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  • Another Damn Senior Day

    What, you thought this recent trend of me not working Senior Days was going to continue forever?

    Ahh, you stinky, wrinkled bags of cheap, how can I miss you when you won't go away?

    Old people talk loud (What?)

    It seems I missed an epic shitfit thrown by some crotchety old skinbag because we didn't let her use her 10% off birthday coupon and her 15% senior discount at the same time, because our policies state these discounts can't be used in conjunction with any other discounts or promotions.

    So after blowing a gasket at the poor cashier, she descends upon the service desk and spews forth a tidal wave of "Why I can't I use all my discounts together this is so unfair blah blah blah attorney general blah blah blah I don't know why I came here anyway blah blah blah you just laid off 50 more people so you're going out of business and it's all because you treat people this way blah blah blah screw you!"

    And all the while the lady behind the desk, who I've taken to calling "the brick wall," just stands there like a brick wall letting all this go in one ear and out the other.

    BTW, we're laying off people at the corporate office. What do you call 50 corporate people being laid off? A good start! Thank you, thank you, tip your servers please.

    We had a guy today come in with a Wally World ad showing something he was buying priced lower there than it is at the swamp. He wanted the price match and his senior discount. We may not technically have been allowed to give him both, but we did, because he wasn't a raging cuntrag about it.

    Bet we see her again next month. Pity. I think her people at Wally World are missing her.



    Old people don't read (What?)

    I get called upon to do a price check on a doormat. Seems the old bag thought it was supposed to be $9.99 when it rang up as $11.99. Why she had to challenge two dollars when she was buying close to $200 worth of crap is beyond me, but whatev.

    I go over to the doormats to investigate, and it turns out only two particular styles of doormat are $9.99. The rest are 40% off.

    I return to the cash register to tell the cashier and the customer the doormat really is $11.99. "Your ad says it's $9.99." No, the ad only says the two styles pictured are $9.99. All the rest are 40% off, which the ad also states.

    "That's misleading!"

    No, that's you pawing through your flyer, burping "Ugghh! Door! Mat!" and screaming on over to mindlessly throw your money at something. I think we can safely ad "reading comprehension" to the list of things you Do Not Do, right below "combing your hair," "keeping your fingers out of your nose," and "getting your attitude in line with your IQ."

    Old people don't read (What?)

    Old guy comes up to me with a picture of something cut out of the flyer for the sale starting tomorrow, but I don't know this right away, because it's a cutout from a flyer.

    He asks me to scan the item (which was a folding director's chair with small table built in) and tell him if it's really $19.99, which is the price on his little cutout. Chair scans at $23.99 instead. I go hunt down tomorrow's ad and let the guy know the $19.99 price doesn't kick in until tomorrow.

    "You know, I read all over that ad and I never saw anything that said it wasn't starting until tomorrow! Now I'll have to make a special trip."

    Ummm, the start and end dates for that ad are boldly printed on the front cover, and again on the back page. I suggest you see our optometrist, who's located right in store For Your Convenience.

    Turned out the guy took the chair anyway, because his 15% discount would knock down the price enough, and he could tell people he got his chair on sale.

    Cashiers don't read (Huh?)

    Took the following call for books today. We do fairly good business in books, because our selection seems to suggest we're the one-stop store for trashy romance novels and bodice rippers:

    Cashier: I have a book here ringing up at $7.99, and the lady thinks it should be $5.99.
    Me: Okay, what's the title?
    Cashier: Barbara Delinsky
    Me: No, I need the title of the book.
    Cashier: It's Barbara Delinsky.
    Me: No, I think that's the author of the book. I need the title.
    Cashier: Actually, I think that is the title....no wait, that is the author. Sorry! "Suddenly."
    Me: Hardcover or paperback?
    Cashier: Paperback.
    Me: Okay, I'll call you back.

    Gaaah, why do they hate my brain meats so?

