tales from the phone company

[chickengirl]

So, as I said in my intro thread, I work for a major wireless service provider doing collections for small business accounts.

I don't really have any call stories right now but

[Frank Costanza]I'VE GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE!![/Frank Costanza]

Problem 1. Why did you answer the phone?

subset a. You're super super busy and omg you just don't have time for this right now! That's unfortunate, but don't take it out on me! You could have let it go to voice mail. You could have taken our number so you could call us back. But you chose to take the call, so don't act like I forced you to do it.

And no, believe it or not, I have absolutely no intention of keeping you on the phone for an hour. We've got thousands of accounts to call on today. I personally average 250 calls per day. My average handle time is about 70 seconds. Now, bear in mind that's heavily skewed by the fact that a lot of people are smarter than you and let me just leave a voice mail instead and that takes 30 seconds or less (or your pizza's free!). But still, if you would quit your bellyaching and let me do my job, you can be off the phone and back to your super super business in 2 or 3 minutes, tops. I just want to know if there's a check in the mail, or if you'd like to make a payment or a payment arrangement. I'm not going to try to twist your arm and make you pay RIGHT NOW. I'm not going to threaten to sue you or send Big Vinnie to break your legs.

And please don't hang up in my face while I'm trying to thank you for your business and wish you a nice day. That's just rude.

subset b. You're standing on top of a roof with a power tool in one hand and the phone in the other.

WHY DID YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?! For fuck's sake, people, this is why God invented voice mail!

(and yes, "I'm standing on a roof" is a minor running joke on our team because we have gotten at least one call where someone said exactly that.)

Sadly, I've spoken to so many people who are talking to me while driving that I'm no longer surprised when I hear it. Voice mail, people!! Maybe this is just me being humble, but I kinda think I am less important than not getting into an accident!

Oh, and if you're "out in the field" (i.e., standing in a wind tunnel...) or "in the shop" (standing next to Super Duper Cruncho Machine 2000) or behind the counter with a line of customers, or in a meeting... do I have to say it one more time? VOICE MAIL!!!!! Just because the phone is ringing doesn't mean you have to answer it! Your serious lack of priorities is not my problem!

Problem 2. Shut up and let me talk!

I've got a whole freaking laundry list of things I have to say for quality before we can start talking money.

1. My name (first AND last)
2. I'm calling from The Phone Company
3. This call could be recorded for quality purposes
4. Get the customer's name (first and last preferred)
5. The account number and/or one of the wireless numbers
6. The full balance
7. The past due balance (not actually required, and in fact they advised us in training to NOT say it, start with the full balance and negotiate down, but in practice I have to specify that only part of the balance is past due and that that's the part I'm collecting for because frequently the current bill has just been sent and you haven't even seen it yet, and/or you're an idiot and are going to chew me out for "trying to make me pay something that's not even DUE yet!!1!one")
8. Attempt to collect, and
9. After we're done talking money I have to ask if you'd like to hear about our self-service payment options.

There, NOW I'm done yakkity yakking and you can talk as much as you want. And if you could keep your panties on it would only take 30 seconds!

But, no...

(The following is not a real call. This is an amalgam of crap I hear all the time.)

Me: Hi, my name is chickengirl, I'm with The Phone Company--
SC: What do you want?!
Me: I'm calling regarding the balance on the cell phone account for Company. Are you the person who makes the payments on that?
SC: What's this about?!
Me: I'm calling to speak to the person who pays the cell phone bill. Is that you?
SC: Yes! What do you want?
Me: Can I get your first and last name for my notes?
SC: You should know that already! Don't you know who you're calling?
Me: I'm calling regarding the cell phone account for Company. This is a business account, and it's under the billing name of Company. That's the only name I have on the account. (Note: Sometimes we do have a contact name. If we're lucky, the bill goes to that person's attention which means the name will pop up on the dialer screen with the billing address. We're not always lucky.)
SC: I'm Joe! I'm the owner!
Me: Can I get your last name?
SC: You don't need my last name! What do you want?
Me: I'm calling regarding a past due balance on the cell phone account. This--
SC: How much is it?!
Me: First I need to let you know this call could be recorded for quality purposes and give you the account number, 123456789. Right now--
SC: 123?! That's not my area code! I don't have any numbers with 123!
Me: That's the account number. One of the wireless numbers is 213-654-0978. Is that one of yours?
SC: That's not the MAIN number! The main number is 312-546-8709!
Me: I apologize. Our dialer just sorts them numerically and picks the top one off the list as a reference. (I WISH it would just reference the "main" number. It would save so much freaking hassle.) Right now the--
SC: Yeahyeahyeah, what's the balance?! I don't have time for this shit!
Me: Right now the full balance on the account is $658.92. The p--
SC: 600 dollars?! That's ridiculous! I don't owe no fucking 600 dollars! I just paid you guys last month!
Me: Sir, that's a two month balance. That includes a current and a past due. The p--
SC: How much is the past due?!
Me: The past due amount is $320.15.
SC: How the hell am I past due? I just paid you guys last month!
Me: I am showing that you paid $325.09 on [sometime last month]. The $320.15 was due [the week after that]. Do you know if that's been sent out yet?
SC: I sent it two days ago! It's in the mail!! Don't you idiots have anything better to do than call and harass me about this?!
Me: I apologize, I can note the account that that's been sent and as long as we get it within 10 days after [two days ago], you'll get no further collect--
SC: I said, it's IN THE MAIL!! You'll have it tomorrow!
Me: I've noted that on the account, sir. As long as we get it, you won't get any further calls from us. While I've got you, would you like to hear about any of our other payment options?
SC: I don't want any of your payment options!
Me: All right, then. Tha--
SC: *slams down phone*
Me: *fumes*

