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Wherein men pleasure themselves to my image

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  • #16
    Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
    Oh, I assure you its quite possible.
    Quoth dalesys View Post
    Yogi, the ranger isn't going to like this...
    That show is so delightfully full of wrong. Then again, what else would you expect of a show based on a h-game.

    ^-.-^
    Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

    Comment


    • #17
      Quoth Gravekeeper View Post

      Just...Put It Down
      ( Monkey boy here is trying to install blinds and for some reason I have to help him. Don't ask. Our clients ask bizzarre things of us sometimes. )


      SC: “I bought this yesterday an’ I’ve been workin’ on it alllll night. My neighbours think I’m stupid.”

      Considering you’ve measured everything wrong and cut the blinds too short, “don’t know where any of the screws go”, can’t figure out how to attach “the piece that looks like a light switch”, “Don’t know how any of this is suppose to fit together” and are admittedly following the Spanish instructions even though you don’t speak Spanish and have the English instructions too.......I’m inclined to agree with them. Wholeheartedly. In fact it may be for the best if you just put everything down right now and backed away slowly. Go find yourself a garbage bag, some oven mitts and a helmet, then come back and put everything in the bag, take it down to the curb, then get back inside and forget you ever saw them at the store.
      English side ruined. Must use French. Le grille? What the hell is that?
      To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...

      Comment


      • #18
        Quoth Mr Hero View Post
        English side ruined. Must use French. Le grille? What the hell is that?
        Thet's French fer gotta finda woman!
        I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
        Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
        Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

        Comment


        • #19
          Quoth dalesys View Post
          Yogi, the ranger isn't going to like this...
          But he needed her PIC-A-NIC basket!!!!!

          Comment


          • #20
            Quoth Amina516 View Post
            But he needed her PIC-A-NIC basket!!!!!
            Psst, that's not a her.

            Comment


            • #21
              Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
              SC: “No, I’m just making a delivery. Is this <company that ain't me> at <address that ain't me>?”
              Me: “No, you have the wrong number. This is <company> at <address>”
              SC: “Yeah.”
              Me: "Sorry?”
              SC: “You know what, fuck it, if you’re going to give me that attitude. You can just get fired yourself, you fucking asshole. Go fuck yourself. Your mother too.”
              As a renowned smartass, I am trying to figure out just what "attitude" you were giving him. What, politely telling him that the number he called is NOT the one for the customer he is trying to deliver to? Hmmmm.....if that's attitude, I would hate to know what he qualifies what I say to some of my customers as.

              Moron.

              …..right, I’m going to venture out on an admittedly thick limb here and say you don’t get a lot of tips, do you?

              Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
              I realize this line is technically open 24 hours but it still won’t stop me from thinking of you as a sad, lonely man, desperate for human companionship if you call me about siding for your house at 2am. There is absolutely no reason for you to be calling around for home renovations at this hour. None.
              There are times when I play Devil's Advocate and defend some of your callers. This is one of them.

              As someone who is up at all hours, usually the late ones (I rarely go to bed before 3 am, even though I mostly work the day shift), I can certainly picture myself making such a call. If, of course, I had a house. And it needed siding. Neither of which is applicable here. But that's besides the point. The point being, I can relate to the guy sitting there, doing this, doing that, procrastinating about doing that other thing, and suddenly realizing, "Holy shit! I completely spaced calling about that siding I need. Wait a minute....what's this? They have a 24 hour phone line? Hot damn! I can call them now!" Also, from what I know about Alaska, they operate on kind of a different time frame up there, due to the wonky sun cycle.

              Sure, he may well be the idiot you paint him as. But as someone who has made calls to customer service lines at odd hours, I felt the need to defend him.

              Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
              Then I would say you were speaking like someone who had never answered a phone and heard another man furiously pleasuring himself in the dead of night.

              Also, because I'm a complete bastard, I instructed my coworker to pull the call on our call logger and listen to it without giving him any real warning as to its contents.
              Now THAT is pretty fucking evil.

              I don't know your coworker, but if that were me, retaliation would be imminent. Be wary, my friend. Be very, very wary.

              Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
              Wherein men pleasure themselves to my image



              As somewhat of a bastard myself, I feel the need to point out the inaccuracy in your thread title. Since technically, he was pleasuring himself to your voice, not your image.



              Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
              SC: “Yeah, my oven timer is going off and I don’t know how to turn it off.”
              There are times when I play Devil's Advocate and defend some of your callers.

              There is no fucking way this is going to be one of them!

              Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
              Go find yourself a garbage bag, some oven mitts and a helmet, then come back and put everything in the bag, take it down to the curb, then get back inside and forget you ever saw them at the store.
              No, no, no, no, no. GK, you let me down. Seriously. Such an opportunity to do good for the world, and I thought you were going to do just that....and you missed the boat. Allow me to humbly offer the correct answer that you really should have provided:

              "Go find yourself a garbage bag, some oven mitts and a helmet, then come back and put everything in the bag, take it down to the curb, then get in the bag, wait for the men in the lovely truck to come along and pick you up, and enjoy the ride!"

              There. Now that's a whole lot better.

              Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
              Me: “......We don’t deliver pizza.”
              SC: “How come?”

              There’s no way to answer that question without verbally berating you at length or insulting what little intelligence you evidently have. Both of which would likely get me fired regardless of how justified the lashing would be.
              Oh, I can think of at least one way.

              "Because....we....are not...a pizza shop."

              Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
              Every time I had to call <client> this evening, he has told me “Hang on a moment” and then undergone some sort of amazingly labourious and questionable task to "find a pen" that involves heavy breathing, grunting and panting directly into the receiver for several minutes with a grandiose exhalation of joy at the end. I do not know what he is doing during this interval.
              Having not heard the call, I cannot say he was indeed smacking the smurf. But I can think of at least one thing that would sound just like that, without actually being that.

              To wit, if said client is a very obese man, and is very clumsy or forgetful, he may indeed be huffing and puffing as he bends over under his desk looking for the pen he lost yet again. I have seen just such things happen.

              Of course, if one this call, as one the other one, you were hearing "fap fap fap," this explanation pretty much implodes on itself. I hope for your sake it was my alternative scenario, and not a client joining your callers in the crank yanker brigade.

              Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
              Honestly? I get an obvious dolphin flogger around once every 6 months or so and suspected ones every 2-3.
              Apparently this is more proof of what the Fan Girls have been saying this whole time. To wit, that you, my friend, are one sexy bitch. Accept it. "It is your destiny."

              Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
              I'd get panting knobfisters all the time begging me to "Help a brother out" and transfer them to a female operator so they could finish getting their rocks off.
              What? Don't any of these guys own a DVD player?

              Quoth Talon View Post
              Wait a minute, you have bears and death by bears as separate threats. How else can a bear threaten them, in ways that don't involve death?
              Well, technically speaking, you can be mauled by a bear and not die. It seems to me that that would be very painful, very injurious, and definitely a threat without being a fatal one.

              Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
              Oh, I assure you its quite possible.
              That is a sick, sick video.

              You sir, are a sick, sick man.

              Yet another reason we get along!

              "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
              Still A Customer."

              Comment


              • #22
                Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
                That's it. I give up. You win, universe.




                God Dammit, Dude, What the Hell?!

                ..........

                Also, because I'm a complete bastard, I instructed my coworker to pull the call on our call logger and listen to it without giving him any real warning as to its contents.



                Gah!
                Sounds like you've just taken the next logical step with RickRolls. You PrickRolled him
                Be Nicer To Retail Workers 2K18, also known as: stop being an incredibly shitty human to people just doing their job.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Quoth Jester View Post
                  Apparently this is more proof of what the Fan Girls have been saying this whole time. To wit, that you, my friend, are one sexy bitch. Accept it. "It is your destiny."
                  He does have a sexy voice. I am sad he is no longer able to post audio.
                  I don't go in for ancient wisdom
                  I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
                  It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Quoth the lawsmeister View Post
                    Sounds like you've just taken the next logical step with RickRolls. You PrickRolled him
                    ohhhhh, noo no noooo you people leave me out of that internet sensation. I'm still scared from 'goatse'
                    Me to a friend: I know I'm crazy, you know I'm crazy, the zombies at the end of the world will know I'm crazy. Thus not eating my brain for fear of ingesting the crazy. It's my survival plan.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Quoth Jester View Post
                      As somewhat of a bastard myself, I feel the need to point out the inaccuracy in your thread title. Since technically, he was pleasuring himself to your voice, not your image.
                      At least he doesn't usually have to listen to people doing it.
                      Quoth Jester View Post
                      That is a sick, sick video.

                      You sir, are a sick, sick man.

                      Yet another reason we get along!
                      That's not even the worst scene of the show.
                      Quoth BookstoreEscapee View Post
                      He does have a sexy voice. I am sad he is no longer able to post audio.
                      ++
                      Quoth shankyknitter View Post
                      ohhhhh, noo no noooo you people leave me out of that internet sensation. I'm still scared from 'goatse'
                      Wait, shouldn't that be "scarred?"

