Fizzy Unprofessionalism

[Jester]

Ah yes, the "I can do your job better" type SC. Very annoying and never get the idea that we actually do know what we're doing. Best response is to reply with "Well sir, if you think you can do my job better than go ahead here's the bar, enjoy." Then watch the chaos ensue.

Hell no....I would NEVER offer my bar to these idiots. They would take me up on it, and I wouldn't trust them to open up a beer without breaking three different items in the process, possibly even their own bones.

Although that did happen to ME one time. Years ago, before I bartended, I was at one of my favorite watering holes, ordering a margarita, and ordering it very specifically--though not rudely at all. The owner of the bar, who knew me, saw this and said "Jester, good lord...why don't you get back there and make it yourself!" Given no choice, I did...and the margarita was, naturally, horrible. (That would no longer be the case today, of course.) Everyone had a good laugh. And yes, I DID drink the very horrible rita.

[ArenaBoy]

Hell no....I would NEVER offer my bar to these idiots. They would take me up on it, and I wouldn't trust them to open up a beer without breaking three different items in the process, possibly even their own bones.

You have a point there as they were insulting your bartending wizardry and they would break some things and wouldn't learn their lesson. However 99% of the time, when you do use that threat on SCs they shut up right away. This is a typical Arenaboy exchange when a customer is pissed off about traffic.
Traffic is held up and jammed and is just like an LA freeway at rush hour.

Dumbass: "Hey buddy, you need to do something about that goddamn traffic. You aren't doing anything right."
Me: "Well if you think you can do better than I can here's my vest and flashlight send traffic that way. *This is where I take off my vest and get ready to hand it to him*

Right then and there the idiot will get the point and walk off slightly embarrassed and I get a cheap laugh at his idiocy.

[Barefootgirl]

In the books, i seem to recall that James Bond drinks bourbon. I don't know anything about "bruising" alcohol, but i do know that if you shake up a martini, it starts the ice melting and dilutes your drink ! This is clearly a Bad Thing.

However, i would have enjoyed laughing my head off at the people who wanted thier G&Ts shaken -as long as i was standing out of range. I love the way people think its such a novelty to walk around with booze in Key West, its really sweet and unsophisticated.

[friendofjimmyk]

Wow, I think I would've shaken the G & T up really nice and turned away from the bar (as to not hit other patrons) and released the shaker.

I've seen some weird requests from when I was a drink slinger. One time, as per the story told my very first post here, a guy was trying to add ketchup to his E & J and coke.

Then there are those, like one poster stated, that come into a bar that is obviously NOT in a south tropic island hot spot and order something that they had on vacation. I worked in a sports bar that offered 13 beers on draught and about 100 different beers in bottles. We did have a full bar - however, this was a beer bar. If you did shots, it was something simple - tequila, Jager, Goldshlager...maybe got fancy with Kamikazes or Purple Hooters, but that was it.

Then there was the time, before I was a drink slinger, where I went into a hole in the wall mom and pop bar and ordered a margarita. They said that they didn't have bar salt and I said, "That's okay, use regular salt!" Yes, the bartender looked at me sideways, but honored my requests. I drank my crappy margarita!

[protege]

One winter night it was about 20 degrees F out. Naturally we were not washing windows. One lady demanded that I wash her windows.

Along similar lines, I got to see some idiot make an ass out of himself at Pep Boys. This was the same night as this story. Anyway, this twit was attempting to get one of his tires repaired. Usually, if a hole in the tread is small enough, it can be plugged. That's not the case if it's in the sidewall--any flexing or weight changes will cause the repair to fail. Because of that, tire shops won't bother attempt to fix those--the only answer is to buy another tire. No matter how many times the store employees tried to tell him that, he insisted that he knew better. After about half an hour, the shop had enough--they wanted to get rid of the guy. So, they plugged the tire, put it back on the rim, and then refilled it. So far, so good. Wrong. No sooner had it come off the balancing machine, when it failed! The 2-foot fall off that machine caused the repair to blow out. And yes, the guy was pissed! At least he recognized his own stupidity and replaced the tire. Did he apologize for being an ass? No, he bitched about having his time wasted instead.

