What, you thought this recent trend of me not working Senior Days was going to continue forever? 
Ahh, you stinky, wrinkled bags of cheap, how can I miss you when you won't go away?
Old people talk loud (What?)
It seems I missed an epic shitfit thrown by some crotchety old skinbag because we didn't let her use her 10% off birthday coupon and her 15% senior discount at the same time, because our policies state these discounts can't be used in conjunction with any other discounts or promotions.
So after blowing a gasket at the poor cashier, she descends upon the service desk and spews forth a tidal wave of "Why I can't I use all my discounts together this is so unfair blah blah blah attorney general blah blah blah I don't know why I came here anyway blah blah blah you just laid off 50 more people so you're going out of business and it's all because you treat people this way blah blah blah screw you!"
And all the while the lady behind the desk, who I've taken to calling "the brick wall," just stands there like a brick wall letting all this go in one ear and out the other.
BTW, we're laying off people at the corporate office. What do you call 50 corporate people being laid off? A good start! Thank you, thank you, tip your servers please.
We had a guy today come in with a Wally World ad showing something he was buying priced lower there than it is at the swamp. He wanted the price match and his senior discount. We may not technically have been allowed to give him both, but we did, because he wasn't a raging cuntrag about it.
Bet we see her again next month. Pity. I think her people at Wally World are missing her.
Old people don't read (What?)
I get called upon to do a price check on a doormat. Seems the old bag thought it was supposed to be $9.99 when it rang up as $11.99. Why she had to challenge two dollars when she was buying close to $200 worth of crap is beyond me, but whatev.
I go over to the doormats to investigate, and it turns out only two particular styles of doormat are $9.99. The rest are 40% off.
I return to the cash register to tell the cashier and the customer the doormat really is $11.99. "Your ad says it's $9.99." No, the ad only says the two styles pictured are $9.99. All the rest are 40% off, which the ad also states.
"That's misleading!"
No, that's you pawing through your flyer, burping "Ugghh! Door! Mat!" and screaming on over to mindlessly throw your money at something. I think we can safely ad "reading comprehension" to the list of things you Do Not Do, right below "combing your hair," "keeping your fingers out of your nose," and "getting your attitude in line with your IQ."
Old people don't read (What?)
Old guy comes up to me with a picture of something cut out of the flyer for the sale starting tomorrow, but I don't know this right away, because it's a cutout from a flyer.
He asks me to scan the item (which was a folding director's chair with small table built in) and tell him if it's really $19.99, which is the price on his little cutout. Chair scans at $23.99 instead. I go hunt down tomorrow's ad and let the guy know the $19.99 price doesn't kick in until tomorrow.
"You know, I read all over that ad and I never saw anything that said it wasn't starting until tomorrow! Now I'll have to make a special trip."
Ummm, the start and end dates for that ad are boldly printed on the front cover, and again on the back page. I suggest you see our optometrist, who's located right in store For Your Convenience.
Turned out the guy took the chair anyway, because his 15% discount would knock down the price enough, and he could tell people he got his chair on sale.
Cashiers don't read (Huh?)
Took the following call for books today. We do fairly good business in books, because our selection seems to suggest we're the one-stop store for trashy romance novels and bodice rippers:
Cashier: I have a book here ringing up at $7.99, and the lady thinks it should be $5.99.
Me: Okay, what's the title?
Cashier: Barbara Delinsky
Me: No, I need the title of the book.
Cashier: It's Barbara Delinsky.
Me: No, I think that's the author of the book. I need the title.
Cashier: Actually, I think that is the title....no wait, that is the author. Sorry! "Suddenly."
Me: Hardcover or paperback?
Cashier: Paperback.
Me: Okay, I'll call you back.
Gaaah, why do they hate my brain meats so?
Let me get Herb on the phone
Somebody pages for customer assistance to housewares, by the candles. This leads to a wild goose chase for Yours Truly. First I go over to the candles in the home decor section to find nobody there needing any help. Next I head on over to housewares, where we do have candles on an endstand thanks to our lame-brained philosophy of "Cross-merchandising," and still find nobody requiring assistance. Just then one of our vendor reps comes by, confesses to having made the page, and tells me the people who need help are in household supplies by the Glad candles.
I go over to find some old fart and his wife standing there. They have a candle holder for Glade plug-ins candles. They ask me if the candles come with the holder. I tell them no.
"Well they used to include the candle with the holder!" And now they don't.
"Are they ever going to make them like that and are you going to get them?" Gee, to answer your question, why don't I put a call down to Racine and ask Herbert Fisk Johnson what they're up to down there and do they have any plans to include glade candles with the candle holders they sell? I know he's eagerly awaiting my call. We're tight like this.
I tell them I don't know as I don't make the buying decisions, and the old fart and fartette go back to staring slack-jawed at other things.
Pink camo, eat your heart out and move over
A too-small, pink T-shirt with Pedobear on the chest.
This I observed being worn by a high-school age, heavy-set guy.
I'll be in this here corner, beer-bonging the
Stinko De Mayo
Number of farts I walked into today: 5. One of them still noisily emanating from its maker's buttocks, so I got treated to the sound as well as the fury.