                      ^-.-^
                      Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Quoth BookstoreEscapee View Post
                        He does have a sexy voice. I am sad he is no longer able to post audio.
                        Quoth Gravekeepr
                        Also, because I'm a complete bastard, I instructed my coworker to pull the call on our call logger and listen to it without giving him any real warning as to its contents.
                        Why am I suddenly glad that he is no longer able to post audio?
                        "You can only try so hard to look like you are working before actually doing your work seems easy in comparison" -My Boss

                        CW: So what exactly do you do in retentions?
                        Me: ummm, I ....retent stuff?

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Why cant the most famous member here not post audio?

                          And Bro, take it to heart. Men pleasure themselves to you. So do woman. Everyone does. Your like a giant magnet of masterbation. Because they want you. People want what they cannot have. Take it as a compliment.
                          Military Spouse Support.
                          http://www.customerssuck.com/board/group.php?groupid=45
                          Plaidman's Minions: Telecom_Goddess: Dungeon Minion

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Quoth Plaidman View Post
                            Why cant the most famous member here not post audio?
                            Because his bosses didn't like it I would assume.
                            I used to be disgusted... Now I'm just amused

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Quoth ta2ooed1 View Post
                              Because his bosses didn't like it I would assume.
                              Correct. Was fine years ago at old office. But not at new.


                              Quoth Plaidman
                              People want what they cannot have. Take it as a compliment.
                              That's actually more disturbing then complimentary. >.>


                              Quoth Jester
                              There are times when I play Devil's Advocate and defend some of your callers. This is one of them.
                              I reserve the right to poke at least some fun at anyone who calls me that isn't A) An officer, agent, paramedic or firemen, B) Clutching a gushing wound of some sort or C) Surrounded by uncontrollable fire or water.

                              Also, that particular line drives me insane but office policy prevents me from ranting at length about it specifically. You have no idea how long and bitter these would be if I wasn't under NDA ><

                              You guys are actually lucky I don't share the emergency sort of stuff. Its the one category I'm still not desensitized too and likely ( hopefully ) never will be. Also, its not funny. Only terrifying.


                              Quoth Jester
                              I don't know your coworker, but if that were me, retaliation would be imminent. Be wary, my friend. Be very, very wary.
                              Tormenting him is one of the highlights of my day ;p


                              Quoth Jester
                              To wit, if said client is a very obese man, and is very clumsy or forgetful, he may indeed be huffing and puffing as he bends over under his desk looking for the pen he lost yet again. I have seen just such things happen.
                              Thats the thing, he's not. He's been a client for years and I've never endured that sort of audio before or since. It was just that one night. We've had a few strange clients over the years, which is likewise an entirely different set of stories, but he's never been one of them before. Which really made it all the worse.


                              Quoth Jester
                              That is a sick, sick video.
                              Do you know how long I've been waiting for some poor soul to inadvertently give me a set up I could use to work that in? Someone finally fell into my devious machinations.

                              And yes, I pulled that one on coworker too. ;p

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Only thing I can say about pizza dude is in the past, probably he would get to a house or apt. building and has to call the person who ordered and he gets someone who knows nothing about the pizza or he gets someone who wants to yank his chain. Delivery dude goes back to work, because he was told no one ordered the pizza. Then the person who ordered the pizza calls and bitches that no one delivered his pizza and drama insues. I can get it if the delivery dude was up to here with people pulling that crap.

                                I don't remember hearing people beating off while talking to the librarians over teh phone. But we do get a lot of stupid sex questions.


                                SC1: *faking Middle Eastern Accents* I just got married and I don't know how to have sex with my wife. Can you tell me how?
                                cw1: We have books on how to have sex. I put some on hold for you.
                                SC1: but can you tell me how to have sex with my wife?
                                cw1: (rinse, repeat)
                                SC1: (rinse, repeat)
                                cs1: I'm sorry sir, I can't help you anymore *click*

                                Then the bastard calls back and gets another cw and she hangs up on him.

                                Another guy called and asked "how do you make a woman come?" CW thought he meant "how do you get a woman to move from point A, to point B, point B being wher you are. CW said, "did you call her name?"
                                Time! Time! Time is what turns kittens into cats.

                                Don't teach me a lesson; all I learn is that you are an asshole.

                                I wish porn had subtitles.

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