Now, here's how that conversation could have gone, if you weren't such a twatwaffle.

Me: Hi, my name is chickengirl, I'm with The Phone Company and this call could be recorded for quality purposes. Are you the person who makes the payments on the cell phone account for Company?
Nice Customer: Hello, chickengirl! Yes, I am.
Me: Can I get your first and last name for my notes?
NC: Betty Smith.
Me: Okay, I'm calling regarding account number 987654321, which contains cell phone number 980-546-3124. Right now the balance is $350.76, with a past due amount of $172.35. I'm calling to see if that payment has been sent out yet?
NC: Oh sure, just let me check... Oh, I'm so sorry, it's been sitting on my desk. I'll drop it in the mail tomorrow.
Me: No problem, I'll go ahead and note the account that that's going to be going out tomorrow, and that'll be for $172.35?
NC: Yep!
Me: Okay, and as long as we get that within 10 days after tomorrow, you'll get no further collection treatment on the account. While I've got you, would you like to hear about any of our other payment options?
NC: No, thanks.
Me: Okay, thank you for your time and your business!
NC: Thank you! *click*
Me: *typety-type, clickety-click, release account, go on to next call*

SEE, FOLKS, WAS THAT SO HARD?

Kay, sorry about that, I've been bottling this up for going on 2 years!

I'll save the rest for another time.

[Exaspera]

They're probably on the defensive because they know they owe the money. It's the same reaction one gets when catching someone in a lie.

*hands over a donut.*

[Teefies2]

They're probably on the defensive because they know they owe the money. It's the same reaction one gets when catching someone in a lie.

*hands over a donut.*

Although I totally sympathize with your idiot customers, I have to say (in my defense cause I get defensive like this), sometimes the person who is required to answer the phone - and is not the owner or the accountant - doesn't know what the balance is or when the payment was sent and No you can't talk to the owner, he doesn't allow me to transfer calls. I know, I'm sorry, and you do what your company requires you to do. But please understand that it's not my personal debt and I totally respect that you're doing your job, but so am I, so don't yell at me! Yes it sucks to be me, especially when the guy is over $40,000 in debt to various companies, gets lawsuits filed what seems like every other day, and doesn't care!!

Oh and to head off the obvious question, why don't you quit? He's my husband!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRR Thank God I'm not on the business name, nor do I have access to the company accounts - believe me, if I did, he wouldn't be in this mess.

And can I get a donut too???? Please?????

[Exaspera]

*hands Teefies a donut* Here ya go!

[Teefies2]

*hands Teefies a donut* Here ya go!

Thanks! NNmmmmmmmm

[Dips]

Although I totally sympathize with your idiot customers, I have to say (in my defense cause I get defensive like this), sometimes the person who is required to answer the phone - and is not the owner or the accountant - doesn't know what the balance is or when the payment was sent and No you can't talk to the owner, he doesn't allow me to transfer calls. I know, I'm sorry, and you do what your company requires you to do. But please understand that it's not my personal debt and I totally respect that you're doing your job, but so am I, so don't yell at me! Yes it sucks to be me, especially when the guy is over $40,000 in debt to various companies, gets lawsuits filed what seems like every other day, and doesn't care!!

Oh and to head off the obvious question, why don't you quit? He's my husband!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRR Thank God I'm not on the business name, nor do I have access to the company accounts - believe me, if I did, he wouldn't be in this mess.

And can I get a donut too???? Please?????

The OP isn't venting about you. She's venting about idiots. And I don't see where she is yelling at either them or you.

But if you want to complain about bill collectors who yell at you, please start a thread in Sighting or Morons in Management depending on who you want to blame.

[jedimaster91]

\subset a. You're super super busy and omg you just don't have time for this right now! That's unfortunate, but don't take it out on me! You could have let it go to voice mail. You could have taken our number so you could call us back. But you chose to take the call, so don't act like I forced you to do it.

My company wants the phone answered within 3 rings, else I get a talkin' to. It can be fun when I've got a patient on the table trying to get their scan started so I can process the last patient's scan and the next one got here an hour early and can I get them right now, and that would be the surgeon on the phone wondering why I can't do <not really important test> right this freaking second what do you mean it's going to be 2 hours before you can start I need it now eleventy!


