Lay Off the Crack...Please

[Gaki]

So this guy comes in and he’s obviously not normal, as in on something. I’ve never seen someone so crazed out and high strung. He starts in on my coworker (who is also a manager at a grocery store during first shift) and starts asking him if he’s the manager.

SC: You the manager? You the MANAGER?!
CW: No…the manager has left for the day.
SC: Oh, well you be on your way up, you be on your way. Soon you won’t have to be under THE MAN, you be on this shit, you be the manager here soon, you be the THE MAN.
CW: Right, if you want lottery you’ll have to go over to the young lady (me) over there.
SC: So you the LOTTERY EXPERT?!
Me: Yes?
SC: What’s wrong with your friend over there? What’s up his asshole? What be up with that one huh? Huh? HUH?
Me: He’s…already a manager somewhere else.
SC: AAAAAH.
(I get his lottery)
SC: So if I win, I share this with you, you jump on that band wagon, I don’t mind sharing, babe you and me huh! Yeah, you and me, we be like peas, we be like tight, I take care of you, I take care of you, you see, what’s your name!?
Me: ….
SC: *sees nametag* Gaki huh? GAKI, nice, you be seein’ I’ll be back, I take care of you.

He comes back five minutes later while my other CW is cleaning the bathroom. Their altercation is as follows:

SC: Hey I need to use this bathroom.
CW2: I’m cleaning it, you’ll have to wait.
SC: I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO WAIT, I AM THE CUSTOMER AND I AM ALWAYS RIIIIIIGHT.
CW2: I’m cleaning it and that’s just too bad ain’t it?
SC: I want your manager right now! WHERE IS THE MANAGER!? *storms off toward my desk and in my face* WHERE IS THE MANAGER I AM THE CUSTOMER I AM ALWAYS RIGHT, ISN’T THAT RIGHT, YOU KNOW ME YOU DONE MY LOTTERY, YOU KNOW ME, WHERE YOUR MANAGER AT, I WANNA TALK TO SOMEBODY. SHE BE CLEANING I HAVE TO WAIT BECAUSE SHE CLEANING, I JUSSSSS USE THE LADIES ROOM.
Me: You used the… I’m sorry the manager isn’t here…
SC: *storms off*
Awesome Customer: *mockingly* I wanna use the bathroom, I can’t use the bathroom! Hahaha!!! I’m always riiiiiight! Hahahahaha!!!

To be lights…or not to be lights…

SC: I need Marlboro Menthol LIGHTS.
Me: *hands them the MMLs*
SC: *stares at the pack* Are these the LIIIIIIGHTS?!
Me: …yes. They can’t say lights anymore.
SC: WHYYYYY?!
Me: It implies better for you.
SC: Oooooooh…okay, so these are the lights?
Me: …Gold pack.
SC: Oh…right.

Parent Win

So this guy comes into my store and buys the new kid fad “silly bands” or whatever they’ll called. So he gets 4 packs, two for each kid that comes in. There’s a girl and a boy, the girl looks to be about 2 years older than the boy, she’s happy and nice and wonderfully polite. The boy is sour-faced and won’t allow me to scan his drink. The father literally has to RIP the bottle from him for me to scan it.

About two minutes after they’ve left the father comes in with the boy, dragging him by his shirt. He takes him to my counter, pushes him forward and this is how it goes:

Father: (obviously irate) GIVE IT BACK and tell her what you DID.
Son: …
F: GIVE IT BACK.
S: IT’S MIIIIINE!!!
F: I only bought FOUR packs, those are NOT YOURS, you GIVE THOSE BACK AND TELL HER WHAT YOU DID.
S: *slaps the extra pack of silly bands down on the counter*
F: TELL HER.
S: …….
F: (To me) I’m so sorry, I couldn’t believe it when I looked down at the four in my hand and when that one just showed up with him…I mean…I just…
Me: It’s okay, thank you for bringing him back. (I said him because I think it was a very warranted punishment.)
F: Thank you.

He leaves and end is end. Well I for one am very impressed by his punishment skills, the kid was obviously embarrassed and probably won’t ever steal from a convenience store again. Hah!

Refill Hell

So at my store you can have two types of refills, if you have a refill under 34 ounces it’s 1.05, if you have one 34 or over it’s 1.37. These prices are still way under the normal prices for the Regular size soda. This lady comes in with a 52 ounce cup and hands CW 1.05. He tells her that it’s 1.37 and it went DOWN. I swear this lady took the GLOVES off.

