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I've only posted once in the new members area. I'd hoped that I would eventually be back to work and able to entertain you all with new adventures, but alas, here I sit at home with my kitties.
So I thought I'd share some of the best stories I have from my many years in retail and other forms of voluntary enslavement.
Housekeeping?!
I worked as a house keeper for two different companies.
My job as a resort was to bleach the life out of everything and change all the linens. As I was about to lock up, the phone rings.
Inspector: Have you started [room you just finished] yet?
Me: Yes, I'm done already. I was just locking up.
Inspector: Umm, you're going to have to strip the linens and bag them.
Me: Why? What happened?
Inspector: They had lice.
Me: ...
Inspector: The room has to be fumigated. You can wash it down tomorrow.
Yay, I get to clean this room three times and make sure I wash my hair with special shampoo so my family doesn't get lice. It would've been nice if they bathed before they went on vacation in a full size cabin that others use the day after they leave.
Then there was the other company I worked for.
Now, I will say that accidents happen, but they're rare and we pay for them in full.
I was dusting a desk and unfortunately knocked over a small glass bird(the kind you buy at the mall for $10). I wrote a note of apology and left a contact number for our office offering to cover the cost of the figurine. I told the crew leader about it and she said it was fine and that our boss would handle it tomorrow.
The next day I go into work and my boss calls me into his office, quite irritated.
Boss Man: Mrs. Blargh called and said that you picked up a glass figurine and dropped it on the floor right in front of her and laughed. She said that when she confronted you, you told her there was nothing she could do about it and you left it there for her to clean up.
Me: Umm, what? *confused look*
BM: Did you do that?
Me:*seriously?!* No sir. I broke it, but it was an accident. I cleaned it up and left a note. She wasn't home when we cleaned her house. Ask [crew leader].
So it all came out to a good laugh in the office, but the best part was that she conned him into paying about $85 for the $10 glass bird.
Convenient for whom?
Ahh, convenience stores.
Trash Dumpers. Happens often, unfortunately. I'm not sure if this form is illegal since it wasn't directly into the dumpsters, but it's disgusting and irritating.
Many people pull up and empty their trash into a bin near the gas pumps. Ok, that's why they're there. But you, special friend, have just pulled a large black, dripping trash bag out of your trunk and stuffed it into the bin.
You used them for what?
A guy came up and placed his items on the counter. I think he's reaching for his wallet. No... he pulled out a cylinder wrapped in duct tape. he begins to peel the tape off, revealing sticky quarters. In his defense to my obviously taxed and perplexed smile, he said he used them as a conductor between two batteries for his flashlight.
After 5 minutes of unwrapping, unsticking and counting, he was also .50 short.
As I counted them out, they stuck to the counter. The rest of the night I had to give them as change to customers. Not only did they stick back together in the cup, but they stuck to customers hands. I got a lot of lovely looks for that.
Paying with change is one thing, and quarters are the preferred method; but paying with sticky quarters that are still wrapped in layers of duct tape during rush hour with a long line of oh-so-happy people waiting is very different.
Many people find this a bit odd, but 30% percent of the time, I wake up extremely cheerful and bubbly. The rest of the time, I bite, but that's another story in it self.
So, I head to work where they sell fresh coffee, hot food, special order hoagies, etc. I'm on the register this morning. Most customers are amused by or even adore the fact that I am so bright and smiley at 6am. Some don't, but they just refrain from talking. Ok, no harm there. But that day a very sleepy customer knocked over another customers coffee(spilling happens often because too many customers just can't stand lids on their pipping hot coffee). The second line is open, the mess is cleaned and apologies are accepted. Awesome, right?
Ha! No such luck. It turns out a few of the bag handles were still sticky. When a man complained(a regular), I replaced all the items that were wet, no charge, and put them in a clean bag from a fresh stack that came right out of the box. The entire time he was muttering complaints; I'm sure I heard a foul name tossed in here or there.
A few hours later my manager called me into the back.
MM: Did you pour someones coffee into their bag and tell them to have a nice day?
Me: No, but some of the bags got coffee on the handles this morning when someone spilled. I replaced them once I saw it.
MM: Ok, I was sure you hadn't but it's my job to ask. He also wanted me to ask you to stop being so "annoyingly bubbly" in the morning.
Though we found this funny, I was quite insulted.
I only engage in short conversation with those who begin one. (That doesn't include the spiel, "Did you find everything you were looking for? Would you like to donate a dollar to [charity of the week]? Have a nice day.")
Pet names
I usually use the terms Sir or Miss when I'm working. At home however, I use names like Bunny, Love, Hun or Sweetie. But only at home.
Now, older men use them sometimes, and I don't really care. One day a man came in, not more than 3-4 years older than me. I was being my bright and cheery self(which I project at work even if I'm in a terrible mood) and this man began mocking me. I gave him a smirk that indicated I was irritated by this. Of course, it egged him on. Then he called me "Doll."
