How many funerals is your niece going to have? (Semi-Long)

[phantasy]

Some background: my online pharmacy does NOT change anything in the order except maybe the shipping address, and that's only if the tracking label hasn't been printed yet. Why is this? Because shipping is paid BEFORE the label is printed. Thats the only way you can get it printed.

We offer Saturday delivery, but it's an extra 23.98 charge. They have to pay 43.96 in just shipping to get their order on Saturday. This option can be chosen on the order form only on friday morning, not during the week. Once a shipping option has been chosen and order has been placed, I cannot change it. No. Matter. What.

This is how my usual friday calls go.

Me:
SC: thick-skulled customer

Me: Good afternoon, how may I help you?

SC: Yeah, I just placed an order, I want the tracking number.

Me: OK, may I have the order number?

SC: I don't have it.

**expectant pause**

SC: Do you need it?

Me: (thinking-you placed the order today, and don't have the order number? And AFTER I asked for it, you ask if I really need it? Of course I don't, I have other means of finding your file, but I'll make you go get it anyway.)
Yes, I do.

SC: *Grumblemoanbitchgrumbledurrr* OK, It's xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Me:OK, the order was placed 3 hours ago, and has a fedex tracking number. It will be delivered on Monday.

SC: What do you mean on MONDAY? I NEED that package tomorrow. It's imperitave (sp?) that I recieve it tomorrow!

Me: You paid $19.98 for Standard Overnight. Fedex does not consider friday-saturday to be overnight. Saturday delivery is an extra charge. Which you didn't pay.

SC:*grumblebitchmoan* Fine, I'll pay the extra fee. (I didn't say anything about her paying. Just that she didn't)

Me: I cannot change the order after it's been placed, and especially not after it's already been processed. I would love to bill you more for this extra charge, but I really can't. I can give you the tracking numb....

SC: I really don't understand why you can't do this. It's very simple, you just...

Me: I can't. It's Adult Signature Required, no changes can be made to it. It'll arrive on Monday.

SC: NO! I need to have this changed for delivery tomorrow! *softy speaking/crying* I just found out that my niece just got hit my a car last night, and her funeral is tomorrow afternoon in <insert far away town here>. She was only 18 years old. *Back to SCREAM-O-VISION (I stole that from someone here, does anyone remember who?*I NEED IT TOMORROW!

Me: I can't change it. I can call FedEx and have the package held for when you return. But I cannot change it.

SC: YES YOU CAN!

Me: (thinking-WTF? I think I know my job and what I can do a little bit more than you do. Besides, I would love to charge you more and get your money. But I CANT. Also, I spoke to you last week, and your other niece also died, at age of 18 and also by a car. Coincidence? I think not!)
Your package is arriving Monday. I will send the track...

SC:*changes voice to sound like weak crying* I'm not going to be there, I'll be in <insert far away town again> with the funeral. (What? It'll be a 3 day long funeral?) She was so young...*sigh*

Me: (How do I respond to this without being a heartless bitch and having quality assurance come after me?)
I'm sorry, what I can do is send you this tracking number and tell Fedex that you won't be home to recieve it on Monday. I can also cancel the order...

SC: *Changes back to evil voice* NO! I GUESS ILL HAVE TO MISS THE FUNERAL, AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! *starts sobbing loudly into the mouthpiece* I'LL CALL FEDEX, THEY'LL CHANGE IT! *Click*



This particular customers account has numebrous comments about her calling in, trying to get discounts and such becuase her niece had a funeral. Like, more than 10 times on different dates. One of those comments is mine from 2 weeks earlier.

Little does customer know that she can't change anything on her shipment, since everything is shipped "Adult Signature required" and no changes can be made, even by FedEx for security reasons.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

I hate people who use sob stories like that because it makes people who actually do have to deal with tragedies seem like scammers. I once got pissed at a guy because I thought he was trying to put one over on me but then I saw a report on his tragedy in the newspaper the next day and realized he was telling the truth.

I felt so bad I called him back and apologized profusely.

[Magpie]

Yeah, aside from the fact that people like her are why those with legitimate problems can't get help when they need it (not that you'd be able to), you'd think she'd have learnt by now. Even if she doesn't want to pay the extra for Saturday delivery, maybe she could, I don't know, arrange to get it on FRIDAY?

