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260 Million Reasons to be Sucky

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  • 260 Million Reasons to be Sucky

    So the Powerball was drawn last night (the Lottery in quite a few states of the U.S.) and it was up to 260 million dollars. So of course all the old crazy people and crack heads come out and try to buy their "winning number" and I laugh because I'm going to be on the lottery register. Never laugh.

    SC: I'd like the WINNING ticket!
    Me: Well these ones were sewn into the underpants of a trained chimpanzee who rides a unicorn in a mythical circus.
    SC: Oh? Really?
    Me: Yes.

    SC: I'd like the WINNING numbers please!
    Me: Haha...ha...hahaha...ha....ha.........HAH.
    SC: I suppose you hear that a lot?
    Me: Hah.
    SC: Yeah...sorry.

    SC: I'd like the WINNING one, you got that, WINNING?
    Me: If I could print it out I wouldn't give it to you.
    SC: But I'd buy you a car.
    Me: I'd buy ME something better.

    SC: If you could give me the winning ones I'd be really grateful.
    Me: I can try but your guarantee runs out about the time I print them.
    SC: Well can you do something with the machine?
    Me: If I could I wouldn't be selling the winner.
    SC: Well you can't print them out for yourself while you're back there anyway.
    Me: That is a common misconception, I can print out as many as I want back here and just save them for myself.
    SC: Then how come more cashiers don't WIN?
    Me: ...

    And the greatest thing happened yesterday...it just makes me so happy when it happens, it's kinda like this sick fascination and joy that comes from making people excessively angry. Our lovely lottery machine...went offline. This was a nationwide thing, it wasn't like it was just our lottery machine, this was EVERYWHERE.

    SC: I need two powerball for tonight.
    Me: I actually don't have powerball right now, our lottery machine is down.
    SC: FUCK you fucking places, goddamn this fucking, GODDAMN! *storms out*
    Me:

    ...

    Me: I'm sorry I don't have powerball, the lottery system is down.
    EW: But...what if someone hits it and we never even got a chance?!
    Me: I don't know.
    EW: Well...welll...but....I mean...it's 260 MILLION DOLLARS!!!
    Me: I know...
    EW: But there...I mean.............I can't.........there's........I.............
    Me: Can I help the next person in line?
    EW: WE HAVE TO HAVE POWERBALL, DO SOMETHING.
    Me: I'm sorry, I'm not the Lottery Fairy, I can't hit it with a magic wand and make it work, this is a nationwide outage, you will have to wait for it to start up again, you have until 11 o'clock.
    EW: *wanders out looking lost*

    Oh Darn...

    Me: Sorry, powerball is down.
    SC: Well then, I guess I'll leave because YOU can't get me the WINNING TICKET!
    Me:

    Nonlottery:

    Me:Are you 18 years of age or older?
    Idiot Kid: Hell yah, December 21st 1991, BALLER!
    Me: ...right, can I see your ID?

    Sale...oooh, aaaah....

    SC: These are on SALE.
    Me: Yep.
    SC: Yeah, 'cause it says it right there.
    Me: ...yes. And it rings up that way automatically.
    SC: Oh...

    Pump RANDOM NUMBER.

    SC: I'm on pump 4.
    Me: Are you already parked there?
    SC: Yes.
    Me: *looks around* Sir, there's nobody at pump four.
    SC: That's ridiculous, I pulled up right out there! *points at pump 12.*
    Me: ...Sir.........nevermind. *puts it on 12*

    I KNOW HOW TO PUT ON MY UNDERWEAR.


    SC: Pump 7 isn't working!
    Me: Are you holding down the handle all the way?
    SC: I KNOW HOW TO PUMP GAS!!!!
    Me: ...Sir...some people DON'T.

    Jeez, it's a simple diagnostics question, shut the hell up and stop taking everything personally... You know what I should have asked? If he was trying to use the green handle...but that shouldn't even fit in his car.

  • #2
    I had my powerball tickets last night...