I still don't know why people think it's a good idea to give mechanics a hard time about repairs. Sure, there are a few who *will* rip you off. However, the vast majority will not. I can say, that I've never had a problem with those guys. The only problem I had, wasn't even their fault--I'd had the car in there for some brake work...when the handbrake suddenly quit working. Took the car back down there, told the guys what was up...and they took care of it. Turns out, it wasn't anything they did, just an odd coincidence. Once adjusted, it worked fine.

The *only* time I went off on a mechanic, was at a certain Mazda dealer. I'd dropped the car off in the morning for some warranty suspension work. Usually, they call me to tell me what's going on, but not that day. Midway through the afternoon, I called up--they said that they "just took the suspension apart, had no idea what was wrong, but couldn't finish up the work." Uh, lemme get this straight: The car has been sitting there since 7:30am, it's 3:30 now, and you're just working on it? Are you effing kidding me? I was *not* amused, simply because I had no way home, or to work the next morning! I had to rent a car at my cost...which was *not* covered by the dealer. Let's just say I went apeshit, and haven't been back.

[Horsetuna]

Jester, question - are Grasshoppers really rarely-ordered drinks? I find myself usually getting sold a beer instead of the mixer (Cream, mint and other stuff) that I want.

My former roomate took a bartending course and that was one of the drinks she had to make. They were really yummy but I find them hard to find... at least in Canada.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

"So, I got the squeegie and put water all over her front windshield, which instantly froze into an opaque sheet of frost. "

Oh, brilliant! Ha! Beautiful, just beautiful!!!

[Amethyst Hunter]

Yes, you can walk around with drinks down here. Have I mentioned that this place rocks?

I must visit this place when I have free time and can do roadtripping. (I live in SW Florida) I tip well (or try to, anyway; I suck at math so I do the best I can at estimating), I don't tell the workers how to do their jobs and I would just keep quiet and drink in peace in my own little corner and have fun watching morons like that get pwned (adding my voice to the chorus of 'spray the geek', heh).

[friendofjimmyk]

Jester, question - are Grasshoppers really rarely-ordered drinks? I find myself usually getting sold a beer instead of the mixer (Cream, mint and other stuff) that I want.

My former roomate took a bartending course and that was one of the drinks she had to make. They were really yummy but I find them hard to find... at least in Canada.

If I recall correctly, all you need is cream de menthe (mint), cream (half and half) and ice. They are yummy. I used to make a Grasshopper Pie at Christmas time. Tasty!!!! From my years of bartending experience, I believe I have only had a customer order one once. That's it.

The weirdest drink request I had was not weird because we couldn't make it or didn't have the ingredients, but weird because it was....well....the lady order dry vermouth on the rocks.

Dry vermouth is an ingredient in martini's - depending on the person - I used to make martinis by pouring a small amount of dry vermouth in the martini glass, spinning the glass around as to allow the vermouth to coat the glass, then I would pour the excess out. Different bartenders do it other ways.

However, to order dry vermouth on the rocks -

My grandma ordered a Daquiri once when we were out to dinner for Easter - I thought she ordered a strawberry Daquiri - but something completely different came to the table!

SOrry for the hijack.

[Imogene]

So, I got the squeegie and put water all over her front windshield, which instantly froze into an opaque sheet of frost.

I've done that to my windshield before. Intentionally? I don't remember, maybe the window was too dirty to see out of... stupid salty roads...

I looked at my handiwork, and reared back with the squeegee. Smacked the windshield with the blade part, sending a crack through the middle of the ice, and slid half of the ice off the shield, no problem. Repeat on other side.
Move on with clean window.

[symposes]

I actually saw something on tv once, dinner and a movie i think.
And they talked about martinis and the bond thing, shaken not stirred.

and a normal martini is nasty if you shake it. its horrid. it does "bruise" the alcohol. but i cant remember details.
Anyway the vodka martini bond orders, can be shaken and its not ruined.

[Buglady]

Jester, question - are Grasshoppers really rarely-ordered drinks? I find myself usually getting sold a beer instead of the mixer (Cream, mint and other stuff) that I want.

My former roomate took a bartending course and that was one of the drinks she had to make. They were really yummy but I find them hard to find... at least in Canada.

You must be in Western Canada - Big Rock brewery makes a Grasshopper Wheat Beer that is pretty popular and heavily advertised. I'd suggest clarifying that you want the minty mix right when you order, so as not to confuse the server.

