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  • Portrait whines

    Although my "day job" has nothing to do with customers, I make a little money on the side, painting portraits. The actual customers are generally quite nice, but I've collected a few peeves, anyway, mostly from people who decided not to be customers after all:

    1. I'm a painter, not a photographer
    My most common complaint. If you want something that looks like as realistic as a photo, take a photo. That's what they're for. There are plenty of talented portrait photographers in this town. Paintings that look like photos cost a hell of a lot more than mine.

    2. I'm a painter, not a forensic artist
    Like I said, paintings don't have to look like real life. I can take some artistic license with some things.
    Want to leave out a hospital bracelet or an embarrassing tattoo? Can do.
    Paint your hair brown instead of grey? Can do.
    Give you horns/animal ears/a tail/a costume? Can do. Really.
    Paint you "younger" or "thinner"? Well, no guarantees, but if you give me a photo of a younger/thinner you to use as reference, I can give it a shot... What, you don't have a photo of a thinner you? Sorry, you're out of luck. Forensic artists charge a hell of a lot more than me, and for good reason.
    Paint you "prettier"? Oh hell, no. I'm not even touching that. That never ends well.

    3. I'm a painter, not a psychic
    I work from photos, rather than life. While most people find this more convenient, as they can just email me a picture instead of sitting in a studio for hours, it does mean than I will need an actual photo of the person or animal involved. One that's in focus. And large enough to make out details. And shows the person's face. If all I have to work with is a grainy cell-phone picture, you may not like the results. If you want a front-facing pose, but send me a photo that's in profile, please see my previous comment about forensic artists.
    (On the other hand, one guy sent me a picture showing the poses he wanted the dogs painted in, and bigger ones with closeups of their faces. I liked him.)

    4. I'm a painter, not a... I dunno, fill in the blank
    Yes, when the ad says I work from photos, it really does mean that I work from photos. No, you can't schedule a sitting. My "studio" is basically the back half of my living room, so there's nowhere for you to sit, except my couch. You don't want to sit on my couch. I don't want to sit on my couch. Sure, I'll wait while you "try to find" a photo of your kids for me to use. And by "wait", I mean "forget about you, because I'll never hear from you again".
    If this were a one-off, I'd chalk it up to cluelessness, but I've had a few of these. Who out there would rather drag their kids to a studio and try to get them to stay still for an hour or so than snap a few pics and email them?

    5. I'm a painter, not a babysitter
    [BG: This only happened once, but it was surprising enough to make it in the list, anyway. I was painting a picture of a carousel at an outdoor mall.] No, I will not put my awesome carousel tiger on hold and paint a picture of your kid while you "just pop in" to the store next door. Seriously, why would you even ask?

    6. I'm a painter, not a voyeur
    Yes, I have done nudes, on occasion.
    Yes, some of these were from live models.
    No, I am not interested in having you model for me.
    (Most people who bring this up are joking, but it gets old. So very old.)

    7. I'm a painter, not a charity
    You want me to paint you, and you'll pay me "what you think it's worth" afterward? Sure, I love wasting time and materials on cheapasses.

    8. I'm a painter, not a.... painter?
    Of course it doesn't look like a oil painting. It's a watercolor.
    Of course it doesn't look airbrushed. It's a watercolor.
    Of course it doesn't look like a Photoshop pic. It's a watercolor.
    What? Did you just say it doesn't look like a photo? Just stay there while I sharpen my brushes...

    9. I'm a painter, not a.... painter? Part II
    No, I will not paint you an oil painting on a stretched canvas for the same price as a watercolor on paper. Oh, you know someone else who will? The most expensive option in my ad is $75. At the prices at my local supply shop, the materials for an oil painting the same size would run about $50, at least. Good luck with that...

    10. I'm a painter. Also a cartoonist
    Yes, I can draw you as an anime character, but that costs extra.
    Random Doctor Who quote:
    "I'm sorry about your coccyx, too, Miss Grant."

    I has a gallery: deviantART gallery.
    I also has a "funny" blog: Aqu Improves Her Craft

  • #2
    Oooo, I clicked the linky...Pretty.

    Jedi mind trick huh...
    A lion however, will only devour your corpse, whereas an SC is not sated until they have destroyed your soul. (Quote per infinitemonkies)

    Comment


    • #3
      Seconding that your art is pretty!

      Something about saying "I'm an artist" seems to make a lot of people think "Ooh, this means they'll take whatever few scraps I can throw at them because they MUST be struggling for money." A good way to avoid this? Present yourself like a business. I have all my business cards, logo, contracts, invoices etc laid out for my freelance work and they're a little fun because they're colorful, but they're all designed and logo branded as if they belong to a corporation rather than a single person. Tends to make people take me a bit more seriously. Not that it gets rid of all the idiots, but it helps!

