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We manufacture and sell two software products that do the same thing: Product1 and Product2. We acquired the rights to Product2 when we merged with another company in 1999. Even though sales of Product2 are a single-digit percentage of sales for Product1, it's still better for us to sell it than not to.
One component of Product2 is licensed from another company, BIGCompany. We pay them a per-copy royalty, with an annual minimum far above what we actually sell. We also must send quarterly reports of sales to them.
To us it's a huge hassle and expense but not enough to stop selling Product2.
To BIGCompany it's also a hassle processing all that paperwork to get what is, to them, pretty much chump change.
But those are the terms. The negotiations were pretty much "take it or leave it" and so we took it.
Two months ago the contract expired. We had been aware of this a month ahead of time and notified our contact at BIGCompany that we'd like to renew the contract.
No answer.
Did this a few more times.
Still no answer.
The contract expired and we had to stop selling new licenses for Product2 because we no longer had rights to the licensed component. And because we hadn't heard a peep from them, we had no idea if this was temporary or permanent.
This led to a lot of suck...
I'm Too Special for a Group Notice
Me: I'm sorry but we can't fill your order for Product2.
SC: Why not?
Me: [explains all of the above] We can hold onto your order and ship it when and if Product2 is available again. You could substitute Product1 for Product2. Or we can cancel your order. It's up to you.
SC: Do you know when Product2 will be available again?
Me: As I explained we haven't heard a peep from the copyright owner from whom we license [component]. We don't know when, or even *if,* they will renew the contract. I wish I could tell you more but I can't. You know as much as I do at this point.
SC: Just notify me when Product2 is shipping again and I'll decide whether I want to buy it then.
Me: OK. So I'll cancel the order and then sign you up for our email notification list so you'll be notified when Product2 is available again. I'll just need your email address.
SC: No! I don't want to give that out or be on any list!
Me: That's fine. Just check our web site or call us periodically to find out if Product2 is available.
SC: Can't you notify me?
Me: The only way we plan to notify people is on our email list, if they wish to be notified. But if you don't cancel the order we'll send you an individual notice with your tracking number when the product ships.
SC: NO! I want you to cancel the order and call me or send me an email when Product2 is available so I can decide if I want to buy it then.
[Wait, what? You just said you don't want to be on an email list, but you'd be OK with an individual email. Which would be identical to the email sent to everyone else in your circumstance? And how would I remember to send it to you and everyone else? I'd write your email address down on a LIST of people who are getting this specific email notice. Yup. That's completely different. NOT!]
Me: So you want to be on the email notice list then?
SC: NO! I want you to email me when it's ready.
[OK. Let's drop that. Logic won't work here.]
Me: I'm afraid the only options are the ones I've given you.
SC: [whine] So what am I supposed to do?
Me: [fine, I'll play] If you're asking my advice, it sounds like you don't want to be on our email list, so that's not a good option for you. You don't want to keep Product2 on backorder because you're not sure you'll still want it when it's ready to ship. And since you haven't mentioned it at all, I doubt you want to substitute Product1 for Product2. Am I correct about that?
SC: Yes.
Me: Then I recommend that you check our web site or call us every few weeks to see if there is a change in the status of Product2.
SC: [in the most put-upon martyred voice] I guess I'll do *that* then.
[Geez. If you deliberately choose the more difficult option, don't expect me to feel sorry for you.]
Me: [cheerfully] Sounds like a good plan. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
SC: [Eeyore] I guess not.
It's a Vast Conspiracy!
Me: The price for Product2 is [price]. But, unfortunately, we are putting orders for it on indefinite hold due to [explanation].
SC: So you're not going to sell it any more?
Me: While we certainly hope to, we can't say one way or the other for certain.
SC: Can't you sell it without [component]?
Me: Without [component] Product2 won't work.
SC: Can't you sell it to me anyway? I wouldn't tattle on you.
[You're asking a software manufacturer to violate someone's copyright? Even if we were total hypocritical sleazebags who would do something like that, there's that pesky factor of the penalties we'd pay for getting caught. They are enough to put us out of business. So FUCK NO is the only answer.]
Me: I'm afraid that's not possible.
SC: Oh, come on. I need Product2 for my students. It's an emergency!
[I can't say what we make, but I assure you it's nothing to do with saving lives. So NOT really an emergency.]
Me: Product1 does the same thing as Product2. If you're in a hurry to create [output] for your students, that's something you could buy right now.
SC: Product1?!!! I KNEW you bought the rights to Product2 so you could kill it.
[Ugh. I thought we were past that conspiracy shit by now.]
Me: I assure you I'm telling the truth. We've owned the right to Product 2 for almost 11 years and wouldn't have continued to invest in developing, supporting and selling it for all that time if we had plans to discontinue it.
SC: Forget it! I thought you guys cared, but I guess you don't.
[click]
[Some sense of urgency there, pal. You didn't even stick around to find out how to get Product2 ASAP if it ever ships again.]