[phantasy]

Timing is very important in this company. Customers aren't allowed to get their prescriptions early, by law. I assume this is so no one sells the medication or OD's on it. So, if you can get a 90 day supply every 12 days, then you can place your order only to have it delivered on your availability date. Anything too soon would be placed on hold.

In this particular case, she could have requested her meds 2 weeks ago, but she had to wait. Until her niece got hit my a car...for the 11th time.

[Miss Fatale]

The sob story excuses are a real problem for me, too. As a teacher, my students love to weasel out of late penalties and such. Since I've started teaching online, I've gotten more detailed and elaborate excuses (I guess it's easier to lie through the computer screen than when you have to look someone in the eye.)

I hear about so many deaths, illnesses, abuse, etc -- it's so difficult to deal with. I feel bad for a student is actually experience those things. But equally, I am disheartened that some people can lie about these tragedies so easily.

[Racket_Man]

Ya know what is really funny about these type of stories ---- the SC's have not realized yet that notes are entered each and every time they call and try something. then these notes are archieved and accessable by ANY CSR who lookes up their account.

This reminds me of the scene from one of the first 3 seasons of M*A*S*H between Col. Blake and Cpl Klinger where Blake reads all of the "excuses" Klinger had tried to use to get out of the Army and back home. something along the lines of
Father Dying, Mother dying, Father AND Mother dying, sister dying, sister pregnant OH and here is an oldie but goodie half the family dying and the other half pregnant.

here is the full set of lines
http://www.tvloop.com/mash/show/quot...-excuse-261926

they just do not seem to get we have all this information at our fingertips

[Andara Bledin]

I hear about so many deaths, illnesses, abuse, etc -- it's so difficult to deal with. I feel bad for a student is actually experience those things. But equally, I am disheartened that some people can lie about these tragedies so easily.

Thankfully, with kids that you're teaching, you can just call up their parents and confirm. And without even trying to say the kids are lying, even.

Just call up, express your sorrow at the family's loss, and then act confused when the parental unit has no idea what you're talking about.

Bonus points if the parents punish the kid for the lie in addition to you giving them a penalty.

^-.-^

[Plaidman]

This reminds me of the scene from one of the first 3 seasons of M*A*S*H between Col. Blake and Cpl Klinger where Blake reads all of the "excuses" Klinger had tried to use to get out of the Army and back home. something along the lines of
Father Dying, Mother dying, Father AND Mother dying, sister dying, sister pregnant OH and here is an oldie but goodie half the family dying and the other half pregnant.

here is the full set of lines
http://www.tvloop.com/mash/show/quot...-excuse-261926

they just do not seem to get we have all this information at our fingertips

Just to nitpick, we had this argument before. Half people said it was between potter and klinger. Other said it was Blake and Klinger.

It was both really. Mail Call for the first time between Blake and Klinger. Still trying to find the second one. But I wash MASH religiously. I own alot of the seasons. i belive it in the Sixth season when Charles was introduce. I'm going to start tracking it down.

[Skeksin]

Correct but the lines you were using were specifically between Klinger and Blake. With Potter he used the "Hakim would bathe me. Maurice would nurse me" and they died in an explosion in a harmonica factory leaving him as the sole remaining son.

[RetailWorkhorse]

Just to nitpick, we had this argument before. Half people said it was between potter and klinger. Other said it was Blake and Klinger.

It was both really. Mail Call for the first time between Blake and Klinger. Still trying to find the second one. But I wash MASH religiously. I own alot of the seasons. i belive it in the Sixth season when Charles was introduce. I'm going to start tracking it down.

You just give me more reasons to adore you.

[Plaidman]

You just give me more reasons to adore you.

o_O Over loving Mash, or owning a few seasons?

[RetailWorkhorse]

Both. At some point I'll own that series (Trapper Fan, right here!).

[Andara Bledin]

I was always partial to "Radar" O'Reilly and Father Mulcahy, myself.

^-.-^

[RetailWorkhorse]

Always did think Father Mulcahy was hot. Even now I still find him attractive (then again, I think Peter Falk's a real hunk, too).

[Andara Bledin]

Heh. You and I should get together and talk about our crushes; we seem to have similar tastes.

^-.-^