Whee!

[Dips]

My company wants the phone answered within 3 rings, else I get a talkin' to. It can be fun when I've got a patient on the table trying to get their scan started so I can process the last patient's scan and the next one got here an hour early and can I get them right now, and that would be the surgeon on the phone wondering why I can't do <not really important test> right this freaking second what do you mean it's going to be 2 hours before you can start I need it now eleventy!


Whee!

That's completely different.

You don't blame the person calling because your boss makes you pick up the phone, do you?

The OP is talking about people who blame her because THEY picked up the phone.

[chickengirl]

Although I totally sympathize with your idiot customers, I have to say (in my defense cause I get defensive like this), sometimes the person who is required to answer the phone - and is not the owner or the accountant - doesn't know what the balance is or when the payment was sent and No you can't talk to the owner, he doesn't allow me to transfer calls. I know, I'm sorry, and you do what your company requires you to do. But please understand that it's not my personal debt and I totally respect that you're doing your job, but so am I, so don't yell at me!

if you're not the owner or ap i'm really not allowed to talk to you about it. if i got you on the phone and you couldn't transfer me i would just ask to leave a message. no need to borrow trouble when i get enough from owner/ap. *hands you a cookie*

[MrsEclipse]

Jeeze. I mean, I hate letting calls go to voicemail as much as the next insane person, but when you're on the roof? I wouldn't even bring my phone with me! What is in the water there, anyway?!

And while driving. I'm always afraid that when I'm in the middle of the sentance, there'll be a screech and a crash, and then the guy says, "Um... can I call you back?" Or, worse, nothing at all. People, people, people. Please.

Someone needs a good, swift, kick in the priorities. It's not like your company charges late fees by the minute.

[jedimaster91]

That's completely different.

You don't blame the person calling because your boss makes you pick up the phone, do you?

No, I don't. But I offered a reason why someone might answer a phone when they really don't have time to talk. Or they could be like me and have no idea how to work the voicemail on the office phone or may not have voicemail set up (That happened to me yesterday trying to get ahold of a doctor to sign something for me). Granted, none of those are excuses for being rude and those peoples' reactions suck.





I do, however, blame doctors who have no freaking idea what they've ordered or how long it's going to take, but that's a different rant.

[csquared]

I understand the people that answer their cell phone no matter where they are or what they are doing. They have the cell phones so that they can be reached by the people they want to have reach them. That also means that they can be reached by the people they don't want to talk to, at that moment. However, that does not give them the right to be rude to the people they don't want to talk to. Nor do they have the right to be rude to the people they are near when answering the phone (like the cashier in the checkout line they are standing in).

[freeatlast]

I do collections for a portable storage company. It amazes me how many people will answer the phone and:

1. Hang up as soon as I tell them who I am trying to reach.

2. Refuse to say if they are the person I am asking for, but instead, ask who is calling. Then they claim that the person is not there and take a message. When I have called the person's cell phone. Now, I don't know about everybody else, but chances are nobody but me will be answering my cell phone. And these idiots don't think that I have figured it out.

3. Answer their cell phone, but tell me that they are either driving or in a meeting and will call me back. If they are driving they should not have answered anyway. And who in the hell would answer their cell phone when they are in a meeting.

I get these same situations many, many times every day. If they don't want to talk to me they should just let the call go to voice mail. Ignore me, it's much easier. I will leave voice mail, document that I left a message, and if you ignore me long enough I will have your portable storage unit reposessed and scheduled for auction. Then you will be very anxious to discuss your past due bill with me.

[Teefies2]

if you're not the owner or ap i'm really not allowed to talk to you about it. if i got you on the phone and you couldn't transfer me i would just ask to leave a message. no need to borrow trouble when i get enough from owner/ap. *hands you a cookie*

Thanks for the cookie :-)

The OP isn't venting about you. She's venting about idiots. And I don't see where she is yelling at either them or you.

But if you want to complain about bill collectors who yell at you, please start a thread in Sighting or Morons in Management depending on who you want to blame.

Sorry Mods didn't mean to complain. I was just trying to explain why someone would answer a phone when they obviously didn't have the knowledge or authority to deal with the problem. My bad.

[Darkforge]

i've answered people's cells but it goes like this:
Me: Hi, John Doe's phone,
Them: is that John Doe?
Me: nope I'm darkforge, he's driving/in the shower/planning to take over the world right now, is there anything I can help with, or can I take a message and get him to ring you back?

thats fine, but the whole asking where you are calling from before acknowledging you own name, thats someone who has had too many collection agencies after them and doesn't realise that avoiding the problem is the wrong way of going about it.

People need to learn to speak to their collection agencies like normal rational people, if you don't avoid them, don't have hissy fits and don't get angry then we can get something sorted out and are willing to work something out if you can't pay it all now.

Glad I don't work in collections anymore, but at my current job I get enough people who use the same tricks to avoid me or get angry or answer the phone while driving/in a meeting/shopping/at the "hospital".