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Wherein men pleasure themselves to my image
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Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
Just...Put It Down
( Monkey boy here is trying to install blinds and for some reason I have to help him. Don't ask. Our clients ask bizzarre things of us sometimes. )
SC: “I bought this yesterday an’ I’ve been workin’ on it alllll night. My neighbours think I’m stupid.”
Considering you’ve measured everything wrong and cut the blinds too short, “don’t know where any of the screws go”, can’t figure out how to attach “the piece that looks like a light switch”, “Don’t know how any of this is suppose to fit together” and are admittedly following the Spanish instructions even though you don’t speak Spanish and have the English instructions too.......I’m inclined to agree with them. Wholeheartedly. In fact it may be for the best if you just put everything down right now and backed away slowly. Go find yourself a garbage bag, some oven mitts and a helmet, then come back and put everything in the bag, take it down to the curb, then get back inside and forget you ever saw them at the store.To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...
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Quoth Mr Hero View PostEnglish side ruined. Must use French. Le grille? What the hell is that?I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.
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Quoth Gravekeeper View PostSC: “No, I’m just making a delivery. Is this <company that ain't me> at <address that ain't me>?”
Me: “No, you have the wrong number. This is <company> at <address>”
SC: “Yeah.”
Me: "Sorry?”
SC: “You know what, fuck it, if you’re going to give me that attitude. You can just get fired yourself, you fucking asshole. Go fuck yourself. Your mother too.”
Moron.
…..right, I’m going to venture out on an admittedly thick limb here and say you don’t get a lot of tips, do you?
Quoth Gravekeeper View PostI realize this line is technically open 24 hours but it still won’t stop me from thinking of you as a sad, lonely man, desperate for human companionship if you call me about siding for your house at 2am. There is absolutely no reason for you to be calling around for home renovations at this hour. None.
As someone who is up at all hours, usually the late ones (I rarely go to bed before 3 am, even though I mostly work the day shift), I can certainly picture myself making such a call. If, of course, I had a house. And it needed siding. Neither of which is applicable here. But that's besides the point. The point being, I can relate to the guy sitting there, doing this, doing that, procrastinating about doing that other thing, and suddenly realizing, "Holy shit! I completely spaced calling about that siding I need. Wait a minute....what's this? They have a 24 hour phone line? Hot damn! I can call them now!" Also, from what I know about Alaska, they operate on kind of a different time frame up there, due to the wonky sun cycle.
Sure, he may well be the idiot you paint him as. But as someone who has made calls to customer service lines at odd hours, I felt the need to defend him.
Quoth Gravekeeper View PostThen I would say you were speaking like someone who had never answered a phone and heard another man furiously pleasuring himself in the dead of night.
Also, because I'm a complete bastard, I instructed my coworker to pull the call on our call logger and listen to it without giving him any real warning as to its contents.
I don't know your coworker, but if that were me, retaliation would be imminent. Be wary, my friend. Be very, very wary.
Quoth Gravekeeper View PostWherein men pleasure themselves to my image
As somewhat of a bastard myself, I feel the need to point out the inaccuracy in your thread title. Since technically, he was pleasuring himself to your voice, not your image.
Quoth Gravekeeper View PostSC: “Yeah, my oven timer is going off and I don’t know how to turn it off.”
There is no fucking way this is going to be one of them!
Quoth Gravekeeper View PostGo find yourself a garbage bag, some oven mitts and a helmet, then come back and put everything in the bag, take it down to the curb, then get back inside and forget you ever saw them at the store.
"Go find yourself a garbage bag, some oven mitts and a helmet, then come back and put everything in the bag, take it down to the curb, then get in the bag, wait for the men in the lovely truck to come along and pick you up, and enjoy the ride!"
There. Now that's a whole lot better.
Quoth Gravekeeper View PostMe: “......We don’t deliver pizza.”
SC: “How come?”
There’s no way to answer that question without verbally berating you at length or insulting what little intelligence you evidently have. Both of which would likely get me fired regardless of how justified the lashing would be.
"Because....we....are not...a pizza shop."
Quoth Gravekeeper View PostEvery time I had to call <client> this evening, he has told me “Hang on a moment” and then undergone some sort of amazingly labourious and questionable task to "find a pen" that involves heavy breathing, grunting and panting directly into the receiver for several minutes with a grandiose exhalation of joy at the end. I do not know what he is doing during this interval.
To wit, if said client is a very obese man, and is very clumsy or forgetful, he may indeed be huffing and puffing as he bends over under his desk looking for the pen he lost yet again. I have seen just such things happen.
Of course, if one this call, as one the other one, you were hearing "fap fap fap," this explanation pretty much implodes on itself. I hope for your sake it was my alternative scenario, and not a client joining your callers in the crank yanker brigade.
Quoth Gravekeeper View PostHonestly? I get an obvious dolphin flogger around once every 6 months or so and suspected ones every 2-3.
