magpie]

*pats back*
Cookies? Booze? I'm not going to offer you any of my meds, but I need to go vacuum the cat, and I have to put the bottle down here.

[Green_Fairy]

best ending for a day like that: your favorite booze, a comfy couch/chair, and old school looney tunes. you can't miss.

[shankyknitter]

*has lackys bring you everything you desire* I can offer booze, cookies, really good pasta, and a frat pledgie to schlep whatever needs schlepping. Also palm leaf fans, again held by pledgies (they're the only lackys I have)

[Mr Hero]

Why do I imagine Irv saying the topic title with a cigar in his mouth while falling asleep?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Why do I imagine Irv saying the topic title with a cigar in his mouth while falling asleep?

When the fire starts to burn
There's a lesson you must learn
Something something then you'll see
You'll avoid catastrophe!

[Andara Bledin]

When the fire starts to burn
There's a lesson you must learn
Something something then you'll see
You'll avoid catastrophe!

So, to summarize:

Step 1: Burn
Step 2: Learn
Step 3: ????
Step 4: Profit!

Right?

^-.-^

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Grrrr.

I hate Sundays.

I would've posted this last night, but I was absolutely knackered when I came home from work, and I have to work early today anyhow, so I went right to bed.

First thing I did when I came into work was re-backstock 4 barstools, one of them assembled, because the customer was a fucktard who doesn't what a tape measure is or what one is used for. Those barstools were actually brought back Saturday night, but nobody felt like dealing with them Saturday night or Sunday morning, so they were just left at the service desk for me to deal with.

I hate Sundays.

Then I got called to delivery this big, plastic, Step 2 playhouse to some people and their Ford Taurus. Really?

I told them it wouldn't fit in their vehicle. They asked to to take it out of the box for them. I refused. The bottom of the playhouse is as big as the box itself. They insisted I take it out of the box for them. I opened up the box and showed them the big bottom piece. They said "Gee, I guess we'll have to come back with the truck."

I hate Sundays.

Next, I got called upon to deal with a big bubble bath spill over in baby HBA. It had obviously been sitting there for a while. It had soaked into the carpet and was beginning to dry out. The shelf it had been sitting on was all crusty and strawberry-smelling. I did the best I could with paper towel and a damp mop, but that carpet is probably ruined. Saddest thing is, I know apparel people were in that department earlier in the day setting ad, and yet they couldn't clean it up or tell somebody else about the spill. But that's apparel for you; they don't do anything except fold clothes and gossip anyway.

I hate Sundays.

Finally, I got called to deal with a "restroom situation." Great, somebody exploded in the bathroom. Actually, that wasn't the case. A couple old ladies came out of the bathroom and marched to the service desk to tell the people back there the bathroom was "absolutely disgusting!"

Here's some background about our bathrooms: When the store was remodeled, the bathrooms weren't included in the remodel and there are no apparent plans to remodel them anytime soon. They still have floor and wall tile that was installed in 1995 or so, and it hasn't always been cleaned as well as it should be. Every couple of years or so, the floors get power-washed but the tile still won't hold a shine or look brand new anyway. Still, they're kept clean and reasonably deodorized, so the only problem with them is they look a little shopworn. But to hear the customers describe them, you'd think they haven't been cleaned since the dawn of recorded time, and every surface is covered in poop and/or bloody girl hygiene products. I guess these people haven't been in any gas-station restrooms lately.

People even complain about the bathrooms on our customer service surveys--in fact they are the most commonly complained-about aspect of the store. And those complaints count against us, even though they'd go away completely if corporate would actually sink some money into this damn place.

I hate Sundays.

[TheSHAD0W]

You can use polyurethane floor finish on old tile and it will do an amazing job of sealing it and making it shiny. Shouldn't be too expensive either. Suggesting it to management might earn you some brownie points.

[JLG]

I absolutely hate it when a customer buys furniture. Because they will have a tiny car and waste our associates time trying to make the item fit in the car. And half the time the item gets returned and we have to put it back on the floor and wait for the next person to buy it shove it in their car and return it.

I have actually seen the same item get purchased and returned like 5 times in one month.

The worst is when a customer will buy something and say they will come back to pick it up later that night with a truck and they don't come back for another month

I had a lady buy a glass dresser drawer in November and not pick it up until January We don't have storage for that so it goes in our tiny shoe stockroom being used as a table and bumped into until it finally gets picked up. We are supposed to get the customers phone number when they leave an item and say they will pick it up later that day but many times the cashiers forget to do that.

[Magpie]

1995 and they already look old? Some of the washrooms on campus look like they're the original fixtures (the fact that there are still doors labelled "lounge" really adds to this. Now, I'm talking Engineering 2, the school opened its doors in 1957... And no, they're not that icky, except for the fact that they're not shiny so I don't like them as much.

[crazylegs]

1995 and they already look old? Some of the washrooms on campus look like they're the original fixtures (the fact that there are still doors labelled "lounge" really adds to this.

I'm guessing the swamp remodelled their bathrooms on a shoestring, so they were the cheapest tiles available.

At a guess that is.