    Let me get Herb on the phone

    Somebody pages for customer assistance to housewares, by the candles. This leads to a wild goose chase for Yours Truly. First I go over to the candles in the home decor section to find nobody there needing any help. Next I head on over to housewares, where we do have candles on an endstand thanks to our lame-brained philosophy of "Cross-merchandising," and still find nobody requiring assistance. Just then one of our vendor reps comes by, confesses to having made the page, and tells me the people who need help are in household supplies by the Glad candles.

    I go over to find some old fart and his wife standing there. They have a candle holder for Glade plug-ins candles. They ask me if the candles come with the holder. I tell them no.

    "Well they used to include the candle with the holder!" And now they don't.

    "Are they ever going to make them like that and are you going to get them?" Gee, to answer your question, why don't I put a call down to Racine and ask Herbert Fisk Johnson what they're up to down there and do they have any plans to include glade candles with the candle holders they sell? I know he's eagerly awaiting my call. We're tight like this.

    I tell them I don't know as I don't make the buying decisions, and the old fart and fartette go back to staring slack-jawed at other things.

    Pink camo, eat your heart out and move over

    A too-small, pink T-shirt with Pedobear on the chest.

    This I observed being worn by a high-school age, heavy-set guy.

    I'll be in this here corner, beer-bonging the

    Stinko De Mayo

    Number of farts I walked into today: 5. One of them still noisily emanating from its maker's buttocks, so I got treated to the sound as well as the fury.

    At least I don't have to deal with another senior day for another month at least.
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

  • #2
    Hey, it is Cinco de Mayo after all. *sends Irv some endless drinks*

    And here I thought I got all the customers who didn't know how to read. O.o
    Eh, one day I'll have something useful here. Until then, have a cookie or two.

    Comment


    • #3
      Remember, they're only free for this one day. And it gives the nurses at the nursing homes a much-needed break.
      Customers should always be served . . . to the nearest great white.

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
        Pink camo, eat your heart out and move over

        A too-small, pink T-shirt with Pedobear on the chest.

        This I observed being worn by a high-school age, heavy-set guy.

        I'll be in this here corner, beer-bonging the
        Wheres the PICS?!?!?!

        Cant we start a "People of the Swamp" a la People of Walmart? Lol.

        Comment


        • #5
          I'm so glad we don't do any special senior discounts. Though it does not stop them from asking. Or demanding that I, the lowly clerk, should, no MUST give them one. You want a discount bitch to Corp, who can you know actually start such a program.

          What do I mean Corp. you ask? The people who run the stores. Yes we have more then one store. I would have assumed you knew that as we are one of the biggest chains of out category in the region with several hundred locations.

          Oh, and It's my faulty I informed you of ways you can actually save, but noooo you want you damn discount.

          This usually occurs when the buses from the two nearby assisted living places stop by once a week.

          Comment


          • #6
            In defense of the first lady (not that I'm defending her behavior), but what is the point of offering a 10% birthday discount and a 15% senior discount but not letting them use them together? I assume they can use the 15% discount all the time but can only use the 10% on their birthday. Therefore, it makes no sense to use the 10% birthday discount. The birthday discount needs to be greater than the senior discount.

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post

              <snip>

              BTW, we're laying off people at the corporate office. What do you call 50 corporate people being laid off? A good start! Thank you, thank you, tip your servers please.
              yeah I heard they are only outsourcing a bunch of IT stuff not any of the really "good" upper management.
              I'm lost without a paddle and headed up SH*T creek.
              -- Life Sucks Then You Die.


              "I'll believe corp. are people when Texas executes one."

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth dbblsanta View Post
                In defense of the first lady (not that I'm defending her behavior), but what is the point of offering a 10% birthday discount and a 15% senior discount but not letting them use them together? I assume they can use the 15% discount all the time but can only use the 10% on their birthday. Therefore, it makes no sense to use the 10% birthday discount. The birthday discount needs to be greater than the senior discount.
                Nope. The 15% discount is only good on Senior days, which are the first Wednesday of the month (or, if the first Wednesday of the next month is a holiday where we close early, the last Wednesday of the previous month).