Quoth Gravekeeper View PostI'd get panting knobfisters all the time begging me to "Help a brother out" and transfer them to a female operator so they could finish getting their rocks off.
Quoth Talon View PostWait a minute, you have bears and death by bears as separate threats. How else can a bear threaten them, in ways that don't involve death?
Quoth Gravekeeper View PostOh, I assure you its quite possible.
You sir, are a sick, sick man.
Yet another reason we get along!
"The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is Still A Customer."
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Quoth Gravekeeper View PostThat's it. I give up. You win, universe.
God Dammit, Dude, What the Hell?!
..........
Also, because I'm a complete bastard, I instructed my coworker to pull the call on our call logger and listen to it without giving him any real warning as to its contents.
Gah!Be Nicer To Retail Workers 2K18, also known as: stop being an incredibly shitty human to people just doing their job.
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Quoth Jester View PostApparently this is more proof of what the Fan Girls have been saying this whole time. To wit, that you, my friend, are one sexy bitch. Accept it. "It is your destiny."I don't go in for ancient wisdom
I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"
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Quoth the lawsmeister View PostSounds like you've just taken the next logical step with RickRolls. You PrickRolled himMe to a friend: I know I'm crazy, you know I'm crazy, the zombies at the end of the world will know I'm crazy. Thus not eating my brain for fear of ingesting the crazy. It's my survival plan.
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Quoth Jester View PostAs somewhat of a bastard myself, I feel the need to point out the inaccuracy in your thread title. Since technically, he was pleasuring himself to your voice, not your image.
Quoth Jester View PostThat is a sick, sick video.
You sir, are a sick, sick man.
Yet another reason we get along!
Quoth BookstoreEscapee View PostHe does have a sexy voice. I am sad he is no longer able to post audio.
Quoth shankyknitter View Postohhhhh, noo no noooo you people leave me out of that internet sensation. I'm still scared from 'goatse'
^-.-^Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden
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Quoth BookstoreEscapee View PostHe does have a sexy voice. I am sad he is no longer able to post audio.Quoth GravekeeprAlso, because I'm a complete bastard, I instructed my coworker to pull the call on our call logger and listen to it without giving him any real warning as to its contents."You can only try so hard to look like you are working before actually doing your work seems easy in comparison" -My Boss
CW: So what exactly do you do in retentions?
Me: ummm, I ....retent stuff?
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Why cant the most famous member here not post audio?
And Bro, take it to heart. Men pleasure themselves to you. So do woman. Everyone does. Your like a giant magnet of masterbation. Because they want you. People want what they cannot have. Take it as a compliment.Military Spouse Support.
http://www.customerssuck.com/board/group.php?groupid=45
Plaidman's Minions: Telecom_Goddess: Dungeon Minion
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Quoth ta2ooed1 View PostBecause his bosses didn't like it I would assume.
Quoth PlaidmanPeople want what they cannot have. Take it as a compliment.
Quoth JesterThere are times when I play Devil's Advocate and defend some of your callers. This is one of them.
Also, that particular line drives me insane but office policy prevents me from ranting at length about it specifically. You have no idea how long and bitter these would be if I wasn't under NDA ><
You guys are actually lucky I don't share the emergency sort of stuff. Its the one category I'm still not desensitized too and likely ( hopefully ) never will be. Also, its not funny. Only terrifying.
Quoth JesterI don't know your coworker, but if that were me, retaliation would be imminent. Be wary, my friend. Be very, very wary.
Quoth JesterTo wit, if said client is a very obese man, and is very clumsy or forgetful, he may indeed be huffing and puffing as he bends over under his desk looking for the pen he lost yet again. I have seen just such things happen.
Quoth JesterThat is a sick, sick video.
And yes, I pulled that one on coworker too. ;p
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Only thing I can say about pizza dude is in the past, probably he would get to a house or apt. building and has to call the person who ordered and he gets someone who knows nothing about the pizza or he gets someone who wants to yank his chain. Delivery dude goes back to work, because he was told no one ordered the pizza. Then the person who ordered the pizza calls and bitches that no one delivered his pizza and drama insues. I can get it if the delivery dude was up to here with people pulling that crap.
I don't remember hearing people beating off while talking to the librarians over teh phone. But we do get a lot of stupid sex questions.
SC1: *faking Middle Eastern Accents* I just got married and I don't know how to have sex with my wife. Can you tell me how?
cw1: We have books on how to have sex. I put some on hold for you.
SC1: but can you tell me how to have sex with my wife?
cw1: (rinse, repeat)
SC1: (rinse, repeat)
cs1: I'm sorry sir, I can't help you anymore *click*
Then the bastard calls back and gets another cw and she hangs up on him.
Another guy called and asked "how do you make a woman come?" CW thought he meant "how do you get a woman to move from point A, to point B, point B being wher you are. CW said, "did you call her name?"Time! Time! Time is what turns kittens into cats.
Don't teach me a lesson; all I learn is that you are an asshole.
I wish porn had subtitles.
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