Adventures in Editing

[JoitheArtist]

My friend asked me to edit his book. I should have asked for sample pages, because it is a MESS. It's 330 pages of mixed tenses, run-on sentences (many of them running 8 lines or more). He will CONSTANTLY start a sentence with "a person" and then using the pronoun "they" or "their." When I insisted that this was not grammatically correct (singular nouns MUST have singular pronouns), he linked to some Wikipedia article and insisted that the entire book would be written that way.

It's driving me crazy, and I can't rant about it on Facebook because my friend is on there, too, and as irritating as it is, he *is* still my friend and I don't want to hurt his feelings.

So...Here are some of my favorite passages (note: the content is essentially religious, but please don't associate my views with his--we disagree a lot):

Is there a person alive who hasn’t, at some point in their life, at some time in their existence, who hasn’t found themselves grappling with those questions as they tried to make sense of it all?

*twitch* Singular subject...plural pronouns...*twitch* And plural pronouns with singular verbs...*twitch*

As sorrow seems so prone to move throughout this temporal existence, as it seems so prone to stroke the face of those who seek desperately to lay hold of their faith and to keep it in their grasp even amidst the most trying and the most dire of circumstances and situations in their lives, there has always been a question as to how God should be seen, how He should be viewed.

What does this even mean????

Yet how does a person battle the feelings of desolation that come with the feelings of isolation and abandonment in this world? How do they battle the feelings of anguish and hurt that come with an abiding sense of loneliness that seems to set them apart in this world? How do they find themselves coping with a feeling of seclusion that seems to just overwhelm them and cause them so much trouble in their heart as their spirit seems so alone, devoid of the connections and the ties to the rest of humanity that they so long for, that they so need?

So...many...unnecessary...phrases....*twitch*

As much as no person is an island, at times they need to be upon an island so that they he can reflect on everything that is around them, the world that is around them , so they he can come back with clarity and a driven purpose.

....what?

There though, there should be a line of distinction that should and must be rightly drawn. This is namely the difference between an act of solitude, a willful act of privacy where one seeks the time alone so that they can reflect and so they can seek out specific answers and loneliness, a feeling where one is removed or estranged from society, in it yet feeling like they are not a part of it. Sometimes people need time alone, time where they are separated from the rest of society or far from other people. Yet where it becomes harmful or dangerous is when a person begins to become isolated from it, feeling abandoned from it or as if they had abandoned it themselves, as feelings of despair come to bear in their lives and they can’t help but feel like they are alone and lost amidst it all.

...

AAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!! 330 PAGES OF THIS!!!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I will admit I use plural pronouns with singular subjects all the time. But that's because I have this habit of writing the same way I talk.

I'm so sorry you have to wade through all that. That little bit almost made My Immortal look good by comparison.

[r2cagle]

OMG... my soul just shrieked.

Years ago when I was a teenager wallowing in the angst of my life, I wrote 'stuff' comparable to this. Looking back, what I wrote is drivel.

If it was me, I'd be handing all 330 pages back and saying that it is unreadable due to his run-on sentences. He needs to go back and rewrite all paragraphs using shorter sentences and removing duplicate phrases before you even think about editing this. Because, if you have to edit this, it basically means you are rewriting the whole thing. What kind of book is this, his diary (sheesh)?

Edit: Just reading through the little bits of what you've shown, he can't even keep the subject in line with his adjective descriptions. Joi..you need a huge bottle of something - to drink or something.

[ArcticChicken]

I think the major problem comes from a lack of gender neutral pronouns that we use for people.

I assume (you know what they say about assumptions) that your friend doesn't want to alienate people by using one gender. You could suggest to him that he alternate gender with the paragraph (i.e. the first paragraph uses he/him/his, the second uses she/her/hers, etc.)

It won't save the writing, but at least you won't have to worry about the grammar so much.

[JoitheArtist]

I will admit I use plural pronouns with singular subjects all the time. But that's because I have this habit of writing the same way I talk.

I do the same thing when I talk, but it sure as hell doesn't come out in any writing that anyone else ever sees. And since he considers himself a professional writer, this is inexcusable.