I hardly ever do this but today was just one of those days. I said to him, "Sir, if you'd like to know my name, it's on my name tag right here," and I held up my pin so he could read it.
He says, "Thanks, Doll," with hard emphasis on the word Doll.
I'll admit I almost spit in his face.
Little Buttons
While working at a book store chain, I encountered quite a few people who must have figured that if they read books that they're way better than anyone else alive. This guy sticks out the most.
This man comes up to the counter with his two daughters. As I ring up the man's books, I ask him if he has our reward card. he says no. I offer him one, and he accepts.
Me: May I have your email, sir? *explanatory banter*
SC: No.
Me: Ok. You can do it online when...
SC: I wont be registering my card so you can stop talking now.
Me: ...
Ok, your total comes to $XX.XX.
In my rush to rid him of my sight, I miss counted his change by .25. I apologized as I opened my register and handed him the quarter.
SC: I want to talk to your manager.
Me: Did I miss count the change again, sir? I'm sure I added it up correctly this time.
SC: No, but you shouldn't have miscounted it in the first place. It's not your job to think, it's your job to push those little buttons and give me my money. Call your manager.
Me: *I page the manager and wait*
45 seconds later...
SC: I don't think you paged her. I think you're faking it. It shouldn't take this long.
Me: *pages again, informing the manager that the customer is "in a hurry this afternoon"*
The manager comes up to the counter after about 3 minutes.
Manager: So what happened, sir?
SC: ...
Me: *explains that I got his change wrong, I hit a No Sale and fixed it*
Manager: Is there anything else we can help you with today, sir?
SC: No, thank you. *leaves*
I unfortunately teared up a little so I was given a 5 minute break to clean up after explaining exactly what he said. But then I got a bit of revenge on my lunch break.
I went to the fast food place across the street to eat that day. I called my roommate to tell him about the guy. As I'm explaining it, I'm most definitely insulting his integrity as a human being while using slightly foul language.
I look up to see him and his two daughters staring at me, jaws dropped and red-faced. I couldn't resist and told my roommate, loudly, that the man who caused so much trouble was eating at the table right across from me. We laughed as I clearly stated how there was nothing they could do because I was clocked out with no name tag on.
I still get giddy when I tell this story. Too many times people like me are treated like faceless punching bags, unable to say what they feel.
So this was all I could recall for now. I hope to share more later. I might be getting a job as a motel clerk soon. Where there are customers, there are always special people!
So I thought I'd share some of the best stories I have from my many years in retail and other forms of voluntary enslavement.
Housekeeping?!
I worked as a house keeper for two different companies.
My job as a resort was to bleach the life out of everything and change all the linens. As I was about to lock up, the phone rings.
Inspector: Have you started [room you just finished] yet?
Me: Yes, I'm done already. I was just locking up.
Inspector: Umm, you're going to have to strip the linens and bag them.
Me: Why? What happened?
Inspector: They had lice.
Me: ...
Inspector: The room has to be fumigated. You can wash it down tomorrow.
Yay, I get to clean this room three times and make sure I wash my hair with special shampoo so my family doesn't get lice. It would've been nice if they bathed before they went on vacation in a full size cabin that others use the day after they leave.
Then there was the other company I worked for.
Now, I will say that accidents happen, but they're rare and we pay for them in full.
I was dusting a desk and unfortunately knocked over a small glass bird(the kind you buy at the mall for $10). I wrote a note of apology and left a contact number for our office offering to cover the cost of the figurine. I told the crew leader about it and she said it was fine and that our boss would handle it tomorrow.
The next day I go into work and my boss calls me into his office, quite irritated.
Boss Man: Mrs. Blargh called and said that you picked up a glass figurine and dropped it on the floor right in front of her and laughed. She said that when she confronted you, you told her there was nothing she could do about it and you left it there for her to clean up.
Me: Umm, what? *confused look*
BM: Did you do that?
Me:*seriously?!* No sir. I broke it, but it was an accident. I cleaned it up and left a note. She wasn't home when we cleaned her house. Ask [crew leader].
So it all came out to a good laugh in the office, but the best part was that she conned him into paying about $85 for the $10 glass bird.
Convenient for whom?
Ahh, convenience stores.
Trash Dumpers. Happens often, unfortunately. I'm not sure if this form is illegal since it wasn't directly into the dumpsters, but it's disgusting and irritating.
Many people pull up and empty their trash into a bin near the gas pumps. Ok, that's why they're there. But you, special friend, have just pulled a large black, dripping trash bag out of your trunk and stuffed it into the bin.
You used them for what?
A guy came up and placed his items on the counter. I think he's reaching for his wallet. No... he pulled out a cylinder wrapped in duct tape. he begins to peel the tape off, revealing sticky quarters. In his defense to my obviously taxed and perplexed smile, he said he used them as a conductor between two batteries for his flashlight.
