The Most Terrible Fanfic Ever

[XCashier]

Perhaps we should dig up Dr Seuss and have him write special instructions for this twit.
"This kit is for a double door.
Nothing less and nothing more.
It will not work on single door.
It will not work on triple door.
It will not work on walls of brick,
It will not work if you're too thick."

Oh please please puhleezzzeeee? Can I use this the next time I get stuck in hardware????????????????????????

Sure, why not? Be sure to say it in a childish sing-song voice to really drive the point home!

[dmf]

No, we wouldn't. Would we, Mr Flibble?

What happens to naughty boys who've been naughty, Mr. Flibble?

[Racket_Man]

Perhaps we should dig up Dr Seuss and have him write special instructions for this twit.
"This kit is for a double door.
Nothing less and nothing more.
It will not work on single door.
It will not work on triple door.
It will not work on walls of brick,
It will not work if you're too thick."

What's even more terrifying is that anyone, let alone multiple women, wanted to have his babies!!!

Good grief, the prophecy of Idiocracy is coming true sooner than we thought!

Heck in my area many of the men don't even know HOW MANY kids they actaully have.

but I like this little quote better (obviously NOT Dr. Sesus)

Brother: And Saint Attila raised the Hand Grenade up on high, saying:

"O Lord, bless this thy Hand Grenade that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy."

And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu..
Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother.

Brother: And the Lord spake, saying:

"First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin.
Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less.
Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three.
Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three.
Five is right out.
Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

Maynard: Amen.

[Aisling]

Oh, well. I’m sorry the probability of reality hurts your feelings. Your daily life must be a symphony of misery as everything around you behaves exactly as the laws of the universe dictate.

It's a trifle disappointing, I must admit. I really really want a unicorn. Not a fluffy little girl one; one of the mean kinds I can train to eat my enemies.

[infinitemonkies]

It's a trifle disappointing, I must admit. I really really want a unicorn. Not a fluffy little girl one; one of the mean kinds I can train to eat my enemies.

Wish granted.

[Boozy]

SC: “Is there any way to get random ticket numbers instead of consecutive?”

Not this again. No, no there isn’t. Stop asking. It makes no statistically difference. Your odds are not any better or any worse if you don’t have random numbers generated by some sort of elaborate voodoo algorithm that began with you naked in the shower applying Squeezee Cheeze to only one side of 10D6

People who play the lottery are by definition people who are bad at math.

Is this a charity lottery, though? Sometimes I buy in for those, if it's a charity I'd support anyway.

When I order the tickets, I make sure to tell the operator to send me winning tickets only. I'm told that telephone operators think that joke's really funny and will wish me only the best for having shared it.

[AnaKhouri]

I thought every body knew Prince Charles likes to take it hard up the ass from Hitler. Where have you been?

[BaristaTrav]

So this is all my fault now? You can call him a pedophile, a serial killer, the anti-Christ and Hitler’s lovetoy but if I jokingly insinuate he married a horse that hurt’s his feeling? What the heck? That’s totally not fair. You’ve been bashing on him for years but once I make a crack all of a sudden he’s crying? And now he’s going to go tattle on me to the Queen?

Why that little wanker.

In a strange way, it kind of makes sense. I mean, if you are being insulted by someone who is clearly deranged and psychotic and is making no sense whatsoever, there's not much to take offense to. However if the insult is coming from a fairly eloquent night shift CSR who hasn't quite gone off the deep end yet, like yourself, that might sting a bit. Shame on you for making Charles cry. I mean, he didn't even cry at Diana's funeral. The "horse" thing was really too much I guess.

[Andara Bledin]

What's even more terrifying is that anyone, let alone multiple women, wanted to have his babies!!!

Some women just want to have babies. A lot. To the point where they don't care about actually keeping them or even knowing who their fathers are. There's probably a medical term for it.

Maybe if Kratos sodomized Goku across a table at some point in it.

*twitch*

... you just know someone's going to Rule 34 that, too, don't you... >.<

^-.-^

[Becks]

I hate to disappoint but unless they've weaponized the summer fashion line up I don’t think it’s our catalog you’re looking in.

Hey, you never know...

[Dentarthurdent]

I speak of course of that horrific moment, mid sentence, where you suddenly detoured into a tangent about furious Prince Charles x Hitler anal sex. Then, while my mind was suddenly recoiling you elaborated just to make sure that I knew Prince Charles was the catcher, not the pitcher. And that he liked it rough.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you dude? I'm not sure if that was just some utterly random psychotic episode, or if this has all been some sort of elaborate plot to spend 2 years lulling me into a false sense of security before you struck me down at my weakest.

Either way, thank you for that sweaty, grunting mental image. It should haunt me for a good 3 or 4 days at least.

G...gaaaaahhh! D...did Rule 34 and Godwin's Law just make...offspring???

[Chromatix]

It's a trifle disappointing, I must admit. I really really want a unicorn. Not a fluffy little girl one; one of the mean kinds I can train to eat my enemies.

http://www.rhjunior.com/totq/00590.html
http://www.rhjunior.com/totq/00591.html

[Ben_Who]

Oh God

SC: “They wanna arrest me. Somebody said I uttered threats to them, it was one of my baby mommas, right.”

Hm. A minor question of grammar: do you think it should be "baby mommas," or, as in "attorneys general," "babies momma?" One momma, more than one baby, probably "babies momma," but several mommas with one baby each, "baby mommas." Worst case scenario, I guess, would be "babies mommas," in which case, dude, vasectomy...

Grammar nerd FTW!

Love, Who?

[Magpie]

Hm. A minor question of grammar: do you think it should be "baby mommas," or, as in "attorneys general," "babies momma?" One momma, more than one baby, probably "babies momma," but several mommas with one baby each, "baby mommas." Worst case scenario, I guess, would be "babies mommas," in which case, dude, vasectomy...

Ok, I don't feel quite as bad about admitting that this was the FIRST thing I thought of when I saw the plural of that. Well... minus the "babies mommas" part.

[Chromatix]

Well, the grammatically-correct full form would be "babies' mothers", or in singular "baby's mother". Or if they have somehow managed to get one girl pregnant more than once "babies' mother". This is a noun combined with another noun in possessive form.

But because this is a colloquial term, where the singular is already "baby-mama" (which is a compound word made from an adjective and a noun), the plural would simply be "baby-mamas", and this would only apply to the case where multiple mothers exist.