In other news, you should try finding a Manhattan in Calgary. Eeesh. I can order eleventy-billion kinds of beer or sweet cocktails, but a good honest Manhattan (or a gin martini for that matter) - you'd think I just asked for the server's own blood. Come on people, the Manhattan has been around for eighty years now!

[Jester]

Jester, question - are Grasshoppers really rarely-ordered drinks? I find myself usually getting sold a beer instead of the mixer (Cream, mint and other stuff) that I want.

My former roomate took a bartending course and that was one of the drinks she had to make. They were really yummy but I find them hard to find... at least in Canada.

Very rarely ordered. As a bartender, I have made them once, for one lady. I had to look up the recipe in my book.

As a server, I don't believe anyone has ever ordered one from me. And that is over a 20 year career in the industry.

The reason they are hard to find is twofold....first, you have to be in a bar that has the requisite ingredients. And not many do, to be honest. Secondly, you have to be in a bar that has a bartender that either knows how to make one or has the book that tells him how to make one.

I must visit this place when I have free time and can do roadtripping. (I live in SW Florida) I tip well (or try to, anyway; I suck at math so I do the best I can at estimating), I don't tell the workers how to do their jobs and I would just keep quiet and drink in peace in my own little corner and have fun watching morons like that get pwned (adding my voice to the chorus of 'spray the geek', heh).

Come on down anytime. But don't expect to sit quietly at MY bar. I don't allow such shenanigans!

If I recall correctly, all you need is cream de menthe (mint), cream (half and half) and ice.

The recipe I have calls for 1.5 ounces of green creme de menthe, 1.5 ounces of white creme de cacao, and 1 ounce of cream.
(Source: "The Joy of Mixology," by Gary Regan, author of "The Bartender's Bible.")

The weirdest drink request I had was not weird because we couldn't make it or didn't have the ingredients, but weird because it was....well....the lady order dry vermouth on the rocks. SOrry for the hijack.

My ex-fiancee actually on the rare occasion would drink sweet vermouth on the rocks, which I tried, and it isn't all that bad. But DRY vermouth? Ick. different strokes for different drunks, I guess.

In other news, you should try finding a Manhattan in Calgary. Eeesh. I can order eleventy-billion kinds of beer or sweet cocktails, but a good honest Manhattan (or a gin martini for that matter) - you'd think I just asked for the server's own blood. Come on people, the Manhattan has been around for eighty years now!

Actually, far more than 80 years. The Manhattan was created around the 1870's, though the exact date of creation and the name of the creator are lost to history. (Source: "The Joy of Mixology.")

But how hard can it be to find a place that can make a Manhattan? All you need is bourbon or whiskey, which just about every bar has, ice, which EVERY bar has, and sweet vermouth, which may be the one thing that not every bar has. Of course, finding a bartender who can MAKE a good Manhattan is something else entirely. Good luck with that.

Or you could always sidle into my bar down here in the Keys and have me make you a good one. I recommend Woodford Reserve Bourbon, myself.

[ladylabyrinth]

Speaking of vermouth...my aunt once introduced me to an apertif she'd had in Italy. Take 1 oz red sweet vermouth, pour over ice in a tall, thin glass. (highball glass? collins glass? one of those 2) Fill to top with club soda. It doesn't mix, so you have a nice little layer of red vermouth on the bottom, very pretty. Not too alcoholic, and quite refreshing! /random comment

[DigitalEyes]

If you pour the gin and the tonic into the glass at the same time it will mix itself. Maybe that was too much for your customers to absorb (so mind-blowing). I believe I would have offered them a complimentary "Cement Mixer" (Bailey's and lime juice... it curdles in your mouth) or a special VIP shot. You know that mat on the bar that catches spills from drinks you're making? Pour that into a shot glass. Voila, instant House Special. Too bad Visine doesn't still have that ingredient that gives people the runs.

When those people buy Pepsi at the grocery store, do you think they shake the bottle before they open it? Personally, I prefer to catch a movie, but if cleaning Pepsi off the ceiling is their idea of fun... who am I to judge? rofl

As an aside, that reminds me of a bartender I trained. She asked me how to make a bourbon and coke. Mind you, we used mini bottles then. What a strange question. I told her to fill a glass with ice, a mini bottle bourbon and top it off with coke. Then she asked me if she was supposed to shake it. I asked her if soda syrup matched her outfit. BTW, that employee now manages two bars, and she's really good at it!