After 5 minutes of unwrapping, unsticking and counting, he was also .50 short.
As I counted them out, they stuck to the counter. The rest of the night I had to give them as change to customers. Not only did they stick back together in the cup, but they stuck to customers hands. I got a lot of lovely looks for that.
Paying with change is one thing, and quarters are the preferred method; but paying with sticky quarters that are still wrapped in layers of duct tape during rush hour with a long line of oh-so-happy people waiting is very different.
Many people find this a bit odd, but 30% percent of the time, I wake up extremely cheerful and bubbly. The rest of the time, I bite, but that's another story in it self.
So, I head to work where they sell fresh coffee, hot food, special order hoagies, etc. I'm on the register this morning. Most customers are amused by or even adore the fact that I am so bright and smiley at 6am. Some don't, but they just refrain from talking. Ok, no harm there. But that day a very sleepy customer knocked over another customers coffee(spilling happens often because too many customers just can't stand lids on their pipping hot coffee). The second line is open, the mess is cleaned and apologies are accepted. Awesome, right?
Ha! No such luck. It turns out a few of the bag handles were still sticky. When a man complained(a regular), I replaced all the items that were wet, no charge, and put them in a clean bag from a fresh stack that came right out of the box. The entire time he was muttering complaints; I'm sure I heard a foul name tossed in here or there.
A few hours later my manager called me into the back.
MM: Did you pour someones coffee into their bag and tell them to have a nice day?
Me: No, but some of the bags got coffee on the handles this morning when someone spilled. I replaced them once I saw it.
MM: Ok, I was sure you hadn't but it's my job to ask. He also wanted me to ask you to stop being so "annoyingly bubbly" in the morning.
Though we found this funny, I was quite insulted.
I only engage in short conversation with those who begin one. (That doesn't include the spiel, "Did you find everything you were looking for? Would you like to donate a dollar to [charity of the week]? Have a nice day.")Pet names
I usually use the terms Sir or Miss when I'm working. At home however, I use names like Bunny, Love, Hun or Sweetie. But only at home.
Now, older men use them sometimes, and I don't really care. One day a man came in, not more than 3-4 years older than me. I was being my bright and cheery self(which I project at work even if I'm in a terrible mood) and this man began mocking me. I gave him a smirk that indicated I was irritated by this. Of course, it egged him on. Then he called me "Doll."
I hardly ever do this but today was just one of those days. I said to him, "Sir, if you'd like to know my name, it's on my name tag right here," and I held up my pin so he could read it.
He says, "Thanks, Doll," with hard emphasis on the word Doll.
I'll admit I almost spit in his face.
Little Buttons
While working at a book store chain, I encountered quite a few people who must have figured that if they read books that they're way better than anyone else alive. This guy sticks out the most.
This man comes up to the counter with his two daughters. As I ring up the man's books, I ask him if he has our reward card. he says no. I offer him one, and he accepts.
Me: May I have your email, sir? *explanatory banter*
SC: No.
Me: Ok. You can do it online when...
SC: I wont be registering my card so you can stop talking now.
Me: ...
Ok, your total comes to $XX.XX.In my rush to rid him of my sight, I miss counted his change by .25. I apologized as I opened my register and handed him the quarter.
SC: I want to talk to your manager.
Me: Did I miss count the change again, sir? I'm sure I added it up correctly this time.
SC: No, but you shouldn't have miscounted it in the first place. It's not your job to think, it's your job to push those little buttons and give me my money. Call your manager.
Me: *I page the manager and wait*
45 seconds later...
SC: I don't think you paged her. I think you're faking it. It shouldn't take this long.
Me: *pages again, informing the manager that the customer is "in a hurry this afternoon"*
The manager comes up to the counter after about 3 minutes.
Manager: So what happened, sir?
SC: ...
Me: *explains that I got his change wrong, I hit a No Sale and fixed it*
Manager: Is there anything else we can help you with today, sir?
SC: No, thank you. *leaves*
I unfortunately teared up a little so I was given a 5 minute break to clean up after explaining exactly what he said. But then I got a bit of revenge on my lunch break.
I went to the fast food place across the street to eat that day. I called my roommate to tell him about the guy. As I'm explaining it, I'm most definitely insulting his integrity as a human being while using slightly foul language.
I look up to see him and his two daughters staring at me, jaws dropped and red-faced. I couldn't resist and told my roommate, loudly, that the man who caused so much trouble was eating at the table right across from me. We laughed as I clearly stated how there was nothing they could do because I was clocked out with no name tag on.
I still get giddy when I tell this story. Too many times people like me are treated like faceless punching bags, unable to say what they feel.
So this was all I could recall for now. I hope to share more later. I might be getting a job as a motel clerk soon. Where there are customers, there are always special people!
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