If it was me, I'd be handing all 330 pages back and saying that it is unreadable due to his run-on sentences. He needs to go back and rewrite all paragraphs using shorter sentences and removing duplicate phrases before you even think about editing this. Because, if you have to edit this, it basically means you are rewriting the whole thing. What kind of book is this, his diary (sheesh)?

I wish I had that option, but I agreed to edit the book (yes, I'm being paid a little) before looking at any of it. Next time someone asks me to edit, I'm requesting some sample pages first!

[Magpie]

And your friend even fails at avoiding gendered pronouns! If you're going to use "they" as a gender-neutral singular pronoun, then don't mix it with "he".

[JoitheArtist]

And your friend even fails at avoiding gendered pronouns! If you're going to use "they" as a gender-neutral singular pronoun, then don't mix it with "he".

Yep. I don't care which pronoun he picks; in my own writing, I tend to use "he" for one paragraph and "she" in the next, alternating. Geez, you can even avoid the issue altogether by just using plural subjects: "people," "persons," "believers," etc. I'll even grudgingly accept "he or she," though it's incredibly clunky.

But to mix person and tense, and not even be consistent about your grammatical insanity...ARGH!

[r2cagle]

(yes, I'm being paid a little)

Maybe you should ask for a percentage of sales in addition too. You certainly can't be getting paid enough to do the editing this 'work' obviously needs.

Is this that same friend who has trouble with criticism?

[JoitheArtist]

Maybe you should ask for a percentage of sales in addition too. You certainly can't be getting paid enough to do the editing this 'work' obviously needs.

Is this that same friend who has trouble with criticism?

One and the same. And he's self-publishing. *headdesk*

I am truly an idiot and got what I deserve for not being able to say "no."

[Fire_on_High]

Send him this link.

[ottid]

What's the bet that if he had given you a sample page it would have been the one page that is almost perfect?

[Ben_Who]

I always have an insecurity attack whenever I see examples of someone else writing poorly. Occupational hazard, I suppose: my errors can be invisible to me, and I'm a terrible, terrible judge of my own work, so my reaction is usually, "Oh, my lord, do I make the same mistake?"

And bear in mind that this is coming from someone who's published two novels and a stack of short stories. So it doesn't go away with experience.

Last time I visited my mother, my niece (age 12) ran upstairs to show me the first fifty pages of the 300 page opus she had just started, a vampire-werewolf thingy written by a young girl suffering a Maximum Ride overdose. She hovered relentlessly as I pored over the pages, trying desperately to think of something nice to say. I finally settled on, "You know, I used to edit an anthology. This is a lot better than some of the professional submissions I received."

Which was true enough. I think that my mother caught on to exactly how backhanded that compliment was, but was polite enough to say nothing. My niece was all smiles, though. ...Then she gave me the rest of the pages. I haven't written back yet.

Love, Who?

[El Pollo Guerrera]

Ho boy...

Those samples made my brain hurt.

The one trick I use when proofreading is to read the sentence out loud, and if it sounds bad it probably is.

Ask your friend if he could clarify a few of the sentences for you by reading them out loud. Then choose the longest and most mind-numbing ones that you can find. He may get the hint.

















Or not.

[LadyMage]

Ohhh...ouch! *cringes*

I'm amazed. I used to write like that at maybe 15, until a tough-as-nails British teacher sat me down and effectively told me to edit my own work, thoroughly, twice over before it went to his desk. That taught me sharpish.

And yes, the read-aloud test is gold for editing anything. These examples though, egad. I'm cringing still!

[Andara Bledin]

He will CONSTANTLY start a sentence with "a person" and then using the pronoun "they" or "their." When I insisted that this was not grammatically correct (singular nouns MUST have singular pronouns), he linked to some Wikipedia article and insisted that the entire book would be written that way.

As awful and irritating as it is, this is actually now both common and accepted in written English.

If you know the gender, you would go with the gender-appropriate pronoun, but if the gender is unknown, the current vogue is to use the gender-neutral plural pronoun because most people get all sorts of bent out of shape if you try to use the gender-neutral singular pronoun.

I am happy to say that even at my most angsty, long-winded, and overblown, I have never written anything that could be mistaken for that.

^-.-^