SC: What? 1.37…I’ve been coming here for 3 YEARS and it’s NEVER been 1.37.
CW: Well I’m sorry ma’am but if your cup is 34 or over it’s 1.37. It’s always been that way.
SC: Well what are you going to do about this now? I’ve been paying 1.05, I want this to be 1.05, they ALWAYS do it to be 1.05.
CW: Well then they’ve all been doing it wrong.
SC: This cup IS 34 ounces!
CW: No, this cup is above 34 ounces and even if it WAS 34 ounces, it would still be 1.37 because it is an inclusive price.
SC: Well this is just UNACCEPTABLE. (Who saw that coming?)
CW: You can take it up with corporate. NEXT!

So she goes over to my OTHER CW and tries to get her to agree with her. Hah.

My Job is Not worth You.

Whenever I get this guy he always pulls a name out of his ass because he knows our names.

Annoying Guy: I need a pack of (some brand) cigarettes.
Me: Can I see your ID.
AG: Come on, girl, (strike one, I hate that) they never ID me here.
Me: I’m not THEY. Can I see your ID?
AG: Come on, seriously, they know me, see, he knows me! *points at CW*
Me: (at CW) You know this one?
CW: Nope, never seen him.
AG: Come on man, he’s JOKING. (Strike two, no…just no.)
Me: Whip it out.
AG: Girlie, it’s in the CAR, can’t you just let it slide? (STRIKE THREE)
Me: Go get it.

My Job II

AG (again): I need a money order for 25 dollars.
Me: It’ll be 26.99.
AG: *Hands me a debit card*
Me: Money order is cash only.
AG: Girl, seriously, they do it here all the time for me, we run into this problem all the time, they just run it debit and it goes through.
Me: CASH ONLY. Even if it goes through this is MY JOB.
AG: That tall girl, A, she always does it for me, every time.
Me: That’s HER JOB on the line, not mine. Cash or nothing.
AG: God…never MIND.

AAAAGH.

SC: Are these the lights?

For the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, yes…yes they are. If you don’t believe me how about you read the sign right over them that explains this strange phenomenon. Oh wait…you’re a customer. Nevermind.

Put it down…just go home, you can’t pump gas.

Me: (over the intercom) How can I help you?
SC: I DON’T WANT DIESEL!!!! I DON’T WANT IT!!! WHY DOES THIS LIGHT KEEP COMING OOOOONNNN!!!
Me: ………Ma’am….Ma’am……MA’AM….put down the green pump. Pick up the BLACK pump.
SC: The green? *stares at nozzle*
Me: Put it back.
SC: *puts it back* Now what?
Me: The black one…pick it up.
SC: OOOOOOOOOHHHH, MAAAAHHHHH BAAAAAAD!!!!111!!!!one!!!

Prank Calls

So for the first time working there I got prank calls. Number one:

Stupid Kid: Where are your condoms located in the store?
Me: Are you IN THE STORE?
SK: Harrr Harrr Harrr.
Me: *click*

Number two:

SK: Do you guys sell MILITARY WEAPONS?
Me: Excuse me?
SK: LIKE GUNS.
Me: *click*

From today, just one of those stupid ones:

Me: *spiel*
Girl: I’m trying to call Five Below…
Me: Well you got (store)
Girl: Oh………
Me: …………………….I don’t….have the number….
Girl: Oh…I thought you might…
Me: No.
Girl: Okay bye.

Rant

I AM OVER HERE. Do you see anyone at that counter?! DO YOU?!!!?!!?? NOOOOO. Because I am HERE. I am so here it’s not even funny. I’m existing over at this particular register at this moment and logic would tell you that since I am the only human being behind this counter that the register I am standing closest to would be the register that you may ring your crap up at. No…no I will not move over there just because you have an ass ton of stuff that you put down at the WRONG REGISTER. No I will not move over there because you made a sad face. I CANNOT USE THAT REGISTER.

End Rant.

Last One!

So I always complain in almost every post about how people keep coming in with 100s and it’s a common complaint. Well…today I went off on these two guys. And my coworkers afterwards, I turned around and my CW, J had his eyes all wide and his mouth open, he was like, “WOW, you let those guys HAVE IT…” He was chuckling about it too because we have had too much shit like this going on. Now, why I couldn’t let them just leave was because they were buying GAS.

Me: Your total is 27.00
SC: *hands me a 100*
Me: I can’t break this.
SC: What?
Me: I can’t break a hundred, do you have anything smaller?
SC: No, I don’t have anything smaller.
Me: Do you have a CARD, because I literally CANNOT break a hundred and neither can my coworker’s drawer.
SC: Oooooh….shiiiiiiiit….dood, I don’t have anything smaller…. This is ALL I HAVE.
Me: *At this point I give them a little stare down* Okay…fine. *mark it, get 100 in 10s from the safe (which is a NO-NO and I’m glad I won’t be in to be bitched out about it.)* Now, for FUTURE REFERENCE, we DO NOT carry this much money in our drawer, we CANNOT take a one hundred dollar bill unless your purchase is AT LEAST 50 dollars or more, do you UNDERSTAND!?
SC: …yes…yes!
Me: Okay, now, here’s your change, DO NOT do that again, we are NOT a bank.
SC: *leaves sheepishly with his friend*
Me:

[Hyena Dandy]

He leaves and end is end. Well I for one am very impressed by his punishment skills, the kid was obviously embarrassed and probably won’t ever steal from a convenience store again. Hah!