Yes. Really! It's a Conspiracy, I Tell you!
We got a purchase order from a school. They had an old version of Product1 but hired a new employee who was more familiar with Product2. The school was willing to pay twice as much to buy Product2 rather than update Product1. That's fair enough and we would have been happy to ship Product2 to them. But we couldn't. So co-worker Eugene called them to find out how they wanted us to handle it.
He got the purchasing office who put him through to the teacher since it was her call.
The call went back and forth with the explaining things. Then it went along the lines of the second story. She asked him to sell it to her, promised she wouldn't tell anyone, then pulled out the emergency card.
But instead of whipping out crazy conspiracy theories and hanging up when Product1 was suggested to her she launched into a slightly different tirade...
SC: Product1! I HATE Product1! I can't use it.
Eugene: Is there a specific reason?
SC: It doesn't do Task A!
Eugene: Actually it does do Task A [explains Task A]
SC: But it doesn't do Task B!
Eugene: It's done task B since 2004 [explains].
This went on in similar fashion for a while.
Eugene: So I guess what it comes down to is your personal preference. So do you want to indefinitely backorder Product2 for [2x price] or buy Product1 now for [1x price]?
SC: I really need Product2 now. Are you sure you won't sell it to me?
Eugene: Yes. I simply can't sell it to you.
SC: Can't? Or won't?
Eugene: Can't.
SC: [pretending to be kidding] Oh, come on. Don't tell me you can't! You could if you really wanted to.
Eugene: [pretending to be kidding back] I suppose I could...
SC: [giggles] Aha!
Eugene: ...but if I did my boss would probably fire me...
SC: [still giggling] No he wouldn't!
Eugene: Well probably not, but seriously, I still have to do what he says. He is my boss after all.
SC: [suddenly dropping the pretense of a joke] You're just no help at all! I'm trying to give you money here and you're refusing to take it!
[Peeve of mine. "Buying things from us" is not the same thing is "giving us money." The first is a business exchange which is mutually agreed upon by two parties. Referring to it as "giving" us money implies that buying something from us is a selfless act of charity for which they get nothing in return. I don't know why it bugs me, but it does. Probably because the same people who refer to buying things as "giving us money" often have a super-entitled attitude.]
Eugene: I'm sorry you feel that way. Would you like to cancel the order, change the order, or leave it pending as it is?
She chose to leave it pending as it is but she acted very put-upon about it.
The End Is In Sight
Yesterday we finally heard back from BIGCompany. We still can't ship Product2 until we've worked out the details of the renewed contract, but at least we can tell people that it looks good to be shipping it soon.
One component of Product2 is licensed from another company, BIGCompany. We pay them a per-copy royalty, with an annual minimum far above what we actually sell. We also must send quarterly reports of sales to them.
To us it's a huge hassle and expense but not enough to stop selling Product2.
To BIGCompany it's also a hassle processing all that paperwork to get what is, to them, pretty much chump change.
But those are the terms. The negotiations were pretty much "take it or leave it" and so we took it.
Two months ago the contract expired. We had been aware of this a month ahead of time and notified our contact at BIGCompany that we'd like to renew the contract.
No answer.
Did this a few more times.
Still no answer.
The contract expired and we had to stop selling new licenses for Product2 because we no longer had rights to the licensed component. And because we hadn't heard a peep from them, we had no idea if this was temporary or permanent.
This led to a lot of suck...
I'm Too Special for a Group Notice
Me: I'm sorry but we can't fill your order for Product2.
SC: Why not?
Me: [explains all of the above] We can hold onto your order and ship it when and if Product2 is available again. You could substitute Product1 for Product2. Or we can cancel your order. It's up to you.
SC: Do you know when Product2 will be available again?
Me: As I explained we haven't heard a peep from the copyright owner from whom we license [component]. We don't know when, or even *if,* they will renew the contract. I wish I could tell you more but I can't. You know as much as I do at this point.
SC: Just notify me when Product2 is shipping again and I'll decide whether I want to buy it then.
Me: OK. So I'll cancel the order and then sign you up for our email notification list so you'll be notified when Product2 is available again. I'll just need your email address.
SC: No! I don't want to give that out or be on any list!
Me: That's fine. Just check our web site or call us periodically to find out if Product2 is available.
SC: Can't you notify me?
Me: The only way we plan to notify people is on our email list, if they wish to be notified. But if you don't cancel the order we'll send you an individual notice with your tracking number when the product ships.
SC: NO! I want you to cancel the order and call me or send me an email when Product2 is available so I can decide if I want to buy it then.
[Wait, what? You just said you don't want to be on an email list, but you'd be OK with an individual email. Which would be identical to the email sent to everyone else in your circumstance? And how would I remember to send it to you and everyone else? I'd write your email address down on a LIST of people who are getting this specific email notice. Yup. That's completely different. NOT!]
Me: So you want to be on the email notice list then?
SC: NO! I want you to email me when it's ready.
[OK. Let's drop that. Logic won't work here.]
