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I don't know if these are archetypical enough or canonical enough but here are some of my 'favorites'.
from my liquor store days:
*The Scratch Monster* obsessed with the lottery. Spends maybe $100 or more daily on tickets. When he buys scratch tickets he likes to get them all in a row just in case. Gets irritated if someone else comes and buys from the same roll of tickets (just in case the next one was the winner!)
Also has a habit of coming in to do his lottery business 5 minutes before closing time which at a liquor store in CT has the possibility of creating an issue because of our liquor laws and the perception that we've got customers in there after closing time (which was 8, then went to 9 pm)
The cool part of this guy: I sold him an actual $27k grand prize winner once and he came back and tipped me $100. Before he proceeded to spend the winnings on more scratch tickets.
*The Tab Guy* 'Can I pay for this later/Friday/when my check comes in?' And the boss was a marshmallow so every Friday we're tallying up a week's worth of liquor during paycheck cashing rush hour.
*The Cut-off Tab Guy* "Pleeeease!!!!! Pleeeaseeee!"
*the Glad-I'm-here-and-not-on-the-road-when-you-are guyS* Covered many many customers, wow there's nothing like working at a packy to keep you on the wagon. There was a point where we were legally required to cut them off and that wasn't a pretty sight.
In the bake shop department of the grocery store I work at:
*Incredulous McSnooty* You mean you don't bake all these cakes fresh every morning?
(answer in my head: NO we get them pre-baked in a cardboard box that stays in the freezer until we put them in the case. I have no idea when they were baked and decorated.)
*Incredulous Jr* You can't make me a chocoalate seven layer whatever cake with this and that and royal icing and draw (insert intricate design here) on it? In 20 minutes?
(answer in my head: What do I look like, Chef Duff? This is a grocery store, not Charm City Cakes.)
*NomNomNom* Where are the samples? The other stores give samples! Can we sample your cakes before we order one? Well you're going to see one very unhappy little boy here without a free cookie!!1
(aimh: Samples are optional, thanks for teaching your kid that they're entitled to a cookie. Go ahead, load him up with sugar so he'll cry just a little louder, he fades out once you get to the meat department)
*I'm not stealing, I'm just better than you* Oh, one bagel won't hurt, I'll just eat the whole thing before I get to the register. Little Timmy couldn't get a sample so this muffin/roll/pastry will have to suffice.
(I'm not allowed to have words for this.)
In the deli:
*the Babushka lady* in a shrill crow-like voice: Less than a dollar's worth of ham salad, pleeease...and a free sample of roast beef!
(She promoted me, personally, and now I'm able to go over a dollar. I'm thrilled)
*Pays-for-tare-sheets* Four children under the age of maybe 8, totally out of control.
Always needs an extra sample or three for the snowflakes who are typical - bouncing, tugging, screeching, running around - these little girls actually complain when their sample slice is too thin! It's like pulling teeth to get her finished especially when she orders a pile of proscuitto and the kids have to try that, yes the kids get sandwiches at home made of $18/lb meat. They're going to grow up awesome.
Once they were all well behaved so I gave a positive spin and offered mom samples all around.....turned out, they were only well behaved because they were finally being punished for something they'd done earlier.
*Line Cutter* Never ever takes a number and actually tries to fake it! Holds up his hand when we call his (not) number. Has been saying for the past year that he didn't know he needed one.
*It's For Fluffy* Needs several pounds of our most expensive chicken/turkey for their dog. Shaved. Because dogs do care about that stuff. Bonus points if she needs it 2 minutes before it's time to punch out!
*Passive aggressive* How's the slice? 'Oh it's okay....I suppose.....' I'm trained to show you your first slice, it's your lunch meat, it's not hard for me to change the thickness for you! If you don't want it cut like that just tell me, kay?
*Field trip!* Brings the whole family and is far too perky and condescending. It's a field trip to get such pedestrian items and everything is proceeded by the word 'deli'.
"We need to order 5 deli-sandwiches! We'll also need 5 deli-pickles! Can we get the deli-slice on that?"