At least I don't have to deal with another senior day for another month at least.

Ahh, you stinky, wrinkled bags of cheap, how can I miss you when you won't go away?
Old people talk loud (What?)
It seems I missed an epic shitfit thrown by some crotchety old skinbag because we didn't let her use her 10% off birthday coupon and her 15% senior discount at the same time, because our policies state these discounts can't be used in conjunction with any other discounts or promotions.
So after blowing a gasket at the poor cashier, she descends upon the service desk and spews forth a tidal wave of "Why I can't I use all my discounts together this is so unfair blah blah blah attorney general blah blah blah I don't know why I came here anyway blah blah blah you just laid off 50 more people so you're going out of business and it's all because you treat people this way blah blah blah screw you!"
And all the while the lady behind the desk, who I've taken to calling "the brick wall," just stands there like a brick wall letting all this go in one ear and out the other.
BTW, we're laying off people at the corporate office. What do you call 50 corporate people being laid off? A good start! Thank you, thank you, tip your servers please.
We had a guy today come in with a Wally World ad showing something he was buying priced lower there than it is at the swamp. He wanted the price match and his senior discount. We may not technically have been allowed to give him both, but we did, because he wasn't a raging cuntrag about it.
Bet we see her again next month. Pity. I think her people at Wally World are missing her.
Old people don't read (What?)
I get called upon to do a price check on a doormat. Seems the old bag thought it was supposed to be $9.99 when it rang up as $11.99. Why she had to challenge two dollars when she was buying close to $200 worth of crap is beyond me, but whatev.
I go over to the doormats to investigate, and it turns out only two particular styles of doormat are $9.99. The rest are 40% off.
I return to the cash register to tell the cashier and the customer the doormat really is $11.99. "Your ad says it's $9.99." No, the ad only says the two styles pictured are $9.99. All the rest are 40% off, which the ad also states.
"That's misleading!"
No, that's you pawing through your flyer, burping "Ugghh! Door! Mat!" and screaming on over to mindlessly throw your money at something. I think we can safely ad "reading comprehension" to the list of things you Do Not Do, right below "combing your hair," "keeping your fingers out of your nose," and "getting your attitude in line with your IQ."
Old people don't read (What?)
Old guy comes up to me with a picture of something cut out of the flyer for the sale starting tomorrow, but I don't know this right away, because it's a cutout from a flyer.
He asks me to scan the item (which was a folding director's chair with small table built in) and tell him if it's really $19.99, which is the price on his little cutout. Chair scans at $23.99 instead. I go hunt down tomorrow's ad and let the guy know the $19.99 price doesn't kick in until tomorrow.
"You know, I read all over that ad and I never saw anything that said it wasn't starting until tomorrow! Now I'll have to make a special trip."
Ummm, the start and end dates for that ad are boldly printed on the front cover, and again on the back page. I suggest you see our optometrist, who's located right in store For Your Convenience.
Turned out the guy took the chair anyway, because his 15% discount would knock down the price enough, and he could tell people he got his chair on sale.
Cashiers don't read (Huh?)
Took the following call for books today. We do fairly good business in books, because our selection seems to suggest we're the one-stop store for trashy romance novels and bodice rippers:
Cashier: I have a book here ringing up at $7.99, and the lady thinks it should be $5.99.
Me: Okay, what's the title?
Cashier: Barbara Delinsky
Me: No, I need the title of the book.
Cashier: It's Barbara Delinsky.
Me: No, I think that's the author of the book. I need the title.
Cashier: Actually, I think that is the title....no wait, that is the author. Sorry! "Suddenly."
Me: Hardcover or paperback?
Cashier: Paperback.
Me: Okay, I'll call you back.
Gaaah, why do they hate my brain meats so?
Let me get Herb on the phone
Somebody pages for customer assistance to housewares, by the candles. This leads to a wild goose chase for Yours Truly. First I go over to the candles in the home decor section to find nobody there needing any help. Next I head on over to housewares, where we do have candles on an endstand thanks to our lame-brained philosophy of "Cross-merchandising," and still find nobody requiring assistance. Just then one of our vendor reps comes by, confesses to having made the page, and tells me the people who need help are in household supplies by the Glad candles.
I go over to find some old fart and his wife standing there. They have a candle holder for Glade plug-ins candles. They ask me if the candles come with the holder. I tell them no.
"Well they used to include the candle with the holder!" And now they don't.
"Are they ever going to make them like that and are you going to get them?" Gee, to answer your question, why don't I put a call down to Racine and ask Herbert Fisk Johnson what they're up to down there and do they have any plans to include glade candles with the candle holders they sell? I know he's eagerly awaiting my call. We're tight like this.
I tell them I don't know as I don't make the buying decisions, and the old fart and fartette go back to staring slack-jawed at other things.
Pink camo, eat your heart out and move over
A too-small, pink T-shirt with Pedobear on the chest.
This I observed being worn by a high-school age, heavy-set guy.
I'll be in this here corner, beer-bonging the

Stinko De Mayo
Number of farts I walked into today: 5. One of them still noisily emanating from its maker's buttocks, so I got treated to the sound as well as the fury.
At least I don't have to deal with another senior day for another month at least.
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