    I'm at work this morning. :sigh:
    Make a list of important things to do today.
    At the top of your list, put 'eat chocolate'
    Now, you'll get at least one thing done today

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    • #3
      The winning ticket was sold in Ohio. Since I didn't buy my tickets in OH, I'm going to assume it wasn't me.
      "All I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who out-drew ya"

      Comment


      • #4
        I feel your pain man, I've never worked lottery but I understand those type of SCs. The odds on lotteries are so ridiculously long I see little point in playing them, but I will occasionally buy a ticket if the jackpot is high enough. Where I'm at there are no state lotteries but you can get the nevada tickets and scratch off tickets.
        "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth Gaki View Post

          SC: If you could give me the winning ones I'd be really grateful.
          Me: I can try but your guarantee runs out about the time I print them.
          SC: Well can you do something with the machine?
          Me: If I could I wouldn't be selling the winner.
          SC: Well you can't print them out for yourself while you're back there anyway.
          Me: That is a common misconception, I can print out as many as I want back here and just save them for myself.
          SC: Then how come more cashiers don't WIN?
          Me: ...
          Someone has just failed Probability and Statistics 101. Of course, if I really were cynical I'd say they failed it the instant they tried to buy the winning Powerball ticket....
          - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

          Comment


          • #6
            CBC just put out a story. A winning ticket for 30 million dollars was voided. (Properly voided; cashier printed out too many tickets and the buyer didn't want to buy them). That's a story that'll have a lot of people kicking themselves.

            Comment


            • #7
              That always made me laugh when I worked with the lottery.

              SC - "Make sure it's a winner !"

              Yeah, like I would sell YOU the winning ticket if I had it. Le sigh.....
              Dammit !! ~ Jack Bauer

              Comment


              • #8
                Oh, wow, well, that explains why my lottery machine at the c-store was acting up yesterday! Had i know that, it would've saved me a LOT of trouble. Of course, mine was just, y'know, freezing up every time I checked someone's old tickets. I never did experience an issue with selling new tickets. Oh well. Oh, and your post completely sums up pretty much most of my nights at work! I feel your pain!
                "And though she be but little, she is FIERCE!"--Shakespeare

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                • #9
                  Hah! I get the same thing. They ALL want the winning lottery ticket. Do they not know that every other customer tries to be funny saying the same thing?

                  They also get vulgar here too when the lotto machine is down. It makes my day when I can't give them their tickets.

                  Ugh, people annoy the shit out of me. :-D
                  Confessions of a Cashier

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Not having worked in a convenience store, I'd have to say that those scratch offs would be worse than the lottery tickets.

                    At least with lottery, those people have to leave the store to find out if they've won.
                    The scratch offs... there's a guy I've seen standing off to the side of the counter scraping away at least 10-20 tickets. So he makes a mess, and then is turning right around to redeem any winning tickets. I don't work there, and I want to tell him to GTFO and take those home.
                    Make a list of important things to do today.
                    At the top of your list, put 'eat chocolate'
                    Now, you'll get at least one thing done today

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      statistics...

                      Quoth Argabarga View Post
                      Someone has just failed Probability and Statistics 101. Of course, if I really were cynical I'd say they failed it the instant they tried to buy the winning Powerball ticket....
                      I wonder about people asking for winning tickets... if you gave everyone a winning ticket all the winnings would be not worth the ticket they bought.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        This sounds like GK's post. Except I doubt that jackpot would be nearly as high.
                        To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth r2cagle View Post
                          Not having worked in a convenience store, I'd have to say that those scratch offs would be worse than the lottery tickets.

                          At least with lottery, those people have to leave the store to find out if they've won.
                          The scratch offs... there's a guy I've seen standing off to the side of the counter scraping away at least 10-20 tickets. So he makes a mess, and then is turning right around to redeem any winning tickets. I don't work there, and I want to tell him to GTFO and take those home.
                          Scratchies were HORRIBLE.

                          It was funny, I worked in a lower class area of town and it was really sad to see some of these people come in, buy alcohol and about $50 in scratch offs and lotto, then complain because they couldn't feed their kids because the "damn government" doesn't give them enough money to live off of.

                          None the less, we'd get people in who would sit there for an hour doing scratchies. They would want to know what each number on them was the next one as if there was a system to it like counting cards.

                          And the worst part... they always seemed to come in when the place got busy. We'd have 14 people waiting in line and they wouldn't move away from the register, playing it like their own personal pokies slot machine. Wanted to make sure they could toss more money at us or cash in their meager winnings for MORE SCRATCHIES.

                          I also hate being the person in line behind people buying them...
                          Getting offended is a great way to avoid answering questions that make you sound dumb. - exmocaptainmoroni

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                          • #14
                            Quoth CrazedClerkthe2nd View Post
                            I feel your pain man, I've never worked lottery but I understand those type of SCs. The odds on lotteries are so ridiculously long I see little point in playing them, but I will occasionally buy a ticket if the jackpot is high enough. Where I'm at there are no state lotteries but you can get the nevada tickets and scratch off tickets.
                            Occasionally I will put a buck on the lottery when the jackpot gets high. That's the only amount that significantly improves your odds (from zero to almost zero).

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              And these stories, my friends, are why my Dad used to call the lottery "the weekly stupid tax"

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