(note: also prone to using the phrase 'wafer thin' ...what, necco wafers? Nilla wafers? Communion wafers? To this day I don't know what wafer standard is. Sorry.)
from my liquor store days:
*The Scratch Monster* obsessed with the lottery. Spends maybe $100 or more daily on tickets. When he buys scratch tickets he likes to get them all in a row just in case. Gets irritated if someone else comes and buys from the same roll of tickets (just in case the next one was the winner!)
Also has a habit of coming in to do his lottery business 5 minutes before closing time which at a liquor store in CT has the possibility of creating an issue because of our liquor laws and the perception that we've got customers in there after closing time (which was 8, then went to 9 pm)
The cool part of this guy: I sold him an actual $27k grand prize winner once and he came back and tipped me $100. Before he proceeded to spend the winnings on more scratch tickets.
*The Tab Guy* 'Can I pay for this later/Friday/when my check comes in?' And the boss was a marshmallow so every Friday we're tallying up a week's worth of liquor during paycheck cashing rush hour.
*The Cut-off Tab Guy* "Pleeeease!!!!! Pleeeaseeee!"
*the Glad-I'm-here-and-not-on-the-road-when-you-are guyS* Covered many many customers, wow there's nothing like working at a packy to keep you on the wagon. There was a point where we were legally required to cut them off and that wasn't a pretty sight.
In the bake shop department of the grocery store I work at:
*Incredulous McSnooty* You mean you don't bake all these cakes fresh every morning?
(answer in my head: NO we get them pre-baked in a cardboard box that stays in the freezer until we put them in the case. I have no idea when they were baked and decorated.)
*Incredulous Jr* You can't make me a chocoalate seven layer whatever cake with this and that and royal icing and draw (insert intricate design here) on it? In 20 minutes?
(answer in my head: What do I look like, Chef Duff? This is a grocery store, not Charm City Cakes.)
*NomNomNom* Where are the samples? The other stores give samples! Can we sample your cakes before we order one? Well you're going to see one very unhappy little boy here without a free cookie!!1
(aimh: Samples are optional, thanks for teaching your kid that they're entitled to a cookie. Go ahead, load him up with sugar so he'll cry just a little louder, he fades out once you get to the meat department)
*I'm not stealing, I'm just better than you* Oh, one bagel won't hurt, I'll just eat the whole thing before I get to the register. Little Timmy couldn't get a sample so this muffin/roll/pastry will have to suffice.
(I'm not allowed to have words for this.)
In the deli:
*the Babushka lady* in a shrill crow-like voice: Less than a dollar's worth of ham salad, pleeease...and a free sample of roast beef!
(She promoted me, personally, and now I'm able to go over a dollar. I'm thrilled)
*Pays-for-tare-sheets* Four children under the age of maybe 8, totally out of control.
Always needs an extra sample or three for the snowflakes who are typical - bouncing, tugging, screeching, running around - these little girls actually complain when their sample slice is too thin! It's like pulling teeth to get her finished especially when she orders a pile of proscuitto and the kids have to try that, yes the kids get sandwiches at home made of $18/lb meat. They're going to grow up awesome.
Once they were all well behaved so I gave a positive spin and offered mom samples all around.....turned out, they were only well behaved because they were finally being punished for something they'd done earlier.
*Line Cutter* Never ever takes a number and actually tries to fake it! Holds up his hand when we call his (not) number. Has been saying for the past year that he didn't know he needed one.
*It's For Fluffy* Needs several pounds of our most expensive chicken/turkey for their dog. Shaved. Because dogs do care about that stuff. Bonus points if she needs it 2 minutes before it's time to punch out!
*Passive aggressive* How's the slice? 'Oh it's okay....I suppose.....' I'm trained to show you your first slice, it's your lunch meat, it's not hard for me to change the thickness for you! If you don't want it cut like that just tell me, kay?
*Field trip!* Brings the whole family and is far too perky and condescending. It's a field trip to get such pedestrian items and everything is proceeded by the word 'deli'.
"We need to order 5 deli-sandwiches! We'll also need 5 deli-pickles! Can we get the deli-slice on that?"
(note: also prone to using the phrase 'wafer thin' ...what, necco wafers? Nilla wafers? Communion wafers? To this day I don't know what wafer standard is. Sorry.)
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