So the Powerball was drawn last night (the Lottery in quite a few states of the U.S.) and it was up to 260 million dollars. So of course all the old crazy people and crack heads come out and try to buy their "winning number" and I laugh because I'm going to be on the lottery register. Never laugh.
SC: I'd like the WINNING ticket!
Me: Well these ones were sewn into the underpants of a trained chimpanzee who rides a unicorn in a mythical circus.
SC: Oh? Really?
Me:
Yes.
SC: I'd like the WINNING numbers please!
Me: Haha...ha...hahaha...ha....ha.........HAH.
SC: I suppose you hear that a lot?
Me: Hah.
SC: Yeah...sorry.
SC: I'd like the WINNING one, you got that, WINNING?
Me: If I could print it out I wouldn't give it to you.
SC: But I'd buy you a car.
Me: I'd buy ME something better.
SC: If you could give me the winning ones I'd be really grateful.
Me: I can try but your guarantee runs out about the time I print them.
SC: Well can you do something with the machine?
Me: If I could I wouldn't be selling the winner.
SC: Well you can't print them out for yourself while you're back there anyway.
Me: That is a common misconception, I can print out as many as I want back here and just save them for myself.
SC:
Then how come more cashiers don't WIN?
Me: ...
And the greatest thing happened yesterday...it just makes me so happy when it happens, it's kinda like this sick fascination and joy that comes from making people excessively angry. Our lovely lottery machine...went offline. This was a nationwide thing, it wasn't like it was just our lottery machine, this was EVERYWHERE.
SC: I need two powerball for tonight.
Me: I actually don't have powerball right now, our lottery machine is down.
SC: FUCK you fucking places, goddamn this fucking, GODDAMN! *storms out*
Me:
...
Me: I'm sorry I don't have powerball, the lottery system is down.
EW: But...what if someone hits it and we never even got a chance?!
Me: I don't know.
EW: Well...welll...but....I mean...it's 260 MILLION DOLLARS!!!
Me: I know...
EW: But there...I mean.............I can't.........there's........I.............
Me: Can I help the next person in line?
EW: WE HAVE TO HAVE POWERBALL, DO SOMETHING.
Me: I'm sorry, I'm not the Lottery Fairy, I can't hit it with a magic wand and make it work, this is a nationwide outage, you will have to wait for it to start up again, you have until 11 o'clock.
EW: *wanders out looking lost*
Oh Darn...
Me: Sorry, powerball is down.
SC: Well then, I guess I'll leave because YOU can't get me the WINNING TICKET!
Me:
Nonlottery:
Me:Are you 18 years of age or older?
Idiot Kid: Hell yah, December 21st 1991, BALLER!
Me: ...right, can I see your ID?
Sale...oooh, aaaah....
SC: These are on SALE.
Me: Yep.
SC: Yeah, 'cause it says it right there.
Me: ...yes. And it rings up that way automatically.
SC: Oh...
Pump RANDOM NUMBER.
SC: I'm on pump 4.
Me: Are you already parked there?
SC: Yes.
Me: *looks around* Sir, there's nobody at pump four.
SC: That's ridiculous, I pulled up right out there! *points at pump 12.*
Me: ...Sir.........nevermind. *puts it on 12*
I KNOW HOW TO PUT ON MY UNDERWEAR.
SC: Pump 7 isn't working!
Me: Are you holding down the handle all the way?
SC: I KNOW HOW TO PUMP GAS!!!!
Me: ...Sir...some people DON'T.
Jeez, it's a simple diagnostics question, shut the hell up and stop taking everything personally... You know what I should have asked? If he was trying to use the green handle...but that shouldn't even fit in his car.
SC: I'd like the WINNING ticket!
Me: Well these ones were sewn into the underpants of a trained chimpanzee who rides a unicorn in a mythical circus.
SC: Oh? Really?
Me:

SC: I'd like the WINNING numbers please!
Me: Haha...ha...hahaha...ha....ha.........HAH.
SC: I suppose you hear that a lot?
Me: Hah.
SC: Yeah...sorry.
SC: I'd like the WINNING one, you got that, WINNING?
Me: If I could print it out I wouldn't give it to you.
SC: But I'd buy you a car.
Me: I'd buy ME something better.
SC: If you could give me the winning ones I'd be really grateful.
Me: I can try but your guarantee runs out about the time I print them.
SC: Well can you do something with the machine?
Me: If I could I wouldn't be selling the winner.
SC: Well you can't print them out for yourself while you're back there anyway.
Me: That is a common misconception, I can print out as many as I want back here and just save them for myself.
SC:

Me: ...
And the greatest thing happened yesterday...it just makes me so happy when it happens, it's kinda like this sick fascination and joy that comes from making people excessively angry. Our lovely lottery machine...went offline. This was a nationwide thing, it wasn't like it was just our lottery machine, this was EVERYWHERE.
SC: I need two powerball for tonight.
Me: I actually don't have powerball right now, our lottery machine is down.
SC: FUCK you fucking places, goddamn this fucking, GODDAMN! *storms out*
Me:

...
Me: I'm sorry I don't have powerball, the lottery system is down.
EW: But...what if someone hits it and we never even got a chance?!
Me: I don't know.
EW: Well...welll...but....I mean...it's 260 MILLION DOLLARS!!!
Me: I know...
EW: But there...I mean.............I can't.........there's........I.............
Me: Can I help the next person in line?
EW: WE HAVE TO HAVE POWERBALL, DO SOMETHING.
Me: I'm sorry, I'm not the Lottery Fairy, I can't hit it with a magic wand and make it work, this is a nationwide outage, you will have to wait for it to start up again, you have until 11 o'clock.
EW: *wanders out looking lost*
Oh Darn...
Me: Sorry, powerball is down.
SC: Well then, I guess I'll leave because YOU can't get me the WINNING TICKET!
Me:

Nonlottery:
Me:Are you 18 years of age or older?
Idiot Kid: Hell yah, December 21st 1991, BALLER!
Me: ...right, can I see your ID?
Sale...oooh, aaaah....
SC: These are on SALE.
Me: Yep.
SC: Yeah, 'cause it says it right there.
Me: ...yes. And it rings up that way automatically.
SC: Oh...
Pump RANDOM NUMBER.
SC: I'm on pump 4.
Me: Are you already parked there?
SC: Yes.
Me: *looks around* Sir, there's nobody at pump four.
SC: That's ridiculous, I pulled up right out there! *points at pump 12.*
Me: ...Sir.........nevermind. *puts it on 12*
I KNOW HOW TO PUT ON MY UNDERWEAR.
SC: Pump 7 isn't working!
Me: Are you holding down the handle all the way?
SC: I KNOW HOW TO PUMP GAS!!!!
Me: ...Sir...some people DON'T.
Jeez, it's a simple diagnostics question, shut the hell up and stop taking everything personally... You know what I should have asked? If he was trying to use the green handle...but that shouldn't even fit in his car.
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