Although my "day job" has nothing to do with customers, I make a little money on the side, painting portraits. The actual customers are generally quite nice, but I've collected a few peeves, anyway, mostly from people who decided not to be customers after all:
1. I'm a painter, not a photographer
My most common complaint. If you want something that looks like as realistic as a photo, take a photo. That's what they're for. There are plenty of talented portrait photographers in this town. Paintings that look like photos cost a hell of a lot more than mine.
2. I'm a painter, not a forensic artist
Like I said, paintings don't have to look like real life. I can take some artistic license with some things.
Want to leave out a hospital bracelet or an embarrassing tattoo? Can do.
Paint your hair brown instead of grey? Can do.
Give you horns/animal ears/a tail/a costume? Can do. Really.
Paint you "younger" or "thinner"? Well, no guarantees, but if you give me a photo of a younger/thinner you to use as reference, I can give it a shot... What, you don't have a photo of a thinner you? Sorry, you're out of luck. Forensic artists charge a hell of a lot more than me, and for good reason.
Paint you "prettier"? Oh hell, no. I'm not even touching that. That never ends well.
3. I'm a painter, not a psychic
I work from photos, rather than life. While most people find this more convenient, as they can just email me a picture instead of sitting in a studio for hours, it does mean than I will need an actual photo of the person or animal involved. One that's in focus. And large enough to make out details. And shows the person's face. If all I have to work with is a grainy cell-phone picture, you may not like the results. If you want a front-facing pose, but send me a photo that's in profile, please see my previous comment about forensic artists.
(On the other hand, one guy sent me a picture showing the poses he wanted the dogs painted in, and bigger ones with closeups of their faces. I liked him.)
4. I'm a painter, not a... I dunno, fill in the blank
Yes, when the ad says I work from photos, it really does mean that I work from photos. No, you can't schedule a sitting. My "studio" is basically the back half of my living room, so there's nowhere for you to sit, except my couch. You don't want to sit on my couch. I don't want to sit on my couch. Sure, I'll wait while you "try to find" a photo of your kids for me to use. And by "wait", I mean "forget about you, because I'll never hear from you again".
If this were a one-off, I'd chalk it up to cluelessness, but I've had a few of these. Who out there would rather drag their kids to a studio and try to get them to stay still for an hour or so than snap a few pics and email them?
5. I'm a painter, not a babysitter
[BG: This only happened once, but it was surprising enough to make it in the list, anyway. I was painting a picture of a carousel at an outdoor mall.] No, I will not put my awesome carousel tiger on hold and paint a picture of your kid while you "just pop in" to the store next door. Seriously, why would you even ask?
6. I'm a painter, not a voyeur
Yes, I have done nudes, on occasion.
Yes, some of these were from live models.
No, I am not interested in having you model for me.
(Most people who bring this up are joking, but it gets old. So very old.)
7. I'm a painter, not a charity
You want me to paint you, and you'll pay me "what you think it's worth" afterward? Sure, I love wasting time and materials on cheapasses.
8. I'm a painter, not a.... painter?
Of course it doesn't look like a oil painting. It's a watercolor.
Of course it doesn't look airbrushed. It's a watercolor.
Of course it doesn't look like a Photoshop pic. It's a watercolor.
What? Did you just say it doesn't look like a photo? Just stay there while I sharpen my brushes...
9. I'm a painter, not a.... painter? Part II
No, I will not paint you an oil painting on a stretched canvas for the same price as a watercolor on paper. Oh, you know someone else who will? The most expensive option in my ad is $75. At the prices at my local supply shop, the materials for an oil painting the same size would run about $50, at least. Good luck with that...
10. I'm a painter. Also a cartoonist
Yes, I can draw you as an anime character, but that costs extra.
1. I'm a painter, not a photographer
My most common complaint. If you want something that looks like as realistic as a photo, take a photo. That's what they're for. There are plenty of talented portrait photographers in this town. Paintings that look like photos cost a hell of a lot more than mine.
2. I'm a painter, not a forensic artist
Like I said, paintings don't have to look like real life. I can take some artistic license with some things.
Want to leave out a hospital bracelet or an embarrassing tattoo? Can do.
Paint your hair brown instead of grey? Can do.
Give you horns/animal ears/a tail/a costume? Can do. Really.
Paint you "younger" or "thinner"? Well, no guarantees, but if you give me a photo of a younger/thinner you to use as reference, I can give it a shot... What, you don't have a photo of a thinner you? Sorry, you're out of luck. Forensic artists charge a hell of a lot more than me, and for good reason.
Paint you "prettier"? Oh hell, no. I'm not even touching that. That never ends well.
3. I'm a painter, not a psychic
I work from photos, rather than life. While most people find this more convenient, as they can just email me a picture instead of sitting in a studio for hours, it does mean than I will need an actual photo of the person or animal involved. One that's in focus. And large enough to make out details. And shows the person's face. If all I have to work with is a grainy cell-phone picture, you may not like the results. If you want a front-facing pose, but send me a photo that's in profile, please see my previous comment about forensic artists.
(On the other hand, one guy sent me a picture showing the poses he wanted the dogs painted in, and bigger ones with closeups of their faces. I liked him.)
4. I'm a painter, not a... I dunno, fill in the blank
Yes, when the ad says I work from photos, it really does mean that I work from photos. No, you can't schedule a sitting. My "studio" is basically the back half of my living room, so there's nowhere for you to sit, except my couch. You don't want to sit on my couch. I don't want to sit on my couch. Sure, I'll wait while you "try to find" a photo of your kids for me to use. And by "wait", I mean "forget about you, because I'll never hear from you again".
If this were a one-off, I'd chalk it up to cluelessness, but I've had a few of these. Who out there would rather drag their kids to a studio and try to get them to stay still for an hour or so than snap a few pics and email them?
5. I'm a painter, not a babysitter
[BG: This only happened once, but it was surprising enough to make it in the list, anyway. I was painting a picture of a carousel at an outdoor mall.] No, I will not put my awesome carousel tiger on hold and paint a picture of your kid while you "just pop in" to the store next door. Seriously, why would you even ask?
6. I'm a painter, not a voyeur
Yes, I have done nudes, on occasion.
Yes, some of these were from live models.
No, I am not interested in having you model for me.
(Most people who bring this up are joking, but it gets old. So very old.)
7. I'm a painter, not a charity
You want me to paint you, and you'll pay me "what you think it's worth" afterward? Sure, I love wasting time and materials on cheapasses.
8. I'm a painter, not a.... painter?
Of course it doesn't look like a oil painting. It's a watercolor.
Of course it doesn't look airbrushed. It's a watercolor.
Of course it doesn't look like a Photoshop pic. It's a watercolor.
What? Did you just say it doesn't look like a photo? Just stay there while I sharpen my brushes...
9. I'm a painter, not a.... painter? Part II
No, I will not paint you an oil painting on a stretched canvas for the same price as a watercolor on paper. Oh, you know someone else who will? The most expensive option in my ad is $75. At the prices at my local supply shop, the materials for an oil painting the same size would run about $50, at least. Good luck with that...
10. I'm a painter. Also a cartoonist
Yes, I can draw you as an anime character, but that costs extra.
Comment