                The 10% birthday discount is good for some time after the customer's birthday. I don't know exactly how long.

                I forgot to mention she was also complaining that she couldn't get her discounts on toilet paper and electronics. That's been the policy for over a year now, thanks to the tight margins in those areas. She'd know that if she were paying attention.

                Oh, and I forgot this one from yesterday:

                Again with the one-word questions

                Old guy comes up to me, says "Ben-gay!"

                Ah-wuh? Is this a joke? Am I supposed to answer "6 months" and you laugh at me because I just admitted I like to take it up the tailpipe?
                Last edited by Irving Patrick Freleigh; 05-06-2010, 09:29 AM.
                Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                  Again with the one-word questions

                  Old guy comes up to me, says "Ben-gay!"
                  Missed your chance. If you'd answered something like, "Bob-straight!", his head would have exploded and you'd never have had to deal with him again.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                    Old guy comes up to me, says "Ben-gay!"

                    Ah-wuh? Is this a joke? Am I supposed to answer "6 months" and you laugh at me because I just admitted I like to take it up the tailpipe?

                    I shall Quote the Wiki:
                    Bengay, spelled Ben-Gay prior to 1995, is an analgesic heat rub used to relieve muscle and joint pain.
                    i didn't know either, but I had a hunch I'd heard it somewhere else so googled it.
                    "You can only try so hard to look like you are working before actually doing your work seems easy in comparison" -My Boss

                    CW: So what exactly do you do in retentions?
                    Me: ummm, I ....retent stuff?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Let's just hope and pray that we all don't end up like these folks when we're that age.

                      Personally, I plan to be really cool.
                      Last edited by Exaspera; 05-06-2010, 03:22 PM. Reason: add wink
                      Dull women have immaculate homes.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth Darkforge View Post
                        I shall Quote the Wiki:

                        i didn't know either, but I had a hunch I'd heard it somewhere else so googled it.
                        I think Irv's reaction was more along the lines of "yeah, and?", rather than being puzzled at what Ben-Gay was Anyone who deals with senior for any length of time becomes accustomed to that stuff.

                        "Hey.... somebody snuck Ben Gay in here... I smell Ben Gay!... someone passes a thermos around, whispering, "It's metamucil, take a hit, pass it on!" Concerts just ain't the way they used to be."
                        GK/Kara/Jester fangirl.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                          Me: Okay, what's the title?
                          Cashier: Barbara Delinsky
                          Me: No, I need the title of the book.
                          Cashier: It's Barbara Delinsky.
                          Me: No, I think that's the author of the book. I need the title.
                          Cashier: Actually, I think that is the title....no wait, that is the author. Sorry! "Suddenly."
                          In the cashier's defense, it's often very hard to actually find the titles on some of those. They'll have the author's name in massive letters on the front and side, and the actual title will be some little afterthought hidden somewhere amongst the cover art.

                          But, still, any reasonably competent person should be able to figure out the difference.

                          ^-.-^
                          Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Quoth tollbaby View Post
                            I think Irv's reaction was more along the lines of "yeah, and?", rather than being puzzled at what Ben-Gay was Anyone who deals with senior for any length of time becomes accustomed to that stuff.
                            Doh, as i'd never heard of the stuff (they don't have it here in england as far as ai know) I completely misread Irv's reaction (sarcasm doesn't come across well in type) and actually thought he didn't know what it was (like me)

                            I need to stop being a muppet one of these days
                            "You can only try so hard to look like you are working before actually doing your work seems easy in comparison" -My Boss

                            CW: So what exactly do you do in retentions?
                            Me: ummm, I ....retent stuff?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Aside from these people always having an entitlement complex the size of Houston, at my store the standard required M.O. for every single senior is to get just inside the door, and then stand there looking lost for a while. And stand there. And stand there looking lost some more, for up to a minute. Bonus points for bringing your wife/husband with you so you can BOTH stand there looking lost for up to a minute, side by side to fully insure that NO ONE can get through the door.
                              Think. It's not illegal yet.

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