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth Taboo View Post
        Something about saying "I'm an artist" seems to make a lot of people think "Ooh, this means they'll take whatever few scraps I can throw at them because they MUST be struggling for money."
        That's what made me decide I wasn't going to list my jewelry on ebay (this was long before the fee hikes). I'd list a lovely choker (all real materials and I specified this in the listing) and get either an offer for $2 or a question "You thief, I see the same thing for $3 here"...I look up the $3 "fashion" choker and it's nylon and plastic from China.
        "I am quite confident that I do exist."
        "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

        Comment


        • #5
          Another artist! And you do watercolours! AWESOME!

          *Bounces and cuddles*

          Your artwork is so cool and I love and adore the puppy pictures (of course I do ) and even the kitty picture made me squeeeee!
          Now a member of that alien race called Management.

          Yeah, you see that right. Pink. Harness.

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth aqutalion View Post
            No, I will not put my awesome carousel tiger on hold...
            I love your carousel tiger... it IS awesome!
            "Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!" - The Truman Show

            Comment


            • #7
              Paint you "prettier"? Oh hell, no. I'm not even touching that. That never ends well.
              painting a paper bag over their head can't be that hard?
              look! it's ghengis khan!
              Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth chainedbarista View Post
                painting a paper bag over their head can't be that hard?
                I <3 you. ^_^
                "Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!" - The Truman Show

                Comment


                • #9
                  Oi, what's also annoying are people wanting "requests" on DA. And then bitch about it not being right if you DO take one.

                  I like your watercolors. ^w^
                  "For the love of all that is holy and 4 things that aren’t but feel pretty good anyway" ~ Gravekeeper

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Nice stuff on yer gallery! Your watercolors are awesome.

                    I got to the point where I just hid my sketchbook from people when I was at work, it'd either be parents wanting pictures of their little darlings, or older kids, when I was teaching art classes, wanting nothing but pictures of Tweety-Bird. Blargle.

                    I don't even take requests, DA-wise, well, I do, I listen, say 'Hey that's a great idea - but I bet you could draw it better than I ever could, I'd love to see your approach on this instead!' and than completely forget to do the request. Most give up after that, the rest figured out that if they want art, money is good. If they want good art, than they should give me better references and descriptions.

                    ...I need your good side. Turn your back to me.
                    But you won't be able to see my face!
                    Exactly.

                    Okay everyone, lets all point and laugh at him right about....

                    Now.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth Taboo View Post
                      Something about saying "I'm an artist" seems to make a lot of people think "Ooh, this means they'll take whatever few scraps I can throw at them because they MUST be struggling for money." A good way to avoid this? Present yourself like a business. I have all my business cards, logo, contracts, invoices etc laid out for my freelance work and they're a little fun because they're colorful, but they're all designed and logo branded as if they belong to a corporation rather than a single person. Tends to make people take me a bit more seriously. Not that it gets rid of all the idiots, but it helps!
                      Agreed on this, definitely. A lot of the silly comments come from people who see me painting outside, without seeing my ad. Handing them a business card shuts a lot of them down.

                      Regarding selling on Ebay, I gave up on that, too. People either don't seem to understand what good-quality materials cost or don't think your time is worth anything.

                      And thanks to the people who said my art was pretty!
                      Random Doctor Who quote:
                      "I'm sorry about your coccyx, too, Miss Grant."

                      I has a gallery: deviantART gallery.
                      I also has a "funny" blog: Aqu Improves Her Craft

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth aqutalion View Post
                        4. I'm a painter, not a... I dunno, fill in the blank
                        Well, one of them has to be "doctor," doesn't it?

                        I am so watching you on DevArt when I get home. I don't normally care for watercolor, but your work is awesome.

                        ^-.-^
                        Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth Andara Bledin View Post
                          Well, one of them has to be "doctor," doesn't it?

                          I am so watching you on DevArt when I get home. I don't normally care for watercolor, but your work is awesome.

                          ^-.-^

                          No, no.... it's "I'm a doctor, not a..."

                          So the proper answer MUST be "He's dead, Jim."

                          "Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!" - The Truman Show

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Quoth aqutalion View Post
                            Paint you "prettier"? Oh hell, no. I'm not even touching that. That never ends well.
                            As someone with relatives who fish for compliments like that (and narrowly escaped growing up thinking that it was acceptable), THANK YOU for not responding with "well I don't know that there's any way to make you prettier" or in any other way saying what they want you to say.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Your work is pretty nice. I really like the carousel horse from the story.

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