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Let's just say I had quite a few drinks after this shift!
To say the pub was busy is an understatement. We were full to capacity, and the doormen were turning groups of people away. There was a summer fair over in the rugby field near the pub, so pretty much every single person that attended the fair came to the pub afterwards. You couldn't actually move. It's a damn good job I'm not claustraphobic!
What amazed me the most was that people were still ordering food! If I had walked into a pub and saw that many people, I would have walked straight back out and went somewhere else. But as we all know, most customers are not very bright. There were people standing in the middle of the crowds with plates, attempting to eat! And it wasn't burgers or sandwiches they were ordering. People were attempting to eat steak and pasta meals with no table.
And of course, that was all my fault.
SC: I can't find a taaaaaaaaaaaaaaable! How am I supposed to eat this?
SC: It is absolutely ridiculous that I have to eat this standing up!
SC: Shouldn't you make sure that before someone orders food that they have somewhere to sit?!?!
After about the fifteenth whiny comment, I lost it.
Me: Shouldn't you have made sure you had a table before ordering SOUP!
No one is going to pay attention to you when it is this busy
A group somehow managed to get the table. The leader of the group was an extremelly snooty looking lady. She had her hair in a very tight bun, and wore her glasses at the tip of her nose. The entire time I was taking their food out, she stared me out, looking over the top of the frames of her glasses. I took her meal out last; a baked potato with beans and cheese. There was actually a lot of cheese on top of it, but not according to this lady.
I placed the plate down, and she shoved it away like a spoiled child.
SC: THAT is an insult!
Me: I'm sorry?
SC: There is not enough cheese on that potato!
Me: There seems to be an adequet portion there. If you want more I am afraid I am going to have to charge you.
SC: I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO INSULTED! THAT MEAL IS AN INSULT! THIS ENTIRE SITUATION IS INSULTING!
Insult must have been her new word of the day. I just couldn't be bothered to argue.
Me: I'll get you more cheese.
I went to the kitchen, and returned with an entire bowl of grated cheese.
SC: WHAT IS THIS?!?!
Me: Well I wanted to make sure there was enough cheese for you.
SC: NO! YOU HAVE DONE THIS TO SHOW ME UP!
One of her friends started to giggle.
SC: SHUT UP! THIS IS NOT FUNNY! HE HAS DONE THIS ON PURPOSE!
Me: I don't know what you mean ma'am!
Hot food is hot!
I was getting really annoyed wading my way through the crowds with hot plates of food. All the customers kept trying to steal things off the plates. I was in the middle of taking a curry dish out, when a drunk guy blocked my path.
SC: Huh-huh-huh-huh!
Yes, he actually laughed like that, and then proceeded to stick his hand into the curry!
SC: OOOOOWWWWW! THAT WAS HOT!
Me: Oh for fuck's sake!
I returned the meal to the kitchen, and very quickly explained what happened. They started making a new meal. I then informed the doormen what happened, and told them to kick the guy out.
They found him at the end of the bar....asking for an ice bucket to cool his burn! They clasped their hands on his shoulders and led him out.
SC: BUT I'VE BURNED MYSELF! I NEED TO TREAT IT!
Doorman: Not our problem.
They shoved him out the door.
I took the new meal out, and on my way to the table, a different drunk guy got in my way.
SC1: Give me a bite!
Me: DO. NOT. FUCKING. TOUCH.
SC1: OK! OK! Calm down! Geez!
Great Friends
I found a drunk woman completely passed out on a sofa, while her friends ignored her.
Me: I think she needs to go home.
SC: Well I warned her not to drink wine! This always happens when she drinks wine!
Me: Well can one of you take her home? She can't be in here while she is in this state.
SC: I'm not going home! It's not my fault she got that drunk! I'll call a taxi! They can get her!
The taxi turned up about five minutes later. I grabbed the doormen, and they literally carried the woman to the door.
Me: No taxi is going to take this woman.
Doorman: They will, don't worry.
Me: She's unconscious!
We got her to the door. The taxi driver took one look at her, shook his head, and drove off without her. I walked back up to her friends.
Me: Someone has to take her home, or I will have to get the police to take her.
SC: She's not ruining our night!
Me: OK.
I called the police. They showed up ten minutes later, and carried the drunk woman to their car.
What a great set of friends! They would rather see her taken to a cell than look after her themselves!
I don't care anymore
My shift was almost over, and I felt exhausted. A large group of men had gathered outside the kitchen doors, and no matter how many times I told them, they just would not get out of the way. Each time I walked out the kitchen, I was greeted with:
SC: Give me a chip! Huh-huh-huh!
SC: Give me a bite! Huh-huh-huh!
SC: Give me a chip! Huh-huh-huh!
SC: Can I have some? Huh-huh-huh!
SC: Give me a chip! Huh-huh-huh!
SC: That looks nice! Huh-huh-huh!
SC: Give me a chip! Huh-huh-huh!
And then, finally, just before my shift ended:
SC: You're a miserable bastard!
I lost it.
Me: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!??!
SC: Uh-uh-uh-uh....nothing...uh-uh...
Me: YEAH! I DIDN'T THINK SO!
I am so glad I am part time now. I don't care anymore.