I once stole a pack of cards from the supermarket. When I told my mom about it... She wouldn't believe me, and wouldn't take it back.

I think that effected me more than punishment would have. I still feel bad about it. O_O

[XCashier]

Me: ...Now, for FUTURE REFERENCE, we DO NOT carry this much money in our drawer, we CANNOT take a one hundred dollar bill unless your purchase is AT LEAST 50 dollars or more, do you UNDERSTAND!?
SC: …yes…yes!
Me: Okay, now, here’s your change, DO NOT do that again, we are NOT a bank.

Oh man, that took chutzpah. Let's hope that lesson sunk in.

I really, really wish I could say that to the dimbulbs who buy a spool of ribbon and pay with a $100. Why?! I doubt very strongly you so desperately need that ribbon badly enough to pay with a bill we cannot break. Are you trying to impress us that OMG you are sooooo rich you carry $100s with you? Newsflash: we're not impressed. At all.

[searssoulslave]

Gaki reading this thread brought a smile on my face. Oh those days at Texaco. Anyways, for Parent Win That kid is lucky that he didn't have my mother. I stole gum from a store (I was five don't kill me!) and my mother saw. She brought me back and had the store call the police to make sure I learned my lesson. As for I'm over here! I get that all the time at work. We have two counters for customers to walk up to but the ALWAYS go to the one where I am not seated at. I have to drag my card reader and my price guides over to them instead of them coming to me. To make matters worse, they've passed by me first so it isn't an act of laziness. Just utter stupidity.

[Kristev]

Parent win was wonderful.

When I was just a little kid, I stole something. Not intentionally. I had it at the register because I wanted it, and didn't think to give it to my mother. So she left the store, and I walked out with it, thinking everything was fine. Mother saw me with it on her way to the car, and made me go back to the store by myself to tell the cashier and the manager what I did.

No harm was done. Mom was actually angrier with me than the manager was. But I remembered that lesson the rest of my life.

[Rapscallion]

AG: Girlie, it’s in the CAR, can’t you just let it slide? (STRIKE THREE)
Me: Go get it.

Fuck yeah!

Er, was that rude?

Rapscallion

[Magpie]

That kid is lucky he took something that can be taken back. I remember with my sister (I can't remember if she took a chocolate bar from the store, or took one of the ones mom had bought for dessert which then needed replacement, because she picked the one my dad liked). Sis had to pay for the chocolate bar. Because mom had to take time to drive her back to the store, sis owed extra chores. I think she got in trouble on top of all the paying stuff back too.

[r2cagle]

On Parent Win: IMO, the kid didn't really apologize, it was the dad. Good for dad, but my son will get in bigger trouble if he doesn't open his mouth and actually apologize. The embarrassement factor is great, but the follow up punishment once we get home is directly proportional to kiddo's remorse.

[Jay 2K Winger]

Re: Parent Win

Gotta echo the sentiment that the embarrassment factor is a great way to get lessons to sink in, but unfortunately, I'm too cynical to believe that it will actually work that well.

"Probably won’t ever steal from a convenience store again?" Wrong. Some kids/people are just mean enough that they'd try to steal from a convenience store just for spite.

[Shalom]

We have two counters for customers to walk up to but the ALWAYS go to the one where I am not seated at.

Back when I worked at Aid of Right, we had one very small store, one register in the front and one in the back, where until 12:30 the register in the front wasn't open, because there were only two people in the building, me and the FEM who doubled as my tech (!). Now the register was closed; you could even see a sign on it that said so. Yet people would go up to the front register, STAND THERE for five minutes, and wonder where the cashier was.

Sometimes they would even stand there and holler "IS ANYBODY WORKING HERE???"

We'd stay in the back and holler "NO!!"

(thinking "Does it look like anyone's working there you shvoontz?")

[Kogarashi]

The only thing that would've made Parent Win better was if the dad had returned the boy's packs of silly bandz that he bought, especially since the boy didn't actually apologize. If he's going to be so stupid as to steal extras when his dad's buying him some, and not apologize for it, he shouldn't get any.

And I love how you handled the guy with no ID. Made of win.