Me: I'm afraid the only options are the ones I've given you.
SC: [whine] So what am I supposed to do?
Me: [fine, I'll play] If you're asking my advice, it sounds like you don't want to be on our email list, so that's not a good option for you. You don't want to keep Product2 on backorder because you're not sure you'll still want it when it's ready to ship. And since you haven't mentioned it at all, I doubt you want to substitute Product1 for Product2. Am I correct about that?
SC: Yes.
Me: Then I recommend that you check our web site or call us every few weeks to see if there is a change in the status of Product2.
SC: [in the most put-upon martyred voice] I guess I'll do *that* then.
[Geez. If you deliberately choose the more difficult option, don't expect me to feel sorry for you.]
Me: [cheerfully] Sounds like a good plan. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
SC: [Eeyore] I guess not.
It's a Vast Conspiracy!
Me: The price for Product2 is [price]. But, unfortunately, we are putting orders for it on indefinite hold due to [explanation].
SC: So you're not going to sell it any more?
Me: While we certainly hope to, we can't say one way or the other for certain.
SC: Can't you sell it without [component]?
Me: Without [component] Product2 won't work.
SC: Can't you sell it to me anyway? I wouldn't tattle on you.
[You're asking a software manufacturer to violate someone's copyright? Even if we were total hypocritical sleazebags who would do something like that, there's that pesky factor of the penalties we'd pay for getting caught. They are enough to put us out of business. So FUCK NO is the only answer.]
Me: I'm afraid that's not possible.
SC: Oh, come on. I need Product2 for my students. It's an emergency!
[I can't say what we make, but I assure you it's nothing to do with saving lives. So NOT really an emergency.]
Me: Product1 does the same thing as Product2. If you're in a hurry to create [output] for your students, that's something you could buy right now.
SC: Product1?!!! I KNEW you bought the rights to Product2 so you could kill it.
[Ugh. I thought we were past that conspiracy shit by now.]
Me: I assure you I'm telling the truth. We've owned the right to Product 2 for almost 11 years and wouldn't have continued to invest in developing, supporting and selling it for all that time if we had plans to discontinue it.
SC: Forget it! I thought you guys cared, but I guess you don't.
[click]
[Some sense of urgency there, pal. You didn't even stick around to find out how to get Product2 ASAP if it ever ships again.]
Yes. Really! It's a Conspiracy, I Tell you!
We got a purchase order from a school. They had an old version of Product1 but hired a new employee who was more familiar with Product2. The school was willing to pay twice as much to buy Product2 rather than update Product1. That's fair enough and we would have been happy to ship Product2 to them. But we couldn't. So co-worker Eugene called them to find out how they wanted us to handle it.
He got the purchasing office who put him through to the teacher since it was her call.
The call went back and forth with the explaining things. Then it went along the lines of the second story. She asked him to sell it to her, promised she wouldn't tell anyone, then pulled out the emergency card.
But instead of whipping out crazy conspiracy theories and hanging up when Product1 was suggested to her she launched into a slightly different tirade...
SC: Product1! I HATE Product1! I can't use it.
Eugene: Is there a specific reason?
SC: It doesn't do Task A!
Eugene: Actually it does do Task A [explains Task A]
SC: But it doesn't do Task B!
Eugene: It's done task B since 2004 [explains].
This went on in similar fashion for a while.
Eugene: So I guess what it comes down to is your personal preference. So do you want to indefinitely backorder Product2 for [2x price] or buy Product1 now for [1x price]?
SC: I really need Product2 now. Are you sure you won't sell it to me?
Eugene: Yes. I simply can't sell it to you.
SC: Can't? Or won't?
Eugene: Can't.
SC: [pretending to be kidding] Oh, come on. Don't tell me you can't! You could if you really wanted to.
Eugene: [pretending to be kidding back] I suppose I could...
SC: [giggles] Aha!
Eugene: ...but if I did my boss would probably fire me...
SC: [still giggling] No he wouldn't!
Eugene: Well probably not, but seriously, I still have to do what he says. He is my boss after all.
SC: [suddenly dropping the pretense of a joke] You're just no help at all! I'm trying to give you money here and you're refusing to take it!
[Peeve of mine. "Buying things from us" is not the same thing is "giving us money." The first is a business exchange which is mutually agreed upon by two parties. Referring to it as "giving" us money implies that buying something from us is a selfless act of charity for which they get nothing in return. I don't know why it bugs me, but it does. Probably because the same people who refer to buying things as "giving us money" often have a super-entitled attitude.]
Eugene: I'm sorry you feel that way. Would you like to cancel the order, change the order, or leave it pending as it is?
She chose to leave it pending as it is but she acted very put-upon about it.
The End Is In Sight
Yesterday we finally heard back from BIGCompany. We still can't ship Product2 until we've worked out the details of the renewed contract, but at least we can tell people that it looks good to be shipping it soon.
(Not because they care about the money, but because being forced to switch software means that you lose all the previous simulations). 
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