To say the pub was busy is an understatement. We were full to capacity, and the doormen were turning groups of people away. There was a summer fair over in the rugby field near the pub, so pretty much every single person that attended the fair came to the pub afterwards. You couldn't actually move. It's a damn good job I'm not claustraphobic!
What amazed me the most was that people were still ordering food! If I had walked into a pub and saw that many people, I would have walked straight back out and went somewhere else. But as we all know, most customers are not very bright. There were people standing in the middle of the crowds with plates, attempting to eat! And it wasn't burgers or sandwiches they were ordering. People were attempting to eat steak and pasta meals with no table.
And of course, that was all my fault.
SC: I can't find a taaaaaaaaaaaaaaable! How am I supposed to eat this?
SC: It is absolutely ridiculous that I have to eat this standing up!
SC: Shouldn't you make sure that before someone orders food that they have somewhere to sit?!?!
After about the fifteenth whiny comment, I lost it.
Me: Shouldn't you have made sure you had a table before ordering SOUP!
No one is going to pay attention to you when it is this busy
A group somehow managed to get the table. The leader of the group was an extremelly snooty looking lady. She had her hair in a very tight bun, and wore her glasses at the tip of her nose. The entire time I was taking their food out, she stared me out, looking over the top of the frames of her glasses. I took her meal out last; a baked potato with beans and cheese. There was actually a lot of cheese on top of it, but not according to this lady.
I placed the plate down, and she shoved it away like a spoiled child.
SC: THAT is an insult!
Me: I'm sorry?
SC: There is not enough cheese on that potato!
Me: There seems to be an adequet portion there. If you want more I am afraid I am going to have to charge you.
SC: I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO INSULTED! THAT MEAL IS AN INSULT! THIS ENTIRE SITUATION IS INSULTING!
Insult must have been her new word of the day. I just couldn't be bothered to argue.
Me: I'll get you more cheese.
I went to the kitchen, and returned with an entire bowl of grated cheese.
SC: WHAT IS THIS?!?!
Me: Well I wanted to make sure there was enough cheese for you.
SC: NO! YOU HAVE DONE THIS TO SHOW ME UP!
One of her friends started to giggle.
SC: SHUT UP! THIS IS NOT FUNNY! HE HAS DONE THIS ON PURPOSE!
Me: I don't know what you mean ma'am!
Hot food is hot!
I was getting really annoyed wading my way through the crowds with hot plates of food. All the customers kept trying to steal things off the plates. I was in the middle of taking a curry dish out, when a drunk guy blocked my path.
SC: Huh-huh-huh-huh!
Yes, he actually laughed like that, and then proceeded to stick his hand into the curry!
SC: OOOOOWWWWW! THAT WAS HOT!
Me: Oh for fuck's sake!
I returned the meal to the kitchen, and very quickly explained what happened. They started making a new meal. I then informed the doormen what happened, and told them to kick the guy out.
They found him at the end of the bar....asking for an ice bucket to cool his burn! They clasped their hands on his shoulders and led him out.
SC: BUT I'VE BURNED MYSELF! I NEED TO TREAT IT!
Doorman: Not our problem.
They shoved him out the door.
I took the new meal out, and on my way to the table, a different drunk guy got in my way.
SC1: Give me a bite!
Me: DO. NOT. FUCKING. TOUCH.
SC1: OK! OK! Calm down! Geez!
Great Friends
I found a drunk woman completely passed out on a sofa, while her friends ignored her.
Me: I think she needs to go home.
SC: Well I warned her not to drink wine! This always happens when she drinks wine!
Me: Well can one of you take her home? She can't be in here while she is in this state.
SC: I'm not going home! It's not my fault she got that drunk! I'll call a taxi! They can get her!
The taxi turned up about five minutes later. I grabbed the doormen, and they literally carried the woman to the door.
Me: No taxi is going to take this woman.
Doorman: They will, don't worry.
Me: She's unconscious!
We got her to the door. The taxi driver took one look at her, shook his head, and drove off without her. I walked back up to her friends.
Me: Someone has to take her home, or I will have to get the police to take her.
SC: She's not ruining our night!
Me: OK.
I called the police. They showed up ten minutes later, and carried the drunk woman to their car.
What a great set of friends! They would rather see her taken to a cell than look after her themselves!
I don't care anymore
My shift was almost over, and I felt exhausted. A large group of men had gathered outside the kitchen doors, and no matter how many times I told them, they just would not get out of the way. Each time I walked out the kitchen, I was greeted with:
SC: Give me a chip! Huh-huh-huh!
SC: Give me a bite! Huh-huh-huh!
SC: Give me a chip! Huh-huh-huh!
SC: Can I have some? Huh-huh-huh!
SC: Give me a chip! Huh-huh-huh!
SC: That looks nice! Huh-huh-huh!
SC: Give me a chip! Huh-huh-huh!
And then, finally, just before my shift ended:
SC: You're a miserable bastard!
I lost it.
Me: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!??!
SC: Uh-uh-uh-uh....nothing...uh-uh...
Me: YEAH! I DIDN'T THINK SO!
I am so glad I am part time now. I don't care